The other night, my girlfriend of two years told me that she wanted to have a break. Now I have never had to deal with this so I am not quite sure what this means. She said she didn't love me anymore the way she did for so long and needed time to figure things out. However she did say she still wants to hang out and spend time together, just not kiss or engage in any intimate situations. Can anybody here tell me what she might want or how I could deal with this situation, because I'm very confused and do not know what to do.

Well, I have two reasons for this. The first one your not going to like but she might be cheating on you and wants to keep you around as a rock or pillar in case it doesn't work out with the other guy.

The second reason might be that when you first met her you were a different person. Maybe you were playing a game or you had a front that you put up. In two years she has come to see the real you. This is either not who she fell in love with or is confused as to who the real you is. Think back and remember if your behavior and personality has changed since you first met. If it has then she wants the first person she fell in love with. The reason she wants to hang around is she is hoping she is wrong and you will revert back to the person you were before.

Good luck brother, and know that your not alone we've all been there. Whatever the answer is you will bounce back.

Well honestly I know that she wouldn't cheat on me and she's made it clear that she's never been interested in anyone else. Also we've hung out almost every night during the summer. For the past 3 months we've seen each other probably about 5 or 6 days a week. What I feel like may have happened is that we saw each other too much and maybe she just got tired of the same old routine of hanging out with each other and doing the same old thing. When we had our conversation she said that the spark that was there between us was missing. Also she just left to go away on vacation this morning so we won't see each other till the 15th. I'm hoping that while she's away she can think about everything and make up her mind. Do you think what I'm saying makes sense at all?

Well, forget the "hanging out" jazz. It sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. If she wants out, then it's out, all the way. You move on with your life, date other women and forget all about her. At the very least, make her think you've forgotten all about her. Why should you be a "free" Saturday night date for her when she doesn't even want so much as a kiss or any "other intimate situations?" Talk about using someone! Please don't let her do it to you.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Well, I have two reasons for this. The first one your not gonna like but she might be cheating on you and wants to keep you around as a rock or pillar in case it doesn't work out with the other guy.

The second reason might be that when you first met her you were a different person. Maybe you were playing a game or you had a front that you put up. In two years she has come to see the real you. This is either not who she fell in love with or is confused as to who the real you is. Think back and remember if your behavior and personality has changed since you first met. If it has then she wants the first person she fell in love with. The reason she wants to hang around is she is hoping she is wrong and you will revert back to the person you were before.

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The first reason is a definite possibility. But as for the second reason, no way! Don't blame him for her own fickleness and manipulative tactics. She has to take responsibility for her own decisions and actions (or inactions, as the case may be.) If that was the case, she could have and should have said "toodle-loo, sweetheart" a long time ago.

Good. Let her go away and don't contact her at all.
Leave her alone and concentrate on YOU!

Work on yourself. Work out what pushed her away, work out how if she comes back and wants to try that you can keep that apark.

Don't see her everyday. Make her miss you. Be a mystery. This site is littered with stories like your swhere the aprk went missing. It is up to you to keep it there.

There are ways of doing this that we can help you with later. But right now you need to LEAVE HER ALONE, Don't CONTACT HER.
Work on yourself.

Please do this! You need some time to yourself even though you don't realise it now! It will be good for you in the long run!

Hanging out with an ex can be a heart wrenching experience. Go your own way and continue with your life and be around new people and have fun without her. Don't call or contact her period. She wants a break ,give it to her. You have other things to do, don't you? And don't go running back because she calls and changes her mind,You are not a yo-yo!

I agree with your above posts.

I would also suggest not to 'hang' out with her just as friends.
You will hurt more, as you will always want more, while she is happy the way she is.

Tell her you accept the fact that she wants a break and you will give her a break and that is it, a break where there will be NO contact between you, NO hanging out as friends. Give her the break, but don't give her the cake and let her eat it all.

I like the advice everyone's given. Its def helped a lot. Now here's another question. She's on vacation and she said she would call. Should I answer it or just not talk to her for the whole week she's away

No contact

"But as for the second reason, no way! Don't blame him for her own fickleness and manipulative tactics. She has to take responsibility for her own decisions and actions (or inactions, as the case may be.) If that was the case, she could have and should have said "toodle-loo, sweetheart" a long time ago."

I'm not blaming him. I'm pointing out that when people enter relationships they tend to put there best foot forward and hide part of there personalitys. As time moves forward they let there wall down and the real person starts to emerge. Maybe she fell for the guy she thought he was at the beginning of the relationship, and did not want the guy he really was. Maybe she's been holding on thinking he would return to his previous ways. I don't know that's why I asked him to think back over the course of his time with her. Only he knows if he's changed or become a different person.

"shes on vacation and she said she would call. should i answer it or just not talk to her for the whole week shes away"

I would say answer it but make the conversation really short, only 2 or 3 minutes, and then politely excuse yourself telling her your really busy and you have to attend to some other things. When she comes back from vacation DO NOT call her. Wait for her to call you. Again be short with her, and only talk for 2 or 3 minutes

If you do decide to answer then the above advice is spot on the money. End the call yourself.
But me personally I wouldn't answer. She asked for space and it would be hypocritical of her to call you.
I just wouldn't answer it. You have other things to do. DO OTHER THINGS! Keep busy and work on you. Love yourself!

The whole point of no contact is to heal and grieve to get over the loss one feels when a relationship DIES. A phone call can reopen old wounds. Cast doubt and generally interrupt the healing process. One must look to do what they think I best for them.

Tal is exactly right.
It is often advocated on here to have no contact etc. this isn't to make the other person miss you. It might very well do that and you could end up back with them.
The no contact should be for YOU though. To work on yourself. Help yourself. Think deep inside yoursefl and see what YOU want. It should always be done for ones self. Not as a tactic tog et someone back in my opinion. But in the long run it can actually be what brings them back!
You need the time for YOURSELF though. It really helps you figure out some things about you that you maybe didn't realise!

I'm glad I stumbled upon this website.. . its just what I needed. In regards to answering her call if she does try tonight, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a short conversation with her, because despite all this, I do miss her and want to see how things are though I will not mention anything pertaining to the relationship.

You are setting yourself up for more pain. I've been where you are now. It doesn't help but if you are intent on talking to her then no one will convince you otherwise.
You won't get the answers you are looking for though!

"i suppose it wouldnt hurt to have a short convo with her, because despite all this, i do miss her and want to see how things are though i will not mention anything pertaining to the relationship."

Based on those words I have changed my answer. DO NOT talk to this woman. You are just setting yourself up for more pain. No offense but I don't think your strong enough right now to handle talking to her. I don't think it's going to do you any good. In fact it's only going to confirm to her she made the right decision. You have to heal yourself, and worry about you. Don't talk to her now or for awhile from now.

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Originally Posted by chuff

"But as for the second reason, no way! Don't blame him for her own fickleness and manipulative tactics. She has to take responsibility for her own decisions and actions (or inactions, as the case may be.) If that was the case, she could have and should have said "toodle-loo, sweetheart" a long time ago."

I'm not blaming him. I'm pointing out that when people enter relationships they tend to put there best foot forward and hide part of there personalitys. As time moves forward they let there wall down and the real person starts to emerge. Maybe she fell for the guy she thought he was at the beginning of the relationship, and did not want the guy he really was. Maybe she's been holding on thinking he would return to his previous ways. I don't know that's why I asked him to think back over the course of his time with her. Only he knows if he's changed or become a different person.

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Yes but if it took her two years to realize that, if that is indeed the case, then she isn't keeping her eyes and ears open the way she should.

"Yes but if it took her two years to realize that, if that is indeed the case, then she isn't keeping her eyes and ears open the way she should."

Agreed.

Don't hang out with her!! Leave her be - disappear for a while.

Avoid the friend zone at all cost.

I pretty much think THERE IS ANOTHER GUY. WOmen are crafty - they can hide a new guy easy - and the old 'slinger' they always and forever WILL lie to you - to 'spre you feelings' - ughhhhhhhh!!

Women think guys think with their feelings! Ughhhh - we use logic!!

I think guys get VERY lazy in rrelationships... and are too dumb to realize until it's too late that it's ove.

Remember ALWAYS are forever guys... Girls WANT to have fun!! Make them laugh. You get stuck in old routines and your done!!

Don't talk to her dude... make her miss you - concept guys just don't get.

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Originally Posted by snsju05

im glad i stumbled upon this website. . .its just what i needed. in regards to answering her call if she does try tonight, i suppose it wouldnt hurt to have a short convo with her, because despite all this, i do miss her and want to see how things are though i will not mention anything pertaining to the relationship.

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I really do hope you didn't have a short phone conversation with her..! :cool:
Why would u want to know what she is up to and what fun is she having, without you... ( so u hurt yourself even more ).
If you didn't answer then I'm sure she is asking herself - why? :confused: and she may miss you after all!!
(which is better for you )

Leave er alone... disappear for a few months - believe me.

" when someone wants out, expect a lot of alibis and reasons, but when someone wants in, even the impossible becomes possible"

I must say dude, I'm going through an extremely similar situation. Have you ever considered the possibility that its just her? Sometimes when people encounter a lot of stress or are taking on new responsibilities or rolls, things become less clear to them. Does she seem stressed? If not, then she's probably just had a revolution and wants more freedom or wants to see how much you love her. What everyone said already is 100%, nothing is better than working on yourself during this time. Turn that negative energy into positive energy, situations like this can make you do things you always wanted to do but never got around to doing. It can also make you think about what's wrong with you, and what mistakes you made in the relationship that could've led to this. One way or another, this will be a time for change, because that's what she wants. Whether its in you, or the relationship or her, change is imminent. This is a time for growing. One thing you may be worried about, is that you're going to do what these guys have recommended and not talk to her. Then she's not going to think you care , and is going to be even more positive about her choice. The question is what to do? Show her how much you care and display changes or different routines to let her know your expanding your horizons. OR . Keep to yourself and let her clean things up within her mind. Regardless, you don't want to be clingy. To an extent I think most people listen to advice, but they're not really prepared to do what is necessary, it sounds good at the time, but after about 2 days, it feels like forever and you just sort of fall apart. You can't let that happen, be strong and remind yourself of what your trying to do, keep your eye on the ball, and you never know... you may find you don't want to be back with her... or she may realize she was wrong and want to be with you again. All I can say is good luck, and I hope things go better for you then they are for me.

Grayfox... OUTSATNDING insight!! Great Wisdom.

Everyone read this.

Your lover Won't forget you during a time of no contact. They won't forget you.

They reason for 2 or 3 months of contact is to let that person sort out their feelings... miss you... realize what they had... give them space and freedom ANY person craves at certain times in their lives...

YOU during this period of no contact work on yourself... WORKOUT, hang with friends, DATE, DATE, DATE - meet new people - maybe you find someone better suited for you - by taking time away from the relationship get A WAY BETTER perspective on what you had - you might find out and realize that person wasn't that nice to you, didn't treat you that well... maybe you gave too much... you can ALSO re-evaluate HOW you handle a relationship going forward.

WOW, the last two posts by Grayfox and Wildcat should be required reading for everybody who just got out of a relationship or who are questioning themselves when they may not be the problem at all. I seriously read both those posts 3 times and the words are so true. Snsju maybe you did make some mistakes but I'll bet a years salary it will be her who will look back and think she made the biggest mistake. Do exactly as Grayfox says and turn that negative energy into positive energy. Don't do it for her though, do it for you. You owe it to yourself. Wildcat is right when he says you will find someone better suited for you, and she will appreciate you for everything you offer. Look to the future not the past.