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So last week my girlfriend told me she needed some time to think(aka screw someone else, although she denies it)... so today I texted her that I slept with another girl(even though I didn't)... basically to see if jealosy would have any affect on her... was this a bad idea??
Yup. Very bad idea. You don't know for a fact that she wanted a sexual relationship with someone else, you just assumed. You know what the word ASSUME means don't you?Quote:
Originally Posted by eeeman
Well I do know for a fact that she has cheated on me... and she has told me that she wanted to meet other girls
Yes very bad idea!
If your going to start playing games... be prepared to lose.
Oops... I meant she wanted me to meet other girls
So you lied to her. Is lying acceptable?Quote:
Originally Posted by eeeman
No... but the thing is... I would love to screw someone else to get my mind off her 24/7... I just suck at meeting girls.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Is sex what it's all about? It seems your brain is all wrapped up in sex. You assume she is going to "screw" someone else, and you need to do the same to get your mind off her.
What ever happened to RELATIONSHIPS?
Geez I am really coming off as the bad guy here aren't I?. well I'm not ready to post the whole story yet... but to answer you, it is definitely not all about sex... I would be willing to have no sex until marriage if it meant I could have her back with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Might make it easier for people to give you advise if you did.Quote:
Originally Posted by eeeman
Yeah, you are coming off as the bad guy... excuses and then sex with no relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by eeeman
It always helps to post all of the info to get the best answer.
Frankly, I'm embarrassed to post the whole story, because the relationship has gotten to this point of complete unhealthiness... I know that the responses will only be to get out of it... problem is I am so hung up on her and just can't move on... this latest thing was maybe an act of desperation on my part.
If the relationship is unhealthy why stay in it?
Because I still have hope that we can get back to how we used to be... I'm at that 'holding her on a pedestal... don't think I'll ever meet a girl like her' phase.
Okay... so her response was basically asking me about all the details... (where we did it, who she is, what we did, is she pretty, did I like it, etc... )
My responses to her was that it was all a mistake... I could only think about her while we were doing it... I don't want a relationship with her because I still love my ex too much, etc...
So she responds by saying I should go on another date with this girl, as if she is excited for my opportunity...
What do you guys think... does this mean she really doesn't care, and I am in the past to her? I probably made her feel better about the fact that she is screwing someone else is my guess...
Should I tell her it was a lie now? I now definitely do feel like I was wrong for telling her it.
Strangely enough... just the fact that I told her this... and that she was so intrigued in finding out the details... has me feeling a lot less depressed right now than I have been in days.
It seems like this girl doesn't want to be you anymore so I don't think it matters if you lied in the text message or not. Even if you tried to take back what you said most likely she wouldn't believe you anyway.
I've two questions for you. Why would you want to be with someone that cheated on you? How can you even want to be with someone while you still in love with your ex? I know I said two but just one more question. You ever heard the saying "It's time to move on"? Well, I think this saying fit this situation because it's time to move on.
Well you know what they say... The best way to learn a new skill is to just DO IT! Because honestly if your relationship is revolving around cheating, jealousy and games do you think it's even worth trying to figure out why it's not working?
I think now is a perfect time to try and learn how to pick up some new women.
Also maybe she has caught on to your bluff?
Oh man... I'm sorry... but this is wrong... so wrong... all of it... I don't think I need to hear the whole story to tell its wrong...
Dude... your lying to the person you "love" just to see if you get a reaction? What the..
U don't do that to someone you truly love...
She obviously doesn't really care that you slept with someone. She is not angry at all about it... doesn't that make you feel weird?
Telling her that it was all a lie right now would make no diff... Sorry, but honestly, if you wanted to be with this girl, you went about it totally wrongly... lying to someone, and telling them you slept with someone else, but while you were doing that, you were thinking about your ex, is not the way to win a woman's heart, and if she does come back to u, then I'm lost for words...
Sorry to say... this may not be good advice, or advice at all, but I have to say this is all wrong... and nothing you can tell me is going to change my mind... the whole story doesn't make a diff... even if she was the worst person in the world to you, or you were the best person eva, what you did was wrong, and if I was a woman, I wouldn't go back to you, because you lied and said you slept with someone else...
Even your thoughts are wrong... u wish you could screw someone else to get your mind off your ex... argh! So wrong!
So in conclusion... U ARE WRONG!
The end...
Unhealthy, unproductive, unloving, spiteful, games,
Doesn't sound like anything to base a relationship on at least not to me.
Yeah... I guess I thought it would be okay to lie since she did to me... oh well... if nothing else, posting this has gotten me to realize how bad things have gotten between us.
Aghh I just feel dumb... oh well... I wish I knew what to do next... I think the dreaded "no contact" is going to have to come soon.
And as for the, why would I want to be with someone who cheated question... well...
I always told myself if she cheated I would kick her to the curb... but when it happened... I just lost it, and couldn't deal with the thought of losing her... she also has twin girls who I adore... I am the closest thing they've ever had to a dad and I really had hopes of being their step-dad one day.
Also, she is the only serious relationship I've ever had, so I'm not very confident about being able to find love again.
Thanks guys for the replies... I wish I would have found this site long ago
Two wrongs do not make a right and sometimes you have to be the bigger person and go about things the more mature way.Quote:
Originally Posted by eeeman
Your low self confidence is completely ruining your entire impression of women. She is a cheater, but that doesn't make you one, so don't justify her actions by going out and doing the same. You are no doubtedly a great individual who has a lot to offer. NEVER stoop to someone else's level just because you think that is the best you can do. Never sell yourself short. Get your head out of your a$$ and build a great life with GOOD people that don't hurt you. Carry on... :)
Your right about one thing, No Contact is your next move, and learning to cope with your feelings, and fears, come NOW! Playing games just got you played,
Good stuff Kctiger and Talaniman! But I had to spread the rep. Yea don't lower yourself and don't play games that you can't win man. Just because you said your sleeping with someone is not going to change the fact that she probably really is sleeping with someone and your game is only going to hurt yourself. No contact (for along time) is going to be your friend. Move on a get your life back together!
So I decided to try and go no contact with my ex... because she is now seeing someone else... and I don't want to have that on my mind 24/7... I love her with all my heart and hope that we are back together one day, but I realize that there is nothing I can do right now to change her mind... So No Contact seems like the best thing to do right?
The problem is that I love talking to her and I don't want to lose her as a friend... sometimes random funny things happen during the day and I can't help but want to text her. This No Contact seems impossible... is it really the only good step to take? H
YES!! It is the ONLY option for you right now. I remember when I found out my ex was seeing someone else, that is when I got serious about NC. Believe me, talking to her will not make you feel better, especially knowing she has another man. Let's be honest as well, I hardly doubt she cares about keeping you as a friend now that she is dating someone else... harsh, but probably true. Stick with NC.
Yes, it seems impossible. But IT'S NOT. Definitely, possible. The only possible way to "CHANGE" her mind, is to get a life of your own, give it time for her to realize that you were a good person, (if you were). You said it yourself, she's seeing someone else. This means it's over. I suggest writing in a journal.
No Contact allows you to be able to move on, and share and care, with someone else. The ex can no longer do that with you the way she did before, as things have changed. So must you.
Okay... she does want to be my friend(although clearly not my g/f right now)
But I agree with you guys, I shoud stick to no contact for awhile, at least just to heal the pain for a bit.
The problem is I am having a really hard time... do any of you have any tips on how to discipline myself on how to stop?
You need to build up other things in your life, make yourself busy, this way you aren't constantly thinking about her. The more proactive you are in healing, the easier this process is. Also, as for myself, I know once I found out my ex was seeing another guy, I had no interest in talking to her or seeing her... none whatsoever, so I cannot figure out why you want to talk to her so bad.
I'm going through the same thing and yes no contact is the very very very best option right now
Also try puttin a new friend or multiple ones in the role of "person you tell when funny things hapen" it helps a lot :)
You obviously still want to be with this girl and while you are still in contact with her it fuels false hope that it will happen.
It's not easy but it gets easier , go strict NO CONTACT so you can start to heal and if its meant to be in the future it will be.
Every time you contact her you'll go back to square one.
Yep go to complete no contact, even try and start dating again, if for no other reason then just to go out sometimes
Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, or click on the link in my signature, for some really good ideas, to help you cope with this break up.
Yeah, NC is the best thing when you try to rebuild your life! It really does help!
Best of luck!
-Roxy
Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
Couldn't agree more. I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but, honestly, DON'T CONTACT her. She will just give you false hope to string you along. Don't derail yourself from the healing track.
Okay but she has two kids who I love very much... what if I want to spend time with them, should I ask her or should I just go through her other family members?
And when does no contact stop? As soon as I can not think of wanting to be with her anymore?
Do the healing part first, and the rest you can decide when the emotions are not as involved.
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