It's either me venting on here right now... or I'm going to text him and regret it... Why do I still want him? F--- my life!




THANKS for not caring about me at all! Thanks for getting me hooked on you when I wanted nothing to begin with. I really appreciate how wonderful you were in the beginning only to change and start being an a__hole. Perfect! I love all the money I spent on you, all the things I did for you, and you know, I loved spending hours chauferring you around because you DON'T have a car, let alone your licence! Because I have nothing better to do with my time then to spend 2 hours driving you to work, then home, then pick you up and drive back home till you get your apartment. You're hungry? Sure, let me run out right away for you to go get you taco bell. I'll keep on buying your cigarettes too because you're out of money 2 days after you get paid when you live at home and have NO BILLS. No worries about my mortgage, car payment, school loans, bills, debts, etc... On my way to work and before I drive you home, don't ever offer to run in and get my coffee, I'll do it every time, even when you want something! Also, feel free to let ME pay for your $50.00 M--F 'n cab ride into town so you can drink ON ME all night, and sure, invite your friend and have me pay for his booze all night too. Why not! I'd love to work all night to cover YOUR tabs! Oh... and you don't have money to go out, so sure here's $100.00 because if you can't go out you are going to be grumpy all night. Great! And it's my fault that some dude hit on me in front of you, so of course you should be mad at ME! Because somehow that's my fault. And in your anger, why don't you attempt to smash your computer again because it didn't break the first time you whipped it off your desk. And maybe throw something else because one window isn't enough to break. After you have been working crazy hours, instead of finally spending time with me, you should instead go out with the guys from work because you got paid! Don't worry about the plans we had, I LOVE being ditched. And when that makes me snap and I break up with you because I can't take it anymore, don't try to stop me! Don't try to talk it out with me and see what is up. Instead, let me freak out and then by no means give me any closure. Let me come get my stuff, tell me you still love me... Then what would be really nice is if you call me in your drunken state at 3am only to give me hope, for nothing! Awesome! Then tell me a week later that you have no feelings left for me, I killed it. Right on. And hopefully your uncle will continue to hit on me! Because when we were together and he did, that wasn't enough, he needs to try again when we are broken up. I'm really into jumping to different family members you know!

Let it out sista!

Had to! I really wanted to send it to him, but that wouldn't be a good idea, just give him more power. Got to let him believe I'm not thinking about him even though I have been stressing all night. It's been 2 months, why isn't it getting better yet? Grrrr

It's been 4 or 5 months for me and I still feel like a turd a lot of the time. You're not alone.

Find those moments that you aren't feeling as bad and enjoy them as much as you can. I had a nap.. woke up and don't feel so bad.. so I'm making the most of it right now.. hah.. because god knows how long this content feeling will last... :)

It seems you need to have a real chat with this guy, from what you wrote it seems he is treating you like his personal assistant or something. He should get his priorities straight!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Blaze194

It seems you need to have a real chat with this guy, from what you wrote it seems he is treating you like his personal assistant or something. He should get his priorities straight!

---

Huh? They are broken up and he treats her like sh!t. Why would she contact him? She needs to chill and get her head back on straight. In time she'll end up with someone that actually cares about her and what she has to offer.

Yeah, your obviously very upset. Let it out, don't hurt someone, let it out by writing or something! Its OK to be upset

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by a la king

Huh? they are broken up and he treats her like sh!t. In time she'll end up with someone that actually cares about her and what she has to offer.

---

Oh sorry I misread, I thought she was still with the guy. And I am also sure she will find someone who cares for her instead of her money and car :)

I did want to talk to him, I needed (still need) closure, but he can't right now. "maybe sometime in the future" he said. The last time I tried to was a week and a half ago and that's when he said he has no feelings left for me anymore, I killed it. I probably did because I was actually really, really mean when I broke up with him, I put him down as much as I could. Such a wrong thing to do, I still feel bad. And all the stuff I posted is true, however he is not as horrible as I made him seem. He was faithful and never said a mean word to me, just started to take advantage of me because, well, I probably let him. I like spoiling my men, and then it just becomes habit. I'm just really frustrated right now so I'm trying to tell myself he is a piece of s--t so I could hopefully stop thinking so highly of him. I'm trying to see things in him that I didn't like, because I know he isn't coming back. Terdball

a la king... must be nice to be able to nap! I love naps but I can't because I wake up with panic attacks! And I'm soooo tired! At least I can sleep at night, so that's good. I'm OK when I'm busy, but being at home tonight on a Saturday sucks! But again, I have to work in the morning so I don't want to be hungover or anything...

It looks like you're just going to wallow in your misery tonight. I've been there... a lot. I wish I could sugercoat it ;)

Is there anything you can do at home to keep busy? Clean? Draw? Paint? Browse the internet aimlessly? Or are you totally uninspired to do anything at all?

Yep! Pretty much uninspired to do anything right now! Except text him... :( Which I won't, hopefully never again. I do so well for about a week or 2 with the NC but then once a week passes, it makes me crazy and I end up texting him. It's been 10 days now, hope I can keep it up. Cell phones suck

a la king, I was reading your post... The part about the little contact that leads you to believe she doesn't give a sh*t. Frustrating, isn't it? That's what I'm thinking. I really want to talk to him, and I have tried, but he won't. He will text me back sometimes, but it bugs me so much that he's gone on living his life, probably happy now, while I'm miserable... I'd like to think that he is missing me a little bit... probably not though, who am I kidding?

Did you communicate with him? Did you tell him the things that were bothering you in this relationship? Did you just dump him all of a sudden then tell him why without giving him a single chance? Sorry I'm just frustrated because that's what happened to me. I've lost all faith in women.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ThatGuy2

Sorry I'm just frustrated because that's what happened to me. I've lost all faith in women.

---

That is the anger part of grief you are experiencing. I think it is important to note that most relationships do not work out. It is a fact of life, and the "first love" relatinships RARELY EVER work out for the duration of your life. I know it is a hard process to go through, as today is the 4 month anniversary of my break up. I will say, that relationships are all about learning about yourself, and what you want, and almost immediately you realize what you thought you wanted and who you thought you would be compatible with gets thrown out of the window.

Don't ever lose faith in women, or men (for the ladies out there). This is apart of life. People die, people break up, it is inevitable. It is how you handle yourself and also taking the time to realize what you learned that makes you a better person in the end. This also gives us a chance to change things we don't like about ourselves, and to make ourselves a more valuable part of this world. "The world can change, as long as people are willing to change."

Even though we are all going through this misery (which, I might add, is only quantified by the holiday season), there will be light at the end of the tunnel and we will find happiness. It is just whether we accept the fact that happiness lies within us, not in someone else. We have the power, so don't give it to the ex or some other made up person we apparently haven't met yet. Make yourself happy, and let the rest follow. I will be honest, I know from now until February 15th will probably be the hardest time for us, but if we can somehow manage to build a life that matters to us, it will be that much easier. Who is to say that on New Years or Valentines Day, we aren't with someone special... at the very least, that someone special is yourself!

I know the pain, but you should give yourself credit for handling it in a positive way for yourself. Great vent by the way.

Thanks! It was really hard NOT to text him last night, but I did make it through another night. I'm really trying to think of the negatives and things I didn't like when I was with him. Although... the positives were more.

That guy... I didn't tell him these things were bothering me until I did break uo with him. And I lost it and snapped and it all came out... very bad thing to do. It was him who didn't give me a chance afterwards, I was so mean he wants nothing to do with me now.

I feel like I'm going to lose it again!

Happy f'n new year! And happy 2 month anniversary of being single! So pleased that you are probably out having fun with your friends while I'm at home feeling really sorry for myself. I finally had 2 days off work in a row, and I have been sick in bed both of those days with strep throat. Fun! You should be here making me feel better and making me soup. But no, you probably forget who I am. And it's New Years! I'm by myself and sick, and unable to move. Why am I being punished?

I think in time you will see that you are punishing yourself -- all of us who agonize over something out of our control are.. It's normal , of course, and soon enough you'll tell yourself "enough of this sh!t. Let's start living life again".

Hang in there.

Quote:

---

Why am I being punished?

---

Because your not doing something good for yourself.

Dpn't worry... I'm right there with you... sickness and all. I couldn't go out last night because I have bronchitis, or something. It sucks.

I was feeling pretty lonely last night, thinking back to the past few New Years I spent with my ex and what she is doing now. It was at that time that I vowed not to let her get me down anymore and try everything in my power to move on. I am going 100% NC from here on... because talking to her ever so often is holding me back and still hurts really bad.

South Park helped out a lot last night too.:D

I'm going to try too... 100% NC. It's going to be hard! Hope you feel better!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by debdoes

I did want to talk to him, I needed (still need) closure, but he can't right now. "maybe sometime in the future" he said. The last time I tried to was a week and a half ago and that's when he said he has no feelings left for me anymore, I killed it. I probably did because I was actually really, really mean when I broke up with him, I put him down as much as I possibly could. Such a wrong thing to do, I still feel bad. And all the stuff I posted is true, however he is not as horrible as I made him seem. He was faithful and never said a mean word to me, just started to take advantage of me because, well, I probably let him. I like spoiling my men, and then it just becomes habit. I'm just really frustrated right now so I'm trying to tell myself he is a piece of s--t so I could hopefully stop thinking so highly of him. I'm trying to see things in him that I didn't like, because I know he isn't coming back. Terdball

---

He is who he is and he did what you allowed him to do. Instead of being angry and obsessing over him, you need to maybe reflect and try and figure out why you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of. Why you feel the need to apparently buy affection.
Stay away from him. The only closure you really need will come from yourself. If he is all of these things why do you still allow him to control your thinking. Get yourself straight, then you will be "over" him.

debdoes,
A++ rant! I had to read it out loud to myself and was laughing the whole time. You have great talent. :)

I am sympathetic too because this guy sounds exactly like my last boyfriend, minus the cigarettes and going out with the boys. He also needed to be driven everywhere and virtually never thanked me. He'd pathetically tell me he had no groceries, I'd take him shopping and the next day, he'd say he needed butter or something. (He also lived 45 minutes away, so it was a hassle to go take him shopping.) He didn't bother with trying to borrow hundreds of dollars though. His starting request was $5000! I said no, he acted hurt.

Often guys like this don't even ask for favors; they just put you in a position where it feels awkward not to do it because we think we are supposed to take care of people we love. And then because we did it without even really being asked, they don't say thank you ever.

You may have been enabling him by taking care of him, but he was a dependent child. I'm trying to learn to set better boundaries and to say no, and when not to offer things without feeling like I should. I'm also learning to ask for what I want, especially when I've repeatedly done someone favors.

I'm still hoping to find a grown up who is honest, faithful, and pays his own bills. I hope you do, too!

I'm sure you are not going to like what I have to say, but I'm only saying it to help you. I have also been in your shoes, and learned the hard way.

Exactly what good qualities did you see in this guy? You enabled him all the way through. Didn't he feel creeped out sleeping with his "mother?" That is what you were to him. You paid his bills, you fed him, you drove him around, you supplied the gas money, you gave him spending money and supported his friends, you paid his bar tabs, you let him walk all over you, and picked him up when he scraped his knee! Did you change his diaper, rock him to sleep while singing him a lullabye too?

What guy with no moral character or any redeeming qualities wouldn't go for that deal? He milked it for all it was worth! Then he threw temper tantrums and then threw things around and smashed things when baby didn't get his way! He pouted when "mommy" got angry with him, and then said he wanted to leave because "mommy" was too mean to him!

All along, you let him do this! He did not MAKE you fall in love with him. He didn't MAKE you do any of these things! You LET him! If you are even considering taking him back, you are responsible for allowing him to use you, and this will be your fault. He gave you fair warning, and has shown you what a pathetic irresponsible person he is. Do you want to wait around for it to get worse? Because it will, and you will be left with no one to blame but yourself. You will be the one at fault, NOT HIM!

Now, I'm sure you are mad as hell at me, and would like to take a swing at me if I was standing in front of you. I don't blame you. I was very harsh! Believe me, I wanted to knock the person out that said it to me!. until I realised she was absolutely right and I couldn't deny it! So please don't think I say this to you to hurt you. I'm just trying to put it to you in a different light. I'm sure all of the things you did for him were from your heart, but some people aren't worth a piece of your heart. Don't give pieces away to people who don't handle it with care.

Happy New Year to you!

Starbuck, not mad at all. My first post was all about making him (or me) look like a complete loser. I'm trying to see the bad things in him so I could forget about him. Yeah, he did take advantage of me, and yes, I let him. I was never trying to "buy" anyone's affection. I have never been needy (until him) so it's not like I would try to get a boyfriend by "buying" him. I loved my single life before I met him. Calling me his mother? Haha, maybe, I am quite a bit older than him! And, there are 2 sides to every story. I could just imagine what he would have to say about me! I allowed myself to be taken advantage of, absolutely, but in reality, there were a lot of great qualities about him. But who cares now, it's done, it's over.
And yes, I know, it's up to me to get closure. Way easier said than done. I'm trying.

Asking: thanks! It was actually fun typing out that rant and all it's sarcasm! I'm way too generous when it comes to the men I date. I got to stop doing that.

I understand. I've written letters like that too, and thank God I never sent them. It wouldn't have made a difference. Nothing will penetrate cement! It was nice to write it out on paper and vent to friends though. Some people are givers, and some are takers. Unfortunately the takers are often master manipulators that scout out the givers.

Keep on reading what you wrote over and over, then write more. Read it everyday! Close your eyes and imagine the poor guy going skydiving, and realising his shoot won't open as he's headed into shark infested waters, while people are pointing and laughing! LOL!

It's like going into detox! Soon even the slightest dose of thinking of him will make you sick! You are so much better off without him! You might actually have enough money without him around, to go shopping for a hot designer dress, a pr. Of manola blonik shoes, and a gucci bag. Put the boy to shame when he sees you out having a great time and looking all "bow chicka bow wow!" ;)

I hope you are right and I do get turned off thinking of him. One day... I hope! And that skydiving thing would be really nice!

I deleted myself off Facebook just so I would STOP typing my ex's name in and seeing what new picture he had up. That lasted about a week. I signed up again and of course I had to look up his name again. There was a picture of him with some girl on his back. Of course I immediately panic. Then I look at the mutual friends we have. He had deleted one of my good friends and my sister. I start thinking, He is deleting these people so I won't know what he is up to. Then I called up one of my friends who is his friend on Facebook and have him snoop for me. As soon as he sees the picture he told me to relax, it is his sister. And his status still says single. So now I feel better. What is wrong with me?? I know it shouldn't matter, we are broken up! But I can't stop myself and looking at this stuff makes me feel worse! I don't know what to do. It's been 2 months and it is NOT getting better. I don't contact him (rarely, anyways), but I'm still obsessing about him. I have never been like this before and it's really frustrating and annoying! I just want to get over him and forget about him altogether, but I can't seem to. I know everyone's advice is going to be to forget about it and just not look him up. But I can't stop. When is this going to end and when am I going to stop being so obsessive? I don't want to be at all. I'm starting to think I'm crazy... am I? I don't think I'm being normal. I need to relax... but I can't!

Get on with your life. Yes you are obsessing and having an if I can't have him I don't want him to be happy with anybody else mentality.

Every time you check him out your at square one again.

Eventually you'll get tired of feeling like dirt and will begin recovering. How long do you want to make yourself feel bad for?

That's exactly what I just said. I know I need to get on with my life and I really want to... the problem is, is that I can't. What do I do? Go on meds to calm myself? I really don't know what to do. Easy for you to say to move on, and for me to tell myself to move on. But I'm not. Is it because I need more time or am I insane?

And no help, I do have that mentality that I don't want him to be happy. I know it's wrong, but it's true. I guess I'm selfish. I hope that feeling goes away

Oh, believe me it's not easy for me to tell you that. I got sh!tcanned after almost a decade a few months back. I know the struggles that are involved as I face them all day long in every aspect of my life.

I'm not one to advocate meds, ever. I honestly think you will hit a point where you are tired of feeling bad.

You need to soul search and really look deep to begin healing. If you are checking up on him- you're not searching deep enough. It's only been 2 months -- give it more time and give yourself more credit. It'll help.

Hope your right and I do just need more time, this 2 months has DRAGGED by!
Going to hit the gym again starting Monday, hopefully that makes me feel a little better...

Heh.. I keep trying to hit the gym myself. I just can't get the motivation... not because I'm sad.. but because.. ugh... it's the GYM!
The worst part is I have a gym stacked with EVERYTHING in my condo.. I just need to go downstairs... so lazy.. maybe Monday I will try and finally go (I even bought fancy work out pants like 2 months ago)...

Anyway, heading out to go get sh-tcanned! Lol look forward to all the responses or jabs at me. It's all good

Don't drunk text. Break your fingers before you go out!

I hear you! I'm feeling pretty lazy and unmotivated as well. Especially working 6 or 7 days a week. My life is SO exciting right now

Lol, I won't drunk text! I will throw my phone battery in the river again if I'm tempted. Wouldn't be the first, or second time!