My Boyfriend and I were together for over 3++years. Every time we get into an argument or fight he wants to break up. I am so confused and broken. He doesn't seem to care about me. He would turn his phone off for days and I always call him back and he told me so many times that he doesn't want the relationship anymore. I have lost so much include my confident, self image and self esteem. I am so lost and all I do is cry... I cry so much that I sometimes can't even breathe. Sometimes I wonder is I am the only one who experiences such harness in my life. Honestly I would NEVER want what I am doing through to happen to anyone else... Ever one handle situation differently. We been having problems so often and he always thinks I am at fault and say I will never change. I always want to spent time with him and he doesn't care. According to him, the realationship is over and I just don't want to accept it because I know how I feel inside and the hurt and suffering that I am experiencing. I would call him over and over, for days he wudn't pick up and turn off his phone and if he does pick up he talks down to me and disrespects me so much that I am embarrassed to talk about the names he calls me. He slapped me one time and I forgave for this. People tell me to just leave him that I deserve better and I will eventually find someone who will treat me the way I deserved to be treated. I think that he will be with another girl and what if he treats her the way I wanted to be treated. I am a mess! I can't think straight... He makes me feel like the reason our relationship can't work is because of me and he tells me I don't treat him good. We had so trust problem earlier in the relationship and I don't completely trust him. So whenever he's with his friends I call to "check up on him", see what he's doing. Other than that I love him so much and I am committed to him. How can I love someone who doesn't care for me in return and just tell me that he doesn't want anything to do with me that I make his life unhappy and for me to just leave him alone - that he will change his phone... I think he made his mind up that he doesn't’t want to be with me anymore…I tried to make myself understand that I don’t want to force someone to be with me, I want someone to be with me whole heartily. But next minute I get so depress and I pick up the phone and call him…and he will not pick up.. I would just re-dial over and over and never does he pick up my call. What do I do?
Please give me some advises guys... I am going insane... The hurt that I feel I can't explain..

p.s Do you think he's taking advantage of me, knowing that I have always called and thinking that he have me wrapped around his finger and I will be there no matter what (cuz I made myself needy towards him, depending on him) Is it possible? And what satisfaction does it give him knowing that I am still calling? If he does still care?

How old are you? By the way, why is he treating you this way, and why do you guys have trust issues? Did you cheat on him or do anything to hurt him?

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Originally Posted by grindin

how old are you? btw, why is he treating you this way, and why do you guys have trust issues? did you cheat on him or do anything to hurt him?

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I am 24 and he's the same! I found out stuff, one time I when on his computer and saw all some girls added to his msn, I try to find out and he's was talking to one of the girl - whom was his cousin girl (the girl confirmed) but it fact remain that he actually did that - talking to her pretending to be someother guy - called her fr work and even met up wit her for a smoke one day (I talk to the girl and she when figure out wit me that she used to go out wit his cousin) such a mess up situation. Another time I logged on to his voice mail and a girl left a vm and I ask him if he talk to anyone else other than me and he said no - I found out he was lying... they girl told me she is a friend and that he know who I am and I am a psycho that I don't want him to have any female friends and so on... so I had my guard up and was sooo scared that he will be doing something... thats why I would ask him if he's cheating or if he's talking to someone and when he say no I would ask him to confirm that he would go do it just because I ask him.

First of all, you're not the only one going through this magnitude of pain. Currently, I'm experiencing something very similar..

Second of all, why stay with someone who is so miserable being with you?

HI, wow I don't like to hear that you are being disrespected like that.If he is being upfront with you though and telling you that he does not want you, I think that you should listen. My mother always said, let a man chase/ want you. If he doesn't want you then someone else will --ten fold. Besides you are still quite young and there are a lot of men out there, that really can treat you better. ( I've dated quite a bit before I met my boyfriend/baby father) I am now 33 yrs. I had the bad experience of staying in a 2 year relationship when I was 24 yrs. And he was verbally abusive and embarrassed me in public as well as jealous and controlling. At the time I had self-esteem issues, and I ended up breakng up and then got back with him after a couple of months. After he wined me and dined me, it went back to the same old thing Where he disrespected me again and again.I finally got the courage to give him a peace of my mind and tell him that he was better suited for someone else that would take his bull.. . You definietly can be treated a lot better and shouldn't don't settle for less. Breaking up is really hard but everything takes time to heal, and years later you will be looking back regretting that you didn't do it sooner.

You both need to go about your lives as you bring out the worse in each other, and that's not healthy.

Depending on him?? Not healthy, You really should learn to let go. How, stop contacting him, and don't let him contact you.

You are allowing him to treat you badly. Break up, and stay broken up, so you can learn to stand up for yourself, by yourself.

The only person you should depend on is yourself. You have put too much into this relationship, no trust = no relationship. Get out now while you still realize you are your own person

I think you are afriad that you will not ever find anyone to love you like he might have in the beginning but you really need to find yourself. I also think he made it very clear, its over, please accept this and move on, by calling him over and over won't do anything but turn him off even more. I think you need to find yourself, do some spiritual healing and also build up yourself esteem, love yourself and try trusting people. If u can't trust him then there is no point ob being with someone. Its crucial to trust people.

To tell you the truth hun this beavior of yours is very immature, you have to hear this blundtly and thruthfully rather then pity answers I know what your going through hun had alo of bad experiences of my own. Seeing how I grew up with guys being the girliest girl made me look like a moron, but I did realize what they think of our stupid behavior towards then. That is just it its ridiculously stupid.

Sweetie I can tell you have a good heart on you, but reality check, you can't make somebody like you if they don't. You can't make somebody date you if they don't want to. Try putting yourself in his shoes hun. I don't think anybody likes their ex gf/bf to get back together with them repeatadly if that's not needed. You would have an amusing laugh about them wouldn't you?

Us, women have to be strong with or without men. It will take a while for you to get over it but I think it will be for the best. Any boy who makes you cry like that shouldn't be with you.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Your still young and you have to experience all the jerks before you find the right one ;)

Time heals itself. Trust me hun, put a smile on your face and if you ever see him, he must see ou happy without you and he's going to regret it!

Honestly reading alll the comment/feedback really makes my cry... Honestly because I Know how I feel deep down. I just have to accept this and move on and every time I think of moving on I feel like breaking and falling... I honestly feel miserable.

U know what break me the most, he got Facebook and add all there girls and comment and girls pic... as much as I don't need that in my life I also don't want to c it happen - sometimes I think cudn't he at least care a little - how can't he not when I do? It would at least give me a piece of mind know that he does and he's hurting also.

I heard he's been going around tell people I am crazy tat I wudn't leave him alone... I really want to but I need to find it in my heart that I am doing the right thing and stop listen to my heart and think of my well being - to be hones I know all of these things but I am hurting so much that it seem to be blur.

I sincerely thank you guys for the feedback and do reply and comment.

The best advice for you, stay away from those online social networking sites. They will break you down emotionally and keep the wounds fresh longer.

I agree with him, at the end of the day you want to be with someone as much as they want to be with you. You can't force him, it should be willingly both ways, no need to make him want to be with you. IF he broke up with you and he kept on calling u then its one thing( which is my problem at the moment ) but he chose to end things and he is sticking to it.. Don’t let him desrespect you. Show some pride and stop calling him. You really need to work on yourself esteem, regain confidence , you are so young, you have a long way ahead... Learn from this experince and embrace the happiness u deserve.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

The best advice for you, stay away from those online social networking sites. They will break you down emotionally and keep the wounds fresh longer.

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Looking at my situation from your perspective - with regards to the 100 times I have called him (seriously) just redial his # and everything - and he never pick up or he turn his phone off (very recent) Do u think he's fully over me - Is it real for a guy to get over a girl he when out with for 3 yrs - do you think he can easily be distracted by friends/girls and already looking or moved on?

I was the whole who got broken up with by my ex girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. I called for a bit, and then I found this site and went No Contact. She called me and I didn't answer, she would text me every once in awhile and still got no answer. It's a healing solution everyone does, once you start it you will stop worrying so much about him getting over you as you are that you are finally moving forward with your life. Think about something else, each day set a new goal for yourself. Mine was to not look at her myspace(lasted 5 months). We broke up a week before X-mas and my New Years Resolution was to talk to a random person at least 5 times a week, always bring about yourself confidence.

Brokenshadow - its not a matter of how long you were with him but its all about the connection and the type of relationship you had, some people can be witheachtoehr for 10 yrs and break up vs other can be with each other for 25 yrs and still keep it going, is he over you? Can't answer that for him but he obviously made it clear he doesn’t want to speak with you so then why are you pursuing it. You can make someonee be with you nor can you sway them, its an individual choice and if he isn't answering his phone and turning it off then you need to understand that he isn't into it. I think what would help is if you backed off and stop calling and then give him that time to think... You aren't allowing him to miss you. If you love him then set him free and if he comes back then take it from there, you can't control him and who he is dating or wanting to date, let him date and meet people and he will compare them to you. So if he comes back then its up to you to take him back but the constant calling is major turn off and if a guy did that to me, it comes off very very desperate and needy... but that’s me.. Hope it helps.

Did you ever consider someone might have told him to go NO CONTACT with you, so he could heal???

Yes I taught about it - His friends them definitely told him not to call me and tell him not to get back with me- u know what I just can't understand or don't want to understand that how can he just can forget what ever we had - for he he was my 1st true love, whom I was so in love with and I honestly revolved my life around him (my mistake?) - everything I did was for and with him. I sometimes would feel bad to have a good laugh without him. If someone told him to not contact me then he listen. I tried to stay about fr those online site (facebook) but I keep wondering what he's doing and if he's talking to someone else these taught and feeling are driving me insane.. I don't have appetite - I haven't eaten for 2 days not a good meal because I don't feel hungry. HOW CAN A PERSON JUST DON'T CARE.

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Originally Posted by peacelover

Brokenshadow - its not a matter of how long you were with him but its all about the connection and the type of relationship you had, some people can be witheachtoehr for 10 yrs and break up vs other can be with eachother for 25 yrs and still keep it going, is he over you? Can't answer that for him but he obviously made it clear he doesn’t want to speak with you so then why are you persuing it. You can make someonee be with you nor can you sway them, its an individual choice and if he isnt answering his phone and turning it off then you need to understand that he isnt into it. I think what would help is if u backed off and stop calling and then give him that time to think... You arent allowing him to miss you. If you love him then set him free and if he comes back then take it from there, you can't control him and who he is dating or wanting to date, let him date and meet people and he will compare them to you. So if he comes back then its up to you to take him back but the constant calling is major turn off and if a guy did that to me, it comes off very very desperate and needy...but that’s me.. Hope it helps.

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Thank you so much, I really appreciate you answer - I Just keep reading it and reading it over and over again - the only taught in my head if what if he take the time and don't miss me and just get over me also. At least it gives me a piece of heart to know what he is and will be thinking about me and what we had, the good times we shared and the times we spend together - he was my 1st true, real relationship who I just wanted to last. Honestly sometimes I just call him for him NOT to FORGET me. Because I feel like if I don't call he will forget me.

By calling him you aren't allowing him to reflect or think, you are simply in his head "annoying" him or coming across "needy" and that's a major turn off, sorry I don't mean to come across harsh but I want you to understand so you don't make this mistake over and over. Ask yourself, you want to be with someone who deosnt want t be with you? I hope your answer is NO! So let him be, if you stop calling him, he will start questioning it and may have a change of heart but stop thinking that this is the end of the world and he was the one because if he was he would stick around and try to make it work.. I was 24 once and I been through this.. trust me! I found someone amazing and frogot my ex in heartbeat, sounds prety bad but its true... rememebr the horrible things he said and did.. it will help!

Hey,

Broken Shadow, I'm coming on to this thread late but I think I got a pretty good idea of what's going on, so I'll try and give my two cents as well.

First of all, I don't think that he's taking advantage of you because, I think he would at least be responding to your calls every once and awhile to make sure you were still there, so do not worry about that.

Also, I quickly read your original post and it seems like you had a lot of negative things to say about him in the relationship but your in an emotional whirlwind which kept you around, anytime a man hits a woman there's a serious problem that comes to my mind, and he's probably not much of a man at all, you should NOT put up with this at all nor, give him your love.

You asked if he cares about you or thinks about you... are you kidding me? Do you honestly think the answer to this question is no. Of course you don't, trust your instincts and stop over thinking situations so much, it'll just mess with your head. Unfortunately, I guess it's sad to say it is possible he doesn't but I really doubt it... However, I would suggest stop calling him repeatedly and over and over because that will cause him to want nothing to do with you and just be annoying,

BUT what you should do... you already know, no more talking, no more contact, no more anything of him in your life... why? Well, think about it put yourself in his shoes... Ex keeps calling me 100 times a day, a week goes by not a word or a sign of life from you to him... Probably going to raise flags in his mind, and get him thinking and confused about what your doing and how you feel about him now, it'll be hard, I know I stuck it through and I'm 100% better but, Trust me when I tell you... It'll be worth it.

Yours Truly,
LCM

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Did you ever consider someone might have told him to go NO CONTACT with you, so he could heal???

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Once again I will ask this question - Is it different when it comes to male and female in a relationship? I know everyone is not the same and people are different which makes everyone unique but when it come to feeling when a guy just make his mind to forget a girl and made his mind really hard insite of the love that was once there - and he wants to get out of a relationship can anything (incl memories) or anyone make him stay? Or remember the good times.

Sometimes I think its easy for guys, in my situation its easily for my "EX" because he was in other serious relationship before me (he was my 1st serious and whom I gave my all to) so that's y its hard for rme and not him...

I thank you all for the feeback-I honestly read it over aver for reassurace, I read it on my way to work, every time I have I just come on and read... but To sum it up everyone told me NO CONTACT - MY MOM even told not to destroy my life over one day - and he talks down to me.

I understand the whole no calling thing, but at the same time if Do u think if I don't call/ no contact fr me, will actually make him see that he's better off without me (as he think) & and feel like I was a load lift offer his shoulder. I remember once we got back together after a break up and he told me it was his mistake for getting back because I am still qurstioning him and he started not care/thinking about me (was over me) and then we had gotten back together) - I feel like you guys don't think I understand, I just want to let you know I do understand but at the same time I am scared of the obvious that he will just move on so quick (wat guys do) and not worry about me/mylife-Carryin on with his talking to girls like he's doing now (adding all girls on his fb and talking to girls)

I know I can't force him and I need to c that and just understand that I will find someone who will love me and adore me just for being me and I don't have to try hard at that it will come natural, nevertheless I am just drown in the fact that I had committed so much to him and the relationship. I always wanted to be with one person for the long run and have something that would last 4ver... How do I make it as easy as it is for me to understand that this wasn't something that was meant to be and that God's have something better in store of me?

Once again, I sencerely thank you guys all for listening and for the feeback AT the moment I am truly living for this and it what holds me together. I feel like my world is falling apart. Because my ex would tell my that he know I don't care nor love it... when I know how much I do. I just get to get my heart and my head straight.

THANK U EVERYONE AND PLEASE PLEASE UR COMMENT/FEEDBACK.

Hey again,

You want to know if he's getting over you if your not contacting him, right?

Simple, who cares.

Stop worrying about him and what he's doing, it's really none of your business, get rid of the Facebook and myspace crap, it's useless and just hurtful to you now I'm sure, so stop hurting yourself by going through his stuff, and thinking about him constantly. You wouldn't stab yourself with a knife would you? (Don't answer this :p ) Exactly, so stop doing it emotionally.

If he's seeing some one else already, this should give you even more insight to move on with your life, and realize that it's over, basically it sucks to say is, you know why he'll call you now? Because things with the new girl didn't work out too well, and that's hard to say but please, please, stand up for yourself and do not let this happen to you, be stronger then that.

We're all here for you, anything you need post, and we'll try and help you.

Yours Truly,
LCM

One of the most obvious signs of emotional confusion, is when someone is more concerned with how the ex feels, than how they will cope with their own feelings.

While its normal, it will pass, as you heal. That's what NC gives you, that chance to heal, and let that emotional shock wear off, so you can see the reality of the facts, to make a decision for yourself.

That's when you can look around and decide on a plan of action for yourself, to cope with your fears, and insecurities, and confusion, of what your going through.

Its like mourning the death of someone close to you, and realizing life goes on. It takes time for us all, and some heal faster than others because they cope better than others.

And no, its no easier for guys than females, as many guys are emotional, and many females are not, so it's the same pain we all deal with.

That's probably why knowing your not alone, helps a lot, and you can get some good clues, and insights, and support, from the experience of others.

I hope that helps.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

One of the most obvious signs of emotional confusion, is when someone is more concerned with how the ex feels, than how they will cope with their own feelings.

While its normal, it will pass, as you heal. Thats what NC gives you, that chance to heal, and let that emotional shock wear off, so you can see the reality of the facts, to make a decision for yourself.

Thats when you can look around and decide on a plan of action for yourself, to cope with your fears, and insecurities, and confusion, of what your going thru.

Its like mourning the death of someone close to you, and realizing life goes on. It takes time for us all, and some heal faster than others because they cope better than others.

And no, its no easier for guys than females, as many guys are emotional, and many females are not, so its the same pain we all deal with.

Thats probably why knowing your not alone, helps a lot, and you can get some good clues, and insights, and support, from the experience of others.

I hope that helps.

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HE TEXT ME and this is what it said "Don't stop calling me, telling me and keep txt me the rude msges because thats wut keeps me away and is gonna help me out of this HELL HOLE. When u don't do all the stuff u enjoy doing. I am gonna forget all the u put me tru and start missing you and start thinking of all the good times. So Im just asking for one favour, just keep doing what ur good at. It shouldn't be too hard 4 u keep treating me like , because thats wut u do best" ----------------- That was his text to me (he thinking I am treating him bad and its my fault for the break up because he said I always been "suspicious and accusing him" when he doesn't even do anything. And I feel the opposite and I ask him to make sure he's not doing anything...

Plus I saw on his Facebook that he put "In a Complicated relationship"

What do you think about the text? And everything?

I think the same thing I have, ignore it and continue on with YOUR life

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I think the same thing I have, ignore it and continue on with YOUR life

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Romefalls19: Sorry I didn't quite understand, when u said I think the same thing u have?

Oops, meant I think the same thing I have said before, ignore it and continue on with YOUR life

Ignore the message, don't EVER respond back. It's over.

Hun listen to me and listen to me carefully, your making yourslef look like an idiot in front of him and his friends. Who would want their ex's stalking them? Leave him alone!! You guys broke up for a reaon, his loss hun but what can ou do life goes on. You will meet somebody worth your time that you wudnt even get mad at all the ladies they chat to.

Seriously hun get over it and move on. I know its easier said then done but try thinking on the possitive side. You can start little by little and get your life back into shape. And for next time don't make a boy your 1st priority. Do not make him your life, make him a part of it.

Seriously hun smile and take all this in, you don't need this at all

Ah. I know exactly how you feel :(

Crying all night?
Can't sleep?
Just want your life to end?

Its horrible :( :( I really feel for you because I'm going through exactly the same thing atm.

I went out for drinks with my friends for new years. And I called my boy at 12 to say happy new year. And there was boys where I was.

And he broke up with me.

Apparently, I'm selfish.
Ill never change.
He hates me.
He doesn't have any love for me anymore.
He wishes I was out of his life.
I've ed this whole relationship up.

It hurts so much :( I expect you hear the same sort of thing?

I don't know how I can give you any advice because I'm struggling myself!

Its an unimaginable pain. So right now, I'm doing exactly what he wants.

Giving him space.

Its killing me but I hope that maybe he'll miss me or something.

If not... I don't know what to do anymore.

If I was you, I would talk to him. LET RIP.

Tell him every single opinion that you have on the way he treats you.

I know you love him, but see how he reacts to that.

If he reacts badly, shouts at you, gets angry at you, really think about it.

Oh and also, turn your phone off.

he's trying to manipulate you.

If you turn yours off, his attempt has been cut down.

He's playing mind games with you doll.

You may really and truly love him, in the honest sense of love,

And when you guys are good, maybe he does too.

But he's too fare weather.

If you're considering ending it?

Let all your anger out at him when you do, otherwise you'll have it bottled up for future relationships.

I really wish you the best.

I hope everything goes well xx

:O I just read that text.

HE'S A CUUXNT!!!!!!!

My god :( you poor thing!

That's exactly the sort of things that my well.. ex boyfriend says to me.

Just ignore it! Turn your phone off.

Make him pay babes :(

Poor love :(

Xx

Please tell me what do you think?. Him and I had both know his msn password, when we broke up he changed it and I reset it that I only know about.. he would constantly ask me for it and tell me that's his pw and I have no right to take it... so on New Years day... I finally give him (I didn't want to because I was scared he would talking to other girls and just go and chat... making easily for him to forget me... on the other hand I taught it was wrong because its his pw) After giving him his pw... now I feel bad that I did the wrong thing... Bcuz I am thinking he will have all the contacts and start chatting with people... Did you think I did the right thing by giving him the pw... Why/Why not?

You NEED to leave this guy alone. You really do! You are letting him control your every move, your every thought, your every waking moment... your LIFE! This is NOT healthy! He is abusing you, and you are letting him! Can't you see this? This guy is poison to you!

When he slapped you and you forgave him, you gave him the green light! The minute he laid a hand on you, THAT WAS A DEAL BREAKER! Do you want to try and get him back so he can punch you next time? Maybe he'll throw in a few broken bones just for good measure!

This guy is a figment of your imagination! He's not real! He is a guy that you have made up in your head, and decided you loved him, and he would love you, and it end up happily ever after. Well it isn't going to happen! He isn't that guy! I know it hurts like hell, but unless you get rid of this guy, you will never be happy.

You are begging for someone to love you, and you will put up with ANYTHING to get that. You need to get yourself some counseling from a qualified therapist, to try and understand why you think so little of yourself to let someone treat you this way. Don't let ANYONE control you. You need to set yourself some boundaries, and learn how to love yourself first, so you don't repeat this same behaviour with someone else.

I'm sorry you are hurting. You are definitely NOT alone! There are so many people who know exactly how you're feeling, and what you're going through... myself included. When you feel like you can't handle it and need to call or text him, come here instead! There are lots of people here that care and are willing to listen.

Your behavior was deplorable, and bet he is really PO'd at your selfish, insecure behavior. LEAVE THE GUY ALONE, and get your act together.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

You NEED to leave this guy alone. You really do! You are letting him control your every move, your every thought, your every waking moment...your LIFE! This is NOT healthy! He is abusing you, and you are letting him! Can't you see this? This guy is poison to you!

When he slapped you and you forgave him, you gave him the green light! The minute he layed a hand on you, THAT WAS A DEAL BREAKER! Do you want to try and get him back so he can punch you next time? Maybe he'll throw in a few broken bones just for good measure!

This guy is a figment of your imagination! He's not real! He is a guy that you have made up in your head, and decided you loved him, and he would love you, and it end up happily ever after. Well it isn't going to happen! He isn't that guy! I know it hurts like hell, but unless you get rid of this guy, you will never be happy.

You are begging for someone to love you, and you will put up with ANYTHING to get that. You need to get yourself some councelling from a qualified therapist, to try and understand why you think so little of yourself to let someone treat you this way. Don't let ANYONE control you. You need to set yourself some boundaries, and learn how to love yourself first, so you don't repeat this same behaviour with someone else.

I'm sorry you are hurting. You are definitely NOT alone! There are so many people who know exactly how you're feeling, and what you're going through...myself included. When you feel like you can't handle it and need to call or text him, come here instead! There are lots of people here that care and are willing to listen.

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I just want to let you know that your answer is true.. 2day I find myself desperate... yes I do beg.. sometimes I think no one can help me and I ask myself that maybe he know that I am in this condition and that's y he dooesn't care... but I ask him if they reason he take advantage of me is because he know that I will always be here - he said it doesn't matter to him if I am here or not.. because he want me to be gone...

I am sorry... I am really disappointment in myself... but something I just feel so helpless to a point where I can't go on or do anythng properly... I am young... I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER... but I ask myself why can't I just accept thing and move on... y I am worrying that he will be with any other girl and do all the things I never wanted him to do... talk to girl... I REALLY feel so dumb... I feel stupid... I haven't had a proper meal... I never seem myself like this... I DON'T KNO WHAT I AM going to do... I pray and beg god to help me tru this.. I know I have to help myself also.. I am just sooo hurt and I can't think anybetter... I am just sooo sadden by the fact how can he not care... I was sooo into him and care, love and was committed... y did I do wrong... how can he said it was my fault... he said its all me... I am the reason why he can't be together... I cried day in and out... I lost my job yesterday... and now I really feel like I have nothing to life for... How can I possible go tru this is life... How can I be so dumb to think that me and him was going to last... I NEED TO LEAVE HIM AND BE STRONG.. I just don't know who to do how.. how to be strong and not make anything that he does bother me and get to me... I try not to check his Facebook and worry but I am curious and what to do what he doing.. IT SOOOOOOOOO CLEAR that he DOES NOT care for me... I know I am making myself a fool and I am settling for less... I just need help to move on..

Honey, you are not dumb, and you are not stupid. Get that out of your head right now! He is abusive, and even though he's not around you, he is controlling your every single move like a robot! He has stolen yourself worth and self esteem! You NEED to take your power back!

Instead of crying and missing him, you need to get mad! Get really mad! (I don't mean getting mad by doing something to physically harm him or his property) You need to stand up for yourself! You need to scream "How dare you or anyone else treat me this way, and I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!! I want you to visualize pushing him off of the pedestal you have him on! Give him a really good shove with all of the force you have. With all of the energy you are putting into crying over him.

Then I want you to do two more things. I want you to get two notebooks. One lrg., one small. Title the small one "Poison." In that book, write down every rotten things he has ever said or done to you, how awful he made you feel, the things he took from you (your confidence, trust...etc.) This is a book to tell him everything you would like to tell him to his face, about how much he hurt you. Once you are done with a page, I want you to rip it out and burn it, throw it out into the wind, shred it...just get rid of it. Before you do this, I want you to say goodbye to it.

Then the big book! Title it "Love Me." This book cannot have "poison" in it! His name can never be mentioned in this book. This is a "You" book! For every page you write in the "Poison" book, you have to write a full page in your "Love Me" book. They need to be only positive things. It doesn't matter what it is. It can be something as simple as...I liked the way my hair looked today, or something made me laugh on tv, a good friend stopped by. Anything that is positive. I also want you to write "I love me first!" at the top of every page.

When you are done a page, I want you to pick out your top 3 or 4 things that you are thankful for or made you smile that day. Write these things down on another sheet of paper, and tape them in places that you won't miss. Your bathroom wall, your bedroom mirror etc. You can't leave that room until you've read them. Read them every single time you see them.

I know this may sound silly to you, but it really does work if you take it seriously. Even if you don't, do it anyway! Unless of course you are content with the way you feel now. You just may be surprised. You asked for help, and this is a start. Unless you try to help yourself, we will really have a hard time helping you! You have to work with us here. There's no magic cure. I hope you choose to help yourself so you are your own person, with or without a man in your life.

Moving on is hard, but you NEED to do it, try be strong. For yourself, you do really deserve much more from a man, why do we let them take over our lives?

Hun am reading your post in 2012 and just wondering how you are now