Ask Me Help Desk - 3 year relationship, girlfriend needs time and other things

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost three years. I am on a football team in which practice is 6 hours a day and during this past fall we saw each other about once a week and I was rarely in good moods. We won the championship in early December and I grew a big ego. I started thinking I was awesome and that I didn't need to be an amazing boyfriend after a tough few months. We had complications over winter break and we had gotten in a fight at a party over the break. Later that night I proceeded to get really drunk and make out with some girl from another town I called over to the party after I left. I didn't really remember what happened but I knew I hung out with another girl and I felt it wasn't right and I needed to make it better. I tried but a couple days into it she felt she just needed time and space to be by her own and find out what she loves and all of that stuff. That is true this time unlike other people who have gfs or bfs who do that. She is not one to drink or hook up with random guys. None of that kind of stuff is going on. However, a week into this she was informed by the girl I had kissed that we had done such. I denied saying I was drunk and didn't remember but knew we had hung out. She now feels she can never trust me again, and needs even more time. She is hanging out with new people and doing new things now. I know she loves me so dearly. But she doesn't feel it can work out for a while now. I am giving her space but I can't get my mind off her all day long. She is a perfect girl that never deserved any of this. Also, 2 years back in the relationship we had broken up and I had hooked up with some girl for a couple weeks and we had gotten back together. She feels that whenever times get rough I am going to do something like that. What do I do? I would never say a mean word to her again, let alone hurt her with another girl.

For starters, quit thinking with your small head, and think with the big one... of course I mean the one on your shoulders.

Give her space. Your ego has clearly ruined the relationship for now, and that may, or may not, ever change. The good thing is that you seem to realize the error of your ways. The bad thing is, it may be too late. You reap what you sow...

Leave her alone, and for God's sake, DO NOT hook up with another random chick while you two are sorting things out. You take pride in validating yourself with other women... that isn't mature at all, and you know it.

Actions speak louder than words, and right now, she needs to know you respect her, as you haven't in the past. Give her what she asked for, and always be first class. Show her you can be a good guy, without getting drunk and hooking up. P.S. Alcohol is NOT an excuse...

thanks for the quick response.. it has been a month and a half since the break up. I am an anxious and also competitive person. The only thing I do is feel I lost the most amazing girl and it's my fault. I haven't been able to get it out of my head for 50 days straight. My feelings are not just break up feelings where one says their x is so perfect. This girl really is remarkably beautiful and an amazing girlfriend. She feels she doesn't want anyone in her life right now that could possibly hurt her. She also feels I had mistreated her at times in the past but I was really going through a grueling football season. How do I show maturity without expressing my feeleings and pushing her away?

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Originally Posted by jman123h

How do i show maturity without expressing my feeleings and pushing her away?

By acting like a mature young man... let your actions speak for themselves...

From a girl's perspective, this same thing happened with me and my ex. He did the same thing. He was also a big jock while he was in school and girls were always into him. We were together for years, he cheated on me and I, like your girlfriend stepped away.

Here's where things may differ and this is how it affected me (so you can see it from the girl's point of view)

He BEGGED ME BACK and cried at my window. He wrote me letters, he showered me with romance and I took him back after awhile. Keep in mind, he SWORE he would never do it again and I believe at the time he meant it.

We moved to Colorado together and what do you think happened? Well relationships have their lulls and trials and let me just say when things got hard his ego got in the way again and this became a revolving cycle. People ALWAYS become attracted when the other person pulls away. For some odd reason, human nature leads you to the person that pulls back. She is pulling back right now and you now want something you may not be able to have. This is HUGE and it will remain huge for your entire life. This is where you have to learn to love what you HAVE and what is not pulling away but is right next to you. That is when things seem boring but that is when you need to keep what you have.

So your girlfriend needs space and it's driving you nuts. I agree that it is maturity that will get her back because she wants to know it would never happen again. If you guys do get back together though the road will be that much tougher. She won't trust you, you guys will argue over it, you will want her to get over it, but the truth is... you need to GET her over it. She should be allowed to bring it up as many times as she needs and you need to be mature and get her through it and be by her side when she's right next to you. It's inevitable, you will always want what pulls away - and so will she. If you pull away she will want you more.. It's a stupid game that doesn't get anybody anywhere. To avoid all of this drama just be mature and if you ever get her back - treat her right.

Leave her alone, and work on your own selfish, ego-driven, drunken bad behavior.

Your paying the consequences of your actions and deserve no consideration from her at all until you have completely changed and gotten your act together. Spare her the drama and give her what she asked for.

Good Luck with that.

Annica your response helped a lot.. I did the begging and the pleading, I left flowers and notes and candy on her car before school let out and showed up at her work with love letters and said every thing that you would never expect out of an all-state, state champion football captain. She is enjoying her new friends now. She told me to stop with the begging and pleading. She has also told my closest friend who oathed to her not to tell me a word that she still loves me just does not want anyone in her life that is able to hurt her. I now feel I am acting different and am not the fun, funny, upbeat person I always was. I feel I am being more relaxed and boring to try to be mature. At a month and a half gone are feelings lost? How do I know? She also informed my friend she can't picture herself even kissing another guy for months to come, and neither can I. What kind of steps do I take? She really is an amazing girl and I will spend the rest of my life with her unquestionably even being at the age of 17. She is that special. I'd really appreciate if you commented back! Thanks

This is just my opinion, so please don't get mad at about it.

Stop contacting her. You can't trust her, she can't trust you... There's no possibility of a normal relationship.

I can trust her with anything in the world. And up until I acted like a drunken idiot so could she. We both love each other so much, but you feel no chance of being normal?

I've been in relationships where there were breaks, and that's exactly what it is... A BREAK... If you get back together those things will always weigh heavy on both of your minds.

She won't ever be able to trust you the same.

So even though she may be able to trust me almost 100%, it's not worth it because it will never be up to that level?

She is playing head games with you. So go out with your friends and find the opportunity to meet new people. I've been in this situation before. And I've learned from it. If you two went several weeks without being "official", then it's time to move on. Life is short. And there's a lot of stuff waiting for you out in this world. Trust me. I know what it's like. One of my ex girlfriends had done the same thing to me. I said screw it and went on with life. I am now with another girl and we eventually got our own place and things are great. The same thing can happen with you. It'll be hard at first but, you'll live.

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Originally Posted by jman123h

So even though she may be able to trust me almost 100%, it's not worth it because it will never be up to that level?

I'm not her... but when I was cheated on, there was no chance of trust being back up to 100%, not even up to 50% so I ended it.

She's an amazing girl and I really don't see myself with another girl ever, and I'm not in the stage right now where you can only see your ex as the most perfect human in the world and that she is god's gift to this earth. So I just forget about it? She's really special to me, first love.

Heal and move on, as she won't be your last. Did you learn anything from this experience???

It's hard to heal when she still lingers and calls me. I don't want to tell her NC completely because I don't want her out of my life and I would still do anything for her back. I answer when I want but she is what I want. I'm starting to feel better. But I have learned a lot from this - a lot about me, a lot about what I want in a girl, what kind of person I want to be.

Do you want to be with someone that toys with your heart, feelings, emotions and trust? Or do you want to be in a loyal, monogamous, committed relationship. This is the choice that you have to make.

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Originally Posted by jman123h

it's hard to heal when she still lingers and calls me. I don't want to tell her NC completely because I don't want her out of my life and I would still do anything for her back. I answer when i want but she is what i want. I'm starting to feel better. But i have learned alot from this - alot about me, alot about what i want in a girl, what kind of person i want to be.

The only time I ever learn anything is if I truly let go of something, otherwise, you are still guided by your emotional attachment for this girl. You THINK you have learned things, and that may be the case, but until you truly let her go, you will NEVER change anything. I tend to believe that... maybe some other people won't. Just my opinion.

Threads merged, any other on this subject will be deleted. If you want more feedback, then you need more input on this thread!!

Give her what she wants. She asked you for space so give it to her. Maybe she'll come around after some time alone. My guess she won't because you've burned your bridge. That being said, you can never get her back by begging, and you can never get her back by not following what she's asked of you.

I have written my story before and want to give an update to seek further advice. Okay, to start, I am absolutely in love with an absolutely amazing girl, anyone in the world who knows her would agree. We had been dating for close to 3 years. I am currently 17 and we started dating when I was a freshman in high school at 14. I am currently a senior.

We had small breakups in the past and one where I had hooked up with another girl a number of times and I was very honest about everything but then went right back out with her. She was hurt by that because it was a girl she had kind of had suspicions about and it seemed as though I had broken up just to hook up with that girl. I cut all ties with that other girl and we continued to date for a year and a half beyond that and were absolutely in love. She was always the one to be more in love lets say and no one ever thought I would be the one depressed in the end. She didn't feel neglected or not loved, I was a great boyfriend don't get me wrong.

We have grown up together and have really molded and shaped each other into everything we want and need. We both saw each other going to separate colleges living our own lives but staying together because that is much we care. We currently attend different high schools so we didn't see that as an obstacle. My family and even my extended family loved her, her family and extended family loved me. I am pretty successful for what I can be at 17. Im attending either Villanova University or Clemson next year, I am a 2 sport captain, all state football player, blah blah blah. Im very proud of myself but she was there to share and capture all of that with me which made it much more special. I have a small group of people who I am very close with. I don't like fakes or people who don't truly care. She is different, we are different and that's what we loved. We always told each other how great it was to be different. We LAUGHED together at friends who needed to cheat, who couldn't hold a relationship, who fought everyday with their gf's/bf's. I honestly thought I would marry my high school sweat heart whom I had met through a freshman basketball game when she was the scorekeeper for the other team and thought I was "scary and intimidating" at first glance haha. I was not worried about only having sex with one girl in my life, and not being with another person ever. She was pretty content with all of this as well I'm pretty sure. I'm sure many people feel this way with first true loves, but I thought I was different.

This all seems great and marry until I got cocky. The month of December was the demise. I played football and football season is rough. Long practices, always tired. Football is humongous in my school and we won a state championship for the first time in 10 years.I'm a nice person but I had a short fuse during these 4 months, especially being my 4th straight year of this grueling varsity football season. I had sometimes been a jerk and she is very sensitive and took it to heart, but I was ready to make it up to her during the winter. I had begun to talk to other girls via text and internet sometimes. Our relationship was going downhill, she was curious what was happening and so was I. Christmas break came and I was still celebrating with my friends at parties and such. Christmas came and we celebrated for a couple hours at my house with my family, exchanged gifts, and hoped to make everything better. I made jerk move #1 that night. The night was winding down and she had to go home kind of soon. I asked her to go home a little early and bring me to a party. She will do anything for me but was kind of hoping I would take this request back but didn't say anything. She called me 2 hours after dropping me off upset, saying it's christmas and I couldn't even spend a whole night with her and had to go party. I felt ty but I was being selfish and kind of ignored it. My parents were then not home for the night and she was over. We had sex and she planned an amazing night to lay there and play our favorite board game in my big bed and watch a movie on my TV and fall asleep in each others arms and start getting back to where we were. I threw a party with 30 of my friends and 10 minutes after sex people started coming over because they knew no one was home. She had wanted me to say no the party everyone out and be with her. She doesn't like the girls too much in my group of friends so she wanted to just go home. She was very upset with me for the second time in a short period and was very upset with me and called me when she got home and thought it was rude of me and I needed to change or else. She then went to NYC with her family for a night and called me and said hey baby! We need to go to the city soon together and go out to dinner during our break! And I told her "maybe, we'll see, idk about that." She then came to a party I was at with a few friends a couple nights later and told me that she really wasn't sure about us anymore and we might be done. I thought this was for real and I was freaking out. I wanted to feel comfort and act on this possible freedom. I called over a girl I had been texting later on in the night at this party. I was really drunk and I made out with this girl in her car. It wasn't too long maybe a minute or two. I woke up the next morning and said no, that's retarded, that is not what I want. I should have told her the next that but I pretended to act as though I knew of nothing by claiming I was too drunk and was going to pretend nothing ever happened and never talk to that girl again.

My girlfriend then called for a break about a week later because she needed the famous time and space we talk about on here a lot. She found about me hanging out with that girl through someone else and I denied anything happened but admitted to seeing her. She then contacted the girl and found out the truth. She was so hurt and kind of still felt hurt from the other girl that I hooked up with when I dumped her a year and a half ago.
It is almost 8 weeks into all the time and space. The first week was prior to her finding out, the next few were the begging stage and then the past 5 weeks have been trying to heal but hanging on time. She hangs out with a new group of friends and feels as though she is in a great place now. We don't talk too often. I went NC for a week or more but I let her call me now and I answer when I want. I never call her though. My friends will talk to her and she'll talk to them sometimes and she believes I don't know of this. She tells them of how much she loves me, misses me, but just can't do it now. There is no guy in her life and she wants to jump back in to my arms everyday but can't. She sees no point to get back with me now that I did that because she doesn't know that I would never hurt her again. Regardless of the circumstance a cheat is a cheat. She can't see past it. She is pretty close to a perfect girl, and she can't see past this imperfection. I always made everything perfect for her and she can't handle this. She has rethought everything we believed in together about us, she probably wants to go to college single now. She loves me to the moooon and back, what's the problem? She told one of my friends she could maybe slowly work back into things with me. There are no magic words to change her mind or fix what I did, and I know that. But why does this stuff happen? We were so perfect for each other, and when she hears that she says now we know we weren't. She hasn't said that to me but told it to one of my friends. Do I even bother going out with her as just "nothing" and seeing her and trying to rekindle it? Because I believe it's worth it. We've met for lunch one time early in the break up, other than that she hasn't seen me. We haven't spoken about "us" kind of stuff in over a month. She's special, is it 100% damaged because of a 1 minute kiss? How do I go about this.

I know I'm young and the probable response will be "you're 17 there are plenty of girls out there, you're going to college don't worry, if she loves you she'll come back, if it's meant to be it's meant to be.. blah blah" However I along with many others feel that there really isn't someone else. And yes I feel I am that special case that really did find that perfect girl for them and no one will be better. But sometimes that really is the case, it has to be. I'm not scared I won't find love out there again, but I would really like to love her because I'm pretty confident I might not find one better than her. I'm not ready to just say screw the relationship. Help me.

I know how you feel, because I thought I found that "perfect someone" too. We talked on and off for a while and he is the only guy I want to be with. He told me he wants to be with me forever, but he's with someone else.

It sucks, I know where you are coming from. That "1 minute" thing may seem small to u, but to her it may seem bigger. I thought when I just stopped talking to this guy for another, it would be all good, it wasn't.

All I can tell you is if it is meant to be, it will turn out fine in the long run. She really just needs time and space to think, because she obviously loves you and wants to be with you, but she has to have her future in mind too, and she has to wonder if you are ever going to hurt her again.

I wouldn't say "go out and find someone else czuz there are other fish in the sea"
Because you know what you want, and if its what God intended, it will all fall into place.

Wow your's made me almost cry. That is said. Is your name jeremy? I hope everything works out,but if it is meant to be then she will come around. But if it isn't then she will want you to move on.

The first thing you have to do is back off from her completely. When friends tell you things she said, I wouldn't believe them. She probably tells her friends things they want to hear, because the truth is she's involved in some drama and she's the focal point. When people ask her about you, it makes her feel powerful and she's happy to say whatever makes her look in a positive light. You are just getting those messages returned.

I never want to see someone else, she's an absolutely amazing person. I'm going to see her soon and talk to her after we go out somewhere and pretty much summarize everything I just said on here. Then I'm going to tell her that not everything is perfect and if she loves me she'll have to accept this imperfection. If she says can't and never will I am going to cut all ties and never speak to her again and if she loves me she will come around but I am not going to dwell on it. Good idea?

It seems to me that you are in no position of power here - she holds all the cards. For you to make an ultimatum like that would prove quite unproductive in my opinion and would only force her away from you further.

You are so young right now, and by the looks of it you have quite a few things going for you. You have *so* much life ahead of you right now to be hung up on one girl. You will be experiencing some huge emotional growth and changing so much in the next 8 years or so. Trust me, I know. If I compared how I was when I was 17 to when I was 25, I was a COMPLETELY different person.

I know you're feeling that she's the absolutely most perfect girl in the world. Many of us have felt that way about our ex's. Ask any one of them, they'll tell you the same thing you're telling us right now. "But my situation is different/special." "I'll never find anyone like her, ever." "Our love was the truest love." Heard them all before in various iterations. You may not believe it now, but there are bigger and better fish out there.

Chuff is absolutely right, back off completely. Although YOU may not be ready to give up this relationship - you MUST realize that it takes both people to make it happen.

Hey that's a good idea. Is your name jeremy?

Jman you are young relationships are new to you. You have invested 3 years with one person and that is the only thing you have to draw from. You love her, and I don't doubt it for one second. So I mean this with the absolute best of intentions, but you have absolutely no idea what the hell you are doing.

Women want a man to be powerful, strong, and confident. What you are doing is the exact opposite.

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Originally Posted by jman123h

i never want to see someone else,

You know I was once in your spot, I had been in a 3 year relationship and I didn't want anyone else either. But as time wore on, and I look back I realize even though she dropped me, when she came back I didn't want her.

Now, maybe you if and when she comes back (and I'm not saying she will) you will want her. But what you are doing will never get you there.

If you tell her those words, "I never want to see someone else, do you know what she is going to do? She's going to tell you, "that's so sweet, and I feel the same way, but right now I just want to figure out some things but when I'm ready I'll be thrilled to know you stood by me this entire time." It may not be those exact words, but it will be something similar, because the girl you love, the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with is playing you and you don't even realize it. She will tell you something to give you a false hope, but she will never follow through. Why should she? As UnluckyDucky stated, she holds the cards. It's her game now, and you are following not leading.

How, you ask can you lead? Don't play the game. Leave her, leave the situation. Begging her isn't going to help you, in fact it will only put you further back. Show her you are stronger then her by not being available. Show her through silence that you are strong.

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Originally Posted by jman123h

she's an absolutely amazing person.

Perhaps. But she acts like every other woman does during a break up. So with that in mind, she's not all the amazing. In fact her game is quite elementary, but then again she's a beginner at this to.

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Originally Posted by jman123h

i'm going to see her soon

Why?

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Originally Posted by jman123h

and talk to her after we go out somewhere and pretty much summarize everything i just said on here.

God WHY?

Again, and I mean this kindly. You have absolutely no clue what you are doing. Trust me, I wish I had me telling this stuff after my break ups when I was younger. She already has power over you, now you are going to give her more, and beg? Not going to work. A woman has to have something to draw her into you. You have nothing at this point and the 1 card you have left is that of silence. Only when you go silient and give her time to miss you, will you learn if she is coming back. Because right now, she never is.

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Originally Posted by jman123h

then im going to tell her that not everything is perfect and if she loves me she'll have to accept this imperfection.

Let me get this straight. Your ex is not really interested in you, you are interested in her, she has all the power, you have none, she is moving on, you have not, and you are going to tell her that she has to accept this imperfection?

YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING!!

You see, it is this very attitude that is killing you. You want her, but instead of working on your own issues, you are going to force her to accept your love? Who the F-ing hell are you?

Dude, I'm a guy, and I see this do you know what a girl, more in touch with emotions is going to see?

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Originally Posted by jman123h

if she says can't and never will i am going to cut all ties and never speak to her again and if she loves me she will come around but i am not going to dwell on it. Good idea?

I can't believe you went from the above sentence to this one. I'm going to cut all ties and never speak to her again but if she loves me she will come around. I really hope this just the confusion of the moment, but if you think you are punishing her by not talking to her, the one being punished here is you. She's already moved on.

Love doesn't "come around." Love is earned, and you are not earning it. Please understand this, because I'm not trying to attack you even though it sounds that way, but you are coming off like a bully who got his a$$ kicked and is now making excuses for the fight. Maybe that has worked for you up until now, but let me tell you, your girl is becoming a woman. Boys that bully their way into a relationship with a girl may be all the rage in high school, but in the real world, a man like me would eat you for lunch while your woman cooks me dinner. Your girl has seen enough of the high school act. She's getting older, and she is starting to realize there are real men available who don't whine and pout, then turn around and beg for scraps when they don't get there way. You are not one of those men.
That being said, you need to work on some these issues. You need to set up some guidelines for yourself. What will you put up with, what will you stand for, what will do to make yourself a more complete person. When you do those things, and when you improve on those things with in yourself, then YOU will have love come around, and it will be easier then you make it out to be.

You have been Chuffed.

Agreed, you contradicted yourself by saying that you were going to cut all ties, but if she loves you, she'll come around. If you cut all ties with her, my bet is she won't be coming around.

No, my name isn't jeremy. But.. I feel I need closure and a final decision.

If given an I don't know, I don't think so, or an I can't, I'm going to 100% cut all ties, forever. If she says we can slowly work back into things, I'm ready to do it.

Why is that so terrible of an idea?

If u say you are going to cut all ties, then don't do anything different.

If u are going to work into things again, then do it.

Closure usually isn't given, it is accepted. You need to accept that this is over, pick your pride up, and start rebuilding what little self confidence you have. Most break ups (especially long term relationships) do not come with the "closure" that you seek. You need to create your own closure, and not worry about her doing it for you. Time to be a man...

Unfortunately I fear that we all could sit here and preach until we turn blue, and you still wouldn't listen to us... which is understandable. Been there before. Sometimes, we just have to learn the hard way.

Because if you are going to cut all ties to her then why go back into it with her and OK srry about the name OK.

Okay, I have read the whole story, then re-read it. I agree it's very touching, but come on since when did we forgive cheaters on here! I'm not taking his side at all, he hurt his "perfect woman" and last time I checked he made the choice to hook up with this other girl, who he had been texting longer and invited her to a party and then to his car and then proceeded to make out. Then was going to use the excuse that he was too drunk and wasn't going to tell his girlfriend about it. Then when confronted, he lied about it until she found out the truth from someone else. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. But he broke this girls heart, she was true to him(from what he implied) he was not, on two separate occasions and now wants her back. Damn right she should erase you from her life, she was there for you and you do this to her? You don't deserve closure, your closure was kissing another girl, lying about it and then thinking she should take you back.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Okay, I have read the whole story, then re-read it. I agree it's very touching, but come on since when did we forgive cheaters on here!? I'm not taking his side at all, he hurt his "perfect woman" and last time I checked he made the choice to hook up with this other girl, who he had been texting longer and invited her to a party and then to his car and then proceeded to make out. Then was going to use the excuse that he was too drunk and wasn't going to tell his girlfriend about it. Then when confronted, he lied about it until she found out the truth from someone else. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. But he broke this girls heart, she was true to him(from what he implied) he was not, on two separate occasions and now wants her back. Damn right she should erase you from her life, she was there for you and you do this to her? You don't deserve closure, your closure was kissing another girl, lying about it and then thinking she should take you back.

I had to spread it before I could rep you. I agree with you, and he has this sort of attitude, that "she'd be wise to take my love or I will punish her by not talking to her." This why he doesn't get it. Being a bully in relationships in high school might work, but he's entering a whole new world and his attitude problem won't let him see it.

Exactly Chuff, I just read it and got the impression that he is all high and mighty. The line about it being a one minute kiss, who cares how long the infidelity lasted, the problem is that it occurred in the first place.

He's like a kid who plays by the rule, "I can do what I want, and you better like it or I won't let you play" Then when she actually doesn't play he gets mad at her and says "okay you play but you still have to play by my rules" and she's like "No, I just won't play" and he get's upset because he realizes she can go play with other people.

I completely understand what you both are saying. And if that is the case then I will be able to live with that. But I haven't those type of words come out of her mouth. I am hanging on to hope from the feelings she still has of love and desire to come right back to me. I would really like to hear that she can never forgive me for this. And following that by me not talking to her I'm not trying to punish her at all. I'm trying to better myself and get her out of my life so I can heal for real now.

Reading that again, you guys were just brutally honest, and it kind of hurts. This is my first real relationship and first love. I don't really know exactly how to be the best boyfriend but I do know I love her more than anything and I hurt her badly. I am willing to do anything I can to have her again, and will be the best I can be. I'm young and inexperienced with this stuff, you think she should just 100% leave me and never talk to me again?

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Originally Posted by jman123h

reading that again, you guys were just brutally honest, and it kind of hurts. This is my first real relationship and first love. I don't really know exactly how to be the best boyfriend but i do know i love her more than anything and i hurt her badly. I am willing to do anything i can to have her again, and will be the best i can be. I"m young and inexperienced with this stuff, you think she should just 100% leave me and never talk to me again?

I don't really think it matters what she does, and hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20. You need to focus on fixing your issues, and NOTHING has changed with you in such a short time span. Things happen for a reason, and experience in life is everything... you have to screw up to learn how to be good at things, it just happens that way. I would think she is gone, totally out of your life, and you know what?? It isn't the end of the world, it happened, and most likely will happen again. Life sometimes sucks, nothing you can do about it but learn, pick yourself up, and quit beating a dead horse!

You don't just start being a good boyfriend. It is all relative to the people you date, to be honest. Learning how to adapt, how to make yourself better, and how to accept things for what they are... well that is just key. You now know what it is you need to work on... so get to work!!