Ask Me Help Desk

I have been seeing this guy for 8moths . We were pretty steady. I really feel he loves me. He has been hurta lot by woman.. so he keeps saying he don't want any comiments yet I hear a lot of stories about him falling in love with his ex wife agai and hew had been seeing her for a while now. He quitt seeing me for 3 weeks said it wasn't me and I didn't do anything. Its him. Then fir he called me and came and stayed wit me all nigh. It was awsome. He held me so ice and was so so sweet. Really great. Yet he was with he all the next day?? He told his friend that he wwas falling for his ex. Then he called me lat night again. Very upset wouldn't tell e why but that he didn't want to hurt me. I fould out him and her had a fight. THIS IS KILLINGMY HEART!! I LOVE HIM.
HELP!!
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?:(

He also told me how I was the only one he has slept with but is he lying??

Whether he is lying or not about sleeping with someone else, he is certainly seeing someone else, that probably means sleeping.

Do you really love him, or do you love having him around. It sounds as though he does not love you, he is using you. No one deserves to be used. You need to pick up where you were at before you met him 8 months ago.

It sounds like the dude wants the best of both worlds ! He want to eat all the cake and share none. You should try being straight with him and asking him what the HELL is going on.

One of the hardest things in the world sometimes is to Accept the truth and see what's going on. Don't let yourself be used or let this guy hurt you any more, try telling him the way you are feeling and see if he will open up and be Honest with you.

Communication is a very big MUST in any Relationship

I have done allof the above and don't know were to go now?? I DO LOVE HIM? WHY??
Maybe because of the end of a 25 year merrage when I met him and he is so so sewwt??

It is time for you to say good bye. Let him know that your done and that you do not want this anymore. Move on, you can find somebody better. For the meantime, all my advice that I have given others is straight. Focus on your career, your family, Focus on doing something for the community. Volunteer. Spend your time keeping yourself busy. When you least expect it, love will hit you like a ton of bricks and it will be a good experience for you. Does not mean it won't be diffulcult at times because all relationships have ups and downs but at least in the meantime you lived your life and not waited desperatly for something, because when your waiting and waiting it would take forever to happen.

Joe

GET OUT!!

NOW!!

He's playing w/you

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkh4863

i have done allof the above and dont know were to go now??? I DO LOVE HIM?? WHY????
Maybe because of the end of a 25 year merrage when i met him and he is so so sewwt???????

We can all love another person, but that does not always mean that they are going to love us back in return.

IMO it does sound like he is playing games with you.

He is either playing you or is terribly confused and desperately insecure. Either way bodes poorly for whomever is involved with him unless they are equally as desperate/insecure or a player too. Then maybe it will be understandable and tolerated. Look at this whole picture and ask yourself if he is really available for a real relationship. I don't think he is - anyone ending a 25 year marriage needs a good year at least to get their head and heart straightened out without being involved with anyone. So now you get to ask yourself why you fell in love with someone so unavailable? That is the real engine to this and the one question I think is really worth answering. I don't mean to sound harsh but probably its not him killing you, but rather its you. I hope that helps.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkh4863

i have done allof the above and dont know were to go now??? I DO LOVE HIM?? WHY????
Maybe because of the end of a 25 year merrage when i met him and he is so so sewwt???????

Sweet is not sleeping with you and spending the day with his X the next day.
sweet is not sleeping with you after a fight with her.
Sweet is not breaking up with you and then coming back to share only your bed.
Sweet is not using you.
I do not mean to sound sharp, but facts are facts.

I think its so hard because of his words and actions when were alone
Thanks everyone

I also am so depressed over this.al I do is wait for his call and cry.. Ohmy do I cry.
I was starting to feel better and then Friday he called and we met and it all came right bsack. I felt him feeling the same but?? I don't know I guess I'm going CRAZY

This dude is so confused and he is confusing you! Break this off and let him get himself together while you do the same. You are in love he is not. Trust me true love doesn't hurt like that. This relationship is unhealthy for you both!

Yeah - I'd move on. It sounds basically like he is using you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkh4863

its so so hard though..all i do is think about him. I think im in depression because of this.

It may be you are obsessing because deep down you are afraid this was your one and only shot at love and happiness. And this is what you need to fix. That kind of "junko logic" will keep you trapped in the anguish.

Change the channel, get some help, read some books on the topic, learn the lesson. Suffering to this degree may be a choice you are making, in which case you can choose differently. Get busy - you have a lot to do here. :)

Those who are a victim of self aren't really victims.

We get a lot of this on this site.

People putting too much importance into another persn - that they really don't know. A person who reall yDOESN'T care about them.

I text messaged him and put an end to the pain... well kind of... I toldhim to remember the old saying If you love someone let them go.. here is what you want. GOOD BYE. Your forever in my heart but the pain and tears are too much and all for someone who doesn't love me. Have a great life. See you
How was that?? How did that sound to you all?
Hugs and thanks

I think you have been straight to the point !

Hey he has to get what your saying there clear. But you also have to mean the words that you have text him too.

It is hard when you break up, but you need to take each day as it come's and keep yourself busy !

I like it. Now stick with it. If he responds - I wouldn't respond for a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I like it. Now stick with it. If he responds - I wouldn't respond for a while.

I agree IMO screen your calls and texts etc ! Don't have him calling you in the early hours of the morning and coming around. Stick to your guns.

Good Job!!

This guy doesn't respect you and that is the foundation of true love. Put this one in your past, move on and don't look back, selfish wish-washy guys like that will only hurt you time and time again, you can count on it. As far as it hurting you, I'm sure it does, but those hurtful feelings fade away if you let them, or they can linger there and infect your whole life tearing away at it a little at a time if you hold on. This person has nothing of value to offer you. You had a good time, at what price? Your dignity is worth more than that. Don't allow him back in when he starts shedding those crocodile tears, you know he's not being sincere. And for the record, I don't really believe you fell in love with this guy who used you, I believe you were infatuated by his fake sweetness. Don't fall for it again.

Is it me - or is EVERYONE who is hurt/lost/crushed who comes here destroyed by the liars, cheats, leads-on, users etc.?

I see a HUGE patern here... that's why the last FEW months I have REALLY been advocating taking it tremendously SLOW!!

Things like - only see them once a week in the beginning or less - hold off on the sex - don't call ever day... we all REALLY need to learn to get to know people...

I wouldn't have even said this last year - but friends first to build a relationship really is sinking in. I've been doing it more with the current gal - there are things I didn't know about her in the beginning... that I know now.

This sounds all painfully familiar.

All I can say, is don't bother him. Don't contact him. Move on with your life without him. If he wants you, he will realise it in the time you are apart without contact.

If not, well. Like I said, move on. It's hard as hell I KNOW... but try.

Why do you female insist on falling for these loser? Why do you take the abuse from them? Wouldn't you rather have a real man? Then take your time and find one and let these losers abuse somebody else.

Don't you know a woman who loves a loser is a... LOSER
NOW what would you like to be?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One min I am so angery yet the next I'm sad.. et I smile when I think about things we use to do?
Is this a normal;prosess? If it is its rough . I feel like a rollercoaster of emotions.

Nothing is wrong with you.

Anyone dealing with emotional issues, such a loss, grief, etc pass through the same emotional rollercoster as you said.

Just keep strong

I am so ashamed of myself! I couldn't sleep all night last night and I text messaged him telling him how am I going to ever get over him. How dumb am I.. I know better..
He keeps telling me I did nothing worng but if I did nothing wrong why doesn't he want me. I gave my all my everything in us. WHY WHY WHY??
I just don't understand how he could be when were together yet he says he is scared?? I'm think or what? I guess you have to see and hear what I have to be so stuck. Heck the last time we talked he said I guess we both need each other?
My ex wants me back... He loves me maybe I should just hag up the towle and go back to the same crap I left. Just because I know he loves me.
I know Im soundng like a demented woman...
Really JUST CONFUSED.!
You see I me my husband at age 15 and we were together till last dec. I took a lot of abuse through the years and stayed for my kids.. They were happy when I left. Then when I met Dale it was like WOW!! There really is a nice man in the world who isn't controlling and lets me dicide where we go and eat. Doesn't tell me what I can and can't wear... Do you understand? Or am I making this more confusing.
I guess what I'm saying he treated me like I hadn't ever been.. I think that's why I fell so for him??
SO SO MANT EMOTIONS!!
HUGS

Why don't u try concrate on you alone. ONLY YOU.

You met your husband at the age of 15 and where together till last dec, and it seemed like you jumped from 1 relationship to another, are you scared of being single for a while? Coz you are just so used to being with someone?

Your husband abused you, so you must have suffered in all these years to stick with him due to your kids, which by the way is such an honouring strong thing to do.

Now that you can, enjoy life, live for YOU and no one else.
BE FREE.

I think you deserve that :)

[QUOTE=dkh4863]
You see I me my husband at age 15 and we were together till last dec. I took a lot of abuse throught the years and stayed for my kids.. They were happy when I left.

Think, just think how strong you are for putting up with an abusive husband for so many years.

Then you are definitley strong enough to be single for a while.
Im sure you have lots of friends and family to support you.
Have fun ;)

It seems as though you have not had time in your life to get to know you or what you want. You have identified with your X and your kids and now this guy. You feel you cannot live without someone, because you have always been with someone even if it was an abusive someone. Your life has been to please others just to survive and probably felt you were worthless and should be happy for any amount of kindness because you deserved none.

You deserve so much, because you have given so much. You have given your life. Start doing things for yourself. Take a walk when you are feeling sad, do some exercise, that helps you mentally and physically. Read some books that will help you build yourself esteem. You are looking for someone to make you feel good, no one can do that. You have to feel good about yourself and learn to love yourself and then you will be amazed at how others will see you in a different light. I feel so bad for you, I know you are hurting, but we can all support you, but you have to great strong and take back your power. You can not allow others to control you. When you do that, they will abuse and use you. If you do not respect yourself and set boundries, no one else will. Take control of your life, do not give it away.

Listening to you, I know you have a heart of gold, and much love to give. Take that love and give it to yourself, do for yourself what you would do for someone else. Pamper yourself, it is not selfishness. Do know, My heart goes do you and I wish you strength to get through this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cassie

It seems as tho you have not had time in your life to get to know you or what you want. You have identified with your X and your kids and now this guy. You feel you cannot live without someone, because you have always been with someone even if it was an abusive someone. Your life has been to please others just to survive and probably felt you were worthless and should be happy for any amount of kindness because you deserved none.

You deserve so much, because you have given so much. You have given your life. Start doing things for yourself. Take a walk when you are feeling sad, do some exercise, that helps you mentally and physically. Read some books that will help you build your self esteem. You are looking for someone to make you feel good, no one can do that. You have to feel good about yourself and learn to love yourself and then you will be amazed at how others will see you in a different light. I feel so bad for you, I know you are hurting, but we can all support you, but you have to great strong and take back your power. You can not allow others to control you. When you do that, they will abuse and use you. If you do not respect yourself and set boundries, no one else will. Take control of your life, do not give it away.

Listening to you, I know you have a heart of gold, and much love to give. Take that love and give it to yourself, do for yourself what you would do for someone else. Pamper yourself, it is not selfishness. Do know, My heart goes do you and I wish you strength to get thru this.

Cassie you are absolutely right and I stand behind you and say to this young lady LOVE yourself just because you deserve it!

Yes - Cassie - that was great - I'd spread the love... but can't.

;) thanks so much all my new friends.
God bless you all!!
Oxoxoxoxox deb

I too feel in love with a loser and it was very hard for me to let go but thanks to the advice of everyone on this site I have been able to move and I feel like the wait of the world has been lift. You can't make someone love you or be with you... You deserve better than that... He is proably lying about not sleeping with someone else.
Food for thought when something doesn't feel right it usually isn't...

Move on and find someone that deserves you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkh4863

;) thanks so much all my new friends.
god bless ya all!!!
oxoxoxoxox deb

:) God Bless you too ! :)

I hope that you can keep strong and enjoy your life.

He called me last night... I ignored all 3 calls.. I knew f I answerd them I would melt rithgt back into his arms for the night and then not hear from him for a week again. He left 2 messages wanting to know why I wouldn't talk to him and please call. He said we belong together etc. same ole thing. Iam proud ofmyself because it was so so hard. I wanted to pick up that phone so so bad.
I wanted to talk to him so much I started crying and telling myself NO NO NO!! :D
I think all my stregnth came from alal of you here. THANKS!
HAVE A GREAT DAY
HUGS Deb+

There you go you see :)
You proved my point. The point I stated earlier about how strong you are.

You passed the first challenge and doesn't it feel good?

WOW. What an awesome effort. 90% of people would have buckled and answered.

That took amazing stength. Now you have done that you should feel as you can do anything.

Please stay strong. You have passed the hardest test. Don't let yourself down now!!

Keep listening to your common sense when it comes to this guy and not your heart, and you will succeed in putting him in your past, where he belongs.

Be ready, he will only try harder to lure you back, don't fall for it. He's Mr. Wrong and you don't have anymore time for that, otherwise, you are only stealing time away from meeting Mr. Right.

I got up ths morning and had a message on my cell phone from him. "Hunny...I was wrong, PLease please know I love you and I now realize it.." Please call me asap. I need you I want you I got to have you.Your my sexy little angel love. That's what he use to call me. His angel love. Oh wow! I am so so tempted to call him and run to him. Imiss his smile his touch his kind words,but how many of them were true?
Right after I listend to it I came here and read all your posts and it gave me the strength not to call him. Its like my own big coaching team here.
I WILL NOT CALL HIM!! OH HOW I WANT TO BUT IM NOT GIVING IN.
Im sitting here crying but I keep telling myself I have cryed too many tears for a man who doesn't love me.
THANKS SO SO MUCH TO YOU ALL!! I KNOW I HAVE FOUND A WINNING TEAM OF SUPPORT HERE!
HUGS DEB