Hey me and my girlfriend have been going out for just about a year and we love each other very much! Just yesterday she told me that I have become lazy and unexciting... and that she wants a break to have fun and go out with her friends. I used to take her out all the time anywhere she wanted to go we went. Anytime she needed me I was there for her! We would watch movies at our houses together, and we used to go out all the time but now I currently am trying to get a job and its hard to find one because no one is hiring. So since I haven't had a job going out to places has been a little limited now. It hurts so much inside I have no idea why she would do this! She said she still loves me and is not with another guy. She said maybe in a coupe of weeks we can meet up or something. This whole situation is driving me crazy I want to text her and want to get her back now but every one keeps telling me to leave it alone and let her come back to me. All of her boyfriends before me have treated her like or used her, and I am the only one who has ever been so nice so caring and always there for her and she calls me her everything! I just don't see why this happened!?

Anyone have any ideas what I should do or say? Please help! I don't want to lose her!

Thanks!

Her feelings have changed, and you do need to leave her alone, and focus on getting a job, so you can build your own life.

Sometimes we just don't click any more, and no matter how good you were, you'll be even better with the next one.

She said she still wants to talk and still loves me and maybe we can meet up in a couple weeks

You have got to be kidding! Don't you know that any contact will give you false hope, and drive you crazy??

Read some of the things the guys and girls here have gone through, trying to keep someone in your life who has dumped you, before you were ready to move on.

Being in the friend zone, and available to her when she wants you, sounds good on paper, but it's a miserable experience.

Do you really think her mind will change, and you'll live happily ever after??

She texted me today saying that... "I know I let you down in a way.. but you will always be someone very special to me. So I wrote back because I am truly in love with her and she said we might get together on valentines day for dinner. I really want to show her the better me and prove to her that I love her so much and want this to last!

OK. Hold the phone here. She is feeding you the BS break-up special.

Quote:

---

I know I let you down in a way.. but you will always be someone very special to me.

---

Ding, Ding, Ding, this relationship is over. Sorry bud, it is best to stop holding on to this and time to start the healing process.

Quote:

---

she said we might get together on valentines day for dinner.

---

Why so you can pay for her meal, while she feeds you every line in the book, building this fantasy of false hope of reconciliation in your head?

No way man! No Valentine's day dinner. You are broke-up. Break-ups don't include dinner, drinks, and dancing. Break-ups include something called the NC rule. A rule that you should implement right now. Trust me, and everyone that replies after me, you will be WAY better off if you just drop it and start attempting to move on now. The more you hang around the more you end up in the barren land known as the Friends Zone.

You may think that your relationship is the exception, but if you read around, you'll find it's not.

Time to let go. Time to reconnect with friends. Time to start building your life back up, without her. It's time to move on.

Sorry for the harsh sounding answer... but the earlier you realize what's going on the better off you will be.

This is still very fresh to you. Soon you'll (hopefully) come to realize that loving someone and being in love with them, while both perfectly honest answers, mean very different things. You love your family and close friends right? You wouldn't want to be romantically involved with them, though.

You're going to have some hard weeks ahead, but it'll get better. Before you contact her out of weakness, come here and vent and then don't do it. Only she can make that choice, and there's nothing you can do to change it except stand back.

Everyone on here is right, read people's posts and stories on here about their "breaks" and you will see they are like yours. She does love you, you always will love someone you loved before just less than before and not in a romantic way but she needs to go out and live her life and she chose without you. Now you need to do the same, go NC with her and rebuild your own life without her.

I will bet you that if you end up going to dinner on Valentine's Day you will follow it up with a post on the forum about what does this mean, or what does that mean. You are going to end up worse than what you are now.

I know all of you on here are trying to give me the best advice and trying to help me and I appreciate it but I cannot go NC with my ex I have to get back together with her!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and I need to do this so I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning I told her dad that I was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear I bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this I have to get her back no matter what! NC doesn't always help everyone's situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyway!

Ill keep you all posted what happens on Monday

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JTS31708

I know all of you on here are tryin to give me the best advice and tryin to help me and i appreciate it but i cannot go NC with my ex i have to get back together with her!!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and i need to do this so im going to her house at 2am in the morning i told her dad that i was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear i bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this i have to get her back no matter what! NC doesnt always help everyones situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyways!

ill keep you all posted what happens on monday

---

You don't need to keep me posted.. I know what will happen.

Ahem..

This is how you are feeling.
Oh my god there is hope she loves me. There is still a chance I mean look she is sending me text and she did say sorry!. so there is a chance!

This is what she is thinking.

Uff I feel guilty I know what will make me feel better. Ill tell him I'm sorry and etc etc and maybe fill him with a bit of false hope.


You say NC does not work all the time.. Trust me kid. Its much better than filling your head with false hope
Begging. And trying to buy back love

Have some self respect
And just leave her alone.

Or if not and you are so willing on doing this.
What's the point of even coming on here. If your not going to listen.
You will be back here trust me.

And we are not going to be as forgiving. As we were.
Because if you burn yourself once. Yeah it's a shame
You do it twice, and you know your doing it. You a... well will leave it like that.

Enjoy the let down kid ;)
Your in for some more pain.

This forum is for help on someone's situation whether it be breaking up, getting back together, trying to forget about them, and so on. I know you all try to help with by saying just move on and everything will be better but that's not how everyone feels.. not everyone in the world is just going to give up on someone they once loved or still do! It helps some people with going no contact but not everyone keep that in mind.

Don't you dare speak to me about how its hard for you.
You think it was easy for us? For me?

Everyone on here. Has been really hurt or has had a relationship gone bad in someway

Now did we go. Oh OK thanks for the memories yeah ill see you later.

No we did not. We broke down. We felt bad. We wanted them back.
This is all normal feelings.

But the thing that makes us different, is.. I was willing to listen to other people
I had the sens that. My own feelings was clouding the way I thought.
Yeah it was hard as hell.

But everyone speaking to you. Has been where you are today.
You may think you're the only one. And know one knows your pain
Or the love you guys felt between each other.
I'm sorry. But that's b.s

We have ALL been there done that, brought the T-shirt and even washed it.

Trust me if I could see a chance that you guys could make this work. I would say look you can probable make this work here it goes.

But she has said that you are no fun. And she wants to go out have fun.
Now I could go on. For the many reasons this is a no come back zone.
But ill put it in these words for you..

She is bored. Simple as that. Now this is not your fault. It happens as everyone has said people grow apart

You think we wanted to go N.C? No we didn't. We all had that thought in our heads. Maybe the what ifs.
But after months and months of being strang along and learning the hard way. Yeah we kick ourselves. And think oh geee if I would have just not brought her that big teddy bar

Because you see in the end... you don't win her back. You just end up hating yourself. For acting like a love sick puppy.
And you will shake your head and go wow, did I really do that.

You may think this sounds harsh. And I know these words won't effect your actions
As I'm sure your going to run off and go all MOVIE on her. Flowers nice words gifts.

As I said that does not work.

Do what you must. We all have to learn one way or the other
We are just trying to save you some pain.

But as I said in my last message
If you want to go down the hard road. Then be my guest.

Come back on here in 3 months. And then tell me. What you think
I can tell you 100% that you will won't even believe what you wrote.


No contact is not for everyone.. yeah No S@@ I personaly love contact. But if it just damages you. Then why do it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JTS31708

I know all of you on here are tryin to give me the best advice and tryin to help me and i appreciate it but i cannot go NC with my ex i have to get back together with her!!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and i need to do this so im going to her house at 2am in the morning i told her dad that i was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear i bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this i have to get her back no matter what! NC doesnt always help everyones situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyways!

ill keep you all posted what happens on monday

---

You are setting yourself up for more pain and hurt.No matter what you do , she probably isn't coming back

I can't just take her out of my life and I need to do this so I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning

You don't have a choice her, she doesn't want you to be a part of her life that's why she broke up with you.Move on

Quote:

---

I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning I told her dad that I was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear I bought her

---

Wow... if you think this is going to win her back, let me tell you what it really says to her.

This really tells her that she can do anything she wants, walk all over you, and you will keep coming back.

It shows how needy and desperate you are, two things that women hate to see in men. It also shows how insecure you are with yourself, by showing her that you can't live with out her.

This may creep her out or piss her off. She will either be thinking "Whoa, this guy is seriously way too obsessed." OR "Why the f- is he here at 2am. I'm trying to get some sleep so I can go out tomorrow and party with my friends."

You are trying to do what they do in the movies. Wake up!! This is real life not some movie. Things that always work in movies hardly ever work in reality. Hardly anyone wins their love back and rides happily into the sunset. It is all fantasy, and sadly many people confuse this with reality.

As True says, we all learn some how. Some people listen and take the easier way, others like to emotionally beat themselves into submission by going through what your trying to do.

It is going to take you so much longer to move on from this when she really crushes your heart and you finally realize the situation.

Why don't you cash in the $57 teddy and buy a $10 welcome mat and afix it to your head.

Same same but different.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JTS31708

This forum is for help on someones situation whether it be breaking up, getting back together, trying to forget about them, and so on. I know you all try to help with by sayin just move on and everything will be better but thats not how everyone feels.. not everyone in the world is just gonna give up on someone they once loved or still do! It helps some people with going no contact but not everyone keep that in mind.

---

NC is for EVERYONE the best option. Now you are thinking that your situation is unique and you are the only one in the world suffering this loss. Not true at all. You see only in this site there are thousands.imagine the whole world.its hard for you now and everything seems virtual. Don't pinch yourself. Its not a bad dream. It's the reality and you have to deal with it.dont escape. Stay strong with your NC and you will feel better.

Let me say you an expression that I read in this forum: If you really love someone set him free. If she comes back to you, she is yours.if she doesn't, then she isn't meant to be with you.---so set her free.

Accept this.you don't have any other solutions. You can't get her back trying to find a job or trying to change yourself. Don't believe every word she says. Open your eyes. She is not an angel and she is not perfect.---if there was any way to get her back we would have told it to you. We don't have any interest to lie you. We are here to help.

Sorry to say this but don't be surprised if you find out soon that she has another guy.be a man and deal with it. One day you are going to thank her for what she did.
she will make you stronger.

Love is not a *when I feel like it* kind of thing.It is not * I love you when you can take me out and spend money on me*kind of thing either.
Love means sticking with someone through thick and thin. Bottom line is that if she truly cared for you she would not treat you this way.
Love is unconditional... period.

I did something like this and my ex was turned off by the fact I showed up, it shows desperation, which is unattractive to a girl. Same thing happened with me, I used to take her out all the time and I lost my job. Woman are turned off by men without jobs. If you don't have a job your "worth" is decreased and they don't see value in you. Also I did the same mistake as you did, we spent way too much time together, women like it when men do their own thing. I learned a few things from people here, no contact works, I didn't contact her for 3 days and she was already texting me to see how I am. When you don't give chase they wonder why and most of the time come back.Women hate to be ignored. Im on the same boat as you dude, my girlfriend was smart and gorgeous. They love attention, but if u give them too much suddenly they want space, or want to be alone, or just do something with the girls. Its only whether they realize if they do miss you, that determines if they come back. Time can only tell. And time sucks. Especially if u lost your job.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by heartbroke

i did something like this and my ex was turned off by the fact i showed up, it shows desperation, which is unattractive to a girl. Same thing happened with me, i used to take her out all the time and i lost my job. Woman are turned off by men without jobs. If you dont have a job your "worth" is decreased and they dont see value in you. also i did the same mistake as you did, we spent way too much time together, women like it when men do their own thing. I learned a few things from people here, no contact works, i didnt contact her for 3 days and she was already texting me to see how i am. When you dont give chase they wonder why and most of the time come back.Women hate to be ignored. Im on the same exact boat as you dude, my girlfriend was smart and gorgeous. They love attention, but if u give them too much suddenly they want space, or want to be alone, or just do something with the girls. its only whether or not they realize if they do miss you, that determines if they come back. time can only tell. And time sucks. Especially if u lost your job.

---

That is exactly what I mean! I've been going no contact for a week and she texted me and called once and I only answered one call that's all.. she said we will talk on Tuesday

I had a really good weekend with myfriends after feeling horrible for the past week!. Ive decided I'm just going to go to her house and just tell her how I feel so I can get it all out I'm not going to seem desperate or needy I just want to express the way I feel and let her make a decision I'm not going to beg for her to come back to me I'm going to say if you want to give things a try again I'm here but I'm not going to be waiting around. The main part what gets me is that she gave up on me so fast... I understand this is her first real good relationship! All of her other boyfriends used her and treated her like sh.t! And her other relationships only lasted about a month at max. This was her longest one and her first love which was just about a year long.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JTS31708

I had a really good weekend with myfriends after feeling horrible for the past week!... Ive decided im just gonna go to her house and just tell her how i feel so i can get it all out im not going to seem desperate or needy i just want to express the way i feel and let her make a decision im not going to beg for her to come back to me im going to say if you want to give things a try again im here but im not going to be waiting around. The main part what gets me is that she gave up on me so fast.... i understand this is her first real good relationship! all of her other boyfriends used her and treated her like sh.t! and her other relationships only lasted about a month at max. This was her longest one and her first love which was just about a year long.

---

This is not going to work out.How are you going to ask her to come back without acting desperate and needy? If you find a way do let me know.It doesn't matter it this was her first real good relationship, in by the way she doesn't think it was her first good relationship, if she did why would she then break up with you.Move on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JTS31708

im not going to seem desperate or needy

---

Yes, yes you will. You won't mean to, but you will come across that way. I'd nearly promise it.

Sorry to tell you buddy, but from someone that has been on both the giving and receiving side of desperate, you will.

Honestly man just stop and chill a sec, leave her alone. All you are going to do is push her away more and more every time you do this. Just leave it and move on. If she really wants you she will come back to you but let her be the one that takes the initiative.
Because all your doing is setting yourself up for some major heartache, more then you have now. Because once you have totally scared her off she will never come back. Then you totally lost her for good. And never have a chance again.

I did the same thing man, it will put pressure on her and she won't like it. If you give a girl an ultimatem, they will always pick the one you didn't want to piss you off and show you she's independent. Your going to look needy, don't do it

The only thing that you can do to make her want to come back is... do nothing. You trying to convince her to get back together with you will backfire spectacularly.

Its very very counter-intuitive... but it's the way it is. If you want her back, leave her alone, and let her make that decision on her own. And while you are leaving her alone, move along with your life, that way if she decides she doesn't want to get back together, you will be far enough down the track that you won't care either way.

She sounds very immature. You were her longest relationship and it was only for a year?

How old are you two?

She definitely has to figure herself out. If all of her relationships have only been for a few months to a year, she doesn't know what she wants relationship wise. She still has a lot of growing to do.

You need to leave her alone and figure out what exactly you want in a woman, because it sounds like you have a lot growing to do as well. Continue to go out, have fun, and not worry about anything right now.

I decided not to go but now I'm stuck with a $50 teddy bear and I don't have the receipt lol Im going to give her time for a while!

Give it to a little sister, niece, or cousin. They will love it I bet.

Today I went over like she told me to then blew me off and didn't give me the time of day to express the way I feel so I can let everything out and move on with my life! I ended up going over(she wasn't home) her mom and I talked and it made me feel a lot better and I gave her stuff that was at my house and a teddy bear that I was going to give her for valentines day there was no need in keeping it so I gave it and left I cried in the car for about 10 min but after wards I felt a lot better and now I feel so much better and am ready to move on with my life if she tries to talk to me again it probably won't happen... if I ever decide to let it work again things will go very very slowly but for right now I feel great or at least better then last week!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Everyone on here is right, read people's posts and stories on here about their "breaks" and you will see they are like yours. She does love you, you always will love someone you loved before just less than before and not in a romantic way but she needs to go out and live her life and she chose without you. Now you need to do the same, go NC with her and rebuild your own life without her.

I will bet you that if you end up going to dinner on Valentine's Day you will follow it up with a post on the forum about what does this mean, or what does that mean. You are going to end up worse than what you are now.

---

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more. It seems nonsensical to me. If they love you, really love you, then they should always love in that way. If they don't then it seems to me, either they never did, or they have associated love with the emotional feeling that we see in the movies, but that is not real love. Trust... people married for 30 years do not love each other (the emotional kind) at the same level. It goes up and down over the years.

Just asking but the girl that I recently got dumped by a week ago is already flirting with some other guy (event though I don't care now). I finally feel a lot better getting out everything I needed to say to her. She and I were going out for about a year and it was the best relationship we have both ever had! I did everything I could for I was always there for her and now since we broke up she thinks I'm annoying because all her friends or people that know her said she made a mistake. She told me to come over today so I can talk to her and she blew me off and didn't give me the time of day and left. I drove to her house and me and her mom had a talk and she thinks that she isn't thinking straight and all. She called and I picked up and I told her on the phone how I felt I didn't argue or anything and she got mad because of everyone saying how big of a mistake she made and she told me "F**k you"and hung up on me I replieed back(text) saying one day you'll understand and appreciate everything I did for you and was always there by your side and if you ever want to give us another chance then call me. Bye. How long will it take this girl to realize "Damn I made a mistake and I miss the stuff he did for me.

Just wondering by the way ever since I wrote that and left a big teddy bear on her bed and talked to her mom I feel a lot better and not stressed one bit.

From a past experience, it took him about 2 months. And that's what people told me. That he'll realize what he did and come back to you wanting you to take him back if I just gave it a few months. But, don't rely on that. She may take much longer or never at all. If she's not willing to give you the time of day, I say to maybe do a little dating in the time being... you know... don't wait for just one person to change.

I agree with what you say I just wish people would realize all the good things you do for them and were always there for them. But for now I'm taking it slow and not rushing into a relationship for a while until I feel ready to do so because at times my heart still hurts knowing I lost someone I loved very much.

Nobody in the world can predict if she will ever regret her decision.she may or she may not.she regrets it or not, its not your duty to think about this or you are not going to move on. Focus on yourself and start your healing process which means No Contact. Time is the best medicine. There is an expression "they may forget what you said to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel".so don't worry. She will never forget a such nice guy like you.if she is clever enough she will come back. If she isn't, its her problem.You just move on. Go NC and don't wait for her.you are not losing her.she lost you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ka1

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more. It seems nonsensical to me. If they love you, really love you, then they should always love in that way. If they don't then it seems to me, either they never did, or they have associated love with the emotional feeling that we see in the movies, but that is not real love. Trust...people married for 30 years do not love each other (the emotional kind) at the same level. it goes up and down over the years.

---

OK, now you are just being naïve. I have broken my far share of hearts, as well as had my heart broken a few times and I still love each and everyone of the girls I said "I love you" too, just not in the emotional way I used too. Each girl will hold a special place in my heart because of the time we shared together. Just because someone's feelings change and the love on a relationship level is gone does NOT mean they never loved you or misunderstood their emotion. I understand you are hurt but don't start posting advice with a clouded mind or anger on other people's posts as it is not helpful. You ask anyone on this forum, who has been around and healed, they will say they do believe their ex loved them but their feelings changed. I don't blame my ex for her feelings changing, it was something she made a decision to live with.

To capitalize on what Rome said, as I concur, this is life. You cannot predict it and some Hollywood director isn't sitting behind a desk writing your "love" story for you. Feelings change, like the weather, they really do. To think that by falling in love that it stays that way for ever is just extremely blind and naïve emotions clouding the way you feel. That is almost having the self pity syndrome, where everything revolves around you... heaven forbid someone NOT be in love with you for the rest of their lives, and if their feelings do change, then apparently they never did really love you. GARBAGE!

You really only have two options in life:

1. Make the most of what you have
2. Wallow in self pity, and eventually die of shame

Which one would you prefer?

You both miss my point I'm afraid. Focus on what I said about married couples. In 20, 30, 40 yrs do you really think the emotional feeling part we tak about so much has not changed? Of course it has. It has gone up and down. Been stronger and weaker, BUT THEY ARE STILL MARRIED. If you felt enough to get married, or say yes to getting married then you should be able to hold on to that person when the feelings wane a bit. They will, and then they will come back, especially if you realize that you are as responsible for them as anything else. Meaning when you put love into it, you get it back. But I think Lolo and many others hit that spot where things are low in the emotional side and then just leave. And make some silly excuse about not meant to be, or some other such nonsense. If you say that 1 person is not the person, and you will find someone who is, think about that statement. Do you really think that you will be on some emotional high for 30yrs when you get that"right person" NO! You have to decide to stay put. That's my point. If you loved enough to go there, that love does not just go away and will resurface stronger.

If I'm wrong then, LOLA and the rest of you ask yourself and tell me, how have people that are married stayed married for 25,30, and 40+ years

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JTS31708

I used to take her out all the time anywhere she wanted to go we went. Anytime she needed me i was there for her!

---

Did you guys ever do what you wanted, or was she always calling the shots? I could see that as being unexciting.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ka1

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more.

---

I agree. All the girls I said "I love you to" was a lie. Every time it was pure lust.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

To think that by falling in love that it stays that way for ever is just extremely blind and naive emotions clouding the way you feel.

---

That's a pretty depressing thought man. Life doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to go through life with the thought in my brain that my future wife might fall out of love; I'd always be on the defense. I used to think like this too, and then I realized it's because I still had issues from my past relationship that I had to deal with.

So you want to stay in a relationship, no matter how bad it is, because you feel the love will come back? Are you serious? Quit comparing people who are married for a long amount of time to every relationship. MOST relationships END, period. MOST people are not right for each other, period. That is the most naïve statement or post I have read in a long time.

Fact: People fall out of love! It happens. Anyone blind to that fact clearly needs to re-evaluate their stance.

I don't know if I agree or disagree with what was said in the last few posts.

When people first fall in love (new love/lust) they can't get enough of each other. They are with each other all the time. They f like rabbits and so on.

As the years (2 years or more) go by, the lust wanes. This is when the mature/real loves takes over. This is when you are there for each other. You help each other out and you care for one another. You communicate and make compromise to make things continue to work. Sex is not AS important at this stage, but still required for a healthy relationship.

Finally after many years together, I would say 10 years or more, you start to get to the attachment phase, where both people are so entrenched in each other thoughts, emotions, and lives, that if one where to leave, or god forbid die, it is a real emotional and physical shock to the other person.

Look at all of the old couples in the world, who have been together for 30,40,50 years. They still love and care for each other. Many of them refer to there partners as their lovers AND best friends. When one person looses the other, the partner still living usually follows close behind. Why? I believe that after being with someone for that long, your body actually needs that person to live. Ever hear of someone dying from a "broken heart"? It happens all the time. I'm not saying that this is the case for all couples... but it is interesting to think about.

I think to say you will always loose love for your partner after a while is false. I believe the love is always there, but it matures from new love/lust to attachment. It doesn't change, it just grows, like a baby into an adult. To say that it doesn't change is wrong. However, to say it always dies, or goes away at the drop of a hat is wrong as well.

BTW, we should take this to another thread... we kind of hijacked JT's thread here. :D