Hi, I've been along with my girlfriend for roughly 4 years since she's 14. She's rather shy, but turned to someone cheerful and fun these years. Around 2 yrs since our relaionships our feelings started to decrease due to that she suspect I had a crush on another girl, she broke up with me without thinking much and I got her back by showing that I ain't no interest with other girls at all. These few weeks she has been busy taking care of her studies in high school, taking care of her sick mother and mostly doing house chores while I just stay at home looking for a part time job while waiting for my university intake. We only get to mee each other once or twice a week at church. Last week, her mother wanted to go to another church so I couldn't see her after a week. We were texting and she took slightly longer to reply and comes down with short replies which seems like a problem coming. UNEXPECTEDLY, our relationship has been nice until on the next day( monday) she sent me a message saying that we're very suitable as friends, we can be very very good friends and if I like her I would wait for her and give her some personal space... I was so shock! I couldn't accept that coming when my love towards her is deeper and deeper on that month. She was still calling me, showing her love towards me the week ago... I wasn't satisfied with her reason to break up, so I tried to call her up, it took lots of way to get her to reply her my message and pick up my call. She said she couldn't like 2 guys at the same time. She's starting to have feeling towards a guy through texting for just ONE WEEK! She admit that the guy was sweet and caring. I told her that it is just a temporary switching of targets in between relationships that she must not fall into the sweet phrases or words the guy use! HELP ME, she asked me to wait, today is Wednesday, I'm trying to ask her out on Friday but in just 1 day she changed her attitude towards me.. she said she still likes me. Should I just give her space and maybe end up falling in love with the other guy she mentioned or should I do something...

Well it sounds like she has a lot on her plate plus you are still young.So you shoud give her space and if it's meant trust it will be.Just pray and continue on wth life and take time to get to know yourself!

Well, I think that she's being really honest with you.

She wants to be friends.
She wants space.
She likes another guy.

She's 14 (I have no idea how old you are, but if you're going to Univ you must be older), you've been together since she was 10 - isn't it about time she spread her wings a little?

You can't hold on to someone or something that wants to be free - let her go so that you can both meet some other people and experience some new things.

You need to hear and accept what she is telling you. Let her go.

Sorry for the unclear infos. My GF is now 18 yrs old, I am now 19 years old.. It was all in a sudden! It is just like comparing to mom and son, one day your mom tells you that she wouldn't want to be your mother anymore.. She asked me to wait, but what am I waiting for?

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Originally Posted by bswc

Sorry for the unclear infos. My GF is now 18 yrs old, i am now 19 years old.. It was all in a sudden! It is just like comparing to mom and son, one day your mom tells u that she wouldn't want to be your mother anymore.. She asked me to wait, but what am i waiting for??

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Well, I don't think it's quite like mother and son, but I understand what you're trying to say. I'm glad to hear that you're older. I still repeat what I said before, you can't hold on to something that wants to be free. Be brave, be a man, let her go.

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with."

Dude... this is not a good situation to be in and I sympathize with you, but what advice people are giving on here are right. You need to let her decide for herself who she wants to be with.

If you give her space, and she does fall for the other guy, then you know her feelings for you weren't as strong as yours are for her. It wouldn't have been right for you to date someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.

It seems like you have very strong feelings towards her, but you need to calm down and spend some time with yourself, and with God. He has a plan for your life, and if this girl is meant to be with you, God will speak to her and show her you are the right choice, but if you crowd her and not give her space, she will not have time to think and pray, she will just act, and she may not choose to be with you that way.

So in my opinion, give her space, let her make her choice, and with whatever she decides, respect her decision, understand that it is her decision to make and trust that God has His plan for both of you.

God bless. Peace

Thank you lord, thanks for your advices. We've been planning our futures together, growing up at the same church, same school, just different years. We're planning to move in to the culinary field together, I'm searching for a UNI or college to attend through her support, but now I'm stuck in the middle of no where... Thinking of all the support that I had, all the reason I wanted culinary ( both me and her)...

You need to find yourself again...

I fell into the trap of basing my whole life around 1 girl, 1 relationship that I thought was perfect, a girl I thought was the 1 God wanted me to be with.

That was a mistake. Instead, base your life on God. He never changes, He never leaves, He never needs space and He never leaves you hanging.

Talk to God, ask Him what He wants you to do, where He wants you to go. He will support you all the way and He will never let you get lost.

Your shy 14 year old, has grown up and wants to spread her wings. That means you better find other things to do with your time. Let her explore the world, since you can't stop her without being foolish.

In case she contacted me, what should I do? I understand the NO CONTACT move.. but what next when she asked me to wait?

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Originally Posted by bswc

In case she contacted me, what should i do? I understand the NO CONTACT move.. but what next when she asked me to wait?

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My guess is you just wait...

Its your choice... but you have to do what's best for you too in this case... you can't just wait around for her forever, you will eventually have to move on and find someone else, but only when you are comfortable.

Don't go after any girl just to get over this one...

I'm confused..
1. She asked for a break up
2. She wants us to be friends.
3. She said we may be good friends
4. She said she feel me as a very very good friends and 1 week before its still in "I love you" situation.
5. She asked me to wait
6. She doesn't wan to contact me since she needs space.
7. What's a very good friend that she mean if she doesn't even treat me like one?
8. She made me an option with another stranger, what's the spacing I give her for?

Maybe she wanted time to sort herself out...

Maybe she wanted space so you could get over her a little.. maybe she thought the less contact with u she had, the more you'd be able to move on, or think about her less.

Maybe she didn't want to crush you right away by saying "forget it, its over, there is no chance" so she said to wait.

Maybe she asked you to wait because she does wan to be with you, but she needs to sort herself out and get her feelings in order.


Lots of possibilities, but we can't be sure of anything right now. At the moment, just give her the time she needs and her reason for asking for a break and space and wanting you to wait, will all be revealed. Patience my friend... give it time... and concentrate on other things now. Don't dwell on this as it does not help the situation and doesn't help you.

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Originally Posted by bswc

I'm confused..
1. She asked for a break up
Give it to her and have a good time with your friends
2. She wants us to be friends.
Is that what you want? Of course not.
3. She said we may be good friends
Of course you can, and she is free to enjoy her new found freedom..........without worrying about how it makes you feel.
4. She said she feel me as a very very good friends and 1 week b4 its still in "I love you" situation.
Whatever it was, has changed her mind real quick, hasn't it?? Must be pretty good to dump you for it.
5. She asked me to wait
And your so well trained you will wait, huh? Puppies do the wait on command, Real Men, don't. Which are you?
6. She doesn't wan to contact me since she needs space.
Good, dissapear from her life, and get your own. Thats really simple, and the best part is, you keep your dignity and self respect.
7. What's a very good friend that she mean if she doesn't even treat me like one?
Thats another good reason to vanish in thin air, and build your own life without her in it.
8. She made me an option with another stranger, what's the spacing i give her for?
Thats just in case she gets her heart broken, she will have her very best friend to comfort her so she can feel better and go back and explore her life.

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Get real guy, the only confusion is when you do, as she tells you to do.

I've just got a text from her : Hi fren, how are you?
I didn't reply, but I wanted to know what's on her mind...

She called me, I didn't answer up, but I read the threat about NC and unless she contacted u, don't do so. I called her, and she called back. She said she's happy that I picked up her call. She thought I wouldn't want to pick up her call, be her friend. She asked me what I did these days, I told her I went shopping, talk walks alone, listen to songs. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!

Start over from the beginning. No more contact with her.

There are still chances of us getting back together, but I'm afraid NC might screw it up. Its ridiculous since she called me friend after one week. She spoke in the same tone of voice when we were in love, soft and with little shyness. Just the voice. She feels for me I know, should I make it clear with her that I wanted her back but I couldn't contact her unless she changes her mind or just leave it so and most probably end up with her feelings fading after time...

I understand your confusion, I really do. Let me clear up one point for you. No Contact is not a tool to get the ex back. Its for you to heal your wounds from a break up.

As long as you are unable to make a decision for yourself, you will be confused. Your waiting for her to make a decision, and in the meantime your in limbo.

That's the sad part as I see it, waiting for some one who is confused to make a decision about your happiness. No one deserves that burden. And no one deserves the games, drama, and false hope that comes with a break up.

So it really comes down to what you do about your situation, and I can only advise you cope with your feelings and see the facts and not just your feelings and make a good decision for yourself.

Do you want to be happy, or be with her and be confused? I doubt you can get both, so make a choice and get the blessings for it, or pay the consequences. Its up to you, not her.

Updates.

I know my Ex still has feelings towards me. She said she feels like I'm a family member, a best friend of her but just missing out the feeling of couple. That's *In Love excitement* I think.

Now, I want to get her back before her feeling fades or

Should I?
a) stop being even friends and start all over next time or maybe there's no next time( which I don't prefer)
b) being friends with her and gradually seeing someone who loved you slowly fade away in feelings? Because I don't see a chance where we can get back together through being friends.

Or C) leave her alone, and disappear from her life, as your in friend zone, and your not getting back together.

False hope has your mind playing tricks on you, and you should just back up, until you can see reality.

Then at least you can keep your dignity, and self respect.

Do I need to tell her that I can't contact her? What will continuous contact brings to in the end?

Like talaniman said... it will give you false hope and you will read too much into anything she says or does and you may think its time to make your move, and it will result in massive disappointment...

Its not worth it... cut clean and disappear from her life. Its hard, but it's the right thing to do for both of you

I see. Well, regarding the matter of letting her to call me up, does this mean that I actually pick up the calls or replying the text? If it is yes, what am I going to say when she ask about my life? I'm clear of the path now, just want to know how to walk it.

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Originally Posted by bswc

I see. Well, regarding the matter of letting her to call me up, does this mean that i actually pick up the calls or replying the text? If it is yes, what am i gonna say when she ask about my life? I'm clear of the path now, just want to know how to walk it.

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Until you can learn to pick up the phone and answer her requests as your own person, don't do it. You are so confused that you don't even know what to say to her, that is jumbled emotions that need to be rectified before having any sort of contact with her. So, the answer to your question is simple. Don't talk to her until you no longer need to ask us what you should say. Once you aren't mixed up with false hope and confusion, you will be prepared to talk to her, and that is IF you even want to talk to her.

Thanks, I'll give it a try since I'm healing fast ( I think ) :)

I think you still have false hope with this girl. You are too worried about the what if's to live your own life without worrying about if she's going to call. I still think you will drop what you are doing and talk to her if she does call.

Its to hard to be true if I'm changing myself so fast that I feel like I'm inhuman. I'm her every first. First to go for breakfast, lunch, dinner together alone, first kiss, first hug, first one to hold hands, first to drive her out, first to explore her, first to be at her house, first guy that she wanted to marry, talked about birth ( although I didn't want to), closest ever... every first, but not last ( sad part, all I can do is to laugh at myself and get up at where she tripped me) It has been a relief since I'm not reacting like some of the other guys who got in a complicated relationship where they couldn't get themselves out of it.

Well it is normal for a guy who just break to wish to had all the pain just to love her. I didn't get to say I love you or even have a nice hug.. a break up when my feelings towards her are burning hot. Cool.. thanks guys. Time... time... time.. Lord jesus bless us all!

Threads merged

Hi, I've been NC for 1 month. I went out for a talk with my ex about our relationship. She said she was shocked when I appear so cold after the breakup.

Her reasons from breakup:
Could not handle pressure from family probs, pressure from studies, pressure from relationship, pressure from finance, and also that I didn't GRAB her tight enough that she knew she could have feelings towards another guy.

My point of view
She broke up with me for another guy

After I talked to her I felt like she's immature for saying relationships is a pressure for her. She said she could have feelings towards other people if I do not cherish her during the relationships. We talked a lot on our relationships. She says putting down all the feelings towards me is not what she wants but she just can't be in a relationship now. She also mentioned that if she wants to be in a relationship she would like to give in 100% which she can't now. She was shocked when I mentioned that I will not be with her in the future( kind of wrong answer I gave her )
She asked whether we could be friends. I told her that for the mean time I can't do that and shall see how things go so she ended up saying that after her exam ( 6 months later) that I could start to befriend her. Of course I feel that something's wrong since she's the breaker and now she's asking me to make friends with her. She says she don't like to be active( as in not passive) and she want's a guy who is active to chase her.
I said no, if you would wan to be friend me find me. I just don't want her to have the power.

What situation am I in? I just want to know whether its right for a girl to think in such a way.

My take on this is that she wants to keep you in the picture in case she gets bored with single life. Don't fall for it. Also when you said "She said she could have feelings towards other people if i do not cherish her during the relationships." That sounds like a cop-out. She might have had a change of heart. A relationship should not feel like pressure though.

It sounds like you're on the right track and better off without her! Good luck!

Ok, for some reason you felt it was needed to break NC, so you are not in NC since you had a talk with them.

You appear not to be over her, since you seem to have a need to talk with her.

So you go back to NC and keep it no contact, 1 month, 2 month, 6 months forever if you have to, and just move on, you find someone else, date and have a wonderful life

Next step? Start NC again and this time don't break it. Let her sort things out on her own. If she decides she wants back in, let her contact you and you can decide what you want to do if it ever happens.

Your situation is a common one In my opinion. She's stressed and feels the timing is bad. She also is having second thoughts about if you are the one. Let it go and let her sort it out. She may or may not come back to you. But don't wait around for her. In my case the girl never came back. But I'm glad I eventually decided not to wait around for her and be miserable.

The fact that you are still confused means that you broke NC prematurely. After breaking the rules and talking to you, you are probably more confused than before.

You're going to have to go back into NC. During the NC, you will be able to figure out whether you still want a friendship with her, because you won't have her confusing your thought process. Don't put a timeline on NC. Every situation is different.

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Her reasons from breakup:
Could not handle pressure from family problems, pressure from studies, pressure from relationship, pressure from finance, and also that I didn't GRAB her tight enough that she knew she could have feelings toward another guy.

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I think she is feeding you excuses for dumping you. That's not a bad thing as now your free to find someone who can deal with you better.

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My point of view
She broke up with me for another guy

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That's probably true, but at least you know its over for sure now.

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after I talked to her I felt like she's immature for saying relationships is a pressure for her.

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She just didn't want one with you, that's the fact.

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She said she could have feelings towards other people if I do not cherish her during the relationships.

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You don't want a female that you have to kiss her booty all the time. Her feelings changed, but her reasons are excuses, to relieve her own guilt.

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We talked a lot on our relationships. She says putting down all the feelings towards me is not what she wants but she just can't be in a relationship now.

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With you she means. I guess she was sparing your feelings or softening the blow.

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She also mentioned that if she wants to be in a relationship she would like to give in 100% which she can't now.

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Not with you, are we seeing a pattern yet?

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She was shocked when I mentioned that I will not be with her in the future( kind of wrong answer I gave her )

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Her shock was that you didn't beg, plead, or give her what she wanted.

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She asked whether we could be friends. I told her that for the mean time I can't do that and shall see how things go so she ended up saying that after her exam ( 6 months later) that I could start to befriend her.

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She dumped you and is making the rules?

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Of course I feel that something's wrong since she's the breaker and now she's asking me to make friends with her. She says she don't like to be active( as in not passive) and she want's a guy who is active to chase her.

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Her true motives finally come out.

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I said no, if you would wan to be friend me find me. I just don't want her to have the power.

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Way to stand up for your dignity and self respect, and not give in to false hope.

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What situation am I in? I just want to know whether its right for a girl to think in such a way.

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She is, who she is, and that's the way she thinks.

What matters more is how you deal with it. Go back to NC, and get your life back.

I see... I'm just disappointed that a girl that we met up in church is not aware that she's confused. I've seen her one day from far and my friend said that he saw her embarrassed to look at me. I'm feeling good but sometimes when I'm alone or driving or walking my mind just act in a way that its blank but somehow I feel like the blank is related to her. Like an element on blank. I used to be blank sometimes when I walk or just sit quietly enjoying the views around. Having her blur image stuck around a tiny corner of my mind constantly... Thanks people for the support. I'll keep you people updated...

Updates:

She said she has an important thing to say regarding us that she needs to talk face to face. She asked me to go over her house since her parents are not around and she does not have access to any transport. What's this about? Is she IN towards something about talking our relationship out?

When is this meeting supposed to take place?

It is this Sunday, I've asked her twice about what is going to be in the talk, the first time she said, erm.. "dont know how to say", then I stopped asking. While we try discussing the time and place for this, I asked the 2nd time and she said its something about us. When she first brought this up she mentioned "important things to tell me face to face". Remember she said she'll finish her studies bla bla and try to contact me later on, FISH... where is this all going? I'm starting to imagine all the romantic things and I go POOF! Stop dreaming, better be prepared for some confusing drama. Well, I asked her about the details of the talk again. For some sense of logic it is more like she is trying to work on our broken relationship.

Mistake, its next Sunday, the coming Sunday, 3 days later. Parents not at home, alone, asking for ex Bf to come over for an important talk... That's the situation.

Well I have to say you have had some great advice on here. Glad you took it and ran with it.

I don't know for sure what she is wanting to talk about but it kind of sounds like "If you love her let her go" which you did, and now she is coming back to you, maybe it is love after all. Good luck, but stay strong it could be just a talk to boggle your mind again.