Hello, I'm going to give you a brief rundown on what happened.
Im a 27 single male who is confused on what to do. Was dating a girl for close to 2 years as well. Here's the story.
In October of 2008 I started experiencing symptoms of depression, though I could see nothing was wrong with me. I had a great girlfriend, good job, etc. Though my girlfriend and my family noticed I was sleeping more, my moods were changing, and they figured I was getting depressed but didn't know why?

December roles around and my girlfriends friends tell her I'm cheating on her (they heard a name similar to mine associated with a girl, wrong accusation) and we start fighting like crazy. I end up breaking down and telling her that I don't want to deal with bs like this anymore. We end up not speaking for 3 weeks and I go to a therapist because I wanted to see what was wrong with me. They diagnosed me with a chemical imbalance and gave me a prescription medicine and my girlfriend and I got back together. That's when things really started to change.

By the 3rd week on the medication I was acting different, I was extremely moody, crying all the time, and pushing everyone away. My girlfriend and I were OK one second and then I would blow up on her the next for doing something that I didn't like. By the end of February my prescription ran out and for 4 days I was fine... back to normal and my girlfriend and I were happy. She didn't understand it but she happy I was myself again. Then I refilled the prescription. It happened all over again. We had a huge fight over something that could have been resolved with a simple ""I'm sorry, I love you" but things were said on both parts and I told her over the phone that "I would cut my throat if she didn't listen to me." I didn't have a knife to my throat but she thought I did. She decided that she wanted to end it because we were constantly fighting and she couldn't take it anymore, and wanted to move on with her life because she wanted to be happy. We haven't talked since (21 days.)

I go back to my doctor and find out that I was becoming more depressed using the medication (never heard that before but I did some research and it was true.) He prescribed me a new medication and now I feel fine. I feel like my life is balanced out. Now I'm wondering on what to do with my ex-girlfriend? I did send her flowers the day I found out and wrote the note "I'm sorry for the past couple months but respect your decision. I lost focus on who I was and let "this" effect our relationship. I hope you are well." Her response was "Thank you for the flowers and respecting my decision, I will always love you."

I have given her space and time to think but does anyone think I should even try to give it a shot. I know she must have felt so hurt and unloved and I left her to fend for herself emotionally. I don't know what to do. I love her, respect her, appreciate who she is, but I didn't show it that well while I was going through this. I don't think she will contact me first.

Please any help I get would be great.
Thank you for reading this.
Gerry

Well you acted out because of the medication you was takening at the time. It flooding you different emotions and lead to your detachment from your girldriend let alone life.

I can understand even though you was going through a rough time she was going through a hard time trying to understand and accept it. Maybe if she would have been educated a little more regarding what you was going through and the side effects from your meds it might have help her. Regardless, it is hard to see someone you care about go through this and sometimes it get frustrating and takes a lot of energy to deal with. But she did try to stick in there with you.

The only thing you can do right now is respect her decision and give her her space as requested. She might be trying to sort things out and that includes her feelings for you.

I don't know if the two is going wind up back together and don't want to give you false hope but in these situations you never know what can happen or what the outcome can be because it's tricky. The only thing I can tell you is to take care of yourself so you won't have a relapse of emotions. Learn how to cope without her.

Hi Gerry,

I too am on medication for depression and before the meds I would cry a lot, lash out emotionally to people and was driving everyone around me who loved me crazy. I know what you are going through, believe me, I have been there. You can either grant her more space, or perhaps hand write her a letter explaining that the meds where causing you to act the way you were, and now that you are on different ones, you are feeling and doing much better. Explain everything, and ask her to dinner to talk. It couldn't hurt. A handwritten letter will also show that you took the time to sit down gather your thoughts and compose this. It is also romantic. If she says no to dinner, then you should move on. But if she says yes, well then you can talk with her in person.

Thank you for your responses.

I do want to mention that she also went through a hard couple of months where I was there for her completely. Though they weren't as bad like the ones I put her through I was still there for all her tears and emotional heartache. She was hating her job and snapping @ me every second she could. I still stayed by her side and didn't fight with her whatsoever.

Everyone always says "No Contact" is the key, but what if you had a stubborn girlfriend? She's 28 and I know she wants to be loved but I don't want to push her away.

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she couldn't take it anymore, and wanted to move on with her life because she wanted to be happy. We haven't talked since (21 days.)

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"Thank you for the flowers and respecting my decision, I will always love you."

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Respect her decision, and leave her alone. It really is that simple. Just do as she asked.

Threads merged

If the woman still loves you, does it work? Even if you weren't under control of your problems (chemical imbalance, wrong medication, made it worse.)

Any experience in here?

She doesn't play the No Contact game. Either you contact her or you never hear from her again.

Could you maybe explain a little more? I'm not sure how bad the things you did were, it might work, or it might not.

And who broke up with who? And why?

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Originally Posted by roxypox

could you maybe explain a little more? I'm not sure how bad the things you did were, it might work, or it might not.

and who broke up with who? and why?

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Read this thread then respond in this one.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ip-331626.html

I will do that, but I didn't know that you've posted about this earlier...

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Originally Posted by roxypox

i will do that, but I didn't know that you've posted about this earlier....

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Sorry about that, I'm just trying to right my wrongs

Listen, I think you should respect her decision and give her space. She might find it nice if you wrote her that letter, but You did send her the flowers... and the note and she responded. And thanked you for respecting her decision.

No problem.

Maybe you should ask about this in the other thread, if no one else responds to this one...

Best of luck!

You can see how confusing it is to post another question on the same subject. Thats why the post have been merged to stop the confusion.

I think writing the note will help you vent your feelings, but mailing it to her is a very bad idea. Write it, and burn it.

Sorry guy, better look ahead, and not back.

Merged threads

So recently my ex and I broke things off because of my chemical imbalance, the medication I was taking gave me horrible side effects and she couldn't handle it anymore. She told me she was going to always love me but move on with her life. I ended up getting better and
I haven't contacted her since.
So 3 weeks have gone by and my friend calls me and says "You know your ex is on a dating website." SO he forwards me the link and I read what she wanted in a mate, and everything she wants is what I was giving her and the look of the type of guy she wanted was a carbon copy of myself.

SO now what do I in this situation? Everyone keeps saying no contact but obviously she's looking to replace "me" with "me."

Shouldn't I just try and get her back?

No.. obviously there was a problem, and you two didn't work out. It's now time for you to move on and find somebody else.

Stick with what your doing and find a better partner for you.

She left you because of a medical problem I don't know about other peole but if someone is going to leave you when you are in that state then go looking for someone like you its wrong.

She wants someone like you OK good yea but the question you haft to ask yourself is will she be there for you I mean she left when you were down what makes you think she won't do it again.

Move on with your life and find a woman who wants you for you and won't leave you when things are not ogin well.

In the end all we can give you is advice the choice is yours I just hope you make the right one for you

There is a very good reason we say stay off those social network pages, because everything we see either confuses us, or gives us false hope.

We also suggest you tell your close friends, to not be go betweens, or look out scouts, for her business.

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Originally Posted by phoenix1664

She left you because of a medical problem i dont know about other peole but if someone is going to leave you when you are in that state then go looking for someone like you its wrong.

She wants someone like you ok good yea but the question you haft to ask yourself is will she be ther for you i mean she left when you were down what makes you think she wont do it again.

move on with your life and find a woman who wants you for you and wont leave you when things are not ogin well.

In the end all we can give you is advice the choice is yours i just hope you make the right one for you

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It wasn't even that bad, I had a negative reaction on the medicine my doctor gave me originally, I did have some major mood swings but never once put her down, or laid a hand on her, I would just blow up about something, then get really quiet and want to be alone for a little bit.

She can't handle pressure whatsoever. I was the rock in that relationship. I was there when the same thing happened to her, she got put on medication and I was there for her and the beginning was bad but I stayed cause I loved her. She got better and I maintained being the rock until it hit me.

She wasn't perfect either, had some issues (trust, insecurity) because of her past relationships, and wasn't responsible whatsoever.

Could it be a possibility that she used this period of your relationship as a way to make up her mind and get out of the relationship?

But It does seem that no matter why she decided to break up, if she does come to a decision that she wants you back (specifically you and not some version of you that she found on a dating site... then she'll prob tell you don't you think, when she realizes it) That's NOT to say that you should go around thinking about that, or waiting and hoping for it. B/c she seems to have made up her mind...

It does seem like the info you got about and on the dating site might have filled you with some false hope and that really is the worst kind of hope.

Maybe it is time to try working on letting her go and working through what ever pain you are feeling. B/c the truth is.. the two of you did break up and she appreciates that you respects her decision... if she has moved on, maybe you should as well... this will most likely NOT be good for you in the long run.

Threads merged

And this is all it said
"You proved that i stand corrected."

I have no idea what that means.

Anyone know what that means? Or if there is a little meaning to it.

You proved that she was wrong?

Ignore and delete. I don't care what stupid saying my ex emails me, it would be deleted, especially if it was as ambiguous as this is...

No need to open a can of old worms. Of course, you could email her back with another witty saying... "What goes up, must come down." Just sayin'... :cool:

I have no clue, and maybe this is something you should leave alone. No point worrying over it.

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

You proved that she was wrong??

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If this is what it means then I guess I am happy on the situation. I didn't want to prove a point to her but I just knew that I wasn't the wrong one in our relationship.

Well there you go. I guess she expected you to know what she meant by this short e-mail. It may been ambiguous an strange, but maybe she guessed you'd understand it... and seems like you do, so all good... no need to respond to her.

Her cryptic message is a way for her to get back to you and open up a line of communication.

Delete it, and add her address to the SPAM filter. Therefore this messages will no longer be allowed to plague your mind

She wants to be in contact with you. She's sending you a confusing email because you most likely will respond, asking for clarification OR you don't respond but she doesn't feel like an idiot because she didn't send you an email that absolutely requires a response such as "hey, how have you been?", if you ignored an email like that, she would've felt completely rejected. With the email she has sent you, she's not putting herself completely out there or admitting to missing you, she is trying to seem like she is simply stating a small fact for your information, nothing too heavy... the irony is that she wants to open the lines of communication to a subject that is quite heavy.

Or perhaps email her back and say, "The ducks have conquered the turtles.

My interpretation of the email is. Maybe the reason you guys broke up in the first place, she probably gave you some reason, like your not affectionate, or you don't try hard enough or something along that lines and since you stopped contacting her, I think she is trying to tell you that she was right the whole time because you didn't prove her wrong.

I think its something along those lines and just like isneeze said, she wants to reopen communication which means she still cares. To what degree? I don't know maybe friendship? Or wants to get back together? Regardless, going back is just going to bring more hurt I think.

Its funny cause when I did try contacting her in the month of March she blew up on me. So I decided to stick with NC. It's been close to a month since we last talked. Though in the last month I have improved my life (New Job making 15 grand more a year, buying a condo in a couple weeks, went back to training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu again (doing it for 2 years, when I met her I stopped to focus on her.) I just feel really good.

Though I feel good, I do miss her, and still love her but I don't have that anxiety every morning when I wake up now. I'm content on being alone and just doing what I am doing. It's a shame though, I have to figure out what to do with this engagement ring I bought for her before we broke up...

I hope everyone is doing OK on these boards.

Everyone that I have asked this question too has said the following "she knows she messed up, she wants to get back together." Now I just have to decide if I want to try again.

Yah ever since I broke up I have so much time to pick up stuff I left like the piano and guitar for my ex because she wants all my time but now I have so much time to do what I like even though I still miss her too. But I feel betrayed and I can't get back with her even though I want to. Anyway its awesome to hear you're doing better. But yah it takes a while to get over a break up so there will be always ups and down and we just got to keep living our life.

As for the engagement ring. If it hurts you to see it and it brings back memories of when you guys were together, I saw get rid of it and sell it. If you find a new girl, I'm sure you wouldn't want to give her that ring because it wasn't meant for her.

As for her, its really up to you if you want to take her back just know that if you do be very cautious. If she left you once before, she wouldn't have any problems leaving again and after all the hurt it caused you I'm not sure if you think its worth it anymore. Good Luck =P - none12345

Yeah I mean I couldn't get out of bed for 3 weeks almost after we first broke up. I cried like a baby, it was awesome. I lost close to 30 pounds all together (which I didn't need to lose, I was 5'10 139 when I started gaining my weight back.)

Though Just having fun is what I tried and did do. I went out with my guy friends and made a whole new network of friends in a weekend. I started dating again, but just to get out of the house and meet new people. Which I tell you works wonders for yourself esteem.

The engagement ring... yeah, I think I'm just going to sell it. I haven't looked at it because I locked it away. I'm better off not looking at it because I was going to propose in less than a month if we were still together.

I know if I take her back it could either be great or it could be a disaster. She did have a lot of growing up to do. It could go either way. I just don't want to get hurt again, and by saying that I think it would be the wrong move to go back to her.

LOL dude its all the same man. I'm 5"9 I was 160 and now m 140 I feel so skinny. But yah basically I have been in no contact for 4 weeks now and the first few weeks I literally ate nothing. But anyway my friend girls are pushing girls my way and I realized I'm not ready to date yet but ready to go out and meet new people and it does work wonders.

Maybe wait till you're better before looking at the ring dude. And its up to you what to do about taking her back or not. Its hard to take them back after trust is broken. For me my ex will have to beg me like crazy for me to take her back. But yah do what is best for you and to prevent most hurt.

Yeah so I assume we were / are in the same boat. I look horrible still (I'm about 150 now) but I'm glad that I can wake up in the morning and not feel like a pile of crap.

Ya know, trust has been broken big time here. For me being there for her through everything (her depression, her car getting repoed, from turning off her gas and electric, from even finding the root of all her problems... she was a shopaholic and spent over 3000 on clothes a month) I never once left her side, because I loved her. I then get a small imbalance and the medicine I was on made me a little depressed and she leaves me. F'n awesome I tell you.

Oh by the way I think maybe going out on a date with a new woman will help you heal a little bit quicker. Cause maybe part of your mind is saying "no one will ever like / love me again, or they won't think I am attractive." I've been on a couple dates with all different girls (actually have my 3rd date with one girl tomorrow night) and honestly you might miss out on something great. Try it out, and if they are cute, it's even better. You can at least replace her ex's face with these girls. Just don't over do it. If you and your ex don't get back together you are going to have to start somewhere. I say start now.

Yah trust has been broken here big time too. After 3 years of friendship and 2 years of lovers, she left me for some guy that confessed to her because we were doing long distance relationship and I did so much for her she threw me aside like garbage. But yah I've been on one date only to find out how much better my ex was... lol still miss her and been having crazy ideas on how to win her back... sigh... anyway I can't have her back now no more trust but yah...

I'd be careful if I was you. If it was as simple as "she knows she messed, she wants to get back together" she would have sent you an email saying just that. But she didn't, she sent you an email just to get your focus back on her because she senses you're moving on. It doesn't mean she wants you back, it means she doesn't want you to move on.

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Originally Posted by Dragonfly1234

I'd be careful if I was you. If it was as simple as "she knows she messed, she wants to get back together" she would have sent you an email saying just that. But she didn't, she sent you an email just to get your focus back on her because she senses you're moving on. It doesn't mean she wants you back, it means she doesn't want you to move on.

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Yeah I thought that but she has way too much pride when it comes to relationships. Even though she can't be alone and needs the love of someone @ all times, if she knows she screwed up, she won't come out and say it.

Females are confusing.

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Originally Posted by none12345

Yah trust has been broken here big time too. after 3 years of friendship and 2 years of lovers, she left me for some guy that confessed to her because we were doing long distance relationship and i did so much for her she threw me aside like garbage. But yah i've been on one date only to find out how much better my ex was.... lol still miss her and been having crazy ideas on how to win her back.... sigh.... anyways i can't have her back now no more trust but yah....

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BTW your situation was just like mine a couple years back. I was 25 when it happened, a girl that I knew since college and had a 4 year relationship with her (2 years Long Distance) one day just broke up with me. Why... at first she couldn't give a reason but then I found out that this guy she worked with confessed his love to her. We were long Distance (3 hours apart) she made the most "logical" decision she could think of. So she went to him and I was heartbroken. Next thing you know he only wanted sex and broke up with her 4 months in, she came begging, crawling, crying, and stating that she loved me and didn't want to live without me. I didn't take her back, though I thought of everyway to get her back when she didn't want me. It's not worth it.

Also if you have had 1 date and your ex was better, then go on another date with another girl. Trust me, your ex will look better a majority of the time, but once time has gone by, other ladies tend to look way better.

Yah... they always come back neh? But by that time we have completely healed and won't take them back anymore and probably have found something better already. Anyway how's it going with your situation now?

Don't know, I haven't responded to her, I might give her another week or two. Part of me really wants to call her and just say "Let's have a cup of coffee." The other part of me is saying "Whatever." Though there is a huge part of me that wants to take her back. 1 week from now will be a month since we last talked, and it will be a total of 2 months since we've last seen each other. I think maybe cause she broke the NC maybe I should respond on Sunday (a day she doesn't work.) Who knows. What do you think I should do?