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OK this question for all the woman men feel free to give advice too but I mostly want woman that are married or about to be married ladies would you agree before two people get married that it would be appropriate to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend to get a lie detector test for the both of you before the both of you get married
What? Why? Don't you trust your significant other? By "making" them get a lie detector test you are saying that you don't trust their answers - or them.
Nope.
Absolutely NOT! If you are married, or are starting a marriage with a lie detector test, you have got more problems than you realize!
No no you misunderstood the question would you agree that 2 people that are about to get married both the man and the woman (both ) get a lie detector test bofore they get marriedQuote:
Originally Posted by HistorianChick
No... there is no point if you have mutual trust.
Introducing the concept of lie detectors damages the mutual trust.
Still nope.
If you need a lie detector, you don't need them!!
You sound like you are Greg's father in law from "Meet the Fockers." You, know, the ex CIA guy that doesn't trust anyone. If you cannot trust each other without a lie detector, then you probably shouldn't be getting married. Just my opinion.
As a married woman of 17 years, no I don't agree that both parties should get a lie detector test. Trust is a must in a relationship. Asking for lie detector tests clearly shows a lack of trust. If my husband asked me to take a lie detector test prior to our marriage, with the understanding he would take one too, I would have told him to hit the road and never look back.
No, I don't agree with this at all. Most people get married after knowing their S/O for at least a year. So you are telling me, that after a year of "trusting" them with your heart you are then going to risk it all by asking them to take a lie detector? Man, if I did that my fiancé would kick me where the sun don't shine.
I can picture the conversation now.
Rome: Honey, I know we're about to get married and I've known you for a few years. Well, I would like you to get a lie detector test.
Rome's girl: ::Kicks Rome in the b@lls:: There, did you detect that!
I'll take "Trusting my spouse for $500" Alec
OK to be honest I thought that's what everyone would say but with this woman she is pregnant with my child but deep down I question that because of other issues so what should I do so I can get my piece of my mind I don't know what to do cause it messing my mind up but thank you for all for your help and you all got a point it just keeps tearing at my mind
Clearly you have some issues to work on with her. I wouldn't get married until these issues are resolved. A paternity test perhaps... you can't expect to live happily ever after with her if this is your foundation to build on.
I don't think you are ready to get married yet. It will almost certainly end up in divorce if you marry her with these concerns on your mind. I would get some marital counselling before even considering walking down the aisle, or the marriage will be over before it even began.
That's tru but how would I ask for a maternity test I mean wouldn't a woman get offended with that question as wellQuote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I would'nt feel right asking my fiancé or boyfriend to take a lie detector test unless he's done something to make me think he's lying about something and if that were so were not ready to get married because I would'nt won't to go into a marriage with those type of doubts
You ask for a PATERNITY test, not a maternity test. Sure, she's going to get upset, but it's the rest of your life you are talking about. If you believe there is a possibility of this child not being yours, even a remote possibility, it is your responsibility to make sure this child is yours before paying out the ear for child support.
I believe you both mean a paternity test. If you get married and then ask for a paternity test afterwards, before getting relationship counseling, you may as well just save up your money now, and either be prepared to pay child support, or go on that honeymoon by yourself with the money you've saved, if it turns out not to be your child.
That really shows a lack of trust and love. If you have to resort to a lie detector test then you might as well just break up!
If it is a question of your fathering a baby then YES go for a paternity test. You should not have to be responsible to pay for a baby for 18+ yrs that may not be yours.
I don't get it. When it was a lie detector test (famously unreliable, by the way), everybody was against it. But now that it's a paternity test that tests the woman's fidelity, everybody here is all for it.
Is trust important or not? Why is trust out the window in this situation?
He doesn't trust her. Period. He shouldn't marry her.
I absolutely wouldn't not marry a man who asked for a paternity test.
They should not get married.
If he's not the father, he won't have to pay child support. I'm guessing he is the father and will have to pay. But that's life.
Because if the baby is not his why should he have to pay child support for 18 years or more?
He signs the birth certificate... she dumps him or visa versa and HE is STILL stuck having to pay for a baby that isn't even his. Even if it is not his some states still make you keep paying simply because you signed the birth certificate.
Asking, if he signs the birth certificate then he is acknowledging that he is the father and will have to pay child support until he goes to court, and then gets a paternity test to prove he isn't the father. That's a whole legal mess and will cost a lot of money and he might not even get the child support he paid back.
I already agree he shouldn't get married, if you read his other post he is very unsure about her fidelity as it is, and now that she is pregnant, it's only going to complicate things further. This whole relationship is flawed beyond, what I can see, any hope of continuing healthy.
I agree somewhat to what you are saying when I mentioned a lie detector test eveyone was against it but when it changes to a paternity test it's OK I agree with you pointing that out now if the child is in fact mine then it shouldn't be an issue as opposed to a man getting married to a woman then come to find out months later or years later that the kid might not be his damn all that time in marriage was a waste of time and money and a lot of painQuote:
Originally Posted by asking
If I was worried that the kid wasn't mine, I sure wouldn't get married, and who cares if she gets pissed. Like I said, she has to answer direct questions, and reassure me, or else we get someone who will.
Ain't that much love in the world, to be afraid of getting facts, and the truth. Especially if she acts suspiciously.
Regardless of whether this is your child or not, you quite obviously do not trust her to tell the truth. You are just not ready to marry her period!
No, the past is in the past... you need to concentrate on today and the prospects of the future... dreams, goals and aspirations. See my husband and I dated for 6 years before we got married, now we are married for 4 years with a 2 year old girl and a baby boy coming in early 2009. If we took a lie detector test, chances are we both would have failed in all likelihood because of our youth and interest in the opposite sex. Would I marry him if I knew he cheated and how many times... no, would he marry me... well I don't know but why chance it? You should look to the future and not the past. I also like to think that once you say I do, all is forgiven and let go... a fresh start for your journey into the future in life as partners, lovers and friends in the eyes of God, you honor, love and trust each other. Do that and don't look back on past events... if however you have serious doubts, if however you do not trust your partner this is the time to re-evaluate your feelings and your relationship before going ahead.Quote:
Originally Posted by sams721
Not only but also, you have developed a loving and unconditional relationship with the mother of your child and the child from the time the child is born to the time you find out the that the child is not yours. In the event the child is not yours you will still continue to be a father figure in the child's life because of your love for them (knowing that they are not biologically yours), you are their father and it is hard to just walk away an call it a waste of time... then the choice becomes more difficult to leave and not support your son/daughter. I can't see someone just leaving even in the most difficult of situations.Quote:
Originally Posted by sams721
I do see why a woman would become extremely upset with the asking for a paternity test... questioning my loyalty and love. I know I would be outraged with my husband but if I gave him any reason to doubt me and was guilty as charged then I would probably lash out. If I had nothing to hide then so be it; I love him and understand that he was insecure... I would give him his paternity but would also request that he seek counseling to work on his emotional insecurities and take some parenting classes. Kind of harsh but if he's asking for this... he better be prepared to make some changes too, especially if we are to work on raising a child together for the rest of our lives. Remember that too, you must keep it civil between you and your current partner to make the future successful for the child's sake. It takes more energy to be angry and hate then love and be patient/understanding.
The problem is that is questionable about what kind of relationship they have
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-293056-3.html
Agreed, I just stated how I felt about it in my shoes... it looks like the OP has been dating this lady for 3 years on and off, met her online, she is pregnant, he has a feeling she is cheating on him and they are planning to get married. Sounds like a bad recipe for disaster. I still think that if she "cared" for him they need to talk out their issues and if she isn't being upfront they need to go to counseling to get it out on the table including getting the paternity test (which evidently will be an option). If she is unwilling to make any compromise then well, there is always a Court Order. Hopefully he won't have to go through other avenues later. I honestly don't think they should get married until they either resolve the issues and move on, or choose to raise the child together but not be attached/relationship since it seems unstable.Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
I would send you flyingQuote:
Originally Posted by sams721
If my partner / husband to be asked that of me.. . u can't be serious...
I think you have some serious trust issues and from reading your other posts because you flirted online whilst with this women... you know she can easily do it to you.
Also how certain are you that the baby is yours?
I just want to add some things here that seem to be going unacknowledged.
1. Lie detectors mean very little. The chance of identifying a lie is little better than chance, and if you don't know if the " lie detector" is detecting a lie or not, you don't know anything. Polygraphs are a form of quackery. They are NOT science.
Polygraph - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
And don't forget that they identify people as lying who are just nervous, not lying. And there's no way to tell the difference. For any given person, you don't know if it's working or not. So it's useless for everyone.
2. If Sam71 loves her and they are happy together, who cares whose kid it is? I know this is a radical question, but people adopt all the time and there are lots of cases of men adopting other men's children and having happy lives. Why make such an issue of this? It actually doesn't matter if it's not his kid. He can't change it into his kid or make it go away. He can only refuse to be a part of her life and the kid's life. That's his call, but it's a call, not inevitable.
3. The real issue is still trust about current and future behavior, not what she might have done in the past. If Sam doesn't trust her (whether he is justified or not justified) he should not inflict himself on her. They cannot be happy. As I say, it doesn't matter if she is running around with 10 men a night or pure as the driven snow, totally dedicated to him and it's all in his head. This question is not about her, it's about his lack of trust.
I say you should get married because we have the option of getting divorced for a reason.
Sam, the reason members are telling you to get a paternity test over a lie detector test is because you've doubts if this child is yours or not. You don't want to raise a child with that thought stuck in the back of your head.
Scenio, can you imagine 4,5, or 6 years down the road and you still have this doubt to whether you're the father. It can interfere with your relationship with him or her and possibly damage the child. So this needs to be none sooner than later.
As far as marriage, I think that step is too big for you right now. I wouldn't see it lasting very long and remember marriage is easy to get into but hard to get out of. It doesn't seem like the two of you're compatible and that is very important. So think before you leap because these issues won't go away if you two get married.
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