Hi everyone,

I have a few questions about this girl...

The thing is, I have german class with her about 3 times a week.. and I've gotten to know her better and better for the past.. 5 weeks.

She has been giving me "signs" but I'm a bit inexperienced so I'm not sure if she's interested in me or not. Last week, she added me on Facebook, we talked on Facebook for about half an hour, then she asked for my e-mail address.

Once I gave her my e-mail address, we chatted on MSN for about 2 more hours. Then she had to go, but she did leave me an e-mail saying that she liked the conversation a lot, and was wondering if I would like to go and take a walk with her sometime and talk. She also asked me for my phone number (which I gave to her of course).

The next day, we walked for about an hour, and the day after we took a walk for about 2 hours. She always laughs at my jokes, and basically loves my sense of humour (not trying to show off or anything, but 99% of my jokes do make her laugh). Sometimes we both laugh uncontrollably.. which is quite great, I must admit lol

Now I get the impression she's interested in me, but I'm not sure about it. And if she is interested, what do I do?

I'm quite confused.. I've only been in one relationship in the past, and that girl was a real b*tch .

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
-Xm8

P.S.

Details : I'm 16, she's 15, we're in the same year/grade at school, but not same class (except for german as I mentioned above).

All signs are pointing in the "interested" direction. It is usually pretty safe to assume if they ask for your number that they are interested in you... so ask her to dinner, and quit making her be the "guy" in these situations. You have nothing to lose. Go for it!

Yeah I think you should go for it too! And good luck she sounds lovely.

Keep talking, and enjoying each other. What is it you want to do?

Keep talking, perhaps instead of a walk, ask her out for a cup of coffee or something friendly where you can discuss more with her.

All signs are pointing to interested, I've never had a girl ask for my number and make all the effort and her not to be interested in getting to know me better. Take it slow

I'm 16, she's 15, we're in the same year/grade at school, but not same class (except for german as I mentioned above).

Sodas would be more age appropriate.

Ha ha I missed those details, sorry Tal..

But hey, maybe they enjoy coffee, kids these days. Ha ha!

Well,

I would've liked to ask her out to dinner, but like talaniman mentioned it isn't really that age appropriate. I would feel awkward asking her out to dinner anyway.

There is just one thing though.. As all of you mentioned, she's pointed in the "interested" direction and making all the efforts, but there are some.. let's say "troubling" things.

When we were talking once, she told me that she hated it when guys she's friends with, suddenly want to go out with her because a) she doesn't want to and
b) she doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings by rejecting him

At the time we were talking about this guy in my class who wanted to go out with her.. and she rejected him because he's just plain crazy, and only interested in the sexual side of a relationship.

Upon reflection, I got the idea that maybe she was hinting to me that she wouldn't want me to do that with her in the future?

Call me paranoid, but I'm not that good with relationships, so excuse my childish worries (if I'm wrong)

Well then.. I guess I should ask her out for a coffee or something, right? Personally I do love a good cup of coffee :D although I don't know about her yet lol.

Talaniman, you asked me what I would want to do? Well honestly I would like to.. keep on taking walks with her and talking, I find it, not only amusing but simply wonderful and she's really an amazing girl, I'm glad I got to know her.

I'd like to ask her out for coffee or something but the problem is that I don't know any good cafés, and I'm not sure she would be so keen on the idea.


I simply just don't know what to do :confused:

-Xm8

Look it's hard to tell what she meant. She might be hinting you, she might be just commenting about a fact of her life, she might be trying to tell you that if you don't ask her out, other people will.

If you have feelings for her, I say ask her out. And be ready to be rejected - and after that don't run away from her. If you do you can still be her friend. You wouldn't even be a good friend if you are attracted and don't let her know that.

Also, you could wait a little bit more to wait for more signs but be warned that you might end up in the "friend zone" if you wait too long. I wouldn't be worried with being friendzoned though. I know a lot of good couples that started in that situation, it's just a steeper hill to climb in the beginning.

But if you genuinely like the idea of being her friend, then just keep doing what you are doing now. Lovers come and go. Friends, good friends in particular, those are harder to have.

Suggestion: call her to hang out on the mall or go downtown... something that you would do with your guyfriends, that doesn't qualify as a date, but is a step higher than just a walk to talk. This way if she starts with the "look, I don't see you that way" you could just say "hey, I'm not asking you out for dinner, it's just a friends thing...".

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Originally Posted by ImTotallyLost

Suggestion: call her to hang out on the mall or go downtown... something that you would do with your guyfriends, that doesn't qualify as a date, but is a step higher than just a walk to talk. This way if she starts with the "look, I don't see you that way" you could just say "hey, I'm not asking you out for dinner, it's just a friends thing...".

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Thanks for your reply,

I understand what you mean about the "just being friendly" plan.. but the thing is I don't really.. go out much. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not some weirdo or anything, it's just that both me and her, are really busy with school work and usually when I'm with friends, it's in front of school, just after class for a short time, or in this restaurant across the street from school.

I'd ask her out for a coffee in that restaurant, but it is quite shabby, and even though most of the people from my school go there.. I just wouldn't feel comfortable in there with her, and I don't think she likes the place much anyway.

And where I live, the malls aren't really.. fun places to go to, I imagine in the States it's a nice place to hang out in, but unfortunately over here it's not the case.

To be honest I'm also kind of worried about falling into the friend zone, climbing the mountain is already steep as it is, being in the friend zone would only make it harder for me.

I've only known her for just over a month, so what is the chance of being in her friend zone? Should I ask her to do something on the weekend?


I'm lost here...

Xm8

Keep talking, and if you sense she doesn't date, then see what she does like to do.

At your age friend zone is not a bad thing, but make sure you don't get so carried away by your young feelings you are blind to reality.

My guess is she only has friends, and doesn't want a b/f, that's why I asked what you wanted to do.

Hey, I was young once, and holding hands, and being with someone closely is some heady stuff. ( hormones )

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Keep talking, and if you sense she doesn't date, then see what she does like to do.

At your age friend zone is not a bad thing, but make sure you don't get so carried away by your young feelings you are blind to reality.

My guess is she only has friends, and doesn't want a b/f, thats why I asked what you wanted to do.

Hey, I was young once, and holding hands, and being with someone closely is some heady stuff. ( hormones )

---

Well I get the feeling that she doesn't want to date.. although she told me she broke up with her last boyfriend because she had to move away, so it wasn't like she's against having a boy friend, just that a long distance relationship is troublesome I guess.

Anyway.. I guess I want her as a girl friend.. but not for sex or anything. I'm not saying that she isn't hot, or that I don't like sex but I've had sex before and to be honest, I'm not so crazy about doing it again until I know I've found the right woman - which I expect will be at marriage (if I ever do get married).

Holding hands is something I wouldn't mind a bit.. although since she's sending mixed signals I don't know what to do..

:confused:

That's why you talk, and be a good listener. Then when you get mixed signals you ask about them. Females really do love to talk about their feelings, when they are comfortable, and trust you.

How long have you been talking together?

Well we've been talking together for about over a month now but.. that's not important I guess.

I asked her today if she was willing to take a walk with me tomorrow during her free period and she told me that she couldn't because she was busy. She made it clear to me that she hoped she wouldn't want me to ever like her as more than a friend, even though I was a very nice person.

We've been texting each other for the past hour, and she got the impression that I'm pissed.. I told her I'm not because, well I just shouldn't be pissed, or even show it.

To be honest I'm dissapointed. I'm only 16, I'm aware that I may have many other women in my life. The problem is I've never gotten much attention from girls (like other boys) through out my child hood and that's a confidence breaker. I'm not fat or ugly or anything.. I don't know.

Hehe, well easy come easy go, huh?

-Xm8

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Originally Posted by XM8

Well we've been talking together for about over a month now but.. that's not important I guess.

I asked her today if she was willing to take a walk with me tomorrow during her free period and she told me that she couldn't cus she was busy. She made it clear to me that she hoped she wouldn't want me to ever like her as more than a friend, even though I was a very nice person.

We've been texting each other for the past hour, and she got the impression that I'm pissed.. I told her I'm not cus, well I just shouldn't be pissed, or even show it.

To be honest I'm dissapointed. I'm only 16, I'm aware that I may have many other women in my life. The problem is I've never gotten much attention from girls (like other boys) through out my child hood and that's a confidence breaker. I'm not fat or ugly or anything.. I don't know.

Hehe, well easy come easy go, huh?

-Xm8

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You have plenty of time to get attention from girls man. Don't worry about that. To be honest, once college hits, after a year or two of that, you get almost sick of it (cough**).

At least you have her as a friend. The girls will come, trust me... You sound like a good kid with a good head on your shoulders, and girls love that stuff (at your age, they love the bad boys as well).

Carry on... :cool:

Disappointing I know, but she is a friend, and your free to keep looking.

AH... but you are ahead of so many other men (boys). You see I am in a totally male dominated field. Have been for over 20 years and am affiliated with University students so I see them right out of high school. All kinds!! You already are willing able and capable of talking to girls. So many are not.

I think you should just focus on doing activities together with the girls you like and keeping communication open (texting, phone, email, IM). Pair up in group events... dances, games, school functions, movies, etc. with out expectation. Trust me, you will know and not have any doubts when you should the turn to something more serious.

Once in awhile, someone might miss out because neither acted. I doubt this is very often. And I sort of think these two need to not really be together if neither are willing to put themselves out on the line.

Good luck. Girls do not grow up as fast as boys in this area (IMO) and she may not know what she wants. She may want to date you but her friends may be talking her out of it. Either way, if she is sending mixed or negative signals, you are wise to remain a friend.

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Originally Posted by sylvan_1998

AH....but you are ahead of so many other men (boys). You see I am in a totally male dominated field. Have been for over 20 years and am affiliated with University students so I see them right out of high school. All kinds!!!! You already are willing able and capable of talking to girls. So many are not.

I think you should just focus on doing activities together with the girls you like and keeping communication open (texting, phone, email, IM). Pair up in group events...dances, games, school functions, movies, etc. with out expectation. Trust me, you will know and not have any doubts when you should the turn to something more serious.

Once in awhile, someone might miss out because neither acted. I doubt this is very often. And I sorta think these two need to not really be together if neither are willing to put themselves out on the line.

Good luck. Girls do not grow up as fast as boys in this area (IMO) and she may not know what she wants. She may want to date you but her friends may be talking her out of it. Either way, if she is sending mixed or negative signals, you are wise to remain a friend.

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I think you're right in saying that she doesn't know what she wants. Personally I feel that just maybe she might have liked to go out with me but she is way too occupied with her school work, which I can understand. That's the feeling I got... but I'm probably wrong.

The thing is I've gotten used to being rejected by girls so I don't take it that bad anymore.. I've never had a real relationship except for one girl friend last year.. which really wrecked my life and kind of put me off girls for a while.

I'm glad I met this girl (who is by the way called Stefanie), even if we're just friends, because she helped me get over that terrible experience.

Stefanie.. is living proof to me, that there are better girls out there and there is hope.

I guess someday I might find a girl like her, or maybe even better.

I would've liked to ask "how can I have a girl friend" but I'm not looking for some girl to just kiss endlessely.. I may not now what love is, the way a 25 or a 30 year old might but I've got a pretty good idea that's it's much more than just kissing and sex. I know it's also about talking, having deep intimate conversations and caring about one another.

Unfortunately I don't know any girls like that in my school except Stefanie and 2 more. But they're out of my league so I won't even bother.

I guess chances for me might get better in university right?

Can anyone shed some more light on this theme, I must admit that from time to time I doubt my own beliefs.


Thanks,

-Xm8

Make friends with them all, and have a great time with them. Its like going to a dance and getting a dance with all the ladies, and then pick one. If that doesn't work out, pick another.

Your looking for great friends, not a wife. Your looking for someone to have fun with, not a soul mate.

Adjust your thinking, and the world gets bigger, and the choices get broader, and the possibilities are endless.

I think when you approach females from that perspective, as people, and enjoy them for that, as your age group is about fun, you will have better options, and that rejection thing, so many are afraid of, will be replaced by confident experience.

So can you boogy?

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But they're out of my league so I won't even bother.

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No such thing exists, except in your mind.

Talaniman,

Thanks for that enlighting response.

I've been making a fool of myself on the internet...

Quote:

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I think when you approach females from that perspective, as people, and enjoy them for that, as your age group is about fun, you will have better options, and that rejection thing, so many are afraid of, will be replaced by confident experience.

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That makes a lot of sense to me, the way you put it. You've got me thinking in an another direction now and broadened my horizons.

I guess it's better to just live every day as it comes, one day at a time.

Thanks for everything,

-Xm8

Threads merged

This may be a bit long, but please bear with me.

My first "love" started in the spring of 2007. Me and this girl became really good friends.. then she told me she got raped, which turned out to be bull and she got mad at me for months because I found out she was lying (by asking the "rapist").

When school started again, we hit it off. We kissed.. then we started doing more sexual activities and finally we had sex in march last year. Leading up to all of this, I sacrificed so much for this girl.

On certain nights I would tell my parents I was going out to rent a DVD. I would in reality be going to the movies with this girl, then I'd spent the whole night with her without telling my parents where I was. I did this because my parents forbid me to sleep over at friends' houses and I thought there was no other way.

My parents took extreme mesures to calm me down. My dad beat me as a punishment, my phone was taken away from me, I wasn't allowed on the computer etc.
I kept on doing such things, even skipping school, for this girl just to spend time with her. I did this, knowing the consequences because I thought that she was worth it. In the end I told her about how I was getting punished by not only my parents but by the school. Not only was I getting bad grades, but the school phoned the social services and assigned me a social worker because I was skipping school.

Then the BS started. This girl cheated on me a load of times. Once she made me wait 7 hours, then she turned up drunk and told me she made out with a guy she didn't even know.
She cheated on me with several other guys from school and never even told me about it, and the only way I found out was either from her girlfriends or from the guys she played around with. Like a fool I resorted to drinking, simultaneously hoping that she would out of sympathy stop messing around with me.

When confronted with the issue of her being unloyal, she would tell me "I'm not your girl friend, so stop blaming me".
You see the thing is, she would always spend time with me, and kiss me, and do everything with me - when I told her I loved her, she wouldn't even answer. Yet "officialy" we were never going out. When someone asked her about it, she would immediately deny it like she was embarrassed of me. And when I told my friends about our relationship she would get really annoyed. (I was not bragging about it).

Towards the 5th month of our "relationship" she suddenly "fell in love with me" and would answer when I told her I loved her, she acted differently, stopped making me wait all the time in the blistering cold and hell she even paid for some of my meals at mcdonalds (-.- big deal)

The day after my grandfather died, instead of comforting me, she broke up with me. She accused me of using her for sex, cigarettes and money.
As far as I can recall, I had always paid for everything with the last cent in my pocket. I never used her for sex, because I loved her. She cheated on me, I never did such a thing to her. And cigarettes.. well let's just say I only remember me buying all the smokes.

Recently I've been getting flash backs of memories with her and I'm feeling like I did something wrong. Like I'm the bad guy. I know I loved her, and I put her in front of everything. I know that she was manipulative, she lied, she was deceiving and at times just shat on me. I feel guilty that I lost my virginity to her.. Am I going nuts? Why should I feel bad? I get the impression I actually miss her, yet I know she was a pure b*tch.

I really need some help from someone who's been in that kind of situation and felt the same effects in the aftermath of the relationship.

Thanks,

-Xm8

Crazy partners leave you feeling crazy. That's why you leave them alone and get some sanity back. It takes time.

-re: Seriously. Am I going crazy?

I've never been in a situation like this, but I think my advice is still applicable to you. Your relationship started with a lie and usually that will result to it ending with a lie as well. No girl is worth putting yourself through this torment, you can honestly do a lot better than her. From what you've typed out so far, the only thing you did "wrong", was sacrificing yourself for her and the relationship. However, she was your first love so I can totally understand where your coming from. She's just a stepping stone to the greater things in life that you will experience (I know that sounds bad, sorry). Memory flash backs are normal, but don't let it infest your mind and deteriorate your will to move on. Learn from this and become a better and stronger man. I suggest reading the stickies in the forum and maybe checking out other peoples stories and learn how they coped and dealt with heartbreak. Oh, and stop the sex as that may strengthen the shackles in which you are trying to break free from. I wish you the best of luck buddy.

Thanks ThatGuy2,

I know that relationship was probably a good life lesson, and it did make me strong in some ways. But sometimes when I'm alone, and I listen to a certain song.. it's the nostalgia that kills me. I feel hopeless, like my whole world is falling apart even though I know that's just absurd and childish.

Yea as for sex, I haven't had sex with anyone since her. I would chose a long lasting, romantic and soul-bonding relationship ANY day over sex. But I'm not your average guy so I'm not so sure I will even get the chance for that any time soon. I'm not ugly, or fat, or detestable I'm just a lone wolf and girls don't seem to dig that much. Pity, they don't know what they're missing.

-Xm8

You just need to wait for the girls to grow up and accept what you are offering. I would also caution you against hooking up with those that need "fixing" as (from what you describe and this is only my opinion) they will suck you dry and leave you out to pasture.

You have a lot to offer and need to find a healthy one to give it to. You are worth it.

Good L

Thanks a lot sylvan1998,

You're right about girls that need fixing. My ex was one of those, I just couldn't see that at the time. They're take and give nothing in return and it's really soul destroying.

Time will tell I guess,

-Xm8