Hey Rome - should put something in there about "What to do with your ex's things". I know we get that question a lot here.
Good stuff so far though bud :)
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Hey Rome - should put something in there about "What to do with your ex's things". I know we get that question a lot here.
Good stuff so far though bud :)
Thanks! I will do that right now
This is excellent, Rome!
Hey Rome,
I would add a sentence to say something about this site/forum too!
Perhaps I am not seeing this, but if they stumble onto this thread, there is no need to add a sentence regarding this site... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
Perhaps it would be nice to include "Proof" story links... like a link to your story, Sneeze, and some others I am forgetting...
Just rattling off ideas here..
Ah! Good idea Kc, proof that it works ha ha
I'm guessing that this applies to people that we never dated before, but really like?
Ummm... no... this applies to an ex... it is a break up situation...
Umm... OK... but you guys started this idea in my thread.
It is an all around way to get over someone. Emotional detox, a way to be able to detach yourself from another person emotionally.
1. No contact means NO CONTACT, don't call write, email, text or message them
a. It's a hard thing to do, it's an emotional detox and takes a lot of work
Step ahead of you bro. It's tough work, whether it's someone you dated or someone you really like
Some quotes that I found inspirational through NC. :D
"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt myself putting it back together"
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
"I don't miss her. I miss who I thought she was."
I have quotes posted all over my room that helped me get through the pain. I feel those are some of the best things to help surround you with positive thinking.
Good
They will, I repeat THEY WILL try to contact you eventually.
This brilliant advice.
They will, I repeat THEY WILL try to contact you eventually-.I don't think this is true for everyone. Some people go different ways and contact is cut for good.
They will, I repeat THEY WILL try to contact you eventually-.I don't think this is true for everyone. Some people go different ways and contact is cut for good.[/QUOTE]
Yep, I agree. Some ex's try to contact us, some don't. ACTUALLY I THINK MOST OF THEM DON'T. When sb dumped you, it was their own intention to stop their contact with you. So why would they try to get back? Either they think they made a mistake and that they really do love and miss you (after getting TIME to MISS you), or they're true jerks/es who want their cake and eat it too (in case they dumped you for sb else).
Actually, the NC isn't about them, it's about US, things that help us move forward. In my case, NC is for 2 reasons
1. I want to ERASE them from my life. Being haunted by the good times and the fact that we can't have that anymore is a soul killer.
2. Instead of driving myself nuts waiting for their emails/contacts on the net, I just block them COS I DON'T Want to KNOW Whether THEY'RE TRYING TO CONTACT ME. THE THOUGHT OF THEM NOT EVEN CARING ABOUT ME JUST DRIVES ME INSANE. SO I'D RATHER NOT KNOW.
Unfortunately, we can't block calls on our mobiles (or can we? I don't know, maybe some tech genius out there know how), so I think your strategies are pretty good, along with your strategies in case you study or work with them (in which case I think would be the hardest).
But I'd like to add about the net. Deleting them from your list doesn't help because they can still contact you. YOU HAVE TO BLOCK AND DELETE THEM. You can do that on Facebook, msn, skype, and other online social networking systems. And now YOU CAN EVEN BLOCK EMAILS. DON'T PUT THE ADDRESSES AS SPAMS COS THEY CAN STILL COME UP (AS SPAMS).
Blocking them from your social sites is a good idea, but seldom does it happen, erasing them from your friends list is a good start, the main problem the people have with their ex's page is that they look at their status updates(tells what they are doing) and getting either hope or discouraged from it.
Very rare do we have someone who actually blocks them on myspace or Facebook, also with e-mail addresses, SPAM is just like deleting their e-mail accounts as most web based e-mail have folders for spam and you won't even notice.
About the whole them not contacting you, 95% of the people on here can attest to their ex trying to get in touch with them after the break up. KC, myself, Sneezy, A4 and countless others, so it does hold true for 95% of them.
I changed my phone number. I think it depends on the determination of some people to just be done with this. After countless times of causing myself more and more pain, I finally just changed everything to where whe COULD NOT contact me.
You can literally erase someone from your life if you are determined to do so. You can also block numbers from your cell phone, it is VERY easy. All you do is contact your cell phone provider (of course, that doesn't stop them from contacting you on an unknown number).
Exactly, but my point was, most will try to contact you eventually which seems pretty well stated by the amount of posters "she called me, what does it mean" questions.
A matter of odds... the odds are HIGH, very HIGH that your ex will contact you, especially if you dated for longer than a year or so..
My ex called or emailed me a couple times. The first couple of times, I had that confused, "Oh, maybe she wants me back" syndrom going... she most recently sent me a text three weeks ago, and no confusion or false hope jumped in my head... this is kind of where you truly realize you are doing good, and you are moving forward!
Umm, I didn't know 95% of people here got contacts from their ex's, but maybe the rate here is high because this is a Q&A forum and most people asking questions here face complications in their relationships, don't you think so?
In my case, ONLY ONE ex contacted me, 4 months after the break, because one of his longterm ex died in a car crash and he felt like he didn't have anyone else to talk to but me. I didn't pick up the call or call back though (sadly I remember his number by heart even till now). But I did call him 4 months after that call (8 months after the break) to tell him I was moving to Europe, that was when he told me about his previous call. He wished me luck and bon voyage. A year later I called him (from Europe) crying my heart out that my new guy dumped me. I think we're one of the few who can stay friends.
Yeah, I agree that the longterm ones can't be cut so easily. Maybe the fact that other ex's never contacted me was because it was always short term (less than a year) and also because I move around for my job so a longterm one is hard to keep.
Or maybe because I often came across as harsh and mean. One ex screwed up for being blindly jealous. I told him he's stupid and immature and dumped him. He never contacted me again. Another ex dumped me because he was afraid of going the next level, I threw stuff at him and kept ing whenever I saw him (we shared the same dorm). When I moved out, we never kept contact again until a year later. He later admitted that he was scared of me.
That's right Hathor!
The people in this thread have common problems and we reflect a small percentage of the entire population. Maybe it's true, maybe it's 99% vs. 1%, but either way, I think it's more objective to say "if they call" instead of "when they call" to cover everyone.
But the Guideline isn't showing any bias anyway, so I think we're fine.
Hathor to be honest, you come off as having a temper problem. Calling a guy you date names and then another throwing stuff at him? But that's neither here nor there, maybe if I get enough people saying I need to change it I will, but for now I'm going with the majority.
I think it depends on the person, if they decide that they want to be friends or not. Personally I think if the ex's feel that the friendship was good then there is a possibility that they will get back in contact.
I don't have much experience with Ex's! But I agree with Hathor, its more likely because it's a Q&A Forum that the rate is so high.
Every girl I have dated has tried to contact me in some way or another after we broke up. For some it took months, others a couple weeks but still tried apologizing to me for how it all happened and wanted to be friends.
I am not sure why it matters. Whether "if" or "when" is in there isn't the point. Seriously, this is meant to help, arguing over semantics really isn't going to do anything. The entire point of this thread is to help others get over their emotionally damaged state of mind and come to a firm grasp of reality... am I missing something?
That's what I'm trying to figure out, obviously the mods thought highly enough of this post to make it a sticky, so I'm going to go with their advice ha ha.
Yes your right. Sorry I just thought id point it out. It doesn't matter really if they do get in contact. Because NC will heal you and by then you won't care!Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Yeah I know I have a temper problem, trying to change, but not very successful so far :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Anyway, I'm not always hot-tempered during dating/relationships and I've never done anything (so) stupid, it's just that on the verge of breaking up, I was trying to protect myself by letting anger rather than grieve consume me. You're an expert, so I think you know this angry phase very well. As I suggested in the previous post, we can also block their contacts as well not just deleting, and I tend to go all the way, cutting all ties, deleting sms/emails/photos, throwing out stuff (except the expensive ones). And it did help me a lot.
Actually, I've managed to block all communication means with ALL my ex's. I just moved to another country (again) so I have a new number. I don't have myspace. I don't use MSN anymore. I've blocked all of their emails and their contact lists on Facebook and skype.
The initial purpose was to help me heal. And now I'm healed ;-) but I still need to continue blocking them for my own comfort zone. Actually I still remember some of their numbers and emails, so I can contact them whenever I need to (even if I don't remember I can still search on white pages or sth). I know it's extreme, but we have our own ways, right?
Oh, also count my vote for 'if' ;-)
Blocking all communication is good. Same with me. No Facebook, a new msn addy, new phone number. All this helped. I didn't do this till three months after the break up after torturing myself with being in contact. This is not the way to go. If I cut contact straight away I would have been three months ahead of the healing process.
Does No Contact apply to the ''Let's take a break and be friends'' situation also or is it just for break-ups only.
I consider taking a break a break up. No contact is perfect for that situation as well. Just about everyone on this forum will agree that taking a break results in a break up.
Good job Rome.
I always like the question,when can we be friends?
I like Tals advice about waiting until the emotional dust settles.
Hope you can fit it in somewhere.
I got to think that the most important part of Rome's post is the last part, with stories of hope. To me, when you come on this website, in particular this topic area, you see NOTHING but horror stories of being dumped and all the things that go with it. The people that give advice, a lot of us now reformed after having our heart broken, are assumed to not really know how it feels... it is almost as if the person with their heart broken feels like we are all wise beyond our years and don't know what they are going through..
So... it does good to see specific people doing well, especially when you have links have how bad we all were doing once upon a time. Mix in a little proof of success with some devastating feelings, and you should eventually get hope...
Just a meaningless rant...
Ha ha, that's one of the main reasons I stuck around, because I knew that what I learned from this site needed to be passed on. So I have stuck around, and will continue to do so. It gives me comfort to see that I am helping people who are going through some of the most difficult times of their life.
Well guys, I have to admit, I am going trough this right now, and it's hell. I need your help. I am counting the days and weeks and sometimes I look at the pictures we took on our last trip when she started to act cold and distant. I am trying to understand what went wrong, regardless I know she was not putting in the effort to save the relationship, I still feel guilt, frustration and anger.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Only natural my friend. First things first... place the pics somewhere away that isn't easily accessible. NC means no pics too.
I put the pics on an external usb drive, believe it or not there is actually a picture that helps me get over her. She had this thing about being taller than me that really bothered her. She was 5'9 and I'm 5'11, in this pic she looks taller and not physicly attractive or physicly compatible with me. She also never wore her her high heel shoes when we were together.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I look forward to the future and my next relationship I wish to find a more petite woman, I am a romantic guy and I like to be able to pick up my woman in my arms and carry her.
This is probably wired in my brain or geneticly programmed. No offense to the talll girls out there, I am sure you tall girls feel weird too when your man is shorter.
So one thing to check early is are you compatible and can you deal with the incompatibilities, can you just walk pass them or will they cause constant headaches and just add to the reasons of breaking up in the future.
What do you think KC ?
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