The hope that they and you have changed and that maybe someday you will meet again. I feel like it's the last leg. Does that part last until you meet someone new? I hope I'm being clear. I'm not talking about obsessive hoping or building your life around it. Just that little voice saying "yeah, maybe".

Never had that problem, after the crying is over, and all the dust settles, there is too much life to keep you busy.

Time and distance, like no contact some would say. That does work very well.

There have been a couple of guys that I broke up with, or broke up with me that time and distance altered that tiny bit of hope, into something totally manageable. Both of them, after a long time of no contact came back into my life. We became friends again! It was cool because there was so much old history, and knowing things about one another, along with the maturity gained from the time.

There is no substitute for letting time pass and getting on with your life. Let it be. Who knows what's going to happen in 5, 10 or 25 years? Just do things that you enjoy and become the best person you can.

Each break up is somewhat different but time and distant helps

I'm going to buck the system and say time and distance.

When I found out on MY BIRTHDAY that she was dating someone else... that killed about 70% of it.

When my eyes dried up from the tears and I got sick and tired of wasting my life... that killed the rest of it.

Here is the commercial version of it:

1. Her dating someone with the same name as I have: 45 %
2. Me crying so much my friends start making fun of me (and losing my pride): 35 %
3. Rebuilding my own life, and learning to be truly happy with myself: PRICELESS

There are some things time and distance can't do, for everything else, there is SELF DETERMINATION.

I agree with everyone else, time and distance. But I also must say, every person gets that one last kick to the mid section where there was any hope left is gone! Mine was when I found out she was out with another guy the same week we broke up, this was the same guy she had been working closely with who she told me "you have nothing to worry about, he's not even attractive" and then she's out with him. That dropped my hope from 45% to about 15%, the final thing that just made me realize I was better off, when she kept trying to control my life after the break up. After we broke up, this is what she tried to control.

1. Couldn't go out and watch UFC fights with my friends
2. Couldn't go to parties with my friends
3. Couldn't give out my phone number

Best line she ever told me "you better not be kissing anyone when the clock strikes 12 on New Years Eve"

I understand what your saying, sometimes I hear that stupid voice saying "yeah maybe we will meet again". I think it's a sign that we have not fully moved on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by romefalls19

after we broke up, this is what she tried to control.

1. Couldn't go out and watch ufc fights with my friends

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:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: This is completely unacceptable!!

Chuff, I highly agree. So when I sat down and made a list of things I wanted out of my relationship, not having a problem with me watching UFC fights was a must. Which I got and more, my fiancé loves the UFC, she gets into it more than I do! I've caught her yelling at the TV for the guy to break the hold or stand up and fight. Highly entertaining watching a 125lb woman yelling at a TV in a room full of guys

Its been at least 7 weeks for me of NC. I'm not sure why they act like they care about what your doing or if you're seeing anyone... its weird. It blows my mind. :confused: Selfish bastard... :p
That little(itty bitty, very tiny) bit of hope is still there but in time I know it will go away. The #1 thing that reminds me to destroy that hope is just to remember him talking to his rebound girl in the middle of the night and did I even mention that I went out of my way and drove 3 hrs to go and see him. I mean... it really showed me just how important I was to him and that he chose someone who he just met (2 weeks after we broke up) rather someone he basically grew up and shared a life with for 7+ years. I poured my heart and soul into that relationship and this is what I get in return. Whatever... To all those people out there who think they lost their love of thier life...think again....Get someone who whill appreciate you and love you unconditionaly.

I'd say personally, my hope is at about 5%. It's a ridiculously idealistic 5 % as well. It would require changes and admissions that would never happen. Like a surprise happy (or depressing) ending to a tragic movie. I think that's why we (humans) write books and movies with happy endings. Unfortunately, we tend to expect these fictional endings. I like speaking for humanity by the way.

I have been officially split up for about 1.5 months.. NC apart from a slip just over a week back. I must say any slip really feeds that little bit of hope, that we all must have to some extent - I thought I was going nuts for still having 'hope' after what I've been though, I probably am :) . The non-emotional part of me knows that this type of hope is not realistic though, like Intertia, in my situ it would take siesmic changes that are never going to happen. Im just having faith that a mixture of time, distance, self convincing and a clear view of reality will eventually allow the hope to fade to insignifiance..

I'm actually going through the same thing. I've been broken up for about a month now and what's been helping me push away that sliver of hope is keeping myself busy and reminding myself that what will happen will happen. This is one of those things I have no control of and will never know so there is no reason to dwell.

When you learn that you do not need another person to *complete* you.(I hate that expression)Then you learn to be happy with yourself and then that last shred is unimportant.

Maybe this will come across as defensive. I have never needed anyone to complete me. I think that would definitely apply to some people in relationships but I don't identify with that mentality at all. I'm talking about the kind of hope comparable to someone daydreaming of a date with a movie star. I'd love to take Natalie Portman out for dinner but I don't think she would complete me. I'm talking about a light, airy and fluffy hope. I'm enjoying everyone's thoughts on this thread by the way.

Inertia, that isn't hope. That is extreme wishful thinking... I sometimes think about what it would be like to be a multi-millionaire and be partying with a bunch of hot girls, but that is wishful thinking, as the chances of that are slim to none. Hope, to me, is something that has a very real possibility of happening, because usually it weighs a bit more heavily on your heart than wishful thinking does.

I "wish" I could have a date night with Megan Fox, but I have zero HOPE for that wish. When we talk about "hope" in terms of our exes, it usually revolves around them coming back to us, and that isn't just wishful thinking, as we have invested a lot of emotion and feeling into that hope.

Ahh to hope against hope. See though, maybe this is my problem. I think if you really wanted to be a multi-millionaire, you could be. Maybe as a multi-millionaire, you would be in the right circles to meet Megan Fox. Wishful thinking for me would mean I have the ability to fly like superman or live forever.

Let me put it another way. When you have "hope" for something you are usually devoting all of your thoughts and efforts on attaining whatever it is you hope for. When you wish for something, it is usually a distant thought, like, "That would be nice if I had it," but you really don't exert any more effort on that wish. Hope more or less influences the way you act and the way you think towards certain things.

Fair enough. My question still stands though.

You know, to be honest... I don't think it's that harmful to have just a little hope... To me, its more or less that I haven't given up on "love" which is reassuring... and it doesn't leave me bitter and angry.

Of course, I don't mean to like continue hoping and focusing on it. Never rely on hope... Put it on the back burner and it will eventually simmer away. For instance, right now I still have a tiny bit of hope but its not bringing me down because I hardly think about it and if I do, I just turn my attention to something else...

If that makes sense. Hope is not all bad depending on the extremity of it... if I am wording it correctly...

I think we are on the same page michele.