My ex-bf and I had known each other for a duration of 3 years. We were just good friends for about a year before we started dating. Six months ago he just disappeared without saying anything. Before he stopped all contact with me, we had an argument over the phone about one of his close female friends. Later I felt bad about it and thought maybe I was over reacting so I called him back the next day to apologize. He didn't pick up, didn't return my calls, and didn't reply to any of my texts/emails. After a month passed by since that argument, I sent him another email, asking him what happened and how come he just left without saying anything. He finally replied by saying goodbye and that he wishes me well but didn't state the reason for leaving me. I don't think that was enough to help me move on.

So now it's been 6 months without any contact and I'm still stuck in the same place. Not a single day passes by without me thinking about him and missing him a lot because I considered him to be my best friend as well as the person that I loved. My friends have not really tried to help me because I don't think they understand how I feel and why I feel that way. If I bring him up in a conversation they think I'm being pathetic by not forgetting him and moving on. I really do wish it was that easy to forget and move forward. I hate waking up every morning with that sick feeling in my stomach knowing that it will be another day where I will constantly think about him and miss him. The feelings do vary from anger to sadness.

I try to keep myself extremely busy but it doesn't help much. I guess I never stopped loving him even though I know I should. I can't look forward either because I have this fear of being able to trust anyone else again with my heart. He was like the guy next door. Everyone adored him and he would do anything for his family and friends. So I don't know why he left me that way and where things went wrong. If someone like him can do something like that, then how I can trust the next person? Even the day before our last conversation he told me he loves me. Besides the argument, nothing else seemed to be wrong with our relationship. All I can assume is that he fell out of love with me and used the argument as an excuse to leave? Or maybe he never did care about me. I'm just sick of thinking about him everyday and missing him terribly and wondering what else can I do to move beyond the emotional pain he caused me .

What a horrible boy-good riddence to bad rubbish. Now seriously I can understand why you are hurt. It must be painful. But lets be thankful you didn't get all the crappy excuses to his bad behaviour. You don't need to think about why he has done this, because the truth is you may never know the real reason.

Let yourself move on, it is him that has done wrong not you, so pick yourself up and create a better life for yourself. Eventully you will learn to trust someone else.

Also stop assumping to what he feels, why care? Its time to put yourself first.

Healing takes time and the time starts once you've let go of someone , it sounds like you are still hanging on.

You are putting him on a pedestal and thinking what a wonderful person he is but after what he did to you maybe he wasn't that wonderful after all.

As Missy said time to move on , then you can start that Healing process , once you've healed you'll look back and think how silly it was wasting all that energy on someone who doesn't deserve it.

Good Luck!

Stop hoping and make yourself that you're in a movie. Its over dear. Forget what you feel, think what will do you good NOW!

Thanks for the advice. You guys are absolutely right. I really wouldn't want him back in my life but it's just that it took me by surprise... you know what I mean? I guess the signs were always there but I was just clueless or too blinded by love to notice that he really wasn't that great.

Now your in shock, but it will pass.

Sorry for your... naw, your lucky he is gone, because your free to be happy now.

It has been confirmed. He's an . Left me for that girl and seems to be extremely happy.

Think of this as a learning experience. Next time you'll be more aware of the "signs" something isn't right and talk about it honestly.

You didn't lose anything. Just gained some insight and experience.

Now, heal your heart by putting yourself first. Do things you enjoy and try new things. Surround yourself with friends and family when you're feeling down.

You have already got closure. It was the day he broke up with you. There is nothing more you need but that.

As for getting better I have some suggestions. I just went through it not too long ago. Here are some of the things I did.

Go out with friends and family, help people on here, I went out to a karoake place and sang lol even though I'm not that good, watch funny movies and TV shows, pick up or restarting a hobby for me it was an instrument and song writing, read the latest best sellers novel, find a part time job, play some video games, talk to your friends about it, knowing you deserve better and one day that peson will walk in your life, take an interesting class, work on your dreams and what you want to do in life.

Your dreams are riding on the wind, just reach out and pull them in. Dreams alone won't get you far.. you need to work towards it. The world is waiting outside your door!! What are you waiting for? =P Come on!! Here's your chance don't let it slip through your hands!! Go on your way and don't look back, there is no future living in the past =P Now you have more free time, do something with that for yourself and you only got yourself to answer to!

Hope this helps, best wishes =P

-none12345

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pinkberry8

if someone like him can do something like that, then how i can trust the next person? ...

...I can't look forward either because I have this fear of being able to trust anyone else again with my heart.

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You might find yourself relieved of some of the suffering if you separate what happened from what it means. It's bad enough that you lost this friend. What's more painful is the story you have around it: that if he did this in such a cowardly way, what can you expect from other guys? That if he didn't show enough regard for you to tell you in person that he was splitting up with you, to whom can you trust your heart? That this whole thing "means" something about you and your chances of having the love you want in the future.

It doesn't mean anything about you, or men, or your future, until you make it so. It doesn't mean anything about him, though different people would put different meaning to his actions. The meaning is a personal fabrication, maybe shared, but not necessarily true.

If you like to read, take a look at Byron Katie's amazing perspective.

Amazon.com: I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead: Byron Katie, Michael Katz: Books

If you don't like to read, just don't put too much into the meaning you give this event. Let him go and let yourself have a good time as you move on.

Update merged with original post

Hey guys, I posted on this site several months ago when my ex left me (thanks for all your comments)... well it's been about 11 months of NC but yet I still think about him everyday (not because I miss him but because of the anger I feel). Just to recap... he left me without giving me any reasons for it... basically started to ignore me and avoid my calls/texts. So I pretty much left him alone and never tried to contact him again. However, a couple of months after NC, I found out via mutual friends that he left me to be with one of his close friends. I just feel so betrayed cause I always had this gut feeling that he liked her and every time I would ask him about it he would make it seem like I'm just being jealous and suspicious. Anyway, have any of you guys ever been left for someone else? How did you deal with feelings of betrayal and anger? Do I need to see a therapist since it's been almost a year since I last spoke with him and yet I'm not completely over it.

One the one hand you feel betrayed on the other hand you should thank your lucky stars that you aren't with him any more. Think of how you could be years down the road with him and have kids and everything and then find out that he was cheating on you.
Be thankful it ended when it did.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pinkberry8

do i need to see a therapist since it's been almost a year since i last spoke with him and yet i'm not completely over it.

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If you want to heal faster, this is a good suggestion for yourself. So that you have comfortable place to vent. Feel free to vent here as well. We'll always support you.

Getting over someone is never easy. It takes time. Try to focus on doing other things with your life. Don't look back anymore. Move forward. Try doing new things, so that it feels like a fresh start. Pick up a new hobby and try to meet new people.

Your anger is holding you back and isn't allowing you to heal. You need to accept the loss for what it is and just let the past be the past. Fill your life up with new experiences. The longer you spend thinking how much you want to get back at him the longer the road to recovery will be.
It has been a year since she left me for someone else. I still think about it sometimes but I've pretty much come to terms with it. I think the biggest test was seeing her. I hadn't really talked to her or seen her for a year and then I bumped randomly into her twice about a week ago. Im not going to lie it was very awkward, at least the first time but I think the most important part for me was that it didn't bring back any negative feelings and didn't give me any sleepless nights. I felt kind of indifferent. I feel like NC has paid off. She also asked we go for lunch at some point. I am still quite reluctant, still afraid I guess. The whole point is that you need to focus on the good things around you and find new stuff to keep yourself occupied. That's what helped me the most I think

Is it abnormal that you still are not over it?

No. Some people take longer to heal than others, and depending on how in to the relationship a person is, it may take longer for some.

Are you doing everything to heal yourself?

No. It sounds as though you still have an issue with the way that he left you. As the others have said, you are still so angry with how you were mistreated. The fact that you are still angry, is not allowing you to heal. Instead of dwelling on how you were mistreated and how angry you are, you need to accept it for what it is, and focus on yourself.

No matter how angry you are, unfortunately you can't change the past, only the future, and unfortunately you can't change them, only yourself. You have to come to peace with yourself, before you will ever heal.

Assure yourself that you have a full life ahead of you and that there are still billions of people in the world to meet, because this is all factual. You most likely have not been yourself since this happened... that is something you need to change. You need to think of things that you have always wanted to do in life, and go out and do them. Take care of yourself, and the rest will take care of itself.

The person that screwed you over, is out doing what they want to do. Sure, they were selfish and went about it the wrong way, but they are out doing what they want, and that is what you need to do. They aren't sitting around wondering what you are doing, and therefore you shouldn't be doing that either.

It could help you to go talk to someone. At the very least, you can use the counselor as an outlet, a place where you can go and simply vent or speak about your mind... however, honestly, you can utilize this virtual space that askmehelpdesk has provided to do the same. We are all here for you, and generally there is always someone on here 24 hrs a day, which in many cases, is better than a counselor, however if you need face to face interaction every now and then, then a counselor would do.

Come to peace with what happened, and that doesn't necessarily mean you need to forgive them, but recognize that what is real is real and that it is now in the past. Focus on coming to peace with yourself, and focus on becoming yourself again and love life for what it is. Don't let this bad apple get the best of you.

I understand what you mean.

It's only been 4 months NC for me, and I don't want him anymore (BLECK!) but there are days when I just feel so... ENRAGED at him. Like I don't want him to be happy, because if he's happy, then it's like he got away with hurting me so bad.

So I'll take a walk and get fresh air, or I'll write it out, or exercise, or talk to my friends. Or my mom.

I go to therapy for mental sickness, but whenever I'm having a bad "Ex Day," I have no qualms about talking to my therapist about it. It makes me feel better, and she always is there to remind me how I'm progressing and that I am kind or sweet and that there's going to be a day when a guy comes along and is going to really match with me.

But also, she gives me to tools to help curb my anger and emotions and to deal with them! Some of them are listed above, and others include taking yourself out for ice cream, reminding yourself of the progress you've made, and other such activities! Also, crying helps too. Helps me, anyway.

I hope you feel better soon!

You need to forgive him. I know it sounds stupid but forgiveness is for you not him. Right now your stuck because you can't get over what he did and your probably kicking yourself because you didn't follow your instints--don't.

You live and you learn and you take what you learnt and move on because life goes on. Tomorrow isn't promise and I hate for you to live in pain while he is out enjoying his life.

If you need closure write him a letter to let your feelings out then burn it. Gather all the strength you have from within and fight to move on. And remember "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger".

You guys are right. I know I have to let the anger go but it's not easy. Sometimes I actually feel angry at myself for not having a better judgment of character... for being so naïve and falling for his lies. I know I have to accept reality for what it is and I do understand that sometimes people change and possibly fall out of love but I'm just stunned by the way he walked out without showing any signs of respect for me or for whatever existed between us.

Forgive yourself for being human, and don't take the actions of a fool, personally.

Celebrate the fact that this is someone else's problem now.

You might want to pray for his new fool-er- girlfriend.

I also know how you feel. I think its normal to feel this way once you have been betrayed by a love one.

My ex did the same, left me and now he is with another women. Oh well. Like I said on my first post, good riddence to bad rubbish.

The ex is still in the back of my mind. I don't think of him in a love way and not in a hate way. Its neutral feelings now. I have learned that if you keep your ex in the front of your mind it will only drag you down.

Next time the ex and his betrayal enters your thoughts just push them away. Find something better to think about.

Pinkberry we all go through it, but your strong and have moved on Sometimes, they just dump you and they give you no reason. You start wondering if its you and questioning yourself. Right now he has moved on, and so have you. Usually they circle back in your life sometimes later, and you don't want them. IT's happened to me. Good luck and keep strong.

My two cents: Usually when someone leaves like that abruptly - without saying anything, or giving a valid excuse, it means that there is someone else involved. But you already know this, as you were able to confirm it.

My ex husband of 10 years did the same to me - destroyed our marriage for a girl he had only known for a month.

I cried in a similar forum like this one - kept asking why why why - after such a successful marriage (or so I thought) would he destroy it and then so abruptly. Well, I learned from other people who were also going through the same thing that it's usually the other woman/ man who puts blinders on them. Once they fall in love, there is pretty much nothing you, I or any other dumped one can do about it but move on.

It's hard to move on, yes, and you're absolutely NORMAL - nothing wrong with missing the good moments in your relationship - in fact, I'd dare say you should treasure those moments - don't think your history with him is erased just because he left or because your friends tell you that you should forget about him.
Not to say to dwell on it, but time is really the only thing that can heal your wounds. The more time passes, the better you will feel, until one day you will wake up and not think about this again.

Until then, I really do wish you the best. There is nothing worse than loving someone and not having your love returned.

Thank You all for your responses, it helps me to stay strong. Those of you who told me that the ex always comes back sooner or later were right. Recently I got a call from my ex. He changed his number so I didn't recognize it. At first I was shocked to hear his voice and I probably should've hanged up on him but I didn't. I was surprised at myself actually, all the anger I felt towards him was gone. I spoke with him quiet normally. Anyway, he said that he's not trying to get back with me but would like to meet up with me to tell me the truth as to why he left. He also wants me in his life as a friend. I know friendship with the ex is probably impossible and it will only hurt me in the end, so I won't go down that path and I made that clear to him. But what do you guys think about me meeting him once? Should I give him a chance to explain why he left the way he did or should I just keep continuing NC?

Sometimes closure really helps others, and sometimes it makes healing worse. I know I didn't get any closure from my ex (broke up with me out of the blue), and I stayed NC, and I'm much better for it. I don't think I could have listened to him tell me all the reasons (whether they were true or not) of why he would rather have me as a friend vs. a lover.

You're going to have to weigh the pros and cons of knowing. If you think you can sincerely handle it, then go for it. But you think that you can't handle it and it will hurt you more in the end, I would steer clear.

You came such a long way so do you really think you need to hear what he has to say? I don't think so! You risk the chance of relasping if you meet up with him just to hear what he has to say.

The past is the past and what was done can't be undone. This sounds more like him having to clear his conscience because of the way he left you than about you. This is more about his closure than yours. Stay strong!

This is about his closure, but your curious, I know. I think it's a lousy idea to meet him. I don't trust anyone who disappears for 6 months.

I think you should not meet up and keep the NC. Don't see what good would come of it other than more confusion for you. He probably wants to justify his appalling behaviour.

You already know the truth why he left - he decided to see another girl.

He was quite happy to leave you wondering when he started seeing someone else. Didn't worry him then about you being a friend.

Don't put yourself through it - you have done the hard part.

Let it go. You have more to lose than gain in meeting with him. Entanglement would be a loss; understanding might be a gain, but it's a long shot. Most likely, he wants to feel better by rationalizing his actions.

Don't do it.

Tao

Pinkberry I was with an ex boyfriend for like 2 1/2 yrs. After a 1 1/2 we made contact with each other. We are friends, but its just not there anymore. If it was his choice he would want a relationship, but I choose not too. He doesn't offer me enough. But I can pick up the phone and call him and he could do the same. So as I said they always circle back. It might work, and it might not, depends on the situation.

Thank you all for making me come to my senses. He really won't be able to tell me anything that can change the past. It's been almost a year, so at this point the truth hardly matters. I really regret speaking with him. NC is definitely the best thing anyone can do after a break up.

I came across your post, pinkberry8, and I applaud you for being strong. I, too, went through something similar. I put so much effort into the relationship and out of the blue he stopped answering my calls/texts/emails. A month goes by with NC and he decides to contact me. I thought I did something wrong the last time we were together, but he said he just "never received any of my calls or messages". It was too late, him not contacting me was a sign he didn't want to be with me. He's now with his ex. It still hurts to see that he is happy and that I was treated the way I was.

Anyway, I never knew there was such a site like this. Just happened to stumble across your post. I hope you are doing well! :)