I just don't wher eto start on this one to be honest, il try and make it as quick and to the point as possible. I was with a guy for a couple of years (more off than on), when we were together things were fine.

In June last year we split up again and he contact me again in the August and we met and kissed and he asked me to get back with him and I said yes, I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said there has been know one since me!! That turned out to be a lie, we were seeing each other of and on (no sex) for a couple of months and he said he had to go away in the November, I found out only in January that the trip he made in Nov was to see his GIRLFRIEND who lived a distance away who he had been seeing since June, he was emailing me from her house saying that he missed me and loved me and wanted to start a family with me.

Anyway, at New Year (this was before I knew about the girlfriend) he asked said to the girlfriend that he couldn't make it down to hers as he was busy and asked me to go to his to have sex, thank god I didn't go as I knew something wasn't quite right at this point.

Anyway, I found out about her in Jan and asked him, he said that they were over in Dec (which I know was a lie as I sawwhat he put on her social networking site wall isn't it was clear they were more than mates, I even got one of my friends to get in touch with this girl and she said tha they split in Jan but still told each other that they loved each other!!

By this point I was sick to my stomach, what if id slept with him unprotected which is what he wanted (as he wanted to get me pregnant) and I could have been carrying his child by now.

He denied it and he ex deleted him off her friends list, then whilst still trying to get me back I find out in the Feb that they are back in touch via Facebook, and as a double whammy, he is saying he loves me and is meeting other woman off the site as well??

Just to add insult to injury, whilst professing hisundying love to me I found out he is planning a trip to Europe with a female mate!! (he had great pleasure in telling me so as well) he is playing head games with me all the time and I'm sick of it, but I do love him.

Ive realised that he only cares for himself and knowone else, as long as he is happy then knowone else matters, now he is busy planning his hol with this woman he won't think of me, but when he gets bored then guess who he will come running too.

He only tld me that he loved and wanted to start a family with me on the Thurs and at the same time planning a trip with a female friend at the same time (I know she likes him)

I'm so confused and lonely right now

Good ridence. You deserve SO much better and you shouldn't have to take this guys twisted, selfish mind games. Move on and get you life back. Guys like him need to be shown how to treat women and the less women stand for guys like him the weaker they will become. You have given your own reasons for leaving him and I don't think anyone would disagree with me in saying that you don't have to take this and its time you are shown the respect you deserve. Be strong and let go.

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Ive realised that he only cares for himself and knowone else, as long as he is happy then knowone else matters, now he is busy planning his hol with this woman he won't think of me, but when he gets bored then guess who he will come running too.

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Since you have realized he is a selfish jerk who will say anything to get what her wants,you have two options,continue to let him use and abuse you or learn that sometimes in love you lose.

It is awful and it hurts but you must respect yourself and not allow anyone to hurt you this way.

He will not change,love does not make people better and you can't make him an honorable person.He is not.

There is a ton of advice on this site to help you get over the relationship.

Number one rule to begin is No Contact!

I've not contacted him for 2 days now, but he hasn't contacted me either, my friends have told him that if he loves me then he will contact me but I've heard nothing and that hurts so bad. The thing that hurts even more is that it is always him in the long run that gets back in touch with me, usually after 12 weeks is the norm for him, then he professes his undying love etc etc and says that he loves and misses me

Im so down and confused, and hate being used by him, he knows I love him and plays on that I'm pretty damn sure of it

Is it me or is it not right to ask an ex to get back together with you and all along you are planning a holiday with another woman ? Even if she is just a friend that's something that a guy really should not be doing right??

I know they have know each other for years and they are getting very cozy latley, my friends have told her that he keeps coming back to me and that the trip with her is just to get back at me but she won't have any of it. So I'm not pushing anymore, she has been told that he is using her and she don't want to listen. The thing that hurts me is that he told me they are just very very good mates but made a suggestion to me that he would like it to lead to more between them. So now I have this pic in my mind (which he probably wants me to have) of them "together" in bed on hol whilst I'm here upset and hurt.

Im thinking of planning a trip to Oz, its what I've always wanted to do, when my friend told this guy that I may be going he wasn't even bothered and didn't ask me to stay.

I suppose I'm better off without him, leave him and her to play happy families and go and see Oz but my heart is breaking

I glad a child wasn't produce and added to this immature mixture of confusion. That idea wasn't a great one.

You should 've been out the door once you heard of him having a girlfriend and should value yourself more. This guy is no good and you knew it but instead of accepting that you deciding to live in denial. Then almost had a planned baby with him.

Glad you woke up and smelled the coffee and hope you stick to your guns and stop this cycle of being on and off again. I mean really! And don't ever consider having a baby with someone that your aren't in a stable relationship with.

Yeah, I knew something wasn't just rght, call it a woman's intuition!! Hence I didn't sleep with him. What really gets my goat is that still to this day he denies being with her when we were together when there's so much proof out there for all too see. His other woman "girlfriend" gave him an iPod and put a certain song on "love song" for him to listen to which I found out as it was written on his wall on Facebook, but he still denies it. He must think I'm a fool, well I am a fool in love at the moment.

The thought of him and this other holiday woman is driving me nuts, I'm trying to keep busy but its so hard.

How can a man tell a woman that he loves and misses her so much and wants to have a baby with her and then the next minute turn round and say that he has changed his mind?? I'm lost for words on this one, I really am, I feel hurt and used and I'm so upset and he is probably at it like rabbits with his friend as I type.

Hi Rooster,

Welcome to AMHD! I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I know how you feel, we have all been there. Honestly, you need to be rid of this guy. He is hurting you and by reading your post, he is also taking advantage of you and the fact that when he is done hanging out with other women, you are always right there for him. Not good, sweetie. You need to be strong, hold your head up, and show him where the door is. You deserve so much better. You need to cut all contact with him, even though it is hard. Go out and do for you, you don't need anyone like this in your life. You are so much better than that.

He knows you're a fool and you prove that point by staying by his side. Ain't that much love in the world and if you think this is love than you need to really research the meaning of that word.

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The thing that hurts even more is that it is always him in the long run that gets back in touch with me, usually after 12 weeks is the norm for him, then he professes his undying love etc etc and says that he loves and misses me

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After he has gone out and sowed his wild oats he come back to old faithful you and you take him back.
All he has to do is say he loves you and you are so in love you accept it.

It will never change.

Are you happy with him just throwing you a bone to keep you satisfied and docile?

I would go get a STD test and tell leave this cheating ,lying man.

You love him. What's to love? A memory or a fantasy you have created of him?

I'm sorry dear for being harsh but you need to wake up and face facts.

What does he have to do to you to get you to stop believing it will change?

This is emotional abuse and you can be a victim or a survivor.The choice is yours.I hope you choose wisely.

I'm not a sill woman I don't think, I stuck by him when I heard of this other woman who lived away as he said it was over and I had no reason not to distrust him. The penny dropped when I found out from this other woman that they were together until Jan, that's when I started to find out lots of other things, like this woman that he is going on holiday with etc etc.
I can't believe he said he loved and missed me when he was at the other woman's house!! What a cheek??

I'm considering going to Oz in may for a month, need to have a different change of scenery

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Originally Posted by artlady

After he has gone out and sowed his wild oats he come back to old faithful you and you take him back.
All he has to do is say he loves you and you are so in love you accept it.

It will never change.

Are you happy with him just throwing you a bone to keep you satisfied and docile?

I would go get a STD test and tell leave this cheating ,lying man.

You love him. Whats to love? A memory or a fantasy you have created of him?

I'm sorry dear for being harsh but you need to wake up and face facts.

What does he have to do to you to get you to stop believing it will change?

This is emotional abuse and you can be a victim or a survivor.The choice is yours.I hope you choose wisely.

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I didn't sleep with him so don't need an STD clinic, thank god I didn't now. How can someone say they love you one day and doubt it the next?? That's not love is it.

I think he gets off on me texting him and telling him that I love him, but lately he has never replied. Im not going to text him anymore, I've not text him/had any contact fwith him for 3 days, its hard but I'm determined not too be seen as a pushover anymore. I think I've had a lucky escape as I could be sat here pregnant and alone rather than just alone and hurting like mad

Thanks all for your advice xxx

Good Girl!

Keep the no contact going. No calls, no e-mails, no texts, NOTHING! Even if he contacts you, IGNORE HIM! I know it will be hard, but you will be so glad that you did. Move on from him, find yourself again, and then you will meet a man who is deserving of your love. Not this guy!

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Good Girl!

Keep the no contact going. No calls, no e-mails, no texts, NOTHING! Even if he contacts you, IGNORE HIM! I know it will be hard, but you will be so glad that you did. Move on from him, find yourself again, and then you will meet a man who is deserving of your love. Not this guy!

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starlite1, thanks, for the past 2 yrs its been a case of contact then we get back together, he hurts me and disapears and it takes me ages to recover, then the same thing happens again. He got in contact with me last Aug because one of our friends died and he wanted to let me know. Im going to try extra hard this time, if/when he contacts me telling me he loves me etc I'm not going to reply.

Ive told him before that I'm changing my number and to contact me if he wants to before I do so and he never does so that speaks volumes, he knows that I won't change my number and he can come crawling back.

It is hard to let go of someone you love, no doubt about that. Even when the odds keep stacking up against you, you are honest enough to admit you still love him regardless.

While on the outside it seems like you should just dump him, but you are having a hard time letting go. Maybe it is because the truth has not yet settled in, and doesn't make sense yet. Each time he comes back he has to be more convincing to get what he wants from you. And if you want to believe him, you will. Liars and cheats are very convincing people. He is also playing the same game with the g/f he is taking on vacation.

You are lucky at the moment that you aren't married to him, and you don't have children with him. Your future would certainly be one of heartbreak. So, you are in a position of being in charge of your own destiny here.

Set the love aside for a moment and think about what you consider a healthy relationship to be. Be selfish- this is your life. You probably want honesty, truth, reliability, respect, consideration, and a solid foundation based on the character and morals and values of your prospective mate. You want somebody that wouldn't ever consider lying, cheating, having women on the side, and treating you with so much disrepect that you doubt yourself and yourself worth.

When a player gets his hooks into you, he does what he does best- plays. To continue to be involved with a man like that, is to consider never having anyone in your life that truly deserves to be loved by you, and that you can truly love in return.

Only you can change things and make them better. Nothing wrong with being fooled by a worthless user, they are smart and know what to say.

To keep letting him fool you, though is ALL your fault, and stupid.

Stop the misery, and pain, by cutting off all contact with him whatsoever, and disappearing from his life, in every way you can.

At least then the healing process can begin, and you can learn to love yourself enough, not to be a fool for your feelings.

It will take time and hard work on your part Rooster, but you know, and we know you can do this and let him go. No contact!! :-)

We are all on your side here.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

It is hard to let go of someone you love, no doubt about that. Even when the odds keep stacking up against you, you are honest enough to admit you still love him regardless.

While on the outside it seems like you should just dump him, but you are having a hard time letting go. Maybe it is because the truth has not yet settled in, and doesn't make sense yet. Each time he comes back he has to be more convincing to get what he wants from you. And if you want to believe him, you will. Liars and cheats are very convincing people. He is also playing the same game with the g/f he is taking on vacation.

You are lucky at the moment that you aren't married to him, and you don't have children with him. Your future would certainly be one of heartbreak. So, you are in a position of being in charge of your own destiny here.

Set the love aside for a moment and think about what you consider a healthy relationship to be. Be selfish- this is your life. You probably want honesty, truth, reliability, respect, consideration, and a solid foundation based on the character and morals and values of your prospective mate. You want somebody that wouldn't ever consider lying, cheating, having women on the side, and treating you with so much disrepect that you doubt yourself and your self worth.

When a player gets his hooks into you, he does what he does best- plays. To continue to be involved with a man like that, is to consider never having anyone in your life that truly deserves to be loved by you, and that you can truly love in return.

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Jake2008, thank you for your reply, my ex told me that he is going on hol with this woman as he is hurting too!? Because he says he keeps telling me he loves me and I don't believe him or won't meet him!! he says that she is just a mate but you never know what may happen. Isn't that a horrible thing to say to me when a day earlier he was telling me he loved and missed me so much. This other woman didn't even know about me and considering they have been friends for yrears I find this hurtful. My friend told her that he is going on hol with her to wind me up and that he is still hurting over me but she don't want to believe anyone but him. He has fed her a pack of lies I bet my botoom dollar.

All this guy does is lie, he builds lie on lies, even his mates don't believe a word he says. I know that even if he did come back to me and we got back together that I could never trust him and what type of relationship would that be without trust??

He had the cheek to turn round to me about 2 weeks ago and say that I don't trust him so he don't think the relationship will work!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Only you can change things and make them better. Nothing wrong with being fooled by a worthless user, they are smart and know what to say.

To keep letting him fool you, though is ALL your fault, and stupid.

Stop the misery, and pain, by cutting off all contact with him whatsoever, and disappearing from his life, in every way you can.

At least then the healing process can begin, and you can learn to love yourself enough, not to be a fool for your feelings.

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I feel a failure and stupid for being taken in by him time and time again, its only through my love for I'm that I do it, or should I say I did. I may go to Oz as that's something I always wanted to do?

Don't beat yourself up, just pick yourself up, put your sneakers on (running shoes) and run like hell away from this guy, and into a new and better, happier life for yourself.

By the way? What is Oz?

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Originally Posted by starlite1

It will take time and hard work on your part Rooster, but you know, and we know you can do this and let him go. No contact!!! :-)

We are all on your side here.

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starlite1, thanks again for your kind words, I'm hurting so much now. Im not coping well at the mo, hence writing on here. Ive lost a lot of weight, I'm 5"10 and weigh just 8 stone at the mo, my ex knows how ill I am and he hasn't got the decency to text me to see if I'm OK and that hurts me so much. But to be honest, from what I'm learning about him I don't know why I expected a text to make sure I was OK

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Don't beat yourself up, just pick yourself up, put your sneakers on (running shoes) and run like hell away from this guy, and into a new and better, happier life for yourself.

By the way? What is Oz?

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Sorry Oz as in Australia, I may go there as its something I've always wanted to do but always put it off xxx

Sweetie, don't let this guy or anyone make you ill. Believe me, I know what you are going through, we have all been there, but you will get through this, and you will meet a great man who will treat you great, and this creep will be a thing of the past. He is a selfish, insensitive, self-centered jerk who doesn't deserve to even be in the same country as you.

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Sweetie, don't let this guy or anyone make you ill. Believe me, I know what you are going through, we have all been there, but you will get through this, and you will meet a great man who will treat you great, and this creep will be a thing of the past. He is a selfish, insensitive, self-centered jerk who doesn't deserve to even be in the same country as you.

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starlite1 you are very kind, I'm trying to eat I really am. I thought that if this guy knew how ill I was that he would coming running back into my arms!! How wrong was I eh?? He hasn't even bothered to get in touch to see if I'm OK. Ive recently had a cancer scare and my ex knew about that too and again he hasn't even text to see if I'm OK and whether the scare was just a scare or the real deal. How nasty can one person be??

Like I said, Rooster, he is heartless, and doesn't give a damn about anyone else but himself. He is a cheat, and a lyer and he has no idea what love is or how to love. You on the other hand know how to love, and there is a man out there who will be deserving of your love.

I'm glad all is well, and that you don't have cancer. Thank God.

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Like I said, Rooster, he is heartless, and doesn't give a damn about anyone else but himself. He is a cheat, and a lyer and he has no idea what love is or how to love. You on the other hand know how to love, and there is a man out there who will be deserving of your love.

I'm glad all is well, and that you don't have cancer. Thank God.

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Thanks starlite1, I just don't understand how a person wouldn't get in touch when I had the scare, even just to see I'm OK? That really has woke me up to the type of person he is. He is not a person I can rely on at all. I just don't understand why I fall for these lines at the time, I'm a highly educated lady with a masters degree, my own house, lots of friends and family etc. Its not like I need him but I love him so so much. I wish I could turn my feelings off. At times I just want to die so the pain will go away

Right at this minute I just want to curl up and die, I'm sure most of you have been in this position and know how I feel. How do you stop the hurting? When will the pain go away? When will I stop thinking of him? And then him and this other woman together ? I just hope I'm strong enough to get through this horrible time

I know, it is the worst feeling in the world. But, you will get through this, it will take time. You just have to remember how he treated you, the cheating and not being there for you. Stay strong and know you will find someone better soon.

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Originally Posted by starlite1

I know, it is the worst feeling in the world. But, you will get through this, it will take time. You just have to remember how he treated you, the cheating and not being there for you. Stay strong and know you will find someone better soon.

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Thanks starlite1, he is blaming my friends saying that they interfered and that's why he don't want to get back with me?? When I found out he was back friends with his ex who lived away I text him and asked him about it, he never replied to my texts!!

He has to lay blame on someone or something because he obviously isn't man enough to take responsibility for his own actions and horrible behavior towards you. Do not sit around and wait for this guy to contact you. And if by chance he does, ignore him. Show him that you are strong, and that you don't need him in your life, because you really don't.

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Originally Posted by starlite1

He has to lay blame on someone or something because he obviously isn't man enough to take responsibilty for his own actions and horrible behavior towards you. Do not sit around and wait for this guy to contact you. And if by chance he does, ignore him. Show him that you are strong, and that you don't need him in your life, because you really don't.

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Thanks starlite1, what gets me is the fact that he has been caught out and just won't put his hands up and admit it!! If he had said yes I was wrong and I want to change then maybe it would make this feel a bit better for me. Instead he said he didn't cheat and when he was found out he ignored my texts and ran off.. gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr

Yes, he is a heartless coward! GRRRR is right. I'd like to tell this son of a B*&^% a thing or two LOL!

What hurts is that he had the cheek to put it all back on me, that it was my friends that had caused him to walk away!! All they did was question him to why he treated me like s%$t all the time. He just couldn't handle it and told them too tell me tha he didn't want to get back together, the day before he was asking me to give him another go and that he loved and missed me!?

That is such crap on his part. He is a loser, he doesn't have a clue to what love is and he doesn't know the meaning of respect. You will see the light soon, and you will sooo glad that you are rid of him, believe me. You may not see it right now, but you will. He is no man, that is for sure.

I thought it sounded like crap and was starting to blame myself and my friends, then realised that he is just trying too turn the tables round on me I think.

It just hurts like mad when I think of him with someone else, but I'm finally coming to the point to realise that they are welcome to him and his lying ways, he was really bringing me down and making me think it was all my fault

Ah yes, because he is the manipulative type. And just know that none of this is your fault.

I feel an idiot, he is probably laughing at me behind my back with this other woman and that hurts so much. The thing that hurts as well, is that I bet my bottom dollar that he gets back in touch in the next few months, when the dust has settled and he think he can give me the smooth lines.

I asked him why we keep coming back together and he said that it was because we love each other??

Do not let somebody use you.

"If this one goes, I have somebody else in waiting"

Guilty I am.

Be wise, stay away !

I just wanted to say thanks for all the comments and advice. Im just hurting so much right now, all I want to do is go to bed and not wake up and that scares me. I don't want to feel like this over a loser guy but can't seem to help it