5 threads merged for the whole picture



Hello me and this girl have been together for 5 months it's a high school realationship and she is younger... today I told her that I wish she could try more in our relationship and that to not always put her friends before me and manage time for me... well turns out the choice of words I used were not good.. we now are on a break and I'm just really confused I could picture myself with this girl for a while I just don't understand what I should do? I tried appoligizing and telling her that she is perfect in everyway she says that she needs time to think and she isn't mature enough for me how can I change all this or should I just give up?

I have been in a relationship like this, I vote you move on, no girl is worth it if she doent make time/want to spend time with you. You have been fair enough with her by seeing a problem and telling her what you see, and it looks like she didn't care, so if she doesn't care about how you feel and take into some connsiderations(sp?) some things you ask then she isn't worth it

Give her a week to think, maybe you scared her with all of this slightly serious talk, if she hasn't come back to you, or if there's no progress... it's time to start moving on.

Should I contact her or should I wait till she contacts me?

Wait let her contact you if that's what she wants to do. Don't make a fool out of yourself for anyone.

If she doesn't come back, plenty more in the sea that will appreciate you, for you.

Leave her alone, as I think she wanted a break up, any way.

K basically I have been dating this girl for quite some time and the last couple weeks have been rough I feel like were not as close as we used to be... like I'm a affectionate guy and am truly committed to a relationship... I don't no who is to blame of this but she told me her feelings haven't changed towards me its just that were dating and we only see each other once a week and this bothers me... also I'm the one who's always asking her to do things.. and when she tells me she has other things to do I'm always getting rejected to see her so I get angry about the situation.. I think I'm more into the relationship then she is.. is this bad?

How old are you guys?

How about this time you let her make the plans- your always doing them and she declines. So for the next week don't plan anything, it's up to her now to make the date.

There's other things to life than girlfriends and boyfriends you know. Go out with friends, get a job [if you don't have one already], volunteer, just get out of the house.

Sarah

K ill do that but I have a feeling she won't ask me until I make the first move.. then what?lol

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Originally Posted by heartbreakkid13

k ill do that but i have a feeling she wont ask me untill i make the first move..then what?lol

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Don't make the first move. Relationships are 50/50. You'll get bored, annoyed and eventually angry with her because you're the one doing all the work.

Sarah

"im a affectionate guy and am truly commited to a relationship"

I think that says a lot. You probably come on way too strong. Not to mention, that says committed to a relationship, not to her. I am guessing that you are like that in all your relationships.

She says that her feelings haven't changed, but who knows if that's true? Something has obviously changed. I can tell you that it is never good when the guy is more into the relationship than the girl. You may come across as jealous, controlling, or worse, needy. None of these are good, or attractive qualities. And there are really only two reasons that she would constantly turn you down when you ask her on dates. She is either really busy, or just not that into you. Actually three if you are teenagers and she is concerned that you may be pressuring her into sex. In any case, putting more pressure on her will not improve the situation.

What you need to do. Stop talking to her about the relationship. If there is a problem then you are most likely making it worse. You have tried, now let it go. You need to stop thinking so much about the relationship. Accept the fact that that it may not last and just enjoy dating. If she is content with going out once a week, then only ask her out once a week. If she says no, and doesn't suggest another night (without you asking), then don't ask her out again until the next week. Do not keep giving her opportunities to reject you. If she turns you down a few weeks in a row, then it's probably time to move on. When/if you do go out, be relaxed, casual, and fun, like when you first started dating. No relationship pressure. If things get better, great. If not, time to consider moving on.

Thanks everyone for the help above... but we broke up last night... and now I'm just lost like I no it takes time to get over a person but is there anything that helps it go by faster?

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Originally Posted by heartbreakkid13

thanks everyone for the help above....but we broke up last night...and now im just lost like i no it takes time to get over a person but is there anything that helps it go by faster?

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Keep busy.

Here is a link a sticky that may help you:
List of things to do after a breakup


AMHD is here for support.
Sarah

K so lol were back together.. but we agreed that things are going to change and were going to not start so serious... does anyone have any suggestion for the round 2

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Originally Posted by heartbreakkid13

k so lol were back togehter..but we agreed that things are going to change and were gonna not start off so serious...does anyone have any suggestion for the round 2

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Take it slow. Communicate well. Respect and trust each other. Move on from your past problems and don't bring up past mistakes.

Sarah

I once had a girlfriend like that. She was totally emotionless and we saw each other once a week as well. I had to do all the planning. If I didn't call her, she wouldn't call me. Obviously it didn't end well. We had to break up, I couldn't take it.

Is she your first serious girlfriend? The thing is, your personalities don't match. You can't force her to be someone she's not. You can tell her how you feel about her not taking the initiative enough. You can take it slow all you want. But the thing is, if she doesn't have it in her, you can't force it out of her. She is who she is. So you got to decide if you can accept her personality the way it is or find someone who matches you better.

So she broke it off with you then wanted to get back together so now the two of you are back on again.

Maybe the two of you should try to be friends first before the two of you start dating. Get to know one another first and then build a foundation from that. Otherwise I just see the two you breaking up then getting back together again. Being part of this yo-yo cycle is very unhealthy.

Also, I must ask "Did the two of you express your feeling to eachother that lead to the break-up? If so, did you come up with a solution?". Also, you never answer the "how old are you" question.

Iunno if she's like that.she cares and shows emotion... like when were together things are fine... just were both tennagers... her parents are really strict and I no that's not her fault she can't go out all the time... its just I'm having a hard time accepting that... and seeing the girl you like a lot only once a week... it bothers me... like how do you become closer to the person with the little time you get together?. maybe things will be different for the summer I really don't know.

Ohh and we have been friends for a while!

K so I have girls that are my friends and we sometimes hang out... should I be upset that my girlfriend is hanging out with a guy... I trust her but I guess its just the thought of her being with someone else... am I just being overprotective?

It depends, you really didn't give much detail.

Just based on what you said, you don't have the right to get mad at her if you allow yourself to have friends of the opposite sex.

If you can hang out with friends that are girls, why can't she hang out with friends that are guys? Isn't this a double standard?

I really don't know maybe its cause she lost her virginity to a one night stand? Like I'm not sure maybe that could be it...

But I'm also not a virgin so iunno maybe its just me

Sounds like you are being insecure more than overprotective.

Did she do something to make you not trust her?

Did she cheat on you for that one-night stand? Or was it before you started dating?

It sounds like it's your problem though. It's all happening in your mind.

It was before we started dating but I sort of no who the guy is... I no its my problem like I'm to involved with her and its not good like I'm becoming attached and in the long run its just going to hurt more it shouldn't bother me that she has guy friends but it does like I'm just confused

Sounds like you have issues. That was her past, not her present. If you can't live with that you are going to have to have a relationship with a virgin.

Lol I practically love this girl... its just deveolping trust I guess... which how do I do if I'm scared of getting hurt

Getting hurt is part of a growing process. We all get hurt we all learn from it.

Although it sounds as though you may be hurting her worse than she is hurting you.

Mhmm I agree with you... kk but thanks a lot though! Will c what happens!

Look at it this way... If we never get hurt, how do we know what true happiness is?

that's true... but actually I think I no why its bothering me... I think really because its kind of random how there hanging out and I don't even no if there close friends... so why would they hang out 1 on... and how do I talk to her about it so she doesn't get mad/hurt

K so make a long storey short me and my girlfriend have been seeing each other for a while we have been on 2 breaks all because of her... umm last night she ditched telling me she had to babysit but really I found out her and her friend went out with some guys... im really confused in weather what I should doo.. like how am I suppose to build trust if she lied to me.. I just feel heartbroken... but I always get mad when she hangs out with other guys so maybe by her telling me she was babysitting was for my own good. I've talked to her and told her for her to talk to me when she finds out what the problem is she told me she couldn't tell me the problem so I'm just confused

Don't cover for her, saying that her lying to you is for your own good. She lied to you to go out with her friend and some guys. That's something serious man, she might not be faithful to you to be honest.

You need to ditch this girl, she seems too into herself and too worried about herself. What you need to do is find yourself again. Pick up all the pieces in your life and get yourself back, without her. She is no good.

I know you want to sugar coat her lies and deny them. I know you want to twist the lies into something more positive. But if you were giving advice to another person, you would be more objective.

If she lost your trust, it's her job to earn it back. If she can't even put the effort, then she's not the one for you.

You don't have to suffer this way. You choose to suffer. You can leave her and find someone else who won't break your heart this way.

A lie is lie no matter how big or small it is. Once someone starts lying you never know what to believe and it leads to you questioning everything that person said because they created you to doubt them.

If your having problems with her hanging out with guys then I must ask why? Not to try to cover or take out for her but maybe she lied because she knew it would lead to an agruement and who wants to agrue? So it was easier not to be honest in order to bypass an agruement.

If your insecure with your girlfriends having male friends then maybe she isn't the girl for you. Now if she gave you a reason not to trust her male friends then that is another story.

I've a fiancé and we both have friends of the opposite sex. I have met and hung out with his friends just like he have with mines. There is no funny business nor lines being cross with my male friends. Actually I have more male friends than females because the a few of the females friends I had was flaky, pity, and a little jealous. They did some things I didn't want to go through and surprise me with their mailcious ways.

So the question is, "what are you going do?"

She lied to you. Trust is broken. You will always second guess her. If you can overcome that, and completely trust her, it is up to you if you can forgive her but don't hold that on her forever. If you cant, move on.

K guys thanks u everyone I am going to move on! Wish me luckk

K this might sound really stupid but if your young and not anywhere close of getting married... what is the point of dating when it just hurts to get out of a relationship... like if you know a relationship isn't going to go anywhere what is the point of starting it in the first place?knowing your just going to get hurt in the long run as it progresses

I used to think the same thing but I guess it's to experiment with different kinds of people and learn more about yourself and the kinds of people you're compatible with. Anyway, you have to date a person before you decide to marry them anyway, so I guess you never know if you're going to end up marrying a person.