I am telling you about my friend, Please read it carefully.

My friend is getting married to a boy next month. He is very rich but very egoistic. She was engaged a month back and since then she realizes that the guy she is engaged to is not a correct choice. My friend is very joyful in nature and opposite is her fiancée.
The family is very good. On the other hand she also likes a guy who is her friend but wants to get married to her. I feel that though she says she loves him I feel that she is only running away from her fiancée. Moreover she belongs to a eastern culture where marriges is a blend of family more than the girl and the boy. She spoke to her parents about this but no one ready to break the engagement and get her married to her friend from either side. What shall she do.
1) leave her friend and marry the one to whom she has got engaged?
2) marry the one she loves, opposing everyone.
3) marry none?

In the second case the parents will be hurted badly.

Please suggest!!

What nation and culture is this ?

Was it an arranged marriage ?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

What nation and culture is this ?

Was it an arranged marriage ?

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Indian culture, yes its an arrange marrige

If you don't want to marry someone, then don't do it. This isn't something that should be taken lightly. Easy for me to say, as I don't live in that type of culture.

I am not sure what options she has considering the culture and her religion.

When conflicted, it better to step back, and give some serious thought to what she really wants for herself.

Her choice, as she is the one to live the life SHE chooses.

She better find out what she wants before she makes such a life changing decision.

But what about parents then. Shall she neglect their feelings and think about her own life only?

She should consider whatever she thinks is important. It may be different in India, but I can only give you an American perspective. Does she have no options? If not why consider anything other than what is allowed in your culture? What choices does she have??

Accept her fiancée, she is having a friend who likes her want to get marry to her. But the problem is that he is not financially stable nor the families are supporting for marrige. Moreover I feel that she is inclined towards her friend in order to get rid of her fiancée.

I am unclear as to whether she can make this choice, as aren't there consequences for not going along with her parents choice.?

Can anyone suggets

We need to know, as Talaniman asked. Are there other consequences for her actions, other than disappointing her family? Has she sat down and discussed her reservations about their choice of a husband that they've made for her? I have a sense that this has a lot to do with the fiance's money. I don't know a lot about Indian customs. I'm assuming the family is Muslim? What are the consequences if she refuses to marry this man?

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

We need to know, as Talaniman asked. Are there other consequences for her actions, other than disappointing her family?
No she is not left with any of the option.

Has she sat down and discussed her reservations about their choice of a husband that they've made for her?
The boy to whom she is getting married was completely of her choice but after talking to him she realised that she cannot be with him.

I have a sense that this has alot to do with the fiance's money. I don't know alot about Indian customs. I'm assuming the family is Muslim?
It's not a muslim rather a 'hindu' family.

What are the consequences if she refuses to marry this man?

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Consequences will be that her parents will be heartbroken badly.

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Originally Posted by juhi2011

Consequences will be that her parents will be heartbroken badly.

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In that case, I think she should sit down with her family and discuss how heartbroken she may be if she marries someone that she doesn't love. If her family loves her and trust her decisions, maybe they will do the right thing. She shouldn't marry a man that she doesn't love, and isn't willing to spend the rest of her life with. Her parents may be upset at first, but I'm sure they would want the best for their daughter and her happiness. Your friend needs to have a long, open and honest talk with her parents. All you can do is be there to support her. She's lucky to have a friend that is looking out for her!

If the parents are SANE people, which most people are and if she really does not want to marry this guy, she should sit down her parents and talk to her. I am sure they will understand. I am from Pakistan and I know what kind of cultural problem she is going to be facing.I had a couple of female cousins who broke off there engagements because they could not see them getting married to the guy. SO they talked to there parents and told them if we get married its going to end up in a divorce,

I don't know a lot about Indian customs. I'm assuming the family is Muslim? What are the consequences if she refuses to marry this man?

Arranged marriage is an Indian custom followed by the people in the subcontinent ( hindu, muslims christians , budhist alike ,) It is not a Islamic custom

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Originally Posted by Dare81

I don't know alot about Indian customs. I'm assuming the family is Muslim?

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Family is hindu

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Originally Posted by Dare81

I don't know alot about Indian customs. I'm assuming the family is Muslim? What are the consequences if she refuses to marry this man?

Arranged marriage is an Indian custom followed by the people in the subcontinent ( hindu, muslims christians , budhist alike ,) It is not a Islamic custom

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Yes, this has already been cleared up. Please read the other postings.

She should have a talk with her parents.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

Yes, this has already been cleared up. Please read the other postings.

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Sorry.Must have missed it

Unless she is from a very conservative family, I am pretty sure she can call off her wedding. Tell her to talk to her parents about not wanting to marry this guy and things will be sorted out.

Thanks guys, on all of the suggestions given above, one common thing I found is that "talk to her parents". And I suggested the same to her. She had talked to her parents and talks are still going on... but result is ineffective as parents are arguing on the fact that they don't see any problem in the boy. He is well mannered and well behaved with rest of the family members and are actually not willing to break the association. There was a lot of commotion in the house after the talk and as I said earlier now the parents are heart broken... what next do you people suggest. If you want any details about the boy or anything as such I can provide you with..

Look... I am from an indian family and while my parents aren't into all this arranged marriage thing I have relatives and I have seen a lot happening in the family...

Mostly, the philosophy is to build love along with the relationship - that's why the parents will not buy into the "but I don't love him" argument. But, unless the parents are really narrow-minded, they will understand if she says that the boy treats her in a bad way. If this is before marriage, then just imagine how it'll be after the marriage.

If she's really having a hard time with her parents, she could use arguments like "look, cancelling a marriage now seems bad, but think of how worse it'll be to get a divorce, because i know this isn't going to work".

And a huge red-flag is if he has violent/passive-agressive tendencies. In which case she shouldn't even think of moving forward. I have really bad stories in the family where a lot of psychological terror and people using their kids as means to annoy their partner...

Anyway, if she needs some ammo, she should tell her parents to put everything in perspective. Calling the wedding off now is much less heart breaking than getting a divorce down the road, specially because she most likely will be having kids by then.

And tell her to forget this friend of hers right now. It won't help her at all right now. She needs to focus on stopping the wedding.

By gods grace and your valuable suggestions, the engagement of my friend is broken and her parents have agreed on the matter as they want to see their daughter happy.. Thanks to all from my side for spending your valuable time on the post and taking it seriously...

Tell your friend to talk to her parents about her concerns. I am sure your happiness is more important than your fiancee's family or money. In all cultures parents want their children to be happy.