Ask Me Help Desk - Stuck with my ex until our lease is up

Stuck with my ex until our lease is up

I broke up with my ex after along term relatioship because she just wasn't helping work on our relationship and said she didn't feel the same about me as she used to. We were going to go to counseling to try and make it work but I figured if she feels that way then why bother.

We both want to go our separate ways but we are stuck in an apt until we save up the money to break the lease. The crappy part is that I pay a little more on the rent and there is only one bed and its hers. I have spent some time at friends houses to avoid her but I still need a place to call home and sleep in a actual bed not a couch. What am I supposed to do?

Wow no one can help with this?

You need to find a way out of this situation, no matter what the cost. Any friends that can take up the slack? Sub lease the apartment, pay the fee to break the lease... anything? You two living together is a recipe for disaster, and I can't see any other solution.

How long is the lease, and how old are you? How long have you been living there??

Now I really don't know what to do. To top that off Im having one of those really bad days as my mind wanders about the break up. I just wish that the pain would go away and I could feel normal again. I feel like if I could just find another girl fast to just take up that empty spot in my life that I could be OK for a while, or is a rebound girl a bad thing?

The problem with that is that all my friends are guys. I never wanted my ex to be jelous of any friends that I had that were girls. Instead the things went kind of backwards with that and caused the breakup. She doesn't have a whole lot of friends and for some reason doesn't get along with girls that well. So most of her friends are guys and the issue that caused was that she would come home from work talking and telling stories about them to me all the time. The ones that caused trust issues were when she would come home and it was only stories about one guy all week. I just couldn't take it. Now that we are trying to figure out the apt lease problem all the sudden she said one of us should get a room mate to cover rent. I don't have any friends that trust financially to move in so I'm out. First thing she does is suggest the guy she was talking about all week to move in as her room mate. Sorry I had to vent

The only other thing she suggested was if I borrowed a bed from my parents and set it up in the spare bedroom and used that as my room until we can break the lease. I know I need to get away from her but I don't know how to do it any faster.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

How long is the lease, and how old are you? How long have you been living there???

We resigned in October for a year. Im 24. We have been living together for 3 years in two other apts with 1 year leases.

Well.. let her bring in the guys, so you can leave.

I know it hurts, but I think it's the best solution for you.

Pack up, and leave dude and let her know your out of there, deal with the legal later. She can get room mates or leave too!

Yes it seems evident that she most likely wants this guy to move in and is just waiting for you to get established some where else so he can. You are broke up now and have no say and she has no ties... let her go and have the guy take your place. You are just prolonging the inevitable by staying.

Talk to your landlord and work something out. Landlords are human. He or she may want to take some amount of money to cover rerenting the place early, but you do not HAVE to live there against your will. Read the lease and see what it says about breaking the lease. It will tell you what your options are.

I agree. This is unhealthy and you need to get out. Sorry your girlfriend is behaving so badly.

I've been there, done that. I had 6 months on my lease when my ex and I decided to break up. Living with her was a nightmare, as she tried to make it so, and I, of course, didn't help it either.

I wish I had thought of a solution, but I didn't. I stuck with it, and it was miserable.

I suggest you talk to the ex, and talk to her about how your living arrangement could be better. A possible solution is for your ex to find a girl to room with, and possibly put two twin beds in the bedroom, and thus you can move out. If not, you'll end up spending a whole lot of nights being quite miserable.

Or perhaps you can both break the lease, pay the fees, and move out.

Good luck, let us know how it works out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I suggest you talk to the ex, and talk to her about how your living arrangement could be better. A possible solution is for your ex to find a girl to room with, t.

Ex most likely wants the guy to move in with her and not interested in a female roommate.
He said she doesn't get along with other girls that well. They are broke up so he really doesn't have a choice in who she chooses to live with her. She is not at a place where she is going to want to make compromises on who to have as a room mate if she is wanting this guy to move in with her.

Ah, well, then...

Let the guy move in. You, move out.

... how simple is that?

If we went the route of the room mate I really don't care who it is. I would however end up knowing because in order for them to move in I would have to have them pay me my have of the security deposit since I would not be staying until the end of the lease. The current plan is to pay the fee to break the lease split 50/50. I have my half but I have to wait untll she has hers. If we were going to break the lease by the end of jan, we would have to notify the office by the 10th. She won't have the money in time so I know we will have to wait till the end of Feb. which is really going to suck unless I can find a new girl for valentines day.

Oh yeah and I don't think she will have the other guy move in because he has a kid. I could be wrong but I really don't care.

Why do you keep on insisting you need to hurry and find another girl? What does that solve? Just adds more drama in my opinion. Worry about the lease, not having a replacement in time to make her jealous, or make yourself feel better.

As far as the lease goes I could cover the breaking fee all by myself but I refues to help her out anymore especially finacially. There had been things in the past here and there that pushed us away from each other to the point of breaking up but we allways tried to make it work. I allways put in way more effort than her and I was getting sick of it. This was my one chance to get out and get a fresh start. Im not left with any doubt that there was anything to save. Its over. I just want to know that there is someone else out there for me. Im have never been an expert on Dating since my ex was my first girlfriend and she found me. I need some confidance and self esteem, and that's why I want to get back out that and find another girl.

Self esteem has nothing to do with finding another girl... it is about finding and loving yourself, then the "girls" will come. Believe me, if you don't care for yourself, no self respecting female ever will.

Finding another girl is like putting a band aid over a bullet wound. It won't do anything but provide a little stoppage but not much else. Take time to heal and you will be thankful later.

Want proof? My ex jumped into another relationship after we broke up, now she texts me wanting me back and is in a relationship faking her feelings.

I took time to heal(read my posts) and learned more about myself and now I am happily with someone who I love

Talk out this with a landlord, and ask if she can move out! :(

Stay there and drive her crazy so she can leave. If she has male company, they won't like the fact that she's still living with her ex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vjonesv

stay there and drive her crazy so she can leave. If she has male company, they won't like the fact that she's still living with her ex.

Now there is a great suggestion... play games with your ex girlfriend... :rolleyes:

You want to know how to do it.

Watch "The Break Up"

Plain And Simple

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Finding another girl is like putting a band aid over a bullet wound. It won't do anything but provide a little stoppage but not much else. Take time to heal and you will be thankful later.

Want proof? My ex jumped into another relationship after we broke up, now she texts me wanting me back and is in a relationship faking her feelings.

I took time to heal(read my posts) and learned more about myself and now I am happily with someone who I love

But the hurt right now is not knowing if another girl will come along. I need to know at least that much now. I don't plan on jumping into serious relationship, just lite dating so that I know when I jump in head first I will have that confidance. Also like I stated before I just need some girl friends of my own that weren't girlfriends of my ex's to boost myself esteem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vjonesv

stay there and drive her crazy so she can leave. If she has male company, they won't like the fact that she's still living with her ex.

I wouldn't feel good about doing that plus I know that would only backfire like you would not believe. Plus I know she would not have male company because I could make that situation feel as unwelcome as possible with out saying a word, and maybe ,just maybe she might have the smarts to know not to do that.

The thing is, if you find a girl to "boost your confidence," once that girl is gone, your confidence will be down in the dumps again. Just because you're going through vicodin withdrawal doesn't mean you should continue to use vicodin. It's a temporary fix.

What you need to do is find a final solution for your confidence problem. Get out, hang out with your friends, spend time with family, etc.

Join a gym... perfect solution to your confidence problem

This is very unhealthy you need to get out.

Move out and then worry about the other obstacles at a later time once you are sorted and back on your feet straight.

Have you got friends or family that you could go move in with for a short time while you get yourself back on your feet.

Yeah Im starting to see how bad it can get. Currently it turing into a battle of the scents. I guess she is doing the typical girl thing of moving on in buying new cloths and stuff but the bad one is the perfume spray crap. I woke up this morning to get ready for work and almost gagged from the smell. The fact is I know she is spraying herself down to pick someone else up and I admit even though I don't give a crap what she does with her life now, it does bother me. Im half tmeped to spray down all her cloths with colone but I know that would start a really big war. I know who she is spraying down for and it's a guy who tried to break us up years ago and I should have dumped her then but they don't have a time machine for me to go back and fix that mistake.

The only solution I can think of is if I pay all the rent for February and she moves out by the end of January. Then I would only have to deall with here to clean the apt and pay the final fee

Don't play games with woman, they always win. That is a man-rule that most dudes simply have way too much pride to stick to. Just be the bigger man and find a way to end this situation immediately.

What makes you think she will leave if you pay the rent yourself?? If she can buy clothes and perfume, and go out, she can pay the rent. I would have been long gone or moved a few buds in.

You ain't handling your business.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

What makes you think she will leave if you pay the rent yourself??? If she can buy clothes and perfume, and go out, she can pay the rent. I would have been long gone or moved a few buds in.

You ain't handling your business.

You're right

Ive got some friend that could move in but they are on unemployment and I don't know when that runs out for them. I think all the cookware and the bed is hers so If I kicked her out early I woundt have much left.

Quote:

Originally Posted by yobro

you're right

Ive got some friend that could move in but they are on unemployment and I dont know when that runs out for them. I think all the cookware and the bed is hers so If I kicked her out early I woundt have much left.

You would have your dignity and pride left, and your sense of life. That is all that matters right now. As long as she lives with you, your sanity isn't really sanity...

Im going through the same thing. I have a mortgage with my partner and I want out. We got a 2year fixed rate and it's only been 18months.
It's a hard situation to be in!!

Update

Its so horrible. We broke up on the 2nd and I found out now that she is planning to sleep with the guy that tried to break us up a long time ago as soon as she is off the rag. What a . Im chompin at the bit to call her a slut and whore but she doesn't know that I am aware of her plans. Im not attracted to her at all she is fat and saggy now. Its just that Im jelous that I don't have anyone to move on with. How do I fight this jelousy. I don't even know how to get a one night stand just to feel better.

Anyone?

Handle your business, and cry later.

Horrible mentality to say you need to move onto someone. Move on by yourself. Yes, it will suck, but in the end, you'll feel much betteer.

Most rental offices will allow one person to leave the lease if the other occupant stays. Go to the rental office and get taken off the lease and then it's her problem. She'll find another roommate. You can't let it go on your credit it will haunt you for years. Some apartments will allow you to break a lease without a fee if you give them 30 days notice, but they keep your deposit. Go talk to your landlord and be honest. I am sure they would rather allow you to leave then be in an environment that could be potentially harmful for all parties including them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stayc4you

Most rental offices will allow one person to leave the lease if the other occupant stays. Go to the rental office and get taken off the lease and then it's her problem. She'll find another roommate. You can't let it go on your credit it will haunt you for years. Some apartments will allow you to break a lease without a fee if you give them 30 days notice, but they keep your deposit. Go talk to your landlord and be honest. I am sure they would rather allow you to leave then be in an environment that could be potentially harmful for all parties including them.

This is legally incorrect - a person cannot be taken off a lease unless the other party consents, at least in my State, which is NY. I cannot suddenly be 100% responsible for the rent because the cosigner wants out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This is legally incorrect - a person cannot be taken off a lease unless the other party consents, at least in my State, which is NY. I cannot suddenly be 100% responsible for the rent because the cosigner wants out.

Do you have some personal vindetta against me? I am sorry if I offended you with my answers or opinions, but I have said nothing on this board that you haven't criticized. In my state that is perfectly legal.