Hello,

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We dated for 4 years and now I really miss him. During these 3 weeks, I've really started to think about the problems that he said he had with me. He says that we always fight and he's tired of me always being mad at him. I feel that I was he's right and I really want to change my ways to make things better, but he won't give me another chance. He says that he has given up on me and doesn't want to get back together and he also told me that he's interested in another girl after we broke up (and I also know this girl). So, now I'm stuck here with all these guilt and regret that I was such a bad girlfriend.

I don't know what to do. I just cry whenever I think about how he doesn't love me anymore and how he talks about this other girl. I love him very much, but I know that I shouldn't be calling him anymore, but its sooo hard. I keep getting this idea that maybe we can get back together, but I know it won't happen. I'm in so much pain, I just don't know how to handle it. Any suggestions? Thanks!

Hi, dooobi!

Four years is a long time to spend with someone. Have you considered writing him a letter so that he'll have something tangible that he'll be able ponder for awhile?

It sounds like you've learned some things about your behavior and that you're willing to change. However, you don't have any control over the way that he thinks or acts, only how you think and act. It might permanently be over, however, it's only been three weeks...

If he doesn't respond or responds to a letter in such a way that he's really not interested, then I would suggest moving on...

There are lot's of "fish in the sea".

What do you think, please?

Thanks!

Thank you for your response... and yes I've written to him before and I've called him several times... but he said he doesn't want to get back together with me...

Yahh I know I really need to move on... but its just so hard...

Believe me, I do know how hard it is to do that. Are there any other guys in whom you're interested in or that might be interested in you?

I still think sometimes about girlfriends of the past that I had, some of them I was with thirty years ago!

Thanks!

Are you still there, dooobi?

Thanks!

There is no point chasing him.

It's time to go NC and hopefully he'll miss you, but that may never happen, but you know what will?

One day, when you least expect it, you'll realise that you are well and truly over him and you won't know how you did it.

I know it's hard to believe now, I am where you are too, my ex has a new girlfriend and it hurts but I will get over it and so will you.

Thank you... I know there is no point chasing him... its my third day of no contact... it will be hard to imagine having nc with him for 2 weeks, a month.. but I'll just take 1 day at a time I guess

Yah I'm going through a break through myself. I've been having NC with my girlfriend for about a week now. The first few days it felt like hell but now its slowly beginning to get better. I still think about her but I thought about the situation and my whole perspective has changed. Maybe its time to let go? That's what every have been telling me. He might come back to you one day and he might not and NC helps you prepare for both situation.

If he doesn't than NC will train you to know that you don't need him in your life but the whole thing is NC is for you to heal not to get him back even though it might. But maybe by than you ll see things differently. Because I have been in no contact with my ex and now she is seeing another guy and it hurts me like crazy but I believe the best thing for me to do is to use NC because after a lot of thinking maybe things aren't as well as they seem?

We deserve people who can love us and only us. Most likely that girl is just a rebound for him someone to replace you. How does it feel to be replaced? But yah you're on the right track just keep NCing him and try to keep yourself busy. Watch Swingers the movie. It's a really good movie and deals with what you're going through.

I still think of her and still NCing her and she is my first love so I'm not exactly sure what I am doing right now but like you I'm taking it one day at a time. Instead of using your time to think about him use it to think about yourself and how you see everything. He made a decision for himself and not you so you needa make one for you not him. I know its really really hard feeling like you've lost the one you only love and how you would do anything for him neh? Yah that's how I felt but now its time for you to think about yourself and if you're meant to be with him it would all work out in the end. Hope it helps

Best of luck =P

Hey none12345,

Thank you.. I feel much better knowing that there are someone out there that are feeling the things I'm feeling right now. It just so hard to have no contact with him. Everything reminds me of him and I think about him constantly. Sometimes I just want to take out my phone and just call him anyway, even though I don't know what I'm going to say. But I just end up pulling back myself to reality because I know calling him won't do my any good.

Yah, he was my first love too. And yes! I really feel like I can do anything for him and I'm so scared to even think about him liking another girl. I should really start thinking about myself more, I mean being desperate and calling when he tells you not to call him anymore just makes us look more unattractive right?

Thank you and good luck!

It is so true dooobi. Even now, its been just a little more than a week with no contact with my ex. But its getting easier and easier each day. I think I'm starting to not need her anymore but I'm still scared because now I don't know what to do because before when I was with her I had plans for the future with her and I thought my life was all planned out but now its gone now and I got to take a different path and I'm still thinking about it.

HEHE just last night I had a dream that I fell in love with another person how great is that? Finally stopped having those nightmares about her. Still doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings for her I still love her and want to be with her of course though but it won't work if that's not how she feels. Its time I start planning for a future without her in it and I hope I meet someone who can love me as much as I love them. I hope you do too =P Anyway just want to share my experience with you. Write back if you want! Keep me updated and let me know how you're doing ill be here for you ^_^

Best wishes =P

How's it going doobi? Just want to check up on yah and see if things got any better. HOPE IT DID!!

- none12345

Hey!

Thanks for checking up on me! Its been OK, I've been following the NC rule, so I haven't called him for like 2 weeks now.. yeah for me. But seeing him on Facebook and msn just kills me... so I've decided to use another account.. hope it'll make me feel better.

I still have days where its bad... all I do is think about him.. can't really seem to snap out of it.. but I guess it takes time... still feel that my heart is dead though, but I'll hang in there and just enjoy the good days.

Thanks!

No contact is a roller coaster ride filled with different feelings, you will find at times you feel completely free of anything with no pain or regret then the next morning you feel lower than the lowest low. Those are the times where you need to be pulled back up to your feet, which we are happy to do. We have a GREAT support team on here and will always be here for advice or just to listen to you vent. Those social networking sites are evil, I stayed away from mine for 3 months after my break up because I didn't know if I could be on there and resist looking at her page. 2 weeks is a good start, but the trick is to keep at it. It's hard and trying but with enough motivation you can power through it

I know how it is not to get a second chance. Especially when I had forgiven her several times. I did something messed up, and she said a switch just turned off. She even wrote me an email-we will never get back together or have anything sexual. Now, I am just staying clear. Hope it works out.

Yah I agree those things are evil. Myspace/ Facebook. I can't resist not going on her's to see what's new in her life and what she and the other guy is doing >_< I think you should delete it don't even use another one until you completely feel like whatever he does won't hurt you anymore and you have completely moved on.

Yup... I changed accounts.. so he's not on my msn now... feels so good to not see him. Oh and yes, I can't resist on checking him up on Facebook too, but once I see an itty bitty crumb of news on him then it just kills me, so I saved myself from the torture by just not looking at anything. I think you should start doing that too.. it will make you feel way better when you don't know ANYTHING about that person. Trust me.

Hey everybody,

This is just my little update!

I finally saw my ex today, haven't seen him for a month and a half. I was going for a drink with my girlfriend and I saw his car outside, but still went in. I didn't want to run or hide, I really wanted to something that I've been prepared to do for a long time. I finally saw him with his new girl "friend". We saw each other face to face. I was fine, I acted like I was fine, I pretended like I was having a good time even though I was dying inside.

But I'm happy that I saw them together. I think I realle needed to see it so it can be this more real for me. To kill the last hopes that I still have. I feel so devastated. I made it through till the end of the drink, but I couldn't even hold my tears till I got home. My tears just uncontrollably came rushing out while I was driving home.. .

I feel like I have broken into a million pieces again, but this time I don't know to put myself back.

Sometimes we can break into a millionpieces for many different reasons we think that we will never fix, but slowly as we piece ourselves together the glue that surrounds us and holds us together is stronger than we actually were in the first place, and as we move forward putting each piece in its place we learn more about ourselves and sometimes putting pieces in different places than they were before, it takes time to piece ourselves back together and sometimes we become a little unstuck, but there's that saying, I don't know where it came from sori, "What doesnt kill u makes u stronger"and the things that we expierience in our lives make us who we are today, in my opinion you have come very far, and you have given me hope that I may have the same respect for myself while going through a similar thing thank u

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dooobi

Hey everybody,

This is just my little update!

I finally saw my ex today, haven't seen him for a month and a half. I was going for a drink with my gf and i saw his car outside, but still went in. I didnt want to run or hide, i really wanted to something that i've been prepared to do for a long time. I finally saw him with his new girl "friend". We saw each other face to face. I was fine, i acted like i was fine, i pretended like i was having a good time eventhough i was dying inside.

But i'm happy that i saw them together. I think i realle needed to see it so it can be this more real for me. To kill the last hopes that i still have. I feel so devastated. I made it through till the end of the drink, but I couldnt even hold my tears till i got home. My tears just uncontrollably came rushing out while i was driving home. ..

I feel like i have broken into a million pieces again, but this time i don't know to put myself back.

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Hey doobi, you got to stay strong. I've been NC for 4 weeks now. My ex is with another guy and it hurts me as hell too and I still cry believe it or not. I've never cried as much as this before but I'm still hanging, taking each day at a time. The other day, I had a fortune cookie. It told me: "Stop searching. Happiness will come to you." and likewise for you. Until then we just have to keep strong, NC, heal and move on and let go no matter how hard it is. You're not alone, lots of people on here are on the same boat and we know its so hard but yah stay strong doobi =P

Hey DazzaGal,

Thanks for letting me know that sometimes being broken into a million pieces is not that bad after all. I mean I finally saw the truth with my own eyes and I will never forget the pain that was in my heart. But there's nothing I can do now, I will just disappear from this person's life and let him disappear from my life also.

I guess its time to start healing process again. I will just have to start to pick myself up a piece at a time. And I agree with your saying "What doesnt kill u makes u stronger", I didn't die yesterday night... so I guess I'll be stronger today. Thank you ! Let's all stay strong together.

Funny seeing the words being broken into a million pieces isn't that bad after all is actually just that- it doesn't make it easier but last time I broke it was into 2 million pieces so I guess that has to be better right! Staying strong and having someone there 2 help is so much better than doing it alone, even if it is via a computer, (im not a huge fan-oldfashioned)computers I mean. Stay strong find the strongest glue you can! Take your time and piece it together the right way

Hey none12345,

Thanks for your support, you've supported me all the way till now! Congratulations for keeping NC for so long... I broke NC 2 weeks ago... so now I'm just 2 weeks in, but I got a calendar to mark down all my NC days and when you see it add up, you just get so proud of yourself. Maybe you can try doing that too.

So now that I've seen the worse, I think its time to pick myself up and start moving on one inch at a time. Yes, it'll be hard... and I believe there will still be many days of crying even though they are not worth our tears.

I will hang in there. Thanks! I truly believe that your ex doesn't deserve you cause you deserve way better.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dooobi

Hey none12345,

Thanks for ur support, you've supported me all the way till now! Congradulations for keeping NC for so long...I broke NC 2 weeks ago...so now i'm just 2 weeks in ,,but i got a calendar to mark down all my NC days and when you see it add up, you just get so proud of yourself. Maybe you can try doing that too.

So now that i've seen the worse, i think its time to pick myself up and start moving on one inch at a time. Yes, it'll be hard....and i believe there will still be many days of crying eventhough they are not worth our tears.

I will hang in there. Thanks! I truly believe that your ex doesn't deserve you cause you deserve way better.

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yah... we got to keep moving on. NP doobi, we re all here to help each other =P. But yah... there will be days that are so hard, days that are easier, days that you don't feel anything, days that you're too sad to be even more sad. Lol but yah.. our exes move on so fast with someone new... that's pathetic, their so desperate to be with someone new. I think everything happened for a reason. I think there is someone out there better for us and fate is helping us find them. Someone who won't betray us, loyal till the very end, love us as much as we do them.

Then we ll be happy and our exes will be miserable that they lost us. What goes around, comes around? Lol but yah... I'm actually becoming a better person, I start accepting invitations more, go out with my friends more, not always in a hating mood because of my ex. But yah I think this experience really helps us to become better people for our special someone when they come around =P Its been hell this whole experience. I remember when me and my ex were together, I couldn't go one day without talking to her and now I went 4 weeks. I broke NC once before the 4 weeks and I found it, it wasn't worth it anymore, when you talk to them, it doesn't feel the same anymore and all you get is pain. But yah... I'm so tired of everything.

Its time for a new start =P, a new chapter of our life. Get a new haircut, new clothes and start enjoying life, after all its too short to waste it on someone who doesn't give a damn about us. It ll feel better. XD

But yah doobi here is some things I did for my ex

-i took the bus 200 miles to her and 200 miles back 3 times?
-and once I got robbed in detroit while waiting for the bus.
-i came to this school because it was closer to her
-i spent most of my time with her
-the phone bills were so much because she kept texting me and talking to me
-spent money on hotels so we can have our special night
-i waited at the bus station for 12 hours that's when she could see me
-i bought her gifts from my home town
-wrote her love letters
-slept outside because I had to wait for the bus
-ran in the rain to get her a cd of her fav band
-took her to her favourite restraurant all the time when we see each other
-did all the stuff a boyfriend was supposed to

Only for her to leave me... for another guy without hesitation

So don't feel so bad. I start to feel a little better now but before I was totally crushed to a million pieces too after all of those things at first. You can imagine after all of that. She was my first love. BUT YAH, hope you feel better.

How have you been doing doobi? =P Wutcha been up to lately!! Haven't heard from you for a while! Are you doing great? Are things looking up? Any news? =P

Hey!!

I would love to say that things are loking up, but nope! I'm still the same, the pain is still fresh, basically I feel like I went backwards instead of forward after seeing them together a week ago. I still miss my ex like crazy and everything reminds me of him but I think I'm slowly getting use to it.

It ssooo hard to sleep at night... it seriously takes me 2-3 hrs to really fall asleep every night cause I think too much. This break up thing is sooo hard... but I'll keep doing NC .

How about you? How are you doing? Any good news?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dooobi

Hey !!!

I would love to say that things are loking up, but nope! I'm still the same, the pain is still fresh, basically i feel like i went backwards instead of forward after seeing them together a week ago. I still miss my ex like crazy and everything reminds me of him but i think i'm slowly getting use to it.

It ssooo hard to sleep at night...it seriously takes me 2-3 hrs to really fall asleep every night cause i think too much. This break up thing is sooo hard...but i'll keep doing NC .

How about you? how are u doing? any good news?

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hey hey doobi. Basically I'm feeling numb now. I can't feel anything anymore and too tired to care anymore. I've been doing okay. Spending more time with family and friends and getting to meet new people.

I know what you mean. Don't see them together anymore and avoid them. Cut them out of your life completely. I blocked Facebook so I can't go on anymore to see what's going on in her life although I know she is with the new guy.

As for the sleeping at night. I got a few tips =P. Exercise right before bed so you ll be exhausted and fall asleep faster? Leave music on while lying on your bed? It ll get boring and you ll fall asleep. Lol but yah don't think about it that much anymore. I know what you mean its my first break up, its been really hard but I think I'm slowly getting better.

What I find that helps a lot is laughter. Go rent a couple of funny movies and watch them or watch comedy TV shows. =P Stay strong and NC all the way.

- none12345