I hope some of you could give me advice about the situation I'm currently in. I ve been with my boyfriend on and off for approx 18 months, he comes in and out of my life when he pleases you see. One day he says that he loves me and then another he says he don't know if he loves me in that way or just as a friend.

He is always texting me asking me to get back with him, telling me he loves me and misses me so much, but then I found out he is meeting other woman off myspace??

Some days he will text me a lot, the next he won't text me at all or even reply to my texts?? He blows hot and cold on me for no reason at all.

I just don't know what to do, I love the guy to bits

We are both in our late 20's I forgot to mention, I do love the guy but feel used a lot of the time, I think he tells me what I want to hear. My friends have tried playing match maker with no avail, they say to him that he needs to talk to me as I'm thinking of moving abroad and hey presto I hear nothing from him??

He said that I'm his soul mate and that he loves me so much but his actions don't match up to his words,

If he's not sure if he loves you at any moment of your relationship, then it's time to break up, nor matter how many times he apologizes or tells you how much he loves afterwards.

If you love someone, you wouldn't have that kind of a doubt, even when you are angry with them. But that's just my opinion.

My friends say to him do you want to get back together with her (me) and he said no, then sais well yes, my friend said that you can't love me if you are unsure and he replied that he was angry and didn't mean it.

He was asking me to get back with him so many times and I said I couldn't meet him, I just had this gut feeling that he wasn't sure what he wanted and that I was going to get hurt again when he decides to walk away again in the future. Now he is being all stand off ish and this makes me realise that I really do love him but just can't trust him.

I know that without trust there is no relationship, but I love him so much

I forgot to mention that I told him I was thinknig of moving to Oz and he text me back and said "have fun"!! I was really really hoping that he would turn round and say that I love you??

He blames my mates for our separation, he says that they interfere too much and that he has had enough and don't want to get involved because of them. But surely if he loved me then he would want to be with me regardless of my interfering mates. I think that he is just using my friends as an excuse, I'm just unsure of so much at the mo

To answer your question "why is my ex treating me like this" is simply, because you're allowing him too. You need to break the contact with him, as hard as it may be it's for the best. I just posted a NC rules and FAQ which could help(shameless plug) and you will find out that he is more damaging than helpful.

Wow he's really insecure about his feelings for you. I have no idea whether it's an excuse or not, but you two definitely have a communication breakdown.

I know that you still love him, but sometimes, even though you love the other person, they might not be right for you.

I can tell you that I still really care about my ex and I only wish her happiness. But we're just not right for each other and I had to break up with her. Regardless of my feelings for her, our personalities clash and we're better off as friends.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

To answer your question "why is my ex treating me like this" is simply, because you're allowing him too. You need to break the contact with him, as hard as it may be it's for the best. I just posted a NC rules and FAQ which could help(shameless plug) and you will find out that he is more damaging than helpful.

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Romefalls19, I love him so much, he was asking me to get back together only 1 week ago then a day later he told my friend he didn't want to get back together. He comes in and out of my life, he will get back in contact every 3 months or so and I stupidly go back. He is now taunting me with a female friend of his. I found out that they were friends and he told me that they were planning a trip together, I said to him why are you asking me to become your girldfriend again and planning a trip away with this "friend", he said that they were only friends, but at the end of the text said "but you nenver know what may come of it " I justcant believe that a guy that is supposed to love me would turn round and say such a spiteful and horrible thing when he knows I love him

He doesn't love you, plain and simple. It is time for you to wake up and smell the roses. You DO NOT deserve to be treated like this, however YOU let him get away with it. Quit giving him the pleasure of YOUR reaction, and erase him from your life. You have bigger and better things to tend to, in time, and karma will catch up with this guy. The way he treats you, that is just classless. Time to cut him out, completely, and get on with your life. Don't be a puppy dog just waiting for a bone. Kick his a$$ off the porch!

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Originally Posted by WHYME99

romefalls19, i love him so much, he was asking me to get back together only 1 week ago then a day later he told my friend he didnt want to get back together. He comes in and out of my life, he will get back in contact every 3 months or so and i stupidly go back. He is now taunting me with a female friend of his. I found out that they were friends and he told me that they were planning a trip together, i said to him why are you asking me to become your girldfriend again and planning a trip away with this "friend", he said that they were only friends, but at the end of the text said "but you nenver know what may come of it " I justcant believe that a guy that is supposed to love me would turn round and say such a spiteful and horrible thing when he knows i love him

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Wow, I was leaning towards giving him the benefit of the doubt, since you say you love him so much. But that's definitely over the top.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

He doesn't love you, plain and simple. It is time for you to wake up and smell the roses. You DO NOT deserve to be treated like this, however YOU let him get away with it. Quit giving him the pleasure of YOUR reaction, and erase him from your life. You have bigger and better things to tend to, in time, and karma will catch up with this guy. The way he treats you, that is just classless. Time to cut him out, completely, and get on with your life. Don't be a puppy dog just waiting for a bone. Kick his a$$ off of the porch!

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kctiger to hear the words HE Don't LOVE YOU PLAIN AND SIMPLE, hurts so much but I know your right. I feel like he can use the words I LOVE YOU all day long, there does not feel any meaning when he uses them, like he could say them to anyone, he has told me in the past that he feels that he don't have any emotions and maybe this is why he can say I love you one day and goodbye the next.

I could never say to someone that I love them without really meaning it first. I ve just text him and said that his actions speak volumes and that I have tried but it takes 2 to work, I've wished him the best and signed off. I t was the hardest thing for me to do, he probably won't even text me for another 3 months now and that hurts so much

His actions speak louder than his words. I know it hurts, but don't allow yourself to become a victim to his games. You deserve better than that, MUCH better than that.

Refer to NC Rules and FAQ (Rome) for ideas and motivation. You can do this and put an end to the misery you are letting him put you through.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

His actions speak louder than his words. I know it hurts, but don't allow yourself to become a victim to his games. You deserve better than that, MUCH better than that.

Refer to NC Rules and FAQ (Rome) for ideas and motivation. You can do this and put an end to the misery you are letting him put you through.

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I know it's the right thing to do kctiger, why would he want to try and hurt me by saying that something may develop with this girl on there trip?? How could he be that cruel when he knows how I feel? Ive lost over a stone in weight and he don't seem to care one bit, the stress is making me so ill,

You have a lot of questions, but I have one myself.

Why are you letting him play mind games with you??

That's not love or caring by him, so why are you letting your feelings give you such false hope??

You think he will change, but he won't.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have a lot of questions, but I have one myself.

Why are you letting him play mind games with you???

Thats not love or caring by him, so why are you letting your feelings give you such false hope???

You think he will change, but he wont.

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Have to spread reputation.

Exactly my thought. I know this will sound hard, but it doesn't matter how he treats you anymore, it's clear that he doesn't love you. So that's all you really need to know.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have a lot of questions, but I have one myself.

Why are you letting him play mind games with you???

Thats not love or caring by him, so why are you letting your feelings give you such false hope???

You think he will change, but he wont.

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talaniman, you have just reminded me of a thing he said to my friend the other day, he turned round to her and said I'm good at playing mind games as I've had 29 of practice?? Surely that's not something to be bragged about is it? Is it normal for a guy to brag about that ?

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I wish;1621767]Have to spread reputation.

Exactly my thought. I know this will sound hard, but it doesn't matter how he treats you anymore, it's clear that he doesn't love you. So that's all you really need to know.

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I have very low self confidence through all of this, I feel that its my fault that he don't love me, that it is a fault on my part even though I've done nothing but love and care for him. I think that I've failed because he don't love me anymore

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Originally Posted by WHYME99

I have very low self confidence through all of this, I feel that its my fault that he dont love me, that it is a fault on my part even though ive done nothing but love and care for him. I think that ive failed because he dont love me anymore

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You should not feel that way at all. It's NOT your fault. You can't force love onto someone.

Cheer up. You seem like a really nice girl and you don't deserve to be with a guy who talks like that. You deserve better!

Let me get this straight: You blame yourself for this guy being such a low class loser?
That is unfair to you, and it takes all the responsibility away from him. You are responsible for your actions, and that is it. Quit letting him string you along...

He's giving you the low self confidence. It obviously sounds like he doesn't know what he wants right now, and it sounds like you do. It time to hang up the towel and move on to someone who will care for you, and treat you right. The longer you hope for him to come around, the longer you're getting your hopes up. It's time to move on, I know it's eaiser said then done but you'll be thankful you did in the long run. Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by I wish

You should not feel that way at all. It's NOT your fault. You can't force love onto someone.

Cheer up. You seem like a really nice girl and you don't deserve to be with a guy who talks like that. You deserve better!

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First of all I wanted to say thank you all for taking the time to answer my problem, I really appreciate all your help and advice.

I know its wrong but it feels like "he has won" even though its not a game, he probably thinks it is knowing him. Im 5 foot 10 and weigh 8 stone at the mo, I'm not eating or sleeping while this guy puts it about with this woman. I try hard not to think of them on there little "trip" without wanting to rip his head off if I'm honest. I feel so used and hurt, like they are both laughing at my behind my back, I just want to die so the pain is over for good

It is very clear that this person likes (or enjoys) you, but does not -- at this point -- LOVE you.

Simply put: If you love someone, yopu do not merely WANT them -- you are also afraid to lose them out of your life.

YOU have to decide whether you can accept the terms of the relationship he has designed, in which he has access to your company, but is uncommitted to you in any meaningfull fashion. Obviously, you want more. You have to decide if getting-what-you-are-getting is ENOUGH FOR YOU TO LIVE WITH. Be honest with him, tell hime you want more commttment. IN HIS ACTIONS AND ATTITUDE. Perhaps he cannot give you that.

This has happened to me. I love a woman very deeply. She says she loves me, and tells me I am very important to her. However, she does not BEHAVE as if I am VERY important to her.

This is KEY. Mere words are not enough -- ACTIONS must reflect the sentiments expressed in the words, or the sentiments expressed in the words are not truly THERE, in any meaningfull sense.

Speaking for mysel, I have told her that I love her, and always will, but that I need more from her (actions) than I am getting, and have (after many months of a fun and meaningfull, but NOT emotionally satisfying) time removed myself from her life. I have walked away, and she knows where to reach me if she wants to make a change in the terms of our relationship.

The key is deciding whether what you are getting is so far short of what you NEED, that you are willing to risk losing what you have.

Good Luck.

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Originally Posted by WHYME99

we are both in our late 20's I forgot to mention, I do love the guy but feel used alot of the time, I think he tells me what I want to hear. My friends have tried playing match maker with no avail, they say to him that he needs to talk to me as im thinking of moving abroad and hey presto I hear nothing from him ???

He said that im his soul mate and that he loves me so much but his actions dont match upto his words,

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He has conflicting feelings. More than likely he's telling you the truth when he says he loves you and all that stuff, but he probably thinks it ain't right in one way or another. If he really didn't want you, he wouldn't say anything.

Forget what he says, and disappear from his life.

His actions say if you concede to his wishes he may give you time, but for now, he has better things to do. His words are meant to confuse you and keep you miserable, worrying about him and what he is doing.

Trust me, when I say cutting all contact with him, and not listening to another of his BS player comments, will not only let you get over the false hope, guilt that really is not yours, but the misery, and confusion your in.

Then you can see the better options, and opportunities, that are out there for you to be really happy with yourself, and leave loser boy where he belongs, in your past.

Don't let him train you to accept his disrespect, and bad behavior.

You should definitely read this:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...123862-29.html

It cannot be said any better.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Who cares if he's conflicted? Run for your life.

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Well, let's see why she'd care

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Originally Posted by WHYME99

I just dont know what to do, I love the guy to bits

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Any problem's possible to solve when you know what the problem is.

Athanku.