Hello y'all I'm new on here and I will try to keep it short. I been reading about heartbreaks and stuff and so far I really like the way wildcat21 and ash123 answer questions. Hopefully I can get an answer from both of you but I really need a woman's opinion to help me understand. Well I started dating this girl when I was 18 and she was 22. I always messed with older woman but was never in a relationship. She was very nice and had a good heart so I thought I would take the risk and give love a chance. I felt myself developing love for her but normally I would pull back before the feelings got too strong. I gave it a chance. We were together for 3 years after just messing around for one. I know she really loved me with all her heart and she proved it over and over again. I really loved her too. Then I started second guessing if I did this too young and if I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I guess it showed and she started feeling unappreciated. I thought she knew that I love her but I guess I had to keep reassuring her. Then she sat me down to talk a few times. She was crying and I left because I hated to see her cry. She sat me down one last time crying her heart out telling me that she never gave her exes this chance and she wanted me to change this and that or she is walking out. I told her that I'm not going to stop her. In the meantime she started talking to this 40 year old guy at work and he was being a friend. She told him everything that she didn't and didn't like about us and what makes her happy. I did not know all of this stuff I wish she had told me. Well after she broke up with me on christmas they spent the night together that same night. Then on new years she was at his family's house. I first felt guilty until I found this out and realized she left me for him. We talked after the break up and she wanted to come back but I was doing all the wrong things like test message terrorism and calling and going to her family. I pushed her into his arms without knowing it. I'm normally a calm headed guy but this was my first love, first relationship, and first heartbreak so I couldn't handle it calmly. I will next time 8f it happens again. Now she became his girlfriend after only two weeks of talking and she showed me a text he send her saying he loves her. I told her that he can't love you that fast he is lying. She took it as jealousy. When she left I had time to reflect on my life and realized that I do want to marry her. To be honest I thought she ain't going nowhere but she did. I took her for granted and she left. I'm pretty handsome so I have girls that holla at me but its not the same. Since I had a good relationship I want that again not just a friend. She said that he makes her feel like a queen and does everything. She doesn't even have to ask he just does it. So she fell for him and said that she never felt this way before he seems perfect but I told her if it sounds to good to be true that it probably is. She will regret leaving me bacuase I was a good man I just had to learn how to make a woman feel loved and appreciated. Now since I quit xommunicating she been contacting me and I made the mistake to tell her that I still love her cause she told me that. She just can't leave him vause he is perfect.Ok sorry I am about to ask my question. I really love her and realized how much she means to me. I know if I had treated her better she would not have left. Should I give up or wait until he messes up. I can just have friends in the meantime but I do want a relationship I just prefer that. Can she really still love me if she has a new boyfriend that she is crazy about. She is still jealous about me talking to other women even though she has a boyfriend. I can tell that she does still love me. I messed up the relationship and I messed up and pushed her away by being a desperate wussie after. I got myself together now and I still love her and want to be with her. I know she will be back if it doesn't work out with her new boyfriend but I don't think he is all that she thinks but then again if he is she will be loyal to him cause that is how she is. So its all up to this dude. Please help me understand this from a woman's point of view and I'm willing to accept comments about how to proceed from here on from anyone. Thanks

Dude first off you need to stop communicating with this girl.. it's really none of your business what she's doing with her new boyfriend.. and it's not doing you any good hearing about it..

It's time my friend to move on.. She clearly has.. if she decides that she made a mistake and wants you back, then she will make it clear to you and you will know.. but you can't wait around for her to make that decision.. it's NOT GOOD FOR YOU!

You need to heal yourself from the heartbreak and NO CONTACT is the first thing you need to do..

Then go out and get into hobbies and meet knew people and just live your life.. you can't wait around for someone who doesn't want to be with you..

I am not a woman, but I will throw my two cents in for the sake of your own interest.

What should you do?

1. Leave her alone. If she has a boyfriend, then you are out of the picture. You need to think about him as well. How would you feel if you were dating a woman and felt really good about her, but her ex kept screwing with her.

The fact that you regret the break up now is of-course normal and happens to everyone. If hindsight was 20/20 then we wouldn't break up, but life ain't that way, and things happen for a reason. At least you recognize your mistakes, so leave her alone, get on with your life, and start LIVING YOUR life!

You not only need to heal yourself from the heartbreak, but you need to get a life, and get out of hers man!

Carry on... :cool:

Well, I am a woman, and here goes:

1. You took her for granted. That was YOUR stupidity. She TRIED to tell you, and you didn't change.
2. She's done. You don't even have a chance right now, if ever again.
3. Even if she DOES remember the good parts of your relationship, she isn't going to right NOW, when someone is definitely not taking her for granted. She's making comparisons, and you're losing, buddy.
4. Move on. Get on with your life. Chalk this girl up to experience, let her go, remember the good parts.
5. For god's sake don't forget the lesson you just learned when you're with the NEXT girl.

Well from another woman's point of view.

You may have taken her for granted and not been able to show her the love she deserves, you may have acted badly after you broke up... bla bla bla. Its all in the past. There's nothing you can do to change it. If she doesn't want to try again there's nothing you can do. She has to want it and she doesn't.

Leave her alone, move on and don't make the same mistakes next time. It feels horrible now but it will get better. Life is a learning process and this is a hard one to learn so take the lesson and move on.

Well to clarify she does know I was a good man and she still loves me she just feels happy now and doesn't have a reason to let him go. I did finally quit communicating with her but she kept textin and calling me. I did reply to the text but ignored the calls. She had to get her stuff from my house so we had to talk again. I was doing good until she came by and all the feelings I put away came back. She has a new phone but keeps the old phone just to talk to me.

I will quit talking to her and move on. If it is meant to be as I believe life will bring us back together but I can't wait on that. I am moving on and getting my life back. I used to have a great social life and gave it up for her. I learned that I can never stall my life for a woman cause you won't have anything when she leaves. I'm getting my life back I hope I can love again in the future. I'm not sure if I should allow that to happen and get myself hurt again.

This was my first love and I learned a lot. My first heartbreak and I am learning and became a better man from it. My question to the ladies was can you get fed up with a guy and find someone else but still love the ex. Do you think that she at 26 will work out with a 40 year old guy. I think that she just likes the experience. She was my first girlfriend and I had to learn how to behave in a relationships I'm sure that we all make mistakes in our first one she just did not give me the chance to correct it or I would have. I didn't learn my lesson until she left. Like most guys do. I think he is so perfect because she gave him a blueprint to it. She told him everything she likes and doesn't and every mistake I made. Then he was perfect. I think he is not being himself and eventually it will show. Do you guys think it will work out? Who has knowledge on relationships?

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Originally Posted by lamar23

This was my first love and I learned a lot. My first heartbreak and I am learning and became a better man from it. My question to the ladies was can u get fed up with a guy and find someone else but still love the ex. Do you think that she at 26 will work out with a 40 year old guy. I think that she just likes the experience. She was my first gf and I had to learn how to behave in a relationships I'm sure that we all make mistakes in our first one she just did not give me the chance to correct it or I would have. I didn't learn my lesson until she left. Like most guys do. I think he is so perfect because she gave him a blueprint to it. She told him everything she likes and doesn't and every mistake I made. Then he was perfect. I think he is not being himself and eventually it will show. Do you guys think it will work out? Who has knowledge on relationships?

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This paragraph is littered with questions, that, frankly... don't concern you! Who knows if it will work out? No one on here can come and say whether it will or not, and I for one will not sit here and feed you false hope. It may work out, they may get married, or... it may not work out, and they have a horrific break up... who the hell knows?

He is also 40, and has probably been in plenty of relationships, enough to know how to please a woman. His experience alone, however, doesn't make or break anything.

Concern yourself with getting your life back together, and let her be at peace with this new guy. Don't even talk to her anymore. You cannot control anything, nor will you influence anything.

Carry on... :cool:

Yeah u are right and I know it. I guess this was a way to get my last desperate feelings out. I will move on and I been dating but my problem was is that I was looking for love instead of just sex and I couldn't love abnyone cause I still love her. That's why I can't understand how she can love me and be happy with someone else. But I been thinking and love is what got me in this situation in the first place. I should never have allowed myself to fall in love I should've quit talking to her before I developed these feelings as I usually did.

Now I say love. Love = lots of pain and just sexing them = lots of fun. When we met I ignored her calls and blew her off and she was crazy about me. Once I wanted to be a good man to her she eventually left. I realized that the more u treat a woman like she will love u more and the more you try to be a good guy and be nice to her you run her away with that. All the good men I kow get left and all the players have the girls crazy about them. I wasted 3 years with this love bull. I turned doen many women that wanted me cause like a dumb I was trying to be faithful. I will just fulfill my sexual fantasies that I thought I never had a chance to do anymore and have fun. Y look for love and be locked down until u get hurt. So its my turn to break hearts now. I think this will be fun getting back to the pimp mindset. Thanks everybody soon ill be answering questions telling people to not waste time with relationships.

And she had a baby and stretch marks and her body was losing shape so I was just overlookin that cause loved turned me into a wussie. I feel more like myself day by day and there are a lpt more prettier women out there. She lost me and she will regret it. I'm good now and will move on.

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Originally Posted by lamar23

I think this will be fun gettin back to the pimp mindset. Thanks everybody soon ill be answering questions tellin people to not waste time with relationships.

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There is a difference between having self confidence, and being a womanizer. Don't get the two mixed up. I am a good guy, and I am pretty sure I don't have a problem getting a girl. "Players" tend to have self confidence, and perhaps can attract a good girl, but usually don't keep them. Us good guys, we win, in the end! Be yourself, that is all that matters, don't try and be something you're not.

Don't be "In League with the Morons!" (Burn After Reading Quote)

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Originally Posted by lamar23

And she had a baby and stretch marks and her body was losing shape so I was just overlookin that cause loved turned me into a wussie. I feel more like myself day by day and there are a lpt more prettier women out there. She lost me and she will regret it. I'm good now and will move on.

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Dude, that is a classless remark... Don't this her looks because you are having trouble handling this. Be first class man!

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Originally Posted by lamar23

Yeah u are right and I know it. I guess this was a way to get my last desperate feelings out. I will move on and I been dating but my problem was is that I was lookin for love instead of just sex and I couldn't love abnyone cause I still love her. That's why I can't understand how she can love me and be happy with someone else. But I been thinkin and love is what got me in this situation in the first place. I should never have allowed myself to fall in love I should've quit talking to her before I developed these feelings as I usually did.

Now I say love. Love = lots of pain and just sexing them = lots of fun. When we met I ignored her calls and blew her off and she was crazy about me. Once I wanted to be a good man to her she eventually left. I realized that the more u treat a woman like she will love u more and the more you try to be a good guy and be nice to her you run her away with that. All the good men I kow get left and all the players have the girls crazy about them. I wasted 3 years with this love bull. I turned doen many women that wanted me cause like a dumb I was trying to be faithful. I will just fullfill my sexual fantasies that I thought I never had a chance to do anymore and have fun. Y look for love and be locked down until u get hurt. So its my turn to break hearts now. I think this will be fun gettin back to the pimp mindset. Thanks everybody soon ill be answering questions tellin people to not waste time with relationships.

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No----Love isn't about YOU. That's what you don't get. You can love someone, and have it be about THEM, not about YOU.

There are also several KINDS of love out there. Obviously a person doesn't love their child the same way they love their spouse--so why can't love between two people be different than the love between two other people?

You would go from being an idiot (for not paying attention until you no longer had what you wanted--her) to being a jerk (for thinking that love ONLY equals hurt and that playing with women and breaking their hearts is a better alternative).

How about taking care of YOU? How about forgetting about women, and learning to like YOU? Treat YOURSELF as your date! How do you want to look--for YOURSELF? How would you want to act, if you were dating yourself?

How about growing up a little bit here, taking your share of responsibility for the failure of your relationship, and take the time to get to know yourself and love yourself?

You don't love this girl, or you would just be happy that she is happy. You are simply obsessed because she doesn't "belong" to you anymore.

I feel what you are saying man and I do have confidence and I never had a problem getting women. Ialmost have of them approach me honestly. I guess they like my swag. This relationship and heartbreak just took me out of my normal " these hoes" mindset that I always have. And it is true. Good guys get left. Had I not trid to be such a good man and stay home, walk down to get her, hold her all night, and all that other wussoe stuff she way still be interested but oh well. My sister's ex husband did everything for her and she left him. Then she talked to this no good guy I knew and he cheated and all that. Now she has a bay by him and still loves him. Its weird but true. I will get girls that is no problem I just won't try to be serious with them. Then I won't ever get hurt again and have fun instead

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Originally Posted by lamar23

i feel what u r saying man and i do have confidence and i never had a problem getting women. ialmost have of them approach me honestly. i guess they like my swag. this relationship and heartbreak just took me out of my normal " these hoes" mindset that i always have. and it is true. good guys get left. had i not trid to be such a good man and stay home, walk down to get her, hold her all night, and all that other wussoe stuff she way still be interested but oh well. my sister's ex husband did everything for her and she left him. then she talked to this no good guy i knew and he cheated and all that. now she has a bay by him and still loves him. its weird but true. i will get girls that is no problem i just wont try to be serious with them. then i wont ever get hurt again and have fun instead

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Stop talking like this... who are you? Snoop? Is that you?

Man, treat women with respect, be first class, open doors, get flowers, hold them, love them, be a gentlemen. If the girl can't handle that or appreciate that, then fine, they can leave, but don't change your behavior because you believe good guys get left. That is BS. Everyone gets left at some point in time. If you keep up with this mentality, you will live a sad and lonely life my friend. Please, rectify your attitudes towards females, they aren't all bad...

And quit playing the victim here. It takes two to tango, so the problems BOTH of you had lead to the eventual demise of the relationship, it wasn't because you decided to "act" like a good guy.

Look kctiger u don't know me. I do love myself if u read my firsr question u will see that I gave love a chance I could have avoided all of this and wish I would have. She made mistakes in the past. I caught her talking to someone else before and she is not perfect. I made a mistake but she didn't work wit me like I did with her so guess she didn't love me like I loved her. What makes u an expert I don't see expert by your name. I appreciate the advise but don't say I don't love myself cause I do. I just wanted to replace my relationship at first but now I think that is not a good idea. Why go through it again instead of enjoying freedom and a single life where I can do what I want when I want without no ing from the ol lady. And women don't like nice guys I learned that from seeing what happens around me and from my own personal experience. Can u tell me why women like nice guys but nice guys always get left for jerks? It seems to be true and I will put it to the test with the nesxt few woman that I pull. Thanks for the advise though

Wait--the stuff you did AFTER she left wasn't good enough for her, so you're going to screw over ALL women because of it?

Nice guys get MARRIED.

Players get left.

Frankly, you don't sound very nice to me, and there's no WAY I'd date a guy with an attitude like yours.

That's it, get mad at me for helping you... good man!

I never claimed to be an expert, and I don't recall ever saying you didn't love yourself...

Good luck buddy! Glad I wasted my time on your pathetic mentality. If you didn't want my opinion, don't come on here and ask a question!

Ha ha. Snoop. That's funny. Naw you are a cool dude kctoger I have nothing . Deep down I want a girlfriend just not ready yet. I will just try to enjoy a few women until I feel that I want to settle down with one again. Hope it turns out better I did learn from my first relationship and I take it as a learning experience. I wanted her back but there are better women out there. Just fyi I have been working out and look8ing for a second job so I am focusing on bettering me but a man has needs to that ihave to take care of. So how is the nice guy thing working out for u? I naturally am a good guy but I was raised in my hood where I was brought up on "pimpology" and I never really got invovled seriously with women. This was a new experience.I don't regret it except for the break up. It shocked me and caught me off guard.

Life is full of really sucky things man... and those sucky things help the good things become great...

No, I am not a poet... as you can plainly tell. Enjoy your single life, as I am, but don't be a womanizer either... you know what to do.

Good luck to you sir!

You do not have "needs". They are desires, and wants, not "needs".

You also have two hands.

Stop thinking with your little head, and you might get the kind of woman who IS looking for a nice guy.

Its all good advise and I appreciate it. You are right they are not needs but desires but I really ain't into masturbating. Not close to the real thing

Nope. But better than nothing, or better than some skank who might be trying to trap you into being a babydaddy or who might give you a disease.

Enjoy your life without her in it, with or without masturbating.

Threads merged

My ex left me on christmas and started talking to this older guy. When we had problems and things were going downhill they started talking and she told him everything that she likes and doesn't. She told him what makes her happy and everything that I did wrong. Then he used what he knew to make her feel like a queen and she left me and now is with him. She wanted to get back with me but I was an emotional wreck and so when we talked or spent time she didn't "feel" it for me anymore but she still loved me. I was a mess at that time since this was my first love and heartbreak.

Anyway after 3 weeks I got myself together and did the no contact and work on myself thing. It worked until she got her stuff from my house and all of the feelings came back. I didn't let her know though and played it cool. That was on 01/24 and the next Tuesday she text me that "for some reason she misses me" I did not tell her that I miss her too even though I do like crazy. She now texts me to see how I'm doing and stuff I just send real short replies but nothing asking her b ack or saying I miss u. She got a new phone and didn't give me the number but she keeps the old phone just to communicate with me. I can't do compete no contact because she still owes me some money that I have to get.

Last night she called me while I was asleep so I picked up and realized it was her. She said that he has been acting crazy and she needed someone to talk to. I let her vent real quick and just told her to get advice from someone older or talk to him about it. I wanted to try to get back but did not think that would have been a good idea. I know she still misses and thinks about me but she is with him. I'm trying to move on but would get back with her if she asked me. I just don't want to ask. She thanked me for talking to her and I didn't want to stay on the phone too long.

My question is what should I do. Complete no contact and ignore her? Should I ask her to get back with me? I'm just asking for some advice.

Yes, complete no contact and ignore her. Why would you take her back though? She left you for another guy because she didn't think you were good enough for her. Keep that mentality as there will be other girls who will think you are more than good enough for them.

You could let her know that seeing her again has gotten those feelings built up again. Also, the continued contact is no good if you're not getting back together because you won't get over her that way. Maybe down the road you could be friends. Maybe but not now. You then might want to ask her or tell her if she is possibly interested in giving it another go. If not, break ties to the extent you need to without losing complete contact till you get your money. I know this can be tough since you'd like to still be there for her right now as a friend but it's hurting you. If on the other hand she says yes, that she would like to give it another go, then good luck but be careful she is done and overwith with this other guy. It may or may not work out the second time around.

Do you want to get back with her so she can dump you when the next guy in line comes along?

She sounds fickle and wants to have her cake and eat it too.You are a convenience and she is using you.

Sorry to be harsh but as you said you were doing fine and you will continue to be fine if you don't let her manipulate you by playing on your past relationship. And your lingering feelings.

Stay strong!

False hope, has you blind to your new Girlfriend status. That's a step above friend zone.

You better learn how to screen your calls a lot better!

[QUOTE=talaniman;1527246]False hope, has you blind to your new Girlfriend status. That's a step above friend zone.

What do you mean by I'm blind to my new girlfriend status

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"She said that he has been acting crazy and she needed someone to talk to."

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Thats what girlfriends are for, to talk about their boyfriends with!!

Yeah that's true and I got off the phone quick. I will make an arrangement to get my money and break all contact. I may have to change my number but I don't want to have to. I already quit contacting her but she still contacts me. Preciate all of the advice. Sometimes we know what we have to do but put doubt in our own minds. Got to move on I'm a good man and I desrve better. Just hard to find a woman that respects a good honest man but they are out there.

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just hard to find a woman that respects a good honest man but they are out there.

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Thats the fun of life, looking for that special one. Give all of them a chance!!!

I want to give it a chance but on the other hand I'm. Thinking about not getting serious anymore to protect my heart. All I see around me is heartbreak from women. But I will definitely move on.