Ask Me Help Desk - Short time relationship

Short time relationship

Why would guys date women where they know that they will only be here for a short period? Like foreign workers, students.. I just don't get it. My boyfriend had 2 past relationships that are like that. There was no closure in those relationships.. they broke up because they had to go home and he just had to let go.. It's been bugging the crap out of me. I don't want this to affect us. I just don't understand, like you are just going to both each other when one leaves, you know? Then what's the point of getting together! Or why can't they just be friends? It is the sex? And if your boyfriend still keeps stuff from them.. pictures, gifts and just small little things! Its bothers me. Please help. Thanks

Well there are many people in the world and sometimes when you find your love that is worth keeping you would want to make things work regardless of the distance and if the love is real things would work out perfectly

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Originally Posted by none12345

well there are many people in the world and sometimes when you find your love that is worth keeping you would want to make things work regardless of the distance and if the love is real things would work out perfectly

Even if you know from the very start that at same point she will have to leave and eve if you have strong feelings for her, it is not possible to be together or stay in a relationship? You know.

Actually it is possible. Just because your not close to each other it doesn't mean you can't have a relationship. You might have plans when the time is right to meet up later and be together. Long distance relationships are possible

So they can have some fun while they are together, everything doesn't have to last forever.

In fact, nothing does. Everything has a beginning and an end.

The keeping stuff, do we all not do that? I know I have stuff my ex's have given me still... just because it didn't work out for one reason or another doesn't mean they need to be reased from your memory.

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Originally Posted by neverme

So they can have some fun while they are together, everything doesn't have to last forever.

In fact, nothing does. Everything has a beginning and an end.

The keeping stuff, do we all not do that? I know I have stuff my ex's have given me still....just because it didn't work out for one reason or another doesn't mean they need to be reased from your memory.

I asked my boyfriend to throw something that his ex gave him that's been sitting in his room, Was that being mean? I felt kind of bad at the same time I thought it was the right thing to do.

Yup sometimes people just want to get rid of the ex completely to move and they forget about the good stuff. Just like the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. You ll figure out there are some memories you don't want to get rid of.

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Originally Posted by panget234

I asked my boyfriend to throw something that his ex gave him thats been sitting in his room, Was that being mean? I felt kinda bad at the same time I thought it was the right thing to do.

no I don't think that was the right thing to do. It might have sentimental values for him or it might mean something for him or remind him of the good memories that he wants to keep. It doesn't mean that he still have feelings for her to keep something from your ex. It is just like you asking him to throw away his past or memories for you. He can still love you with those things around and his heart can still only belong to you.

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Originally Posted by none12345

actually it is possible. just because your not close to each other it doesnt mean you can't have a relationship. you might have plans when the time is right to meet up later and be together. long distance relationships are possible

I know.. but if both of them were not planning on having that long distance relationship. Then I don't see the point of it. Kind of waste of time... coz I personally wouldn't do it, you know... He is my first boyfriend, I know I still have a lot to learn about a relationship. I just have never had guts to ask him "why did you do that?"... Most people that know about it sais it was because of the sex!

Some people can't be alone and some people just want to have fun without realizing the effect on the other person

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Originally Posted by panget234

I asked my boyfriend to throw something that his ex gave him thats been sitting in his room, .

I would have asked him to put it away in a closet or a box first if it meant that much to him

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Originally Posted by panget234

I know..but if both of them were not planning on having that long distance relationship. Then I dont see the point of it. Kinda waste of time.....coz I personally wouldn't do it, you know...He is my first boyfriend, I know I still have a lot to learn about a relationship. I just have never had guts to ask him "why did you do that?" .....Most people that know about it sais it was because of the sex!

No its not always about sex. The thing is how do they know that they won't want to have that long distance relationship unless they try neh? Its just they needed someone to be around with. I wouldn't call what they have love because if it was they would make every effort to keep it even if its long distance. But there are so much more than sex when being with someone. You feel the warmth of someone close to you, it could just be holding hands, kissing or intimacy. It doesn't always means sex.

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Originally Posted by heartbroke

i would have asked him to put it away in a closet or a box first if it meant that much to him

The thing is I have asked him to please put away stuff that are from his past relationship.. I didn't tell him to throw them away.. he said yea but never did. I brought it up again.. he said he'll fix it, 2 weeks late.. nothing again! So it didn't really bother me that it's there.. it did because he couldn't let go of it, you know.. So I finally told him to throw it away.. and felt bad!

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Originally Posted by panget234

The thing is I have asked him to please put away stuff that are from his past relationship..I didn't tell him to throw them away..he said yea but never did. I brought it up again..he said he'll fix it, 2 weeks late..nothing again! So it didnt really bother me that its there..it did because he couldn't let go of it, you know..So i finally told him to throw it away..and felt bad!

Well you got to talk to him about his feelings. Maybe he just wants someone to be there for him like you. Does he love you? Or when you move away he ll want to end things? Or would he try to make things work? Are you okay with it if that's the case that he just wants someone to be with even though he might not have feelings for you? And talk to him about his ex to see if he still has feelings for her.

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Originally Posted by none12345

no its not always about sex. the thing is how do they know that they wont want to have that long distance relationship unless they try neh? its just they needed someone to be around with. i wouldnt call what they have love because if it was they would make every effort to keep it even if its long distance. but there are so much more than sex when being with someone. you feel the warmth of someone close to you, it could just be holding hands, kissing or intimacy. it doesnt always means sex.

But, would you want to do it again? He had one after the other.. HE said it was hard, then why would you do it again?. and same thing happened. You are left alone.. and she left sad.. thats what I don't really get.

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Originally Posted by panget234

But, would you want to do it again? he had one after the other.. HE said it was hard, then why would you do it again?...and same thing happened. you are left alone..and she left sad..thats what I dont really get.

Because you would never know if you might end up with the one you would want to make things work even if they move away. Life is full of possibilities and you got to take those chances because if you don't you might lose out on something good. But how I see it is that he just wants someone to be with and maybe you are just the other "someone" even if he might not really love you. Hmmm you seem young how old are you? O_O

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Originally Posted by none12345

well you gotta talk to him about his feelings. maybe he just wants someone to be there for him like you. does he love you? or when you move away he ll want to end things? or would he try to make things work? are you okay with it if thats the case that he just wants someone to be with even though he might not have feelings for you? and talk to him about his ex to see if he still has feelings for her.

Yea, he does love me.. and I can see that he does.. well I am not moving away, or anything. One time I told him that I can only stay here in US for some years like 3 more years.. I asked him what is he going to do? He said by then we'll be together for a long time so he is going to marry me so I can stay here with him..

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Originally Posted by panget234

yea, he does love me..and I can see that he does..well I am not moving away, or anything. One time I told him that I can only stay here in US for some years like 3 more years..I asked him what is he gonna do? He said by then we'll be together for a long time so he is gonna marry me so I can stay here with him..

I'm say hypothetically "if" you move, what would he do? Just be with another girl just like the last? To me that isn't love. If you really love someone you would want to be with them no matter what or where they are.

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Originally Posted by none12345

because you would never know if you might end up with the one you would want to make things work even if they move away. life is full of possibilities and you gotta take those chances because if you dont you might lose out on something good. But how i see it is that he just wants someone to be with and maybe you are just the other "someone" even if he might not really love you. hmmm you seem young how old are you? O_O

I am 21.. well, we are pretty serious about our relationship.. I think what really bothers me is that there was no closure for them, they only had to leave to go back to their country.. I have asked him what if they didn't have to leave, you think you would be with one of them.. he said yes probably.. What if one of the girls came to visit here and wanted to meet up? And since there was no closure, there might still be something there.

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Originally Posted by panget234

I am 21..well, we are pretty serious about our relationship..I think what really bothers me is that there was no closure for them, they only had to leave to go back to their country..I have asked him what if they didnt have to leave, you think you would be with one of them..he said yes probably..What if one of the girls came to visit here and wanted to meet up? and since there was no closure, there might still be something there.

Oh nvm than yah since he's your first boyfriend. But to be honest, he's had closure when he decided to not stay together or when he decided to get together with you. When he decided to get together with you, he should be committed to you regardless if they come back or not to meet up with him because he's already with you and it shouldn't matter if they come back or not. Than he hasn't gotten over the girls he left yet. How I see things is that he doesn't love you, he just needs someone to be there for him. I'm not saying he won't fall in love with you but at this point from everything you've told me I don't think what he has for you is love. Im not saying this is how things really are I'm just saying this is how I see it from an outside perspective.

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Originally Posted by none12345

oh nvm than yah since he's your first boyfriend. but to be honest, hes had closure when he decided to not stay together or when he decided to get together with you. When he decided to get together with you, he should be committed to you regardless if they come back or not to meet up with him because he's already with you and it shouldnt matter if they come back or not. Than he hasnt gotten over the girls he left yet. how i see things is that he doesnt love you, he just needs someone to be there for him. im not saying he wont fall in love with you but at this point from everything you've told me i dont think what he has for you is love. Im not saying this is how things really are im just saying this is how i see it from an outside perspective.

I have always doubted him.. because of his past.. he proved it that he does love me and he said that I worry too much.. It's been like 3 yrs since those girls left.. I don't know what with it that just bugs me when it pops in my head.. sometimes I think maybe I am insecure of them.. I know that he loves me, that doesn't worry me. I just need to know why would someone do what he has done.. and you have answered that already. He said that he doesn't want to talk about it.. I don't know I think I am just a little confused about things right now.. And I always also think that I love him more.. like there are things that he won't do for me and he would for them, kind of thing.. I am paranoid. ANd thank you for still talking to me :)

No problem lol ima crash now. But he is your first boyfriend. You have so much to learn. Do you really know what love is yet? How do you know what you guys have is love? Sometimes even I don't know what love is yet. I just broke up with my ex. She was my first love. I'm slightly younger than you though. But yah love is complicated.

I just thought I had love with her but it turns out it might not be love. I was willing to go to the end of the earth for her but I realized I was treated like crap. Basically what I'm saying is that you have lots of time to figure out what love is and I don't think anyone can fully grasp the true meaning of love. Sometimes what you may think you have is love but it turns out not to be in the end. Trust me I've learned it the hard way. Im not trying to say that you guys don't have that I'm just saying be prepared if that isn't the case. - none

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Originally Posted by none12345

No problem lol ima crash now. But he is your first boyfriend. You have so much to learn. Do you really know what love is yet? How do you know what you guys have is love? Sometimes even i dont know what love is yet. I just broke up with my ex. she was my first love. im slightly younger than you though. But yah love is complicated.

I just thought i had love with her but it turns out it might not be love. i was willing to go to the end of the earth for her but i realized i was treated like crap. Basically what im saying is that you have lots of time to figure out what love is and i dont think anyone can fully grasp the true meaning of love. Sometimes what you may think you have is love but it turns out not to be in the end. Trust me i've learned it the hard way. Im not trying to say that you guys dont have that im just saying be prepared if that isnt the case. - none

Ah All right.. sorry to hear that..

AND yea you can never really define love I guess.. I'll just go with the flow and see where it brings me and learn from there! Thank you so much!

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Originally Posted by panget234

I know..but if both of them were not planning on having that long distance relationship. Then I dont see the point of it. Kinda waste of time.....coz I personally wouldn't do it, you know...He is my first boyfriend, I know I still have a lot to learn about a relationship. I just have never had guts to ask him "why did you do that?" .....Most people that know about it sais it was because of the sex!

This sounds like what some guys do anyway, get into a quick relationship for sex and newnew with no intention of ever making it more than an option, I'd say he has what he wants no strings attached type of thing, if both people agree enjoy but if one lies and makes it look like they want it to become more , then we r talking selfish, self centered a holes

Unsurenow
Puh-lease watch the date on these threads. While this one isn't that old the poster hasn't been back, and likely will not comeback. You have had several that were closed and your post deleted.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Unsurenow
Puh-lease watch the date on these threads. While this one isn't that old the poster hasn't been back, and likely will not comeback. You have had several that were closed and your post deleted.

Well excuse me seems odd to keep up these old posts for what? U were rude!!

Besides why do you care what I read and who I respond to.. messages are sent to peoples mailbox.. if they answer they do , if they don't they don't, so just start a new post, why you feel the need to correct people you don't know.

If you could read your profile page and get your messages we could talk about how the site works.