My girlfriend and I had been dating for a year and a half. Thanksgiving day, on our way home from her grandparents, she told me her mom thought that she should be single while starting college so that she could make new friends and focus on herself and her studies. She was reluctant but then decided her mother was right. She wanted a break and at first we were still intimate but now we aren't so much because it makes it harder for her to spend this time on just her and not with me... I need to know what to do? She continuously tells me she loves me and cares about me and that she still wants to marry me and have children with me but that it will have to wait a little while. Do I trust her? And what advice do you have? I know that everyone's relationship is unique and you don't know us personally, but when I look into her eyes I can read her like a book, and I know she still loves me and cares. What do I do?

She wants to be able to enjoy the "college life" and not have to worry about hurting someone. Simple! Once she finds someone at school to replace the emotional support you give her, you are out of there man, sorry to say.

My advice, do your thing, and let her do hers. You guys clearly do not have a relationship anymore, and to try and pretend like you do is unfair. If she really wants to make this work, she can. I dated someone from their high school graduation to their college graduation, and NEVER once did she want to end it because she wanted to be single in college.

She wants to experience college life with no strings attached. She does love you and doesn't want to hurt you but at the same time doesn't want to miss out on the things that she wants to do. Just give it time and space life she requested and start building your life without her, as she is doing without you.

So you're saying that there is no chance of winning her back? She still calls me and texts me everyday... And she still gives me little kisses and that stuff and we still hang out at least once a week, sometimes more... I guess I can see where you guys are coming from but I was thinking there was some hope? Am I wrong to think that? And as for doing things with my life, I've already started. The gym, school, friends, and I picked up some new hobbies already...

Although this last week and a half we haven't done anything because of school and other things going on in our lives. But at the same time I thought giving her the space she asked gor would be good so I stopped texting and calling and it was a couple days and she called crying because she thought that I let go and that I was going to move on... So yeah?

So what are you going to do? What is she going to do? Are you both going to go against family and stay in a long distance relationship?

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

If your not discussing these things then your not doing what your supposed to.

Is it possible she is only staying together with you until she goes to school??

People your ages change and life comes between you, so someone has a decision to make for the good of you both.

Talking may get you answers, but they should be based on FACTS, not just feelings.

Ignoring the inevitable would be a disaster.

This is a tough one. Her mom has potentially already planted the seeds of destruction here. Not to say that she should not listen to her, or that she is to blame for this, but parents have extreme influences over decisions younger people make.

I remember back, my ex's mother told my ex kind of the same thing about half way through our relationship. My ex and I had just got into a huge fight. I ended up leaving her house because I was so upset. She was crying because of the fight, and her mother told her that maybe she should be single for a while to see what she really wants in life and to find herself. So we went on a break, it lasted 2 days maybe. She called me later on day 1 crying saying she didn't want to loose me and I told her that she needed to respect my feelings more about the particular situation we were fighting over... blah, blah, blah.

Well after this "break", it seemed like my ex was constantly re-evaluating our relationship and meeting new potential suitors. Not to say that I hated her mom or she had anything to had anything to do with it, because I loved her whole family, but it definitely had an effect on our relationship and certainly introduced more unneeded "confusion" and uncertainty.

Now I am not saying that this was the reason for our break-up, because there were other factors that weighed much more heavily than this, but I know that it didn't help and certainly put the idea in her head for later.

Well for starters, we both planned to go to school close to each other, less than a half hour drive, and it seemed that at my not get admitted... Now I got accepted and we'll be close. And I don't know if she will go against her mom because she has stated that she is continuously trying to please her mom and can't ever seem to do it... As for her mother, I think that she has influenced and pushed this break up very hard. But I'm not going to blame anyone for it actually happening.But every time we talk she seems to hint that she's going to regret this decision and that she thinks she might be making the wrong one. But then her ma tells her that she has to be strong and stubborn and stick this out and that if it's meant to happen it will... Any other ideas or advice?

She also says that if she ends up like her mom and one of her mom's friends, that regret getting married young and not doing the wild child thing in school, then she wold probably regret not making this decision for a break too... I feel like maybe I should tell her that if she doesn't love me enough to try and make it work that I think we should just stop the process and go on... I know I love her and I do feel that she loves me. I've been in relationships before that involved the dreaded "break." But this one doesn't seem the same. It feels she is being totally honest with me... I'm just at confused time in my lfe right now...

I would leave her alone, to make her own decision, without your influence.

I have seen many who stay because of those strong feelings, only to be confused later by talking and keeping in contact with a partner, and not defining the relationship, or the reasons for staying, or leaving.

Your both at a crossroads and the only decision to make is do you proceed together, or apart.

Don't just be carried away by feelings, or the fear of losing a partner, as you both have to work for your own future also.

Did you read the link I gave you?? Those are some good topics of discussion to make things a bit clearer.

If you can't work together, then it will show soon, and you'll be apart any way.

So ultimately what you are saying is that I should keep contact to a minimum for now? And see what happens? Because I've thought about that ad the result is one of two things, absence makes the heart grow fonder, or out of sight, out of mind... And I worry a bit because she's always reading between the lines and overanalyzing things. So I've thought that maybe she'd take it the wrong way if I did that and she might just turn and walk away? I know that I should just be happy that we spent time together and it was great! But I don't want to lose her either... I know it basically comes down to her decision based upon how she feels at a given point in time, but it doesn't make it easier... And on top of all this, I had bought her a ring just before we ended up on this break. I was going to give it to her on New Years... Ha. You can see how that went. The problem is that the only person that knew I bought the ring blabbed because they couldn't believe she was being so stupid in asking for this break. So she knows and she told me not to return it because she says she knows that we'll be back together in due time... Ahhh! Anyway I find it comforting knowing that there are people I can talk to such as you guys. I appreciate the advice given and even the support. I take everything that's said into consideration. I may not like it but I do listen to all ends of the spectrum. I'm just looking for a way to share my feelings and vent, and still get some advice...

Oh, and I did read a lot of the posts on the link you sent me talaniman. Thank you for that... And I've also read about a lot of other peoples situations and feel like I shouldn't even complain... We have never fought, had a great intimate relationship, became friends, and even helped each other through some rough times... But non of that makes the feeling of rejection subside. I know that I'm not old by any means, but I've been rejected before and that was after 3 years and took me another 3 years to finally turn her down when she came back to "use" me again... I don't really feel the desire to date anymore if this doesn't work. I just feel that the feelings I have for her are never going to go away... I pretty much know they won't. I'm in love with someone who is either unsure of how she feels about me anymore, or loves me and is just unsure of the decision she should make... I'm trying to take everything with a grain of salt. I also feel I need to continue to trust her and trust that she's being honest because she's never been dishonest with me... I hope that it doesn't backfire... Wish me luck

I wish you much luck, and your understanding of her feelings may not make the pain go away, but will help you later in making the right decision for yourself, and ultimately her also. She is confused, and conflicted, and has a decision to make for herself, and her future.

Do I know how hard it is to go through this, kind of makes you feel helpless to do a darn thing. Sometimes we just live with what is, and keep going.

When does her school begin?

I'm already going to school. She'll begin school this coming fall... She has said that she doubts this will last until then and she doesn't think that she'll be able to cope with not having me in her life that long, or even by summer. That's why I'm not sure if I should avoid contact with her as much as possible or contimue to keep it this way... And we aren't far away from each other as of now and now we won't be far away from each other when she starts school either. And she heard through the grapevine that I am going to lunch with a friend, who is a beautiful girl, and called me up saying how it was a slap in the face and a wake up call but wouldn't explain herself. And she also called that night at four in the morning crying because she dreamt that she lost me in an accident and couldn't stand the thought. And has called on several occasions saying that I need to understand that she still loves me and completely cares and that she is worried I'm going to go back to my ex who seems to be trying to hover around these days... These are the things that make me think that she really does care and truly does love me and want things to work... Do you know what I mean and where I'm coming from?

I sure do, so read that link and see what needs to be talked about. Sounds like she will be insecure in a long distance relationship.

Yeah I thought that too... But she knows that it won't be long distance now. It's almost like even though she feels bad and has all these feelings for me, she's being stubborn and selfish, and is going to stick it out... At least for a little bit. What can I do to open her eyes or is therer nothing. I'm not the type that likes to feel helpless! I don't know anymore. Things are no longer keeping my mid occupied. Playing basketball, lifting weights, none of it... I know I don't want to, but maybe I should just give her an ultimatum? All of me, or none of me type of thing. What are your thoughts on this?

Ultimatums never work. Express some honest feelings, and see if she feels the same, and if not, then do what you have to. There is no need to just have things go all her way, as you have a stake in this also.

Either you work things out, or go your own way. What's the hurry though, give it thought. Acting impulsively on just feelings, is as bad as giving ultimatums.

So I have been attempting to not initiate any conversation with my ex... But when I don't initiate it, she does. I don't always text her or call her back right away even. But when I don't, the first thing she does is ask me if she did something wrong? Like she doesn't know. Ha, just kidding. But tonight she called me and told me about her day and what she did... Which is fine. But then she decided she needed to make me feel jealous. She mentioned that she saw a couple of guys that her and I both know at Subway, and how they complemented on how hot she looked, etc... Which naturally pissed me off! So she let me go and told me she was going to text me before bed... The next text I got said I hope that what I said about the comments I got today for looking good for once didn't upset you dear... Say what! I didn't have time to respond before she was sleeping because I didn't hear my phone go off. But I'm so confused. Why does she feel the need to make me jealous? And is it a good sign that she is continuously contacting me? I also don't know if I should be honest with her about how I feel, especially when she does these things, or if I should just keep it to myself for now?

Also it came up today that she wanted me to know that she still wears the rings I bought her... They weren't expensive but more of the artsy type of rings, but they were what she wanted. She wears one on her right index finger and one on her wedding band finger... Also she still wears the watch I bought her and says she still loves it... Does any of it mean anyhting?

Hahaha her game is very shallow my friend.

She's wanting to get a rile out of you. That way she knows she can still pull the strings to get to your heart and emotions. Get past these emotions and see this as for what it is... a game to feed her ego, to let her know she has power over you.

And you're going to have to learn to accept the fact that guys are now going to try to get with your ex, and that your ex can now do whatever she wants. However, so can you, and I'm sure you will get some attention in a few days, if you haven't already. Be patient, stick it out, and be prepared.

For all that talking, neither of you is communicating. Not about the future about NOW!

Talaniman, how should I communicate with her about now? What advice do you have on it? I don't really know how to go about it to be honest... Maybe if I can start the ball rolling on what you're talking about then we can have some type of break through. Whether together again of not... Some progress is better than none.

You have to be straight up, and honest about what you expect of her, and this relationship, and then give her time to digest it.

Either give it a positive direction, or leave it alone. I understand she will be away at school, and this is the first time on her own, so she will need time and space, to find her way, but she must also decide where this relationship needs to go.

That's the now, and its about honesty, or else you just keep going through limbo, and possibly prolong the inevitable break up.

I suspect, she will be wanting to enjoy your time together, as she prepares for her school experience without you in the picture.

Thats why i gave you that link, to decide for yourselves, is this going to wind down, or continue.

Even if she is confused, don't you be. You need to be very clear with your communications, to see where she is going with this. Then take the appropriate actions for yourself.

Waiting for a female to make up her mind is crazy and a waste of time, so have your own plan.

Thanks for your advice. Now I just hope that she's somewhat receptive to what I say and doesn't push me away because of it... And yes she still wants to spend time together and she still calls and texts all the time without me initiating it. Thanks again and wish me luck

Well I finally talked to her about it... She said that she wants this relationship to work and that all she asks is that I give her this time to spend with her friends and family and that as soon as we both move down to the same area for school she will recommit herself to me 100%. She feels that if we are together and she doesn't give me all of her and her time that it wouldn't be fair to me. She doesn't quite grasp the whole concept of relationships and needing some space yet. But I'm sure she'll learn soon enough. I hope that she does grow individually and she says that in this month and some change she has already realized what she wants and she's learned more about herself. So I'm happy for her... If anyone has any more pointers on how to keep her interested in me or on how to make our relationship, or whatever you'd like to call it, keep going I'd be very appreciated. Thanks for your time and I'll keep you posted on the results...

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As we both move down to the same area for school she will recommit herself to me 100%

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Just me, No way do do I go along with this plan Translation, break up until she gets back. In the meantime twiddle your thumbs in a corner until then, because she will be having a great time, and you will be waiting. That's not fair either.

Enjoy this while it lasts. Then make a clean break of it. That's just my opinion. That's fair to you both.

She can't lay responsibility on you because she wants to party, nor should you accept it. But you can give her all the time, and space, she wants, guilt free, with a clean amiable break.

Oh I would agree... There would be no reason for me to hang around if she went to school and I stayed back for any length of time. The scenario is that we are living near each other right now. And when she moves for school, I will be moving to the same place for school. It would happen even if we were not together. As my education and advancement of life is important to me... So we wouldn't be away from each other... But I am taking the advice about the break or now. I even talked to one of her friends and she said that my ex talks about me all the time and that she thinks giving her all of the space that she thinks she wants right now is smart because she believes that my ex will realize what she gave up and probably will think that the break wasn't at all what she thought it would be...

Believe what she is saying to you. Back off a little

Don't call her for awhile and she if she calls you.

You are young and you need to concentrate on your future jobs and take care of studies.

Her Mom is right.Its hard to be in college and commit to your studies and a BF.

Its like one or the other. College is demanding for those that just don't go there to party.

Trust that your relationship will survive the rigors of college life and don't look for problems that aren't there. Cross those bridges when you come to them.

It's a tough time and you both need to trust each other.

Take this for what it is a break-up. If you sit around waiting for her, you will end up hurt. You'll be waiting for her, while she is at college taking applications for new boyfriends. I don't really believe it's really that hard to have relationships in college, because most of the time the people in the relationship know what each other are going through and can actually help each other get through the work or the studying. I think this is another one of those lame "let him down easy" excuses.

Don't be surprised to hear that she is talking to a new guy. Don't get your hopes up that your will be able to pick up where you left off with her, because this situation sounds like many of the other "I need space situations".

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I would take this for what it is, a break up and proceed accordingly.

Alrighty. Thank you once again for the advice. Always hate to hear that it could be or is pretty much over. But it's a fact of life... For now I'll keep doing the school thing and working out and even going out to lunch with friends. She also just found out that the scholarship she was counting on togo to school fell through. So lots of stress. I'm going to leave her be for a while again and see if she calls. I guess the only way to go about this is keep moving, do my own thing, and if it's meant to be, then it will be... Thanks everyone