Im wondering if I could ask some advice, I've been with my ex for 2 years off and on. We were back on in November last year and have just found he was also seeing another woman behind my back. He says that they wernt together when we were but I don't believe that's true.

Also, one day he tells me that he loves me and wants to get back together then the next he says he is unsure. He has been constantly emailing and texting me asking me to go back to him and that the other girl he was seeing is out of the pic (she is out of the pic because she found out about me and kicked him to the kerb, but he don't know that I know that)

Yesterday I was going to meet up with him and found out only 1 hour later that he is back friends with her on Facebook?? I texted him to ask him why he was asking me to get back with him an then going behind my back with her on Facebook, and funnily enough I've never heard from him today!!

I also found out that whilst begging me to come back he has been arranging to go on hol with a different girl, when I questioned him he says they were only mates and that they were both going through a bad time at the mo and needed to get away?? He even had the cheek to say to me that they were mates but you never know eh??

What should I do? I do love the guy but he is playing me for a fool, one day he loves me and then the next day he doesn't know whether we will work out, he is 30 yrs old and still living at home so not the best catch in the world I suppose but I love him

He text me today saying that he has had enough of mates mates giving him hassle about the way he is treating me, so now he don't want to be together?? But he did yesterday.

He just text me saying the above about my mates giving him hassle about the way he treats me, he will leave me alone for a few weeks and then get in touch out of the blue when it suits him.

He says that he loves me and wants us to be together and then the next day or a week later its all changed, I know he always gets close to people and then fires them off

What do I do please help

Ignore him, plain and simple. Why would you continue to allow him to play these games with you? How much longer are you going to wait for his call or text? STAY OFF FACEBOOK!

End the confusion, from a confused person, by ending all contact, and sending his emails to spam.

Why would you even consider listening to a confused liar, and cheater?

He will get the message to leave you alone, by your NON RESPONSES to his advances.

I do love him but know that I can never trust him, when his mates knew we were together the first thing they said to me was be careful as he tells lies and that was his mates!!

How do I get him out of my head, he says I'm the other half of him, that I'm the most beautiful person he has met etc etc. All the corny one liners I fall for!!

This other woman he was seeing lives over 200 miles away and he told me that he was seeing her but not at the same time as me, that he didn't love her and that she was too young for him

He just text me and said tell your mates to stop hassling me thank you and goodbye!! That was it, as clear and blank as that, how could sum1 be so cold??

Its might take you a while to stop thinking about him and the situation.The less contact you have with him the better, if you can't hear him or see him the less you will keep falling for his game. He does not sound like a good person. Leave him be, stop the contact and try to move on from him and his mind games.

If you know his one liners are fake, then stop believing in them. As soon as you stop responding to him the better, he will soon realise that your not falling for the crap that coming out of his mouth.

No Contact, whatsoever!!!!

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Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

Its might take you a while to stop thinking about him and the situation.The less contact you have with him the better, if you can't hear him or see him the less you will keep falling for his game. He does not sound like a good person. leave him be, stop the contact and try to move on from him and his mind games.

if you know his one liners are fake, then stop believing in them. As soon as you stop responding to him the better, he will soon realise that your not falling for the crap that coming out of his mouth.

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Thanks for your advice, he told my friend that he has been playing mind games for 29 years and is good at it?? The thought of him with another woman kills me so much but I know I should move on. I emailed the other woman and told her of his games and she booted him to the kerb but has since gotten back in touch, I emailed her telling her that he has been horrible about her but she hasn't replied to my email. I don't want her to think that I'm being nasty I just don't want to see her get hurt as she has Cerebal Palsy and is going through enough at the mo.

What do I do

Its so nice of you to care about the other woman and warn her of his behavior/words, however, she is an adult and unfortunatetly if she wants to have contact with him in any way she will.

As far as you? You need to try your best to move on from this person (I won't even refer to him as a man). You deserve so much better for yourself, and if he is the head game, cheating type he is not going to change. I'm sorry if I am being harsh, but that is really the way I see this.

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Its so nice of you to care about the other woman and warn her of his behavior/words, however, she is an adult and unfortunatetly if she wants to have contact with him in any way she will.

As far as you? You need to try your best to move on from this person (I won't even refer to him as a man). You deserve so much better for yourself, and if he is the head game, cheating type he is not going to change. I'm sorry if I am being harsh, but that is really the way I see this.

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I never know where I stand with him, last weekend he was texting/ringing me when I was away saying that he loved and missed me so much, then he was telling my friends that it wasn't going to work the next day, then Monday he loved me again (I assume you all get the pic) yesterday he said he wanted to try again and he said that because my mates were emailing him and asking him why he was treating me like this way, today he told my mate that he didn't want this hassle that they gave him and it was over.

He text me tonight and just said tell your mates to stop hassling me and goodbye?? That it was my friends faut that he couldn't be with me because they ave him too much hassle?? I think this is just an excuse for him to wander even more

Help please

I surely wouldn't believe anything he says. Its up to you to continue with this misery and pain, so get busy making changes, like disappearing from his life.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I surely wouldn't believe anything he says. Its up to you to continue with this misery and pain, so get busy making changes, like disappearing from his life.

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Thanks for your advice, I'm fed up of one day him loving me and then the next he says he don't think it will work, then next day he didn't mean what he said and he loved me. The other day he told my friend to tell me to go and "get laid" by other men?? That hurt me so much. When I asked him why he said it he said that he was angry and didn't mean it.

When I found out that he was discussing going on holiday with a "girl that was just a friend so he says" I was gutted, he turned round to me and says that she's just a mate as she has a daughter "but you never know eh" how could he say that to me?? Its killed my heart

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I do love the guy but he is playing me for a fool,

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Yes,he is playing you and he will continue to do so.That is not a relationship and it is not love.

Value yourself and do not allow anyone to treat you with such blatant disrespect.

I can't even imagine what could possibly keep you hanging on to this relationship.If it is hope that he will change,forget it.

If it is because you have invested time,you can't get that back but you can make certain you do not waste anymore .

Cut your losses,see it as a life experience you will never repeat and honor yourself by dumping this loser.

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Originally Posted by artlady

Yes,he is playing you and he will continue to do so.That is not a relationship and it is not love.

Value yourself and do not allow anyone to treat you with such blatant disrespect.

I can't even imagine what could possibly keep you hanging on to this relationship.If it is hope that he will change,forget it.

If it is because you have invested time,you can't get that back but you can make certain you do not waste anymore .

Cut your losses,see it as a life experience you will never repeat and honor yourself by dumping this loser.

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Hi artlady, thanks for the advice, I know he is playing me for a fool, the whole thing is making me unwell, I've lost a stone in weight with not eating and my family are really concerned over my health.
He treats me badly but I still care, that shows what a fool I am!! Why does one day he loves me and the next he don't??

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why does one day he loves me and the next he don't??

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He says he loves you but he does not.You have to look at his actions.Look at how he is hurting you and literally making you ill.
He is no good and he will never be able to give you want you need.
Cut all ties with him and begin to get your life back.It is your only hope for happiness.

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Originally Posted by artlady

He says he loves you but he does not.You have to look at his actions.Look at how he is hurting you and literally making you ill.
He is no good and he will never be able to give you want you need.
Cut all ties with him and begin to get your life back.It is your only hope for happiness.

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artlady, you don't know how much it hurts to see your words in bold, he don't love you. As he always tells me he does, that no other woman inc the ex gives him the alive feeling that I do/did. I know the best thing is to move on as what is a relationship without trust.? It kills me thinking that he will probablt be on Facebook now picking up more woman like I was nothing to him, I'm only 8 stone and 6 foot tall so you can imagine how ill I look and feel at the moment . Im hurting so bad xx

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Originally Posted by imaloneandscare

thanks for your advice, he told my friend that he has been playing mind games for 29 years and is good at it ???? The thought of him with another woman kills me so much but I know i should move on. I emailed the other woman and told her of his games and she booted him to the kerb but has since gotten back in touch, i emailed her telling her that he has been horrible about her but she hasnt replied to my email. I dont want her to think that im being nasty I just dont want to see her get hurt as she has Cerebal Palsy and is going through enough at the mo.

What do i do

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Sounds to me like he is good at it, fooling two women at once. Try not to think of him with another woman, and when you do think of this it should give you the finally push to move on. Wow I'm actually surprised , thumps up to you. Most females would have some kind of jealousy of the "other women". You just need that final push to go ahead fully with no contact, sooner rather than later.

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Originally Posted by imaloneandscare

artlady, you dont know how much it hurts to see your words in bold, he dont love you. As he always tells me he does, that no other woman inc the ex gives him the alive feeling that i do/did. I know the best thing is to move on as what is a relationship without trust.??? It kills me thinking that he will probablt be on Facebook now picking up more woman like i was nothing to him, im only 8 stone and 6 foot tall so you can imagine how ill i look and feel at the moment . Im hurting so bad xx

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I am sorry for your pain and if I was harsh but I just had to say it.
Actions speak louder than words.
He is saying he loves you one day because he wants to keep you hanging on while he sees if he can find someone else that he can be with.
That is just using you.He knows he can keep you to him,when he needs you if he lies and says he loves you.
Honor yourself dear and move on.You will get over the pain,it just takes time.

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Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

sounds to me like he is good at it, fooling two women at once. try not to think of him with another woman, and when you do think of this it should give you the finally push to move on. Wow im actually suprised , thumps up to you. most females would have some kind of jealousy of the "other women". you just need that final push to go ahead fully with no contact, sooner rather than later.

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Misssy, I isn't jealous of the other woman/women, I just feel sorry for them. One of them has cerebal palsy and cannot walk, you see this guy preys and I use the word preys, on woman that are weak and vunerable. As when we met I was just newly separated from my husband and easy prey you could say.

It does hurt if I'm honest him being with other woman, I think the largest part is that I feel a fool to be fooled by him. At one time he was emailing me tell me he wanted to be with me whilst emailing his then supposed girlfriend. I know he meets woman off Facebook that he has only just met?? This as well as organising a holiday with a woman "mate", he said that they are just friends but you "never know eh", why would you say that to the woman you say you love.

Im losing weight fast, I'm 6 foot tall and 8 stone, my family are so worried about me

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Originally Posted by artlady

I am sorry for your pain and if I was harsh but I just had to say it.
Actions speak louder than words.
He is saying he loves you one day because he wants to keep you hanging on while he sees if he can find someone else that he can be with.
That is just using you.He knows he can keep you to him,when he needs you if he lies and says he loves you.
Honor yourself dear and move on.You will get over the pain,it just takes time.

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artlady, you are right, I've been a fool. I know you were only trying to make me see sense so thank you. It kills me that I've been used, I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. How can a person be so cruel and play with peoples emotions??

He even bragged to my friend that he has had 29 yrs of playing mind games and is good at it?? Does that sum him up do think if he is bragging about that.

Im a 30 yr old woman living in a 4 bed detached, sports car and a degree and Masters whereas he is 29, living at home and has nothing in terms of qualifications so why am I bothered as I know I'm so much better than him!!

So why does my heart feel like its breaking? I hate going to bed as I just lie there and think what's been said etc

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Originally Posted by imaloneandscare

misssy, i aint jealous of the other woman/women, i just feel sorry for them. One of them has cerebal palsy and cannot walk, you see this guy preys and i use the word preys, on woman that are weak and vunerable. As when we met i was just newly seperated from my husband and easy prey you could say.

It does hurt if im honest him being with other woman, i think the largest part is that i feel a fool to be fooled by him. At one time he was emailing me tell me he wanted to be with me whilst emailing his then supposed girlfriend. I know he meets woman off Facebook that he has only just met ???? this as well as organising a holiday with a woman "mate", he said that they are just friends but you "never know eh", why would you say that to the woman you say you love.

Im losing weight fast, im 6 foot tall and 8 stone, my family are so worried about me

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Yes I pointed out it was a good thing that you are not jealous. He sounds like B%£'**%, what he is doing to these vunerable women is disgusting. You need to get his man out of you life, for good. Why want someone like that, I know feelings get in the way of actions, but as you say this is affecting you and your family. Thinking about his actions will get you know where, trying to find out the reasons as to why will only dissappoint you. Because from what you are saying about him indicates that he does not care and he is taking advantage of you and other women. It time to think about yourself. You are letting this man affect you emotionally and physically.

Its like holding you hand over a flame, you know you will get burnt. Stop putting yourself through this. Get this man out of your life and let yourself move on. Start looking after yourself, your family is worried for a reason, eat well and get plenty of sleep.

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So why does my heart feel like its breaking? I hate going to bed as I just lie there and think what's been said etc

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Even when we break up with jerks,it still hurts.

You sound like an intelligent woman who has a lot going for her.
You need to concentrate on healing and believe me,there is a wealth of advice on this site dealing with the healing process.

Instead of dwelling on what could have been or should have been focus your efforts on how you can get through the pain and truly free yourself from this bad experience.

It takes work,but not nearly as much work as trying to makes a silk purse out of a sows ear.

If you need to rant... we are her to listen..

Thanks everyone for all your help and support. I know it does not sound much but I actually went to bed and turned my mobile off last night, rather than having it under my pillow waiting for the jerk to text/ring me.
The nights are so hard, I can't sleep, I'm thinking of going to the doctors to get some sleeping pills, I'm trying to start eating again.

Ive found a lump (down below) and I'm scared its cancer, I text this guy and told him that I isn't interested in his arguments with my friends as I'm scared that I have cancer and he has never replied?? I think that shows it all really doesn't it??

He only cares for himself, he just uses people and moves onto the next target when he I done or feels like he is getting know where with them.

Some hours of the day I pity him so much and glad I'm not with him and other I think he could changed (I know deep down he won't as I'm not silly). I understand that even if we did get together that I would never be able to trust him, that I would always be wondering who he was meeting up with behind my back from Facebook.

But still, I'm hurting and not eating and now I've got this lump that I'm scared to death is cancer, I'm too scared to get it checked out as its in a very personal place of my body (lady bits). I don't know how much more I can take to be honest. I should be looking forward in my life, I've got a trip to Oz planned in May for a month which I'm told is a trip of a lifetime but I just don't care at the moment.

What's wrong with me, I don't want to admit depression and take tabs as I don't want this guy to have that much of an impact on my life, I just want to move on, everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and live. Plus to top it all off I've just been made redundant, I don't know how much more I can take??

First and foremost, cut off all contact with him whatsoever. That includes facebook, emails and texts, That's a must for starting the healing process. It allows the emotions to settle.

I know your feeling a lot of feelings right now, and are in shock, and feel overwhelmed, that's normal for us humans who cared, we all have been through that, but time, and a few suggestions, will help get you through the pain, and confusion.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, there is a link in my signature, and you'll find some very good ways to deal with this very hard situation, by those who have dealt with it before.

He has not been good to you, but you still must be good to yourself. You can mourn your loss, and be stronger, and wiser for it, but you have to give yourself some time, and some special attention.

I'm so down, I don't know how il ever shake this feeling off, at times I have horrible feelings like I want to end it all, but then think he is really worth that??

I supposed I liked him telling me how beautiful I was and all those other nice things even if they were lies. If my confidence wasn't on the floor before it certainly is now, ic ouldnt get any lower, especially now I've fond the lump as mentioned above... how do I move on

I'm trying my best to keep myself busy but its not working, I'm just pretending at being happy and feel like my life is passing me by.

My friends have asked him if he loves me and he says very deeply, that I'm his soulmate and that any other woman he dates he don't get that "butterflies" feeling in the stomach when he is with them like he did with me

How can a person say they love you and want to get back together with you and at the same time plan a holiday with another woman (he says there just mates), surly even if they were just mates that's something that you wouldn't do if you wanted to get back together with someone?? PLEASE HELP, IM DESPERATE AND ALONE

Build your confidence by not just staying busy, but doing things you enjoy doing, and accomplishing small personal goals for yourself. Make a list, and make a plan, to do the things on the list.

Being alone is not accurate, as just reading the stories of others here will let you know that a lot of people are in the same situation you are, trying to cope with a loss, and the feelings that brings.

Between the stickies, and the stories, you'll find loads of good suggestions. It means a lot of hard work, and time to learn and overcome, but its doable.

Sorry no magic pills, just honest work! Just do it, even though you don't want to and repair the bridges that got neglected when this fellow came into your life, like friends and family you haven't seen.

The life lesson you must learn is how to cope with yourself, and your feelings, and not depend on the lies of an a$$hole to be happy with who you are.

Now go get your hair, or nails done and start getting busy loving yourself.

Make doing something good for yourself a priority, everyday you wake up.

God if there were majic pills eh!! The person selling them would make a fortune. Im trying hard not to go into my Facebook account to see if the other woman has emailed me about why she is back in contact with her and my ex. I know that I shouldn't be bothered, if she is with him then I have warned her what he is like and the not pleasant things he has said about her and like someone said on here she is a grown adult and can make her own choices. I just care about her beause she can't walk and has cerebal palsy. I don't blame her for being with my ex when I was as I 100% believe that she had no idea he was playing us both for fools.

I don't know what I want to achieve by kep checking my Facebook account, if I find out she is seeing him then yes it will hurt but I'm more worried for her, if she don't answer my email I'm wondering are they dating behind my back. I can't win, I'm trying my best to forget him as I know he is an a$$hole.

Worry about yourself for now, just because she can't walk doesn't mean she can't take care of herself.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Worry about yourself for now, just because she can't walk doesn't mean she can't take care of herself.

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I understand, it just makes me so so flaming mad that he can do this to someone with this disability. He thinks that he can play with peoples emotions like he does. It was my friend who told her that he was seeing us at the same time (my friend didn't do it out of spite just thought that if she was in the same position she hoped that someone would tell her)

My ex told me he wasn't seeing this other girl in Jan and she said they split up mid Jan!!

I was on holiday in Egypt at xmas and he was ring ing me and texting me giving me the I love you and can't wait to hold you again etc etc, when I got home I saw that he had been telling this other woman the same thing on her Facebook page. It made me feel cheap and used, all I have ever done is love and want the best for him and all he does is make me look and feel a fool time and time again

I'm just scared that I'm going down a slippery path, and I don't think he is worth that pain

I want to address another issue, which is far more important than this lying, cheating abuser. Yes, he IS abusing you mentally and emotionally.

You MUST get yourself to a DOCTOR! You say you are 8 Stone, and 6 foot tall. If I'm correct, that is about 108 pounds. (my kids live in the UK, so I kind of know) That is MUCH TO THIN for your height! You need to start putting on some weight, or you could get very very sick, and end up in the hospital! And for what? For this sorry excuse for a man?

Also, you mentioned this lump! This would make me VERY concerned! My first guess wouldn't be cancer. My FIRST guess would be an STD! I'm sure you've had sex with this guy, am I right? He could have given you a number of scary diseases! Herpes was the first thing that came to mind, although it could be a number of things. I don't mean to scare you, but you NEED TO GET TO THE DR. ASAP!! There is no other way to say it! You are putting your health at extreme risk!

There is also NO SHAME in depression. You need to understand that! No one is going to think you're crazy, no one is going to look at you in shame or disgust. Depression is REAL, and has been proven to be life threatening in itself! It does sound to me that you are extremely depressed, and I don't even think that it has much to do with this guy who is sucking the life out of you! It is only your perception of it! This man is TOXIC to you. He is your POISON, and you are willingly drinking it! Ask yourself---is this man worth your LIFE? I certainly hope not.

No wonder your family is worried for you. Please see a Dr. and get some help with both your physical issues, and your own mental health! There are some very good and caring Dr.'s out there, that will give you the help and resources that you need. Please do this!

I don't think its an std the lump, I've been reading up on them, I only slept with him once and that was 6 months ago. The lump is solid and under my skin, I've been looking at pics on net and it looks nothing like herpes etc, I've looked at it and you can't see anything just feel a massive lump under my skin.

Ive alays been slim but not this thin, when I told my ex via text last night that I thought it maybe cancer he has not responded!! That speaks volumes don't it!!

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Originally Posted by imaloneandscare

i dont think its an std the lump, ive been reading up on them, i only slept with him once and that was 6 months ago. The lump is solid and under my skin, ive been looking at pics on net and it looks nothing like herpes etc, ive looked at it and you can't see anything just feel a massive lump under my skin.

Ive alays been slim but not this thin, when i told my ex via text last night that i thought it maybe cancer he has not responded !!!! that speaks volumes dont it !!!!

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That sure does speak volumes! In fact it's blowing the speakers! He does not have your best interests at heart, in any way, shape, or form! This guy is NOT good for you. I would bet every red cent I had that this mate he is going on a holiday with, is DEFINITELY not just a mate! That's as plain as the nose on my face.

Also, an STD does NOT always show up right away at all, and herpes does not always look like it does in the pictures. It can lay dormant, and then show up in the form of a lump under the skin. It may not be that, I'm just saying it very well could be. This guy doesn't sound like he has any morals at all, so I bet for every one girl you know he's cheated with, there were 5 or 10 others, waiting in the wings! You can be assured of that! I can spot a liar and a cheater a mile away, and this guy is BAD NEWS! You are lying to yourself if you think that only sleeping with him once, 6 months ago, that he didn't give you something. My bet is still on an STD. Again, are you willing to risk your life for a man that quite obviously doesn't give a rats A$$ about you? I know that hurts to hear, but the truth isn't always kind. We can all see what he is doing to you honey, and it's not good!

Involve yourself in that trip to Australia. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to be able to go! Not many people have a chance like that! It would be an incredible waste of a plane ticket, to NOT be thinking of this wonderful trip, but instead to be thinking of this MORON who will NEVER be there for you when you need him.

You need to get a life away from him... PERIOD! Stop dwelling on this, and recognise that he is a bad influence on your life!

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

That sure does speak volumes! In fact it's blowing the speakers! He does not have your best interests at heart, in any way, shape, or form!! This guy is NOT good for you. I would bet every red cent I had that this mate he is going on a holiday with, is DEFINITELY not just a mate! That's as plain as the nose on my face.

Also, an STD does NOT always show up right away at all, and herpes does not always look like it does in the pictures. It can lay dormant, and then show up in the form of a lump under the skin. It may not be that, I'm just saying it very well could be. This guy doesn't sound like he has any morals at all, so I bet for every one girl you know he's cheated with, there were 5 or 10 others, waiting in the wings! You can be assured of that! I can spot a liar and a cheater a mile away, and this guy is BAD NEWS! You are lying to yourself if you think that only sleeping with him once, 6 months ago, that he didn't give you something. My bet is still on an STD. Again, are you willing to risk your life for a man that quite obviously doesn't give a rats A$$ about you? I know that hurts to hear, but the truth isn't always kind. We can all see what he is doing to you honey, and it's not good!

Involve yourself in that trip to Australia. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to be able to go! Not many people have a chance like that! It would be an incredible waste of a plane ticket, to NOT be thinking of this wonderful trip, but instead to be thinking of this MORON who will NEVER be there for you when you need him.

You need to get a life away from him....PERIOD! Stop dwelling on this, and recognise that he is a bad influence on your life!

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You are right, I'm pretty sure it isn't an std but will pluck up the courage to go to the docs to find out, its just I'm very embarrassed about doing this??

I will try and get myself involved in the oz trip, its only 8 weeks away and should be the trip of a life time. I also found out that this guy told me he was going to Russia on hol and he went down to see his ex, he was even emailing me from her house telling me he loved and missed me!! What a cheek eh.

Im trying to turn my feelings off, he is an a$$ and I realise that so I suppose that's a start isn't it?? Like I said in a previous blog, I'm a 30 yr old with a 4 bed detached in a nice area, sports car, good friends and family, a degree and a masters so I think I have a lot going for me, whereas he is 30 , living at home and don't seem to want to move out.

I know he is a complete to$$er but still think of him and that makes me angry for doing so

What games people play and from what you describe this a right roaring one ! If you have so much my dear, 4 bed detached, nice car, friends and family and a degree, why are you boithering with tripe who can't even come out of the woodwork.

Tick

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Originally Posted by tickle

what games people play and from what you describe this a right roaring one ! If you have so much my dear, 4 bed detached, nice car, friends and family and a degree, why are you boithering with tripe who can't even come out of the woodwork.

tick

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I know I have a lot but still can't understand why I'm so bothered by this creep??