My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 5months, which was wonderful, but for the past 3 months his mother has been sick and he moved to go take care of her, so he goes back and fort between work and staying with his mom at another state. He said he is very close to his mom and is emotionally distracted. I have not been able to talk to him on the phone for almost 3months now ,we only text at least I text him every day and he does not give me much info when I ask questions about his situation. I have assured him I'm here for him but I get fustrated with everything and sometimes just rather be friends. My issue is I have asked him if he's still interested and he never answers the question. How do I no if he wants me around?

You can't blame the guy for being distracted because his mother is ill. This is a major event in his life and he is obviously stepping up. I understand that you are very frustrated because of your lack of attention. The only advice I can give is that if you think this has potential for a long term relationship you should basically support him and sacrifice a little. If he feels stressed and pressured by you he will probably just end it with you and I wouldn't blame him. After all, this is his mother we're talking about.

I agree with itried, if you are seeking the long term with this guy, be supportive. I know it's not so easy as you have needs too, but he will appreciate your patience and perserverance. One idea of being supportive is to send him small messages such as "I hope you have a nice day" and "i love you". He may not respond, but just to know you are thinking about him will be appreciated.

I'm going to be a bit harsh.

Your boyfriends mother is sick, from what you said it sounds like it's a bad sickness. He needs to be there for his mother right now, having a girlfriend that's constantly asking him if he's still interested, who obviously is upset that she's not getting any of his time, well, that's not what he needs right now.

You either care enough about him to take a step back and let him deal with this, or you keep pushing yourself forward to the point where he dumps you.

It's hard to be supportive sometimes, but this is one of those lessons in life, it's not always all about you.

Thanks guyz, I appreciate your honest response. I was thinking 3months without talking on the phone was kind of weired

All right, I'm going to retract my last statement. If you have only been together for 5 months, with 3 of those months being without actual contact then you should probably let him do his thing. This means that over half of the relationship has been spent without contact of any kind (in person, on the phone, etc). That is kind of crazy.

I understand that he is stressed and that this is a tough time for him. But even still he should be keeping you in the loop in regard to the relationship status, don't you think? He should somehow resemble a boyfriend, regardless of what is happening. I don't think you guys have been together long enough for him to be putting you through this. You basically knew each other for 60 days and then his focus completely shifted to his mother. Nothing wrong with that, but he should take some responsibility for the relationship. I think my last post was a little hasty. You are definitely in a strange situation. Maybe you should just offer him your friendship and support.

We have not talked on the phone for 3months but text each other veryday, is excuse is "i'm with my mom so caent talkon the phone".

A few things come out, 5 months together is nothing, still learning about each other, and already your in to deep, and I understand the insecurity, but not the neediness, as you know as a fact, his duty and responsibility.

To support him as a friend, some empathy, and encouragement helps, and that's what he needs, and not be torn between a mother and a stranger.

Not the easiest of circumstances, granted, but it's that, or leave him alone, and not add to his stress, and problems. Be a supportive friend and not a needy partner as things will be resolved and people do not for get who was helpful, and who was not.

Back off this relationship thing, and get your own life balanced, and healthy, and be responsible for your own happiness. Be helpful where possible.


Could part of the problem be you don't know him that well?? Come on 5 months is not long so how long have you known him before dating?

Another question, how does a guy take off work for 3 months?

You are very right talaniman and I appreciate your honest response... ive known him for 5months total, he owns his own firm, so is like he works for himself, I try not to bring up any relationship stuff and I'm here for him as a friend, I really do care about him but I'll totally leave him if someone else comes my way... but a big issue is, it was a long dist relationship, becos I go to sch far far away and he is like a workacholic. I'm a little confused becos I don't want to be a girlfriend when the going is good and run away when it gets tough, that is why I initially decided to stick around.


He never answers the question of if he wants to cut it off..

Cut off what? Explain how your his g/f in 5 months. Just be a supportive friend, and live your own life, and pray for his.

Text buddies is a more apt definition of whats going on.

I can't even say it's a long distance relationship, but I can tell you back off some, as too much, to fast, CRASH AND BURN.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

You have skipped a few steps in the process dear.

Known him for 1month, month 2 we decided to make it into a relationship, things were going fine, until his mom became sick... I do understand you and I'm going to take your advice because I do feel like a texting buddy. I meant to cut off the relationship and go our way. I just felt kind of guilty leaving him now.. ill just have to pray for him and his mom and just go my way.

What defines any relationship is how you handle adversity, so keeping your life balanced, and not just depending on him, keeps you both healthy, and just because he is occupied, doesn't mean you stop living your own life, nor have to stop being texts buddies.

You just have to deal with reality as all of us do, the best we can, and be realistic with our expectations, and patient with our feelings, so we don't get carried away by them.

****3 threads merged*********

I've meet many different guys with different personality, but when ever I say lets be friends with no benefits they say sure definitely, but I never hear from them, even my ex for 3 yrs... there are many guys I've met and would like to be friends with just to hang out. Can anyone help me out with this, are there guys out there who wouldn't mind being friends with a girl with either they have had sex with or never had sex with.. I'm confused on how to approach this issue...


I told him, we should just be friends with no benefits and I've not heard back from him... I'm not that lucky with guys being friends with no benefits

I'm not quite sure what you are looking for. I have no problems being just friends with girls. I think I have more friends that are girls than guys.

1) both my ex and I mutually agreed to break it off, we also agreed to be friends which I've no problem doing but he won't even talk to me now. 2) I'm in a relationship I think is going no where, want to break it off but I no he will not want to be just friends with no benefits 3) meet a new guy, not really interested in him but will like to be friends with, just told him and never heard from him again and I've meet many many others.

Perhaps you don't have to tell them "friend with no benefits" unless it is brought up by them. I wouldn't take to kindly to someone always reminding me that there aren't benefits if I wasn't even looking for that. Try saying, I think we should go back to being friends, things as a couple aren't working out.

I asked my boyfriend if he wants to breakup and he avoids the quest or ignores me, but he is not willing to put any effort to making things work. What will make a guy not want to ans that question I'm confused


That makes sense thanks romefalls19

Maybe instead of asking if he wants to break up you should ask him what's wrong. Maybe there's something stressing him out or making him upset that you don't know about. Open the lines of communication. Sounds like maybe you're asking the wrong questions.

Leave it be.

He is highly distracted dealing with an illness to his mother. This relationship is far to new to have this much invested and not getting a return. We have advised to either move on or let it be.

I no! Ill let it be this time around...

Yeah, I just read the other thread. Try to relax. Let things be. He's got a lot going on right now. You just need to wait it out and see what develops. Forcing him to make any kind of decisions right now will only put more pressure on him.

Thanks everyone for the advise, I finally called it quit yesterday and I'm actually relieved and hopes it remains like this. But I've another issue that I think will draw me back to him in the future, I'm 26 about to finish professional sch and get into the working world and he is 46 and one of the power players in my state and my plan after sch is to get into the social scene and I know he can get me there faster. Due to this reason I'm a little confused if I made the rite decision in terms of my career.

So you are a gold digger using the old guy to get you further in life. There was no mention of those facts in your original post.

So now since he didn't fall for the okedoke you were pulling, your career is in your hands, and up to you.

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound like your as straight up, and honest as you portrayed yourself.

You had another agenda.

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due to this reason I'm a little confused if I made the rite decision in terms of my career.

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I find this thoroughly disgusting

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Originally Posted by odilians10

thanks everyone for the advise, i finally called it quit yesterday and im actually relieved and hopes it remains like this. but i've another issue that i think will draw me back to him in the future, i'm 26 about to finish professional sch and get into the working world and he is 46 and one of the power players in my state and my plan after sch is to get into the social scene and i know he can get me there faster. due to this reason i'm a little confused if i made the rite decision in terms of my career.

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And the true colors are revealed. Well, thanks for doing him a favor and unlatching your leachy a$$ from him so he can get a woman that deserves him...

It is always good to know that the world is full of unselfish people such as yourself... I do hope you read your post, and read it again... perhaps you will learn something from it, like how feeble minded you are acting.

Carry on... :cool:

I didn't mean to sound like a gold digger because I'm far from that, initially I went out with him just for fun but I ended up having real feelings for him and I care about him a whole lot I can't even believe myself sometimes, I try to never put my emotions out there becos I try to avoid getting hurt, but I did in this case and I did everything I could to make things work and have him know I'm here for him, but he just wouldn't communicate with me. I know is bad to think like this but I hate failure and I feel like I've failed in this case and getting something out of it makes me feel betta about my situation.

If you really cared about this man at 26 you would be able to take yourself out of the situation and treat the man with the a bit of respect.

And if you can't manage to do it for someone else, because it seems as though you're the only one that you think about, do it for yourself. Have a bit of respect for yourself. Who's going to respect a woman who got her leg up by getting her leg over?

If you can't put your emotions out there you may never get hurt by someone else, but loneliness isn't the most comfy warm feeling is it?

You haven't failed, you just didn't find the right guy who felt as you do. We all go through that. Its when we try to get something out of it, the problems start.

Learn, heal, move on.

I'm trying to stop thinking of it as a failure, and yes I don't need anyone to get further in life and I'm taking it one day at a time. I know is been one day and I'm doing fine with no contact. This site has really been helpful and I thank you guyz. I don't think ill give someone else a chance that easy, I say never ever but hopefully as I read more from this site ill learn that is OK...

Threads merged, and edited

Ive tried no NC for 2days then the 3rd day I broke it, I had to text him to ask if we can be friends and he said yes, so we at least text/email once everyday... every morning I tell myself that I wouldn't text but I always end up texting, I don't know how to maintain NC,he's not a bad guy, he just have a lot going on in his life which I should be there for him, but I've 15% patience to stick around, I'm always back and forth with my decisions with him.. I thought a 5months old relationship should be easier to let go. I need help on how to stick to NC, I can't really go out because I'm in med sch and I've no time to go out for fun. My issue is when I'm stressed about sch I love talking to someone that has nothing to do with sch... can anyone give me an idea on what to do? Is driving me crazy

Delete his number, screen name and e-mail address

3 days is not enough that's for sure to do NC.. it takes months or even years for some people... make new friends from your med class..

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He just have a lot going on in his life which I should be there for him,

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That seems to be your version of things, but he doesn't seem to be initiating contact with you though, so leave him alone, is what you do because he doesn't seem to be as affected as you are, and that's very telling.

U don't have to tell me that again, he just told me he's getting back with an old girlfriend without any apologizes or gbye... is official I hate guyz now, never again...

Ya that's it write off all men because you clearly held on to the wrong one for too long.

Don't look to yourself and see that maybe it's time for some SELF evaluation rather than blanket criticism of a whole gender!

You need to take this time to look at your actions and reactions and try to understand them.

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Originally Posted by odilians10

u dont have to tell me that again, he just told me he's getting back with an old girlfriend without any apologizes or gbye....is official i hate guyz now, never again...

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How old are you?

When you grow up a bit you'll realize that you can't judge everyone because of one person. Heck, if I did that I'd never have gotten married.

I'm a good person from the inside, attractive and educated, letting guys play games on me is what's upsetting me rite now. I know there are many wonderful men out there but I've been fooled by 2 already. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me... I can't try it out for a 3rd time, maybe with age I'll change my thinking of things... I'm just to negative for this site rite now, but I thank you guyz that have relied to my questions, you guyz are awesome...

Your hurt, and disappointed, your supposed to be.

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Originally Posted by odilians10

im a good person from the inside, attractive and educated, letting guys play games on me is whats upsetting me rite now. i know there are many wonderful men out there but i've been fooled by 2 already. fool me once shame on u fool me twice shame on me...i can't try it out for a 3rd time, maybe with age i'll change my thinking of things.....i'm just to negative for this site rite now, but i thank u guyz that have relied to my questions, u guyz are awesome.....

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You get knocked down tons of times in your life... the only time it can ruin you is if you stay down...

Get up, keep getting up, and know that you are eventually going to succeed. Until then, enjoy the ride.

Good luck!

Hello everyone I already have a post on here, but I don't know where is the right place for my question, I really do need some advice on how to control anger. I have not tried a psychologist yet due to my schdule. If anyone can give me some everyday ideas or suggestions...