Hello. I'm a 25 year old female. I have been having problems with relationships with people (boyfriends and friends) because I'm a highly ambitious career-oriented person and the fact that I never stay longterm in one place. I've always been asked out, A LOT, I've been dating and having some casual sex (relationships). But never in my 25 years have I had a longterm relationship. The longest I've ever dated a guy was 3 months.

One of the problems is due to my high education (grad school) and ability to speak a lot of languages, guys from my native culture often find me intimidating (all my guy friends told me so). And the fact that they're not as well-travelled or that they don't speak English simply bore me. I do not see my future with guys from my own country. And this belief is confirmed by all my friends and family. Coming from an Asian background, they told me my personality is too westernised for Asian guys to handle.

For the past 7 years I spent most of the time abroad, and a lot of Western guys find me exotic and attractive. The problem is, I never get to settle down with anyone of them in one single place. I never get to blend in with the locals and accept my boyfriend (at the time)'s culture. For the past 7 years, I've lived in 10 countries.

In my field of study and work (diplomatic missions/international organisations), it is inevitable to keep moving around. I have an ex (whom I still love) in Sweden and a current long-distance boyfriend in Switzerland. There doesn't seem to be opportunities to be back there (Sweden/Switzerland) right now. What will I do? Will my life continue to be like this?

Please don't tell me that I'm still very young and that I should just enjoy the moment. The fact is I have enjoyed all the travels, all the flirting, dating, sex, partying, fun stuff. I'm done. Yes, I'm just 25 but I want a real deal now.

PS. I've tried a couple of online sites, ending up getting so much attention from middle-aged white guys looking for young Asian girls like me. So I'm done with that too.

I can't really think of any "relationship" advice because, obviously, if you stay in one place for 4 months and then move on, the most you will get is a 4-month long relationship and then turn it into long-distance but apparently you're dissatisfied with long-distance.

So I guess it's more of a lifestyle question, in which case, I'm not sure what kind of diplomatic missions you work on, but I believe there's 4 or 5 year long missions with government contracts in embassies and consulates, and stable jobs next to international organizations' HQ.

So I guess if you want a longterm, live-in boyfriend, the only thing you can do is settle in some country. Hopefully, if and when you have to move country after "x" years , he'll be prepared to move with you.

It's going to be hard to find someone who can handle the constant moving and chaos that will happen in life while you are doing this. Sadly, the only thing I can see changing is if you stop the moving around and stay grounded for awhile.

Hello P:

It's true, moving around doesn't help. But, losing the superior attitude will more than make up for it.

excon

Which do you want more? Your job and career, and the life style that comes with it. Or settling down, and planting roots. When choices are so conflicting, a choice must be made.

You do sound a bit "stuck up" in my opinion... a lot of us "white" guys don't like girls who act like total snobs. Not saying that is you, but your post comes off a bit "high class."

Other than that, as Tal stated, you have to make a choice. It is unreasonable to believe you will ever hold down a long term relationship if you are constantly jumping from location to location.

I agree with the guys here...
You essentially posted your resume here and that does come across a bit "stuck up". Sure, there are some weak-minded guys that can't handle relationships with strong, independent women. But there are also some great guys out there that love women with goals and aspirations. You just have to break down the "holier than thou" attitude so that they can see that.

As they've all pointed out, it's very difficult to have a long-term relationship if you're not in one place for very long. If your goal is a settled-down lifestyle then at some point you will have to actually... settle down.

Hey Petunia. I completely understand where you are coming from. As far as being stuck up, that is relative. You just have high ideals and because of that, it will always take longer to meet someone you respect. I think when you meet the right person you will want to hang up your passport for him. Just be open to it and stop having casual sex. It hardens the heart.

Perhaps it is time to consider moving away from your field of expertise or at best finding an arrangement that limits your globe trotting.With your considerable education,I would image job opportunities would be abundant.

As far as the men who are intimidated by your success,they should not be in your consideration.I understand the cultural mindset that still wants to see a woman tied to an oven with multiple kids at her feet.Simply avoid those men.I would think by now you must have a good sense of who these men are.

I would narrow my internet dating sites to those that are for professionals only.You may meet someone who is like minded and has the same lifestyle.

Love does not come knocking everyday so I suggest you take a vacation and return to Sweden and see what careers you might find there and be nearer to the guy you still love.

Something has to give and you must be willing to sacrifice something.

Best of luck !

I fyou rub alll your accoplishments and such in their face of course me are going to run stop acting as if you are superior and act like a normal person, and maybe you will find a man that would want to go with you when you travel and scuch ;)

I didn’t intend to come off stuck up, and I really appreciate inertia and artlady for your understanding. I didn’t just post my resume on here, I just want to point out how my personalities are simply different, and the fact that I feel most comfortable expressing myself in English has greatly limited my chance of ‘settling down’ back at home. Not all guys from my native country are intimidated by me, some of them even misunderstand me as being ‘pretentious and stuck up’ as some of you here think I am. Believe me, I would trade being seen as intimidating and unapproachable with anything (or rather something, as most of you rightly pointed out, it’s a matter of choice, I still want to pursue my career, guess I can’t have my cake and eat it too, huh?) And I really do try to blend in with my fellow natives, but I don’t feel happy, it’s really not me.

The issue of ‘where I belong’ is a big deal for me, to the point I’m sometimes depressed over it. I really want to ‘settle down’ somewhere I’m happy. I’m even daydreaming of going back to Switzerland to my current ‘not so serious’ boyfriend. I cried myself to sleep for months (literally) when I parted my Swedish ex with whom I had the most intimate emotional attachment. (it was mandatory to go on exchange during my graduate programme). It’s just that it’s impossible right now to do that due to my current obligation.

And no, I didn’t try to paint white guys in negative light (otherwise I wouldn’t have dated them). Kctiger, ANY guys wouldn’t want a stuck up girl, not just white guys.

Any other suggestions would be very welcomed and appreciated!

I wouldn't worry about it, to be honest with you. When the time comes, then it comes, and you make a choice to settle down or perhaps the guy follows you. You have a step up in life, as you are happy with who YOU are... that is great and shouldn't be overlooked. Just enjoy what you have and I think that life will have a funny way of making you think twice before leaving the "right" guy behind.

Quote:

---

I cried myself to sleep for months (literally) when I parted my Swedish ex with whom I had the most intimate emotional attachment. (it was mandatory to go on exchange during my graduate programme). It's just that it's impossible right now to do that due to my current obligation.

---

Regarding your current obligation.I think you can fulfill that obligation but try to begin making plans for a long term place that you want to settle.
N.Y.C. is a very culturally diverse place with the excitement I am sure you have become accustomed to.
A career change happens gradually so I would begin to set goals to be achieved within the next 2 years.
That way you are not limiting yourself because your back is against the wall but allowing yourself the freedom to make a choice you can stick with.
As an aside,your English is exceptional.
Best of luck!

Let me put it this way. This is what I would say to you:

I'm a 23 year old recent college grad with a major in math and focus on pre-med. I graduated from one of the top schools in the US with a full scholarships and had internships at one of the nation's best hospitals. I'm fluent in three languages, and currently, while applying for medical school, I own a restaurant. I work about 90 hours a week, and I'm having a tough time to find a girlfriend who will understand my hectic schedule. My friends say that women find me really intimidating due to my accomplishments, and because I have no idea where I might go for medical school, there's no way I can find a girlfriend. Even if I do find a girlfriend in medical school, chances are, we'll go separate ways for residency, not to mention, my schedule in med school will be QUITE limited.

Ps - I'm also Asian as well.

Does that sound like someone you'd be interested in?

You probably didn't mean to come off in a "snobby" way as many other posters have said; I understand. It's tough to find someone when you're working all the time, not to mention move around all the time. Chances are, as other posters also have said, you need to choose what's important to you. To find someone to settle down with, or your career.

Hi Petunia,

I know right now your current obligations are taking up a lot of your time, but, do you still keep in contact with your ex in Sweden? Regardless, you may want to reach out to him (provided he is single and not in a relationship with anyone that you know of) and say 'Hi' so to speak. Then, if he is single, perhaps you can plan a trip to visit him again?

Well, technically, she has a long distance boyfriend...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

well, technically, she has a long distance bf...

---

That is true, I forgot about that.

@ Isneezefunny, umm, you sound very interesting:), but then again, I don’t know where I will be or should be.

I think the only difference between you and me is that you fit into the category of stereotypical Asian student (great at maths and science etc.) so you might not be singled out like me (back in our home countries, that is) I mean, Asian students tend to hang together as a group, right? And since most Asians are into maths and science, it’s also hard for me to ‘blend in’. I’m doing international political relations (specialized in peace and security). It’s just weird, not many girls are in this field, let alone Asian girls. But I do understand, and empathise how it’s very hard for you to be in a relationship though.

@ artlady, thank you:). I really like your suggestion. And NYC sounds cool (I always love it). One time a foreign friend asked me WHERE I’d like to work after my graduation and I told her it’s not a matter of WHERE but WHAT. I’ve always had this mindset of career path, so my plan was (and still is), wherever there’s a great opportunity for me in this field, I’d immediately jump for it. But maybe I really have to revise my strategy and target, not just WHAT but also WHERE.

@starlight, yes, we’re still in contact, but not often at all (it might be just a ‘break’, I really don’t know, it’s confusing). He still thinks I’m going to go back at some point, and very soon, the sad part is, I still don’t even know. But I’ll do my very best to get something that I like in Switzerland though, as artlady suggested.

You posted twice, one here and one in Dating. I replied to the other thread, someone should merge the two.
EDIT: Never mind, I couldn't resist, I copied and pasted.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

I've always been asked out, A LOT... a lot of Western guys find me exotic and attractive.

---

... I wish I could be as cool as you!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

...guys from my native culture often find me intimidating (all my guy friends told me so). And the fact that they're not as well-travelled or that they don't speak English simply bore me. I do not see my future with guys from my own country. And this belief is confirmed by all my friends and family. Coming from an Asian background, they told me my personality is too westernised for Asian guys to handle.

---

I stopped reading as soon as I came across this. Too westernized for Asian guys? Non-English speakers and homebodies are boring? You sound very narcissistic and you don't give anyone a chance and yet you came here to ask why you haven't had a long-term relationship, as if there's something wrong with the rest of the world. It's not just Asian guys that will find you intimidating, all men will. There's nothing special about the Swiss and Swedes that make them more able to "handle" Westernized Asian women, it's the simple fact they live in one country and you're in another. If you saw either of them once a week over the course of a year--a year is when most people truly begin to know someone--I'm certain that it would be a totally different story. Being intimidating is not a virtue, it makes you unapproachable and distressing to be around.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

Please don't tell me that I'm still very young and that I should just enjoy the moment. The fact is I have enjoyed all the travels, all the flirting, dating, sex, partying, fun stuff. I'm done. Yes, I'm just 25 but I want a real deal now.

---

Problem part II: you're asking for advice but telling us what that advice should be; you don't want to listen because you think you know all the answers already. Well too bad, you need to take the advice you don't want to hear. Being well traveled and having casual sex doesn't mean you "enjoyed the moment", you're attitude dictates that. And from the what your wrote it sounds like you didn't enjoy those days at all. You come off way too serious and extremely critical, you need to relax and enjoy life, not just the moment.

I used to be like you (and still am in some respects, hence the harshness of my response), thinking that only a select group were good enough for my time, girls I dated weren't even in this category, pretty much just my band mates. But when friends who I chilled with everyday, would ask me if I had a problem with them although I liked them just fine, it really woke me up. Because I'd criticize anything and everything, they figured I must be critical of them too; a fair assumption. I realized I have to change my attitude and be more accepting or I'll end up alone. It doesn't mean I have to settle for less than I deserve, but I have to get this narcissistic idea out of my brain that everyone owes me something. Being as I've been this way for over 20 years, it's hard, real hard, but I have to do it. I now try live by the rule "if you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all", but it's hard, impossible even, to resist when I read posts like this. I'm certain you should do the same.

You're not a bad person, but you need an attitude adjustment.

Being lonely can cause you to second guess yourself. Don't worry about being intimidating. Most of my friends don't date girls they are intimidated by. I seek them out. It's very hard to find someone that challenges you when you are smart. Don't settle. Look at all the Bond girls. Smart, sexy and sometimes dangerous.

Petunia, you sound like you have a lot going for yourself but don't let that hinder you from allowing yourself to be in a stable, long-term relationship. You travel a lot, and if you're not considering changing your career, just understand it will take a LOT of work to make a relationship work.

Your original post did come across a bit "snooty" but the second one showed a more endearing person. Unfortunately, you can't create love on your own watch, you will have to be patient and let it find you. I understand this being a go-getter but you can't always be in control. Just relax and yes it sounds cliché, but loves comes when you're not looking for it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

@ Isneezefunny, umm, you sound very interesting:), but then again, I don’t know where I will be or should be.

I think the only difference between you and me is that you fit into the category of stereotypical Asian student (great at maths and science etc.) so you might not be singled out like me (back in our home countries, that is) I mean, Asian students tend to hang together as a group, right? And since most Asians are into maths and science, it’s also hard for me to ‘blend in’. I’m doing international political relations (specialized in peace and security). It’s just weird, not many girls are in this field, let alone Asian girls. But I do understand, and empathise how it’s very hard for you to be in a relationship though.

---

believe it or not, I don't really fit into the category of a typical Asian. People here on the boards didn't know I was Asian at all, partly due to the way I write, my experiences, etc. People who speak to me on the phone have no idea I'm Asian... the typical response I get is, "but...you don't have an accent!" or "you don't sound Asian!"

At my college, believe it or not, most the math majors were caucasian and most of the pre-medders were Indian. The other east asians were all in business and econ. I have a handful of Asian friends, as most of my friends are caucasian, black, and Indian... yes, they are "asian," but not really =P

Best of luck, and perhaps we'll cross paths one day, as I may need a international political adviser for an overseas medical program ;)

The key question that you pose is "Will my life continue to be like this?" Yes, it will, Petunia, until you either find a mate who is mature enough to be comfortable with you and who has a lifestyle that matches yours, especially moving from place to place, or you fall in love with someone for whom you are willing to adapt your career path. Your top priority is either career or primary relationship. The lifestyle you describe preempts doing both.

Consider the idea that a fulfilling, long-term relationship occurs because two people find each other worth committing themselves to one another such that the other comes first. If something else comes first, one can have a good relationship, but it's not going that deeply into your heart and soul. If, as you say, you want the real deal now, does that mean that you are ready to put another human being ahead of your work? Are you planning on raising a family with this person? Would you follow him? That doesn't mean that you have to give up your career; it's just how you put things into perspective and adapt your lifestyle.

I like Robert Brault's take:

"To find a person who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness."

It sounds like you are smart, savvy, and attractive. Are you ready to be giving?

Quote:

---

@ artlady, thank you. I really like your suggestion. And NYC sounds cool (I always love it). One time a foreign friend asked me WHERE I’d like to work after my graduation and I told her it’s not a matter of WHERE but WHAT. I’ve always had this mindset of career path, so my plan was (and still is), wherever there’s a great opportunity for me in this field, I’d immediately jump for it. But maybe I really have to revise my strategy and target, not just WHAT but also WHERE.

---

You were talking about putting down some roots so where should be the number one issue.
If I had my way I would have humble homes all over the world. You have been very blessed to have traveled the world.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

@ Isneezefunny, umm, you sound very interesting:), but then again, I don’t know where I will be or should be.

I think the only difference between you and me is that you fit into the category of stereotypical Asian student (great at maths and science etc.) so you might not be singled out like me (back in our home countries, that is) I mean, Asian students tend to hang together as a group, right? And since most Asians are into maths and science, it’s also hard for me to ‘blend in’. I’m doing international political relations (specialized in peace and security). It’s just weird, not many girls are in this field, let alone Asian girls. But I do understand, and empathise how it’s very hard for you to be in a relationship though.

---

This is not really true, the phd in economics and political science program that I will be enrolling in has a lot of Asian students in it.When I was doing my masters we had a lot Asians in my school too and they didn't like to hang together in a group.They were actually pretty social.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dare81

This is not really true, the phd in economics and political science program that i will be enrolling in has a lot of Asian students in it.When i was doing my masters we had a lot Asians in my school too and they didn't like to hang together in a group.They were actually pretty social.

---

Umm, seems like I wasn't so successful at making my previous posts clear. Sorry about that :o

I used the term 'Asian' because I simply didn't want to specify my specific nationality/ethnicity. Of course Asia is a huge continent with diverse cultures. And don't forget there're LOTS of Asian-Americans, Asian-Australians who are mostly Americans, Aussies etc. (as in 'bananas' or 'twinkies') anyway, so they don't exactly count (in my point of argument).

Most Asians from Asia who are social in Western societies are the ones who have spent long time studying or working there, so they've been sort of 'westernised' and blended in. I'm one of them too (social Westernised Asians) so my whole point about being singled out was about being singled out in my OWN culture/society. I have no problem being social in international environment. Actually that's my ONLY environment, and that's the problem for me, because I mostly get involved with 'international' people rather than the locals.

This reminds me of something, maybe my crazy world travels is my quest for the most international place, haha, looks like I've just solved my own psychological problem :p

And yes, there are Asian political scientists out there, just not so many in my area ;) I was just trying to point out that it's not a common field in my country and it's rather hard to talk politics (especially in English or French) with my fellow people (of course there're smart people in my country, I'm not saying I'm superior or anything, it's all about my lack of ability to tune into their personality/mentality and vice versa).

Just out of curiosity, which uni are you going to do PhD? Which specific area in pol sci? Do you already have a PhD thesis proposal in mind?

The University of Aarhus in Denmark is offering PhD scholarships (3000 euro/month) which is very tempting. But I just decided against it (and my dad's wish). I guess I don't want to be in Denmark. And I don't want to be back in Sweden either (the drama-filled fling with my ex is FINISHED and I can't stand the darkness). I'm not going to apply for an editor job for WHO based in Cairo either, I don't know anyone in Egypt.

Sorry for taking you all the way on my long soul-search journey, but I've just realised I feel happiest in Geneva so far. And I will never ever settle down back home (I know I'll die a spinster there for sure). So I'll try to find a way to get back to my Swiss boyfriend, get a good career and start to settle down for the first time! :)

Oh yes, I forgot to thank everyone for your help! :)

Some of you pointed out that I've got more going on and you're right. It might sound completely crazy, but at one point I got diagnosed with a medium-level depression, due to my extreme stress with traveling (I mean as in moving around for great opportunities somewhere else) and also due to my sadness with all the 'mini' breakups I had with people I dated along the way. Most people think I'm such a lucky/accomplished yuppie who's got to see the world, etc. They didn't know I have depression! And I really want to do something about it. I mean sometimes I feel depressed, then I beat myself up for being stupid for being depressed as there doesn't seem to be a logical reason why I should be stressed when the Third World is starving etc. and that depresses me even more, like a vicious cycle.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

Umm, seems like I wasn't so successful at making my previous posts clear. Sorry about that :o


Most Asians from Asia who are social in Western societies are the ones who have spent long time studying or working there, so they've been sort of 'westernised' and blended in. I'm one of them too (social Westernised Asians) so my whole point about being singled out was about being singled out in my OWN culture/society. I have no problem being social in international environment. Actually that's my ONLY environment, and that's the problem for me, because I mostly get involved with 'international' people rather than the locals.

---

I can understand your problem , I am one of those so called westernized Asians, I have been here in the states for almost a decade.But the thing there are a lot of people like you around, I have a lot of Asian friend, I am not sure if you can call Pakistani Asian really, who have traveled the world and are now settled here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

Just out of curiosity, which uni are you going to do PhD? Which specific area in pol sci? Do you already have a PhD thesis proposal in mind?

---

Right now it's a toss up between Uni of Amherst,MA or university of Missouri Kansas city.
I am interested in heterodox economics mainly Marx.Thesis is probably gong to be on exchange rate arrangement in Africa, the CFA Franc zone.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

Sorry for taking you all the way on my long soul-search journey, but I've just realised I feel happiest in Geneva so far. And I will never ever settle down back home (I know I'll die a spinster there for sure). So I'll try to find a way to get back to my Swiss boyfriend, get a good career and start to settle down for the first time! :)

---

[/QUOTE]

The thing about love is you will find it , when you are least expecting it, and when you do find it you will settle down, so worrying about right is not going to do you any good.

Marx. As in Marxist? I did a course on Marxism once and absolutely hated it, just not my cup of tea (it was someone's idea to make it a core course :mad:) Wow, you must be pretty smart ;) Anyway, economics? As in Political Economy? It's a pretty popular and handy degree, isn't it? Especially, with the crisis and all that. Nowadays we can't just study politics without economics.

Yep, Pakistanis are Asians (of course, but most Asians we generally refer to are East and Southeast, right?) But the difference is that your friend has already settled down after the travels, I haven't. I know it's a matter of time and all that, but decisions matter too, I mean, at least I have to go for great opportunities where I can stay LONGTERM because what I've been doing are mostly short-term contracts.

Anyway, good luck with your PhD!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

Oh yes, I forgot to thank everyone for your help! :)

Some of you pointed out that I've got more going on and you're right. It might sound completely crazy, but at one point I got diagnosed with a medium-level depression, due to my extreme stress with traveling (I mean as in moving around for great opportunities somewhere else) and also due to my sadness with all the 'mini' breakups I had with people I dated along the way. Most people think I'm such a lucky/accomplished yuppie who's got to see the world, etc. They didn't know I have depression! And I really want to do something about it. I mean sometimes I feel depressed, then I beat myself up for being stupid for being depressed as there doesn't seem to be a logical reason why I should be stressed when the Third World is starving etc., and that depresses me even more, like a vicious cycle.

---

No one is exempt from depression.You are after all,a young woman first and accomplished career woman ,world traveler second.
When I get depressed I suffer from guilt as well.I will always be able to find someone who does not have the gifts that I have in life,there will always be someone who is worse off but the bottom line is our pain is real also.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by artlady

No one is exempt from depression.You are after all,a young woman first and accomplished career woman ,world traveler second.
When I get depressed I suffer from guilt as well.I will always be able to find someone who does not have the gifts that I have in life,there will always be someone who is worse off but the bottom line is our pain is real also.

---

This is easily the best answer I've been given online. Yes, everyone's entitled to be depressed even the richest among the richest. I once came across a thread on a Hollywood celeb's depression. Most people simply don't understand that a celeb who is extremely beautiful, rich, successful careerwise and in personal life would be suffering from depression. Ultimately happiness comes from the inside. My mum is a devout Buddhist and she keeps pushing me to meditate, but I'm still too lazy and involved in the secular success to do that seriously.

On a side note, I'm going back to Switzerland in a week! And my Swiss boyfriend will pick me up at the airport. The problem is I'll only stay there for just one night on a transit to Poland. After my 3 week mission in Poland, I have no idea what next (and my boyfriend didn't dare bring up the issue of me moving in with him, he did propose it before and it failed miserably). I think I'll give it a second chance though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Problem part II: you're asking for advice but telling us what that advice should be; you don't want to listen because you think you know all the answers already. Well too bad, you need to take the advice you don't want to hear. Being well traveled and having casual sex doesn't mean you "enjoyed the moment", you're attitude dictates that. And from the what your wrote it sounds like you didn't enjoy those days at all. You come off way too serious and extremely critical, you need to relax and enjoy life, not just the moment.

I used to be like you (and still am in some respects, hence the harshness of my response), thinking that only a select group were good enough for my time, girls I dated weren't even in this category, pretty much just my band mates. But when friends who I chilled with everyday, would ask me if I had a problem with them although I liked them just fine, it really woke me up. Because I'd criticize anything and everything, they figured I must be critical of them too; a fair assumption. I realized I have to change my attitude and be more accepting or I'll end up alone. It doesn't mean I have to settle for less than I deserve, but I have to get this narcissistic idea outta my brain that everyone owes me something. Being as I've been this way for over 20 years, it's hard, real hard, but I have to do it. I now try live by the rule "if you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all", but it's hard, impossible even, to resist when I read posts like this. I'm certain you should do the same.

You're not a bad person, but you need an attitude adjustment.

---

Yes you're right, I don't enjoy the moment at all, hence, my plea to not giving me a shallow advice that I'm young and should just enjoy the moment/life whatever, because I don't enjoy my lifestyle and I'm unhappy with constantly moving. Traveling is fun, moving around is not. But I have a dream, ambitions which require this kind of lifestyle. So this is a conflict of interests. A lot of my friends told me to just 'don't worry. Enjoy life. Enjoy the travels' and didn't pay attention one bit to what my real problem really is. My depression is real and this kind of advice is very shallow at best (I know my friends mean well, but they just don't know what to say to me). The way they said it it's like my depression doesn't matter, that I'm the luckiest in the group and being depressed in Europe is totally stupid. Well, yes, I enjoy my success and my travels and meeting people, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still unhappy, hence my statement, 'please don't tell me that I'm still young and should just enjoy life' because it doesn't help one bit, because I'm still depressed. It has nothing to do with trying to stop people from giving advice I don't want to hear. I'm not in denial of anything. I just think that kind of advice doesn't help at all.

Yes, I'm a critical person, I don't know if you really were like me at one point. But I do not put down people. The fact that my fellow countrymen don't speak English doesn't mean I look down on them, it means I don't feel comfortable settling down back at home because of my difference. I'm proud of my own country but there're lots of things that I don't approve of because of my Western education, hence the decision not to settle down back home because I know I'll be frustrated and unhappy. I know my awkwardness living in my native culture will surely lead to my spinsterhood.

I'm a serious person, I take things seriously, and what's wrong with that? I'm just saying that I'm tired of moving around and breaking up with people I date and friends I've made all over the world. I want roots, stability and a long-term relationship with one of the guys I've dated or flirted with.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by petuniaB

This is easily the best answer I've been given online. Yes, everyone's entitled to be depressed even the richest among the richest. I once came across a thread on a Hollywood celeb's depression. Most people simply don't understand that a celeb who is extremely beautiful, rich, successful careerwise and in personal life would be suffering from depression. Ultimately happiness comes from the inside. My mum is a devout Buddhist and she keeps pushing me to meditate, but I'm still too lazy and involved in the secular success to do that seriously.

On a side note, I'm going back to Switzerland in a week! And my Swiss bf will pick me up at the airport. The problem is I'll only stay there for just one night on a transit to Poland. After my 3 week mission in Poland, I have no idea what next (and my bf didn't dare bring up the issue of me moving in with him, he did propose it before and it failed miserably). I think I'll give it a second chance though.

---

It sounds like you are very happy! Cool.
Take time to meditate ,especially in a hustle bustle life as you have ,it will add years to your life and keep you grounded.

Thank-you for getting back to us,that is so kind

I want to know how someone can fly here and there and go through the airport security and the waiting and delays and hassles not be consumed with stress.You are going to have to share that when you are not involved in that.

Enjoy Switzerland ,it must be stunning this time of year!