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Comments to the thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-510425.html
Yeah man I'm with you. I'm fighting so hard to not contact her. I know it would prob only get me hurt. But it's so very hard. So hard to not reach out for someone you cared and spent so much time with.
Remember. The less you do, the more power you have over the situation!
It's what I keep telling myself, anyway :)
Its so hard isn't it. Especially when you still feel so much love. But maybe when you get the urge you could just sit down and write it out. Write down whatever it is that you would say and sit back and read it. Maybe that in black and white will help paint the picture more clear to move on and stick with NC. Because sometimes our thoughts when we are down are kind of crazy and reading it back might help us think whoa slow down!
Here is a NC story... look at my first threads as I came on here. I was a freaking BABY! A mess, seriously. Anf I will be the first one to tell you, I usually don't get like that.
Now, look at how I handle myself. I had reached a fairly new low, and I am happier than I have ever been now. So the story goes for everyone who goes through this and makes it. You have to know that we have all been here before and we are only telling you what to do because we have experienced it before.
The path to reformation is a long one, but believe me (and I am not the only example on this board) it is well worth it... WELL WORTH IT.
No contact definitely gave me the light at the end of the tunnel, just read my story, KC and ISneezeFunny and you will see how far NC can actually take you.
Kc, I remember when you first came on here. I thought you just like the punishment of her kicking you in the balls
She had my balls for a long time indeed. I forgot what it was like to be a man... those days have come and gone.
Yep, exactly! You have come a very very long way
Rome, I'm interested in hearing about your NC story. Link, perhaps?
Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results
On those pages you can see the questions I asked, from the very beginning. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also gave me the greatest reward
It's always hard to ask for help, and it's even harder to be honest enough to admit the mistakes that we've made. I am very thankful for the help I've gotten in just the few days that I've been here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Isn't it kinda funny though...reading other people's questions and applying my own opinions and advice has actually helped me get through all this faster. It's a really good thing to have a supportive community, even if we never see each other face to face!
K enough mooshy gooshy talk!
~ Tee
I'm really determined to get over this by going no contact but I unfortunately have to live with the fact that I will have to see him on a regular basis and it's making it so much harder. There is no way to cut him out of my life completely and I'm not sure how I can get him out of my head if I have to keep seeing him. It would be so much easier if I didn't have to see him...
It would be easier, but the harder the task, the bigger the reward. I actually worked with my ex, saw her every day and she went out of her to make sure I noticed when she was around. Then had to see her with her new boyfriend, which stung at first. But I completely recovered and stayed NC during it all. Now I am engaged, living with my beautiful fiancé and 2 kids, it worked out way better than I ever expected
This is exactly what I'm wondering, if I have to see him on a regular basis will I still get over him with time or does it make it practically impossible. It gets discouraging to think that I'm doing all this but that ultimately it's useless unless I move to another country :)... or at least town. I should go and read your story Rome, might encourage me on the seeing him all the time thing...Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Think about how horrible you have been treated and how you so did not deserve it. =P that might work for some people
Another thing that I notice is that it takes people a few trial runs of no contact before actually implimenting it. I guess that's just the way it goes. We can't just cut all ties overnight. It takes a few rejections to actually want to go into no contact.
By the time we've reached no contact, it's because we already started accepting that we're losing feelings for the other person.
It's really difficult to go into no contact while still having really deep feelings for the other person.
I think you get better and quicker at going into NC.Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
My first real true love we where together for 3.5 years and it was a really really messy break up. Best friend backstabbing etc. But I would torture myself looking at her IM away messages looking for any tidbit of info. And I got hurt a lot by the dumbest crap. I'd drive through town and see her car At peoples houses that she said she would never go to etc. I really put myself though the ringer.
With the most recent I knew what I had to do. And I started good. Then I had one incident cut ties and have been forcing myself to continue NC. It sucks it's a roller coaster and sometimes I even feel guilty if I have a decent day.
I would like to offer my technique for maintaining N/C. For me, my circle of friends give me strength. I tell them everything, they are with me during the good and bad of my love life. When I tell them why I have decided to break up with a guy, they have no trouble reminding me of every detail when I get weak and want to crawl back.
If I turn my back on my true friends because of some desperate urge to be with a no-good jerk, then I'm am disrespecting my friends and myself. It's really not worth it.
I agree friends do help on the healing process a lot!Quote:
Originally Posted by makapuu
I want to second this. Friends and close family members can really help with the no contact. They help us channel our energy towards something else. Helps us with distractions.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
Tell me about it.. I didn't know about NC, really, and managed to drag my break-up out over a period of four months. Maybe it's that trial run thing. I think the worst part is, maybe we could have been friends, in time, but now there's so much pain there, I'm not sure I wouldn't just flat-out drop to the ground and curl up in a ball if I ever saw her again.Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
Oh, and the torturing ourselves. Tell me about it... What's up with that..
We all learn somewhere. The toughest part is accepting the fact that we need to go in to NC. It gets tougher and tougher at the beginning and middle of NC, but once it starts getting easier, it show that we've made progress.Quote:
Originally Posted by naturallydelici
Another thing is, there's a chance that we might never be friends with that person again. So it's tough to accept that part, which is why some of us might fear to go into NC.
Continuining on what I Wish has stated, most often, after a long period of NC and moving on, we DON'T want to be friends with our ex. I know I don't. I have enough friends, and I certainly don't need her drama in my life.
I agree with KC, I believe Sneezy and I became "friends" with our exes simply because it was less stressful than hearing people talk about how we should talk to them and be friends. SO after I became "friends" with her, it all went away and my ex and I hardly ever talk.
The best thing about NC is that one day, far far away, you will look back and realize how much better off you are. At first, when you go through this break up stuff, it just sucks. No appetite, not motivation to do anything, and of course, no forseeing a better future. But, rest assured, one day, you will wake up, be a better person, and be truly happy knowing that your happiness isn't built upon a dependence for someone else. One day...
So true! Often they also have a wish to protect you and keep you happy...Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
I'm not sure this is the right thread, but I just saw a great quote that felt very true to me.
Attributed to the movie Cocktail: "Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end."
Yes nothing lasts foreverQuote:
Originally Posted by naturallydelici
It just takes time. Period. Your list has a lot of good ideas, and you will be adding to that list as time goes on. Use your friends, family, pets, hobbies, work, gym, etc all to your advantage. When you are alone & bored- SNAP yourself out of it and DO something- laundry, clean your car, make some food, etc.
Try not to be alone as much as possible. Surround yourself by friends that understand- not ones that think your dumb for feeling the way you feel. My friends knew I could go from being in an awesome mood to ZERO within seconds for quite awhile.. and still can to this day and it's been 8 months. But they are there for me, even if there is no more advice to give. Build up your confidence somehow. A lot of times we become so depressed because we don't think we can find someone else.
Make yourself desirable again, and lift your head up. Girls/Guys FEED off others confidence/happiness and attraction is built from this. For months I had people tell me "Dude.. I can see your miserable from all the way across the bar". And I was.. and I had to accept that I was in no way ready to move on, BUT had to continue getting out there and "Fake it till you make it". Eventually your mind/body will accept what has happened, and you will heal.
Breaking NC does set you back.. I'm guilty of doing it all. Whether it was a phone call to her family/friends, checking facebook/myspace/twitter whatever. Driving by places she might be, asking people about her, reading old emails/txts, the list goes on. You just have to try REALLY hard to stop all of it. And THEN things will start to get better. Do NICE things for people who appreciate it, friends/strangers whoever. It will remind you that there ARE good people out there.
And lastly... this may sound horrible but.. you have to remind yourself that HE/SHE is not the person you were in love with anymore as hard as that is to grasp or believe. They have made THEIR decision to not have you in their life, and have moved on. You have to tell yourself "Why in the WORLD would I want to be with someone who does NOT want me or what I have to offer". Who wants to spend their life like that? I don't know about you but I WANT to come home to someone who smiles when they see me, holds me when I go to sleep, and kisses me every morning. I sure as HELL don't EVER want to wonder "Do they really want to be with me? Are they with me because they feel bad? Etc".
Keep on living, it will get better..
Thumper
No contact seems to be such a common topic in our forum that I thought I'd link up my successful no contact story to this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-319894.html
No harm re-wording what I learnt from no contact:
1) The advice that we receive in this forum allows us to view our situation from another perspective and can be very insightful.
2) No contact worked in my situation as my feelings for that person was completely drained out of my system. I feel extremely refreshed, almost like a new person.
3) Reconciliation was in my mind throughout the no contact phase, especially at the beginning. But at the end of no contact, reconciliation has been long forgotten and not even considered anymore.
4) As for the possibility of becoming regular friends; I don't even want to attempt a friendship. There 6 billion other people in this world, no point putting myself through all that drama again.
What exactly is NC mode?
All your questions can be answered in this sticky: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.htmlQuote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
Ohh I understand now. This is funny, because my ex keeps trying to text me and talk to me, when I told him I don't want to speak to him, EVER. He's just not getting the point. I have a boyfriend that I care about very much. And not only do I just not want to talk to my ex, but I don't want to ruin my relationship over it. My ex says heh thinks we could "be honest to god friends" and I "honest to god want nothing to do with him" How can I get him to leave me alone? I don't know how I can be any clearer. And I don't want to change my number. He can't talk to me any other way, because I've BLOCKED him from EVERYTHING. Also, I have tmobile and they don't block numbers. Unless you're on a family plan, which I am not and I can't afford. UGH
This is a great thread, and others can benefit greatly from it. Hope you don't mind it being added to the stickies list.
Thanks I wish for starting this thread.I been trying nc for quite some time and was actually going to break nc today.but reading this thread gives me hope and strength that things will be find and that one day my heart and soul will heal and I will be able to move on.I feel better knowing I'm nt alone and there is support out there!thanks again to everyone!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
At ohsohappy, how long did you find your new boyfriend after you broke up with your ex?
I'm going through the same thing right now... it is very hard and I'm the one the kicked him out... it's hard to remember the bad stuff in the relationship... all I keep thinking about is how I went from being married to separated and it's killing me
You don't need to remember the good or bad stuff. The point is, don't think about your ex whatsoever. Any time of thoughts will just prolong the suffering. The trick is to do anything possible to get your ex out of your mind. You want to pretend as if the person doesn't even exist.
The pain can get worse at first, but it will get easier with time. But every time you have any type of contact or reminder of the ex, then there's a chance you might take a few steps back in the healing process. So you want to avoid all reminders as much as possible.
I am so there. I am not sure why but it hurts so bad this time. I am trying to do things but I have lost interest. I keep telling myself good thoughts good thoughts but... it is so hard I really feel like an addict
Quote:
Originally Posted by moni1210
A fix,a phone call,anything!
Keep trying,as each day passes the pain will ease,your in a different phase of your life and the transition hurts,but you will get there..
Baby steps..
Tell yourself,this time is the last time he will hurt me,this time I am free.
Day by day you ll notice it will get better.there are no shortcuts but you will get through this.
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