Im lesbian. I have a girlfriend of two years almost three.. about last jan my girlfriend had sex with her ex girlfriend saying that it was because she was mad at me and it just happened. I had found out in aug 7 months after it happened. I said I didn't want her talking to her anymore and she said fine but she did anyway.. after our huge fight and I told her why it bothered me she said fine I understand and hasn't talked to her since.. as far as I no.. But do I trust her? Because sometimes I get worried that she will do it again. And I don't no what to do about the whole thing. I no she loves me though. UGHH help please

No you don't trust her...are you serious????


This girl does not give a **** about you.

Stop allowing someone to abuse you.

If you lay down and tack a 'welcome' sign on your head then you will get walked over.

You are better than this. MUCH BETTER

We as people are insecure enough without having the person that claims to love and support us ripping us down too.

Leave, walk away now.

See that's my problem I don't know how to just let things go and not let people walk all over me, how to handle the situation, or even what to say

I use to always stick up for myself and never let anyone walk all over me.. but when I got in this relationship I changed inside out

I agree with neverme, you need to leave this girl. If she had sex with someone else because she was mad at you, then she doesn't have real feelings for you. You can find someone who will treat you better and love for who you are. It's hard at first but in the end it will be better for you and you'll be happier.

Obviously you don't trust her anymore or you wouldn't ask the question,you said this girl changed you and believe me from personally experience walk away sooner rather than later or you'll never be able to go back to being you. Oh and if you found out about this what do you not know about? People often admit to the lesser evil rather than be caught with the greater. The hardest thing for me would be the thought of all the personal time spend in that 7 months when she found it so easy to lie to you

Well she wasn't the one who told me she cheated on me it was actually her ex girlfriend who text me and told me that kim my girlfriend told her that we had broken up and that they had sex. But him told me that everybody makes mistakes. And why else would she tell me she doesn't want me to her. When I was about to break up with her she cried and said don't leave me please I'm sorry

Oh does she start to feel sorry for herself then?

Come on, you are better than this!

You deserve better than this, you know it and I know it.

As long as you're around her, she will control you. She controls how you feel, who you're with, and I'm going to guess a lot more of your life.

Is this what you want out of a relationship or do you want to be happy?

Sometimes we just have to let a relationship go.

It's not easy but have courage and faith in the future.

Omg wow! How did you no she controls me. She always bosses me around to get her a drink to make her something to eat text me to come home she "misses" me

I'm just very very good!

LOL

I've been there, can you not see that it's time to let it go?

There's a world of possibilities out there. Breaking up is hard to do but if you're not truly happy then that's what you have to do.

Be honest with yourself.

Lol funny part is right when you sent that control thing, she just asked for a soda and a tissue. Is there any way she could care though and that she did change after that whole cheating thing?

Nothing is impossible... likely is another story altogether...

How would I know? And what could I say to her and tell her how I feel with out it starting a fight... because she always tells me babe its the past just let it go. How old are you? Your very good at this.

Lol thank you. I'm 22.

It's no longer about her, it's about you.

Stop and think about it seriously. Do you trust her?

Communication and Trust are the two most important things in a relationship. If you are lacking in either they are serious red flags. You obviously are still hurt about this so it's not in the past! It would greatly annoy me if I was being told to just let something go that was so important.

I was in a relationship where my girlfriend kissed someone else. She came straight home and told me. I forgave her but it rocked our trust and in the end we just couldn't get over it. I stayed in the relationship for over a year after this. We tried to make it work but it didn't. That's the thing about trust, if it's shaken or broken, it is a long and weary path back to what used to seem so easy. That path has to be taken on in equal parts by both parties and you have to support each other through it all, the ups and downs. If communication is gone, and it is if she simply keeps dismissing it, then really I see no way back.

This is just my thoughts, you're the only one who can give yourself the answers.

How would I bring it up to her that its bothering me with out me seeming to "pesty" about the situation

Well can you answer some questions..

Does she still see her ex?

Why did her ex feel the need to tell you?

What has she said about it in the past?

Once again, do you trust her?

As far as I no, she does not. She's always home when I call meaning she's not out anywhere. And she acts more lively not trying to hide something

He ex told me on her birthday she was trying to make kims birthday living hell which worked because I was pissed

What she said in the past was I was I no it hurt and I'm sorry baby and she started to cry but then a few months later she was talking to her and kim told me she didn't want to loose a best friend.. because alex her ex girlfriend was and I no this for a fact the only other friend she has ever had.


And for the trusting part I do.. but it makes me nervous

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jlesnik33

as far as i no

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The fact that your post started like this says a lot! You don't even know that you know where she is.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jlesnik33

he ex told me on her birthday she was trying to make kims birthday living hell which worked because i was pissed

what she said in the past was i was i no it hurt and im sorry baby and she started to cry but then a few months later she was talking to her and kim told me she didnt want to loose a best friend.. because alex her ex girlfriend was and i no this for a fact the only other friend she has ever had.

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Neither of these girls are over each other. If your girlfriend can't see that someone who comes in to sabotage their life on their birthday of all times is not a friend at all, never mind a best friend! She has other reasons for keeping her in her life.

The ironic thing is, about 3 months into my relationship with my ex, an ex came on the scene and tried to royally f*** everything up. This was the origin of all of our problems and the source of countless fights. It wasn't what caused us to end because my girlfriend realised after a painful time fir us both that this girl was simply toxic and just looking for attention but all in the same... Maybe it's just something sapphic, who knows? :D

Sorry to say but someone who really love you would NEVER sleep with someone else because they were mad. That's just immature and slutty.

I'd say let her go until she can prove to you she deserves your trust again. You're the only person who knows what it'll take for you to trust her again. You shouldn't have to constantly wonder what your partner is up to.

Chrissymarie, if she's going to leave her she has to leave her for good, there's no point playing games that's immature.

neverme: I'm not telling her to play a game. She knows what her partner needs to do to regain trust and if she thinks there really is nothing her partner can do to move on then she just needs to break it off with her for good. Sometimes people deserve a second chance.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

I'd say let her go until she can prove to you she deserves your trust again.

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It's the 'until' in this sentence that made me think you were telling her to play games. If she decides to leave her girlfriend then she needs to do that for good. Not 'until' anything.

But I don't want to leave.. or do I feel like that because I'm just comfortable in this relationship. What do I say to her with out it causing a big fight to make sure that she isn't talking to her ex anymore

In my opinion I would just simply ask her if she was still seeing her ex girlfriend

If she starts to push it aside and say that it's in the past just tell her no

Tell her you want to know the truth.

Tell her it's to make you a little more comfortable

Is it bad to be pesty in a relationship because I am kind of sort of pesty and I don't no how to chill out sometimes

What pesty mean? Don't llet your girlfriend make you feel like you're the crazy one here,you have every right to ask her a question and get an honest answer

It is and it isn't good to be pesty but if your pesty because your worried then its okay just not OVERLY pesty. And If you feel yourself getting to worked up then just back off and take a couple deep breaths and then try to talk again.

You already asked about this same thing in another thread. The answers will be the same. You don't trust her, with good reason. She doesn't listen to your concerns. Unless she's willing to see a counselor and work this issue out with you, you should bail. Seriously. I know it seems like she's the love of your life, but trust me, she's not.

All right, so I have to thank you all... I didn't break up with her but I sat her down and had a serious talk.. about "the cheat" she started to cry and said"babe i told you i was stupid and i ed up i can't tell you why i did it cause idk but i regret it. I guess i was at the point where i would do anything to get my best friend back, then i realized your more important to me than anybody else." she also told me that she doesn't talk to her anymore and that I don't have to worry. She doesn't need someone like that in her life. So yeah I'm really happy and I had to just stop by and let you guys know that!

Glad it all worked out for you. :D

So, today my girlfriend got a text message from her ex girlfriend that she cheated on me with, she says she hasn't talked or seen her and to just ignore the text. But then why would she of text her. Though she was just asking where something was.. it still made me mad and upset and confused. What do I do to calm down, and should I believe her? That she isn't talking to her.

Hey,

As I have said before I was in pretty much the same situation as yourself.

This is going to keep happening. And you know why?

Because the trust is gone in your relationship. Your girlfriend can cry and say she's sorry, but until she actively starts to work with you to rebuild the trust it's going to deliver the same blow.

Hurt, confused, sad.

So should you believe her, only you can answer that one.

Can you?

I wouldn't but that is just me I completely agree with neverme.

The trust was shattered and she needs to work to help build that trust back up and if she doesn't want to then, in my opinion, she isn't worth it.

She read this the other day and got real mad at me saying I made her look like a scum bag and told me to delete it. But for the past few days she acted like nothing happened.

Well you can't delete posts.

Tell her you told the truth as you saw it, how she was perceived in the eyes of the other people is what she didn't like.

Truth hurts.

Cowards cheat.

If you really love her you can give her one more chance but stay on guard talk to her and find out what made her mad at you you look like a nice girl she would be dumb to lose you and if she does in again mabe you should not be gay you might just have better luck there's a guy out there who will treat you right get a country boy.

Staying on guard, might seem like I'm a little jealous of this other girl, and I'm far from jealous of that "other grimmy cheating *****" But I do try and find out just so I no.. So I could spare my own feelings on what's about to come. Thing is it just gets me so mad and I hate being mad.

Threads merged

My girlfriend and I have not had sex in a year and three months. We have been together for two years six months. I ask her why, and she tells me because she's not in the mood, or that she doesn't enjoy sex. Last person she had sex with was her ex girlfriend, when she cheated on me that once.
A. Does that have anything to do with it?
B. Why do you think she won't have sex with me?
C. How do I handle this? (it hurts)
D. Do I just give up on the fact I'll never get it?

You need to have a definitive talk with your GF.

Relationships are about reciprocity and your needs in the relationship are being ignored or denied.

Does she want to be in a relationship or just be friends? Why doesn't she enjoy sex? Talk to her - don't be angry or accusative, just say that you'd like to know so that you can make a decision about what to do.

I suspect she would prefer to be friends, and I also suspect that she may prefer girls, from what you've said. But only she can confirm this for you.

Well. I am a girl. So that would work out.
I have had a talk with her and she tells me she's not a sexual person and if I don't like it leave. And about the friend thing, she tells me all the time that she loves me and wants to be with me. Its just weird.

Maybe she is cheating again? Maybe it was not one time. She is even daring you to leave if you do not like it.

I would normally say counseling, but I do not know. Are you up for it.

It sounds like this is an on going problem. Sex between partners who loves each other, now I understand that sex is not the most important part of the relationship but in your case it sounds like there is no reason for this. Plus you said she has cheated on you before.

Are you happy in this relationship? She tells you she loves you but you can leave if you want. Sounds messed up.

I am glad you came here to ask the question.

Is there any other underlying issues that could possibly causing this. How were you two sexual at the beginning? Was she always like this?

Will try to answer better, whenever your able to give more info.

Joe