My boyfriend is muslim and I been going out with him for 9 months and I love more than anything, he talked to me about Islam every once in a while into he convince that Islam is the religion for me. So I converted from Christianity to Islam a month ago. He just graduated from grad school and his mom abiously is going to be looking for a wife for him back in Pakistan. The first problem is that I think his mom is not going to like me because I converted, the second problem is he's mom is alone and pakistan and she doesn't have a visa to come here and he doesn't want to leave her alone (which I also believe is right for him to do that). So he has to pick a choice be with me or go back to Pakistan and marry a girl that he doesn't know yet!! But he so confused and he doesn't know what to do. While he finds out what he is going to do what should I do?? Should I wait by his side or leave him alone until he makes up his mind and talks to his parents?? ( I don't want to leave him alone but I will do what ever is best for us)

First red flag, is you converting for him, and not yourself. Second red flag, and an even bigger one, is your willingness to follow someone after only 9 months.

Slow your train down lady, and see the reality of your situation, before redoing yourself, and your life.

His mom is okay where she is, and your okay where you are, so before you run away to another world you better see what your getting into because after you're his wife over there, you're his obedient wife forever, or one of them any way. And your right, if mama don't like you you can forget it.

Your moving to fast into the unknown and love don't conquer all.

Will you still be a Muslim after he has to marry someone else, and kicks you to the curb??

Yes I still be a muslim if Im not with him. Im very happy that I met him because she show me something beautiful that made my life so much better and gave me a purpose to life wich is Islam. Im sure he is the person I want to be for the rest of my life and he can only have a second wife is the first one allows it, and the requimirents to have a second are very limited so most muslims choose not to have more than 1 wife

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Your SURE he is the one?

Slow down and think about it all. This is pretty full on isn't it? You have a life and your own choices and at the moment he's running that part. He's already converted you to another religion and now your considering moving to another country for him?

Think think before you leap leap

You should be worried about most Muslims, just yours. I just think your moving to fast, and have a lot more to learn about him. What's your hurry?

I would'nt wait around. If he's going make a decision then he needs to make it however I agreed with Tal on all of the issues he pointed out to you. You seem like you did anything to make him happy and while he's happy, your happy. That's isn' love.

Secondly, my uncle is Muslim and you have to understand the whole religion because you become part of it. He can have as many wives as he want without your permission and you've to accept it even if your not okay with it. Don't get me started on the rest of it.

Before I leave this post I want to ask you a question. What changes have he made for you?

That is messed up. 9 months and converted religion? Sorry lady, but this guy is religion-biased. Just because you was a Christian and he's a Muslim doesn't mean you need to convert. Secondly, his mother may not approve because of RELIGION. I'd break it off with him cause religion is the whole issue.

Ok, you converted into a Muslim.
What did he do for you? What did he convert?

Life is about exchanging. What did he exchange/trade for your conversion?

Do what you want . What age is your muslim boyfriend ?

Okay.
I don't understand why you converted to Islam because he convinced you to or whatever.. Unless you wanted it yourself, then that's fine. But after only nine months, you think he's the guy for you and you change your religion for him and now you're faced with this problem... This shouldn't be a problem, if he loved you back I don't think he would make you wait for an answer. It's an easy No to his mother.. If he loved you as much as you love him he wouldn't consider marrying someone he doesn't know in Pakistan because his mother wants him to.. I'm muslim myself, and it's a bigg challenge. But if you converted for him and he ends up leaving you... then I don't think you'll be too fond of the religion that he introduced you to because he broke your heart.. If you do stick to the religion good for you..
But is he even worth it? What did he change for you?

Hey jennifer! Member me honey?! Omg its been so long :-xxxx

Well he haven't change for me at all but he introduce me to Islam and since them my life has change to better and better and I feel like he was put in my destiny to show a better way of life because I try to follow everything and my reward has been a peaceful life without no regrets.. . I don't want to live in pakistan all I want is for his mom to approve and for her to live here in usa so she won't be alone. My life gets complicated by the second I NEED HELP I can't STOP CRYING FOR DAYS

His 24

talaniman
Senior Relationship Expert

My hurry is that I love him! And he loves me too but it seems impossible? Should I walk away from this and break up?

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Originally Posted by complicatedlife

Well he havent change for me at all but he introduce me to Islam and since them my life has change to better and better and I feel like he was put in my destiny to show a better way of life because I try to follow everything and my reward has been a peaceful life without no regrets. ... I dont want to live in pakistan all I want is for his mom to approve and for her to live here in usa so she wont be alone. My life gets complicated by the second I NEED HELP I can't STOP CRYING FOR DAYS

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There you go.

HE HAS NOT CHANGED FOR YOU AT ALL.
Wait till you marry him. In the Muslim world, men are allowed to have four wives.

The red flag to me is how much you put into this religion and how better your life is since you converted. You did a lot in 9 months.

Torelance

Why?? Please I know I'm doing something wrong but I can't see it because I'm in the picture.

Your mistake is that you are doing everything for him, and he isn't doing the same for you! Changing your religion to keep a man is the worst thing you can do! Did converting ever even enter your mind before you met him? You only converted ONE MONTH ago. You can't possibly understand a religion in that amount of time!

What was the process and the steps you took to convert? Did you take classes?. or did you just listen to what your boyfriend told you about Muslims and their ways? If you are only listening to what he told you, without counsel from a religious authority, you are in way over your head.

In one post, you said you're life is so peaceful and you have no regrets! In your next sentence, you say your life is so complicated and you've been crying for days! That doesn't sound very peaceful to me!

Everyone has asked how old he is, but no one has asked how old you are. What about your family? What are their views on this sudden change in religion? If his mother disaproves, is he still going to marry you and stay where you are to be with you?. or is he going to go live with mommy, and let her pick his wife? If your family disaproves, are you going to leave your boyfriend as they wish?

Nine months is NOT long enough to make such life changing decisions! I have to say the same thing as some of the others! What is your hurry? Are you afraid that if you don't marry him now that he will leave you for mommy's choice? Just because you are married, it doesn't mean things will be easy. Actually, it means things will be 10 times harder than they are now! Marriage is a lot of hard work even without these problems right out of the gate!

I think you need to back up, and talk to a professional. This is your life! Again, how old are you? My guess is you are not very old, and you are making decisions based upon your feelings for him, and they are not rational thought out decisions! They are clouded by your feelings for this young man. Slow down, or you are going to be in for a lot of hurt down the road.

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Originally Posted by complicatedlife

torelance

why??? please i know im doing something wrong but i can't see it because im in the picture.

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Even though you can't see it, you've to know that your moving too fast.

Do you've any family or friends?

I really think your losing yourself in this guy and that's not good.

Before I go on what are some things that he did for besides convincing you to convert? Also, he's 24 but what is your age?

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Originally Posted by complicatedlife

talaniman
Senior Relationship Expert

my hurry is that I love him! and he loves me too but it seems impossible? should I walk away from this and break up??

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I don't say walk away, but I do say give yourself a lot more time to know each other, and learn each others personal ways, and grow more, before making such a big life changing decision.

Its so great to be in love, we tend to not enjoy the learning, when we should. We overlook, or don't see, many things because we are caught in those very intense feelings, especially if this is the first time you have had them. Enjoy yourself, but don't get carried away by your feelings. If your love is real, its not going any where, and there is no need to hurry.

I think the others have asked a very important question you have not answered, as you have done a lot to please him, but what has he done?? Real love is sharing, and caring, and working together to achieve together, so you have defined your own actions, and have said nothing of his, and that's something to really think about.

Im 18 (being force to be honest) should I move on and just concentrate on my studies, and see with time if he comes back with a solid answer. I don't want to get married with him right now I just don't want his mom to be looking for a girl for him, more like engaged. I want to feel secure in our relationship, he tells me he is sure we are going to be together but like one of you wrote "is a easy no to his mom" and everything can go down hill. I don't want to waste my time in a relationship that's not going anywhere for that I stay alone.

Then you wait until the uncertainty, becomes a lot clearer, and focus on your own studies.

Stand your ground with him, and tell him until he makes a decision, you have your studies and your life to work on for your own stability and security, in case he decides to go with his mothers decision to find him a wife. Let him know when he has taken time to weigh out the consequences of either choice, then the two of you can sit down and lay everything on the table, so that neither of you are confused about whichever decision is made. You of course can let your feelings towards him be known, but also let him know that you can't live with uncertainty about your relationship forever.

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Originally Posted by complicatedlife

Im 18 (being force to be honest) should I move on and just concentrate on my studies, and see with time if he comes back with a solid answer. I dont want to get married with him right now I just dont want his mom to be looking for a girl for him, more like engaged. I want to feel secure in our relationship, he tells me he is sure we are going to be together but like one of u wrote "is a easy no to his mom" and everything can go down hill. I dont want to waste my time in a relationship thats not going anywhere for that I stay alone.

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For the relationship part, you cannot do anything about it. Want to know why? You're not 100% Muslim; you converted from a Christian. In a Muslim society, marriages are often arranged by parents and not by the child.
There are 2 solutions:

1. he breaks up with you can goes with the girl of his mothers' choice.
2. he takes you as his fiancé as well as the girl of his mothers' choice.

I suggest to break up and be friends. No drama at all.

Look at yourself. 18 and just freshly came into the adult world. I'm 20 and I have not changed someone due to religion.

And how do I know all the Muslim world?
My ancestry roots from my grandfathers' side started from ancient Middle East (Saudi Arabia) to border of Pakistan/Afghanistan/chinky china/Russia. Grandmothers' side is Taiwanese-Japanese

I agree with most... you're only 18... you've got a lot of life to live and I think you're moving just a little too fast here... especially to make the sacrifices that you are and him not doing the same...

He's going to do what his mother wants him to do... she's choosing a bride for him... better that you get out of that drama before you're hurt any worse...

And in closing... If he loves you as much as you love him, then why wouldn't he convert religions? Do you fully understand the Muslim world and religion enough to convert and put your values to the side for him?

Just some food for thought...

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Originally Posted by Guidostern

And in closing... If he loves you as much as you love him, then why wouldn't he convert religions? Do you fully understand the Muslim world and religion enough to convert and put your values to the side for him?

Just some food for thought...

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I agree completely.. you stated that one of the many reasons you decided to convert is because the religion made you feel at peace with yourself and the world around you.

Yet you state that you are suffering and struggling over the complicated dilemma that your dealing with inside. If the religion makes you so at "peace" as you say than why would you be suffering because of it?? Obviously the religion has its flaws just like any other and clearly no longer has you at peace.

Was the religion that he introduced you to so impacting to the point that you were drawn to leave behind your own values the ones that you created while growing up? The values you decided were the right ones for you before you met him?

If your not ready to marry him then don't. You don't have to do nothing you don't want to.

Secondly, your only 18 and have your own life in front of you. There are going be other guys and your going have other relationship and in each one your going learn something different from it.

But before you get involve with anyone learn about yourself. Right a list of things you seek and don't want in a guy. Don't lose yourself in any guy and don't change just for a change because if they can't accept you then guess what, you don't need them. You can do bad by yourself. Remember that and believe it and know what your getting yourself into before you get into it.

Thank you everyone this page makes life so much better! Im so happy that people I don't know are willing to help me without judging me! :)

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Originally Posted by complicatedlife

Im 18 (being force to be honest) should I move on and just concentrate on my studies, and see with time if he comes back with a solid answer. I dont want to get married with him right now I just dont want his mom to be looking for a girl for him, more like engaged. I want to feel secure in our relationship, he tells me he is sure we are going to be together but like one of u wrote "is a easy no to his mom" and everything can go down hill. I dont want to waste my time in a relationship thats not going anywhere for that I stay alone.

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If he loves you he will wait for you, so there is no hurry to get married. As for your conversionn it sounds like you converted because he wanted you too, just my opinion.

Hi there, I am a muslim and I think that if your man loves you , then the right thing to do is for his mum to be happy for him and treat you like her daughter! FULL STOP. No way would a good muslim parent look for another girl, when her son is in love- especially if that girl has converted to Islam. The fact is you have put a huge effort for yourself and for your man and future family- that should speak volumes of respect from your man and his family. PERIOD. They should welcom ethat with happiness and love. FULL STOP.
I am sure his mum is supported well in her country- I am sure your man can send additional support for his mum from where he is right now. His mum can always come and visit as often as she wants where you guys are living as well. So I am sure you both can work around all of this. The important thing is to develop good understanding between you and your man and good friendship with his mother and the family.
A good muslim parent will always encourage their children to do right and to do right by others- irrespective of who they are and what reglion they are-thus continuing with your studies would be a good thing as now adays if you ask me muslim women are much more powerful than a muslim man! Many muslim women these days are highly educated - like have 3 degrees (much more than a muslim man!), have good jobs, fully independent and somehow run the house single handly- and still look great with all the designer gear on and will tell her man how she wants the house run! Yes that is the 21st century muslim chick! And guess what!- there is no sin in doing that in the religion- or any religion for that matter. Gone are the days where the muslim woman does what the muslim man does! If you look around you will see more and more that it is the muslim wife that runs the show and muslim husbands will obey well, live well and respect their partner! The muslim wife will of course let the muslim man feel he is running the show = good marriage! And it does work v well from what I have seen.
Islam is all about way of living, being compassionate, modest and good -in fact it is a v basic simple religion- if you just read the quran.What makes it all complicated is all the crap about the society- that is all driven my men- who are weak and just make rules to suit them. My suggestion is to ignore all that crap!
The most imporatnt thing for you to do- is explain what you want to your man, and so he can then explain this to his mum and then take things from there.
If he starts giving you all that about his mum wants this and that- then he is not the right man as he is not standing up for you, in turn nor will his family. In that case leave him NOW as he is too narrow minded to appreciate you and the life you both could have- which can be v western and muslim at the same time.
Good luck!

One thing I have to say is for a muslim person to choose a non muslim person who has converted to muslim - both partners have to be very open-minded individuals and essentially be able to take all the good in both religions and put it together to suit you both. This will require a bit more work than most relationships, but if you both love each other- then you will find a cool way and it will be worth it. The result of this will be what the families will see. That is all they need to see actually. That is a win - win situation for you both. If either of you cannot do this- then sorry to say that it will be v hard for the relationship to work as you guys will always have religion issues which will come in the way and mask the actual problems that you may come across.

My advice would be is to continue with your studies. That is a must.
Perhaps after meeting the family and if all is good- consider all long engagment- set the year for the wedding.
Your wedding should be set such that you can finish your studies + 1-2 years of full time work- thus when you get married you have a good education and a good job behind you- i.e. your independent- v important.
During this long engagement it will give you and your man to learn about the religion- yes he will have to learn as well.. in fact one is always learning about religion till they die. So don't assume your man knows it all because he was born with it- in fact the ones that convert tend to know more! You will also get the chance to really get to know his family and vice versa- even thou your family are christian- his family should respect that and find many common grounds and so both sides can create good communication and respect.

Good luck hope the above was helpful

I'm also dating a muslim and we have been together for a year. I also love him and believe he is the love of my life. We love each other very much. If there are certain things you don't agree, then set your terms in the beginning as I have and if he loves you and wants to be with you, then he will respect them. He has never requested me to convert and will always keep my religion and will respect theirs. Muslim's accept Christianity and if you converted only for him, you didn't need to.