So my girlfriend and I were together for a little over 2 years and things were starting to get a little repetitive. I felt like I was getting in to deep and at 21 was worried that I was going to waste away my youth with one girl. (I know that sounds pathetic but it was my thinking at the time) Anyway we went away on holiday and it was AMAZING. We almost fell in love again haha. But it wasn't reality and when we came back she went away with her parents to a place she loves and I went home. That week I felt like a single guy... hanging out with mates, chatting to women, getting compliments and all It made me feel that excited butterfly feeling in my stomach. We didn't contact each other much over that week but I just put it down to having been in each others company so much the week before.

She came back and I decided that I wanted to go on a break. I felt horrible and for a week just felt like it was the worst thing I could have done. She made her feelings perfectly clear about breaks and how she didn't like them. For that week she just basically did the no contact thing on me and I came crawling back.

So after the break we go back together and for a few weeks everything was fine until I get a call from my sister saying she had called her a in the club because she blamed my sister for being the reason that I was distant. That night she called and asked if I wanted company... I said it was prob better that she didn't come round. She preceded to lie and say she didn't say it then tell her friends to go along with it so it didn't make her look bad.

She never stayed at my house after that because apparently 'she felt awkward knowing that we thought she called my sister a '. Does that sound like a guilty concience to you or what?

Anyway, the day came where we went for a walk round Manchester then back to her flat. I brought the topic up and then told her that I was prob was really starting to love the friend side of her than the girlfriend. Ooooo now apparently to the girls I've spoken with that means 'i love you but I'm not IN love with you'. If so that wasn't what I meant. So we split. Very amicably. It should have been terrible but it... wasn't.


So months later we meet up once as I owe her money from the holiday, she tells me she fells a spark again, I agreed.

So it hits me there and then and then we say bye and she goes off to her flat where she lives with all her girlfriends. When she's with them they make her forget about me and when I met to give her the money One of her friends was there. My girlfriend immediately acted in some weird defensive way saying to her friend 'yea remember I told you I had to meet him to get the money, I shouldn't be too long'. That worried me a bit.

Then the no contact thing happened and it killed me. BAM! She wouldn't reply to my texts or phone calls. I collapsed into an emotional heap. Who was she with? Why doesn't she care? How has she managed to move on when she said she felt a spark??

She moved into the flat with her girlfriends in sep when she was going to uni. I lve back home about 40 minutes away. So she's prob able just to switch off. I've been with a few girls since (not slept with though as it just felt pointless and reboundy). So the week after I send her a text apologising for the texts and email. She replys quickly with... 'havn't had the guts to read it yet, I'll prob fall to pieces. And don't apologise for anything'

I reply saying ' I have to, it was wayto heavy... '

She replys saying 'only 2 essays 2 exams and then holiday for 3 weeks! :) '

I bite the bullet and reply 'Brilliant. Well good luck with them I'm sure you'll do great. :) and enjoy your hols too. If I see you back home I'll come say hi and you can buy me a drink :p p.s. do yourself a favour and delete the email I sent you as its not going to do either of us any favours now'.

I get no reply to that. Any ideas why? Maybe I basically told her to go away in that last text??

Met her best friend in a club and she asked me if I was seeing anyone. I didn't know what to say so avoided the question. Then in my drunken state went up to her at the end and said ' just wondering I didn't say anything earlier did I?'

Now according to my girlfriends that means she's going to go back and tell my ex that I'm seeing someone. What effect will that have?

And finally I'm doing the No Contact thing and have lasted nearly 30 days. (this sat) I also want to know should I bother contacting her again as she never replied to that last text message above. Or should I text her Merry Christmas or something?

Anybodys input in this would be appreciated greatly.

Thanks,

A

Wow man it seems to me that she is yo-yoing you don't fall into that trap again or she will have you by your short hairs again

Wow your story is long but I think its best to leave her alone but you should text her and say merry christmas to let her know she is not forgotten it would be a sweet gesture but it seems like you're a little confused about how you feel about her as far as wanting her or not

What an awful thing to read

She probable just got sick of yo yoing with you.

I think she is a smart women

And I think you need to really find out what you want in life..

Forget about her. Move on to another girl
And hopfuly find one you can stay with.

But again you are only young. So the time will come later on.

Female got you all confused, and into so much drama.

Solution, leave her, and her friends, and their drama alone. No contact will be hard, but as you feel better, you will see how good it feels, to not be confused, or in the middle of drama.

Thank you so much for these answers. Much appreciated. Just out of interest what would you think she would take from the last text I sent her?

I have no clue what goes on in a female mind, and frankly, it doesn't matter, but take the hint, that she got your message, and should leave you alone and you do the same. I

N other words don't dwell on what she thinks, as only she knows that.

As a woman, I say leave her be. You've hurt her, she's hurt you, its not worth it.

Move on, man. She's just not that into you.

So sorry.

Yeah your right I probably should just let it go. I'l be hinest and say that ve never really lost anyone before so it's a real blow when this void is left in your life. I know I don't want her back but I think after what's been said here it may appear that what I want is only a part of her back... i.e. the intimacy, the attraction etc... I know your right in what your saying but do you think I should even send a 'merry christmas buttn :) x' text or something just to let her know. And also what du reckon I should do over the christmas period if I see her out in the local club as she'll be coming home for xmas. Thanks again

Hey,

I don't understand your complete motives in this situation whether your hoping to be back with her or not, but anyway that doesn't really matter, do NOT text her on Christmas my friend, she broke your heart don't reward her, and don't talk to her, this spark you talked about when you see each other, of course that's there and I'm sure it always will be but the more important thing is that when your not around and she's with other people she thinks about you and wants to be with you, that's what your striding for, anybody can influence someone they love to want them around. Stay no contact and when she wants to talk to you and see if anything is still there or not she will let you know.

Take Care,
LCM

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do you think I should even send a 'merry christmas buttn :) x' text or something just to let her know.

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Why? Let her know what? After all that confusion and drama, and getting dumped what message are you trying send?

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And also what du reckon I should do over the christmas period if I see her out in the local club as she'll be coming home for xmas.

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No need to be rude, but brief, busy, and unavailable is whats acceptable, and recommended.

Well the thing is that I wasn't dumped. I had probably more of a say in whither to fight for the relationship which ovcourse means that because I didn't at the time... means that if we got back together that reason would surely come back no? But in terms of the text message well by sending her a christmas text I just hope to let her know that I still care about her. But I suppose I risk her not texting back and me feeling rubbish again. Any ideas then?

Just to also say to LifechangesMan... that was great answer. But if my ex thinks I'm seeing someone surely she'll never contact me... and 'anybody can influence someone they love to want them around' can you explain this more please? I guess your also right about not texting her. Her family love me and will most certainly speak of me over the xmas holidays... even her cousins and uncles etc I got on with. But she's stubborn. I can never see her getting in contact which is hard.

All right buddy, if you LOVE someone when you see them you get butterflies in your stomach while together good ones, and when she's not yours bad ones... we know this, if you were to get face to face to her, talk, give her hug, be the person she fell in love with, all those things WILL rush back, whether she fights the feelings or not and denies them is her choice. For example, I love my ex, I love her to death she shattered my life when she left me after 4.5 years, cold, but I still will love her until the day I die, the unfortunate realization that occurred to me was I need to fight the feelings for her,to heal myself. I cut her off completely for me, because that's my only concern now, is me. It honestly bothers me to think that I could be hurting her by ignoring her when she texts me every now and then about something subtle and what not, but nothing will compare to what was done to me. Please understand this isn't a she did this, so I can do this to her thing. Your ex knows if she comes in contact with you and starts speaking with you and seeing you again, she'll fall right back in love where she was, and she wants to stay strong on her decision she made and not look ridiculous, at least not yet. Anything's possible. Don't worry about her family, they know you're a good guy and speak highly of you leave it at that, they would understand why your not around or in contact because I'm sure they also have been there my friend.

Once, these break ups occur to us, all we want is our loved one's back, then a month passes maybe two of no contact, life gets better, we heal learn new things, make new friends, live for ourselves, do things we would've never thought we would, then that day comes you wake up... look outside and realize everyday that sun is going to come up whether you like it or not, and your choice is to make the day great and be happy, or be miserable everyday... and trust me being miserable everyday gets you no where my friend. Live for yourself, things fall apart so something better can fall together, I promise you. I never thought I'd be where I am today, but this website helped me a great deal and I told myself that I would in my spare time help more people in my situation on this site, and you'll make friends online, in person, at work, where ever. Just realize this is YOUR life, you get ONE shot. You had a great time with this person, keyword = had, take it for what it is and move on man, remember the good times, the bad times probably out weigh the good in most cases but remember your loved one for the good things he/she was, and wake up and smile about it, because it's okay! Wish them the best on their life journey, and both of you know some special bond will always be between you two, it's an unspoken thing.

Hope this helps,

Take Care,

LCM

Thank you so much. This is helping so much and I'm aware that you've obviously felt the same. Its horrible. I'm nearly a month in and feel better... i.e. I'm not hurting inside. But my head is still over thinking. Can you see my point when I say that I know that if we were put in a position where we were alone it would all come flowing back? It ended amicably.. . But I can't help but wonder why I still feel that I need to be told she is thinking about me, or hoping for a text that says hi or something.

'Your ex knows if she comes in contact with you and starts speaking with you and seeing you again, she'll fall right back in love where she was, and she wants to stay strong on her decision she made and not look ridiculous, at least not yet. Anything's possible. Don't worry about her family, they know you're a good guy and speak highly of you leave it at that, they would understand why your not around or in contact because I'm sure they also have been there my friend.'

- that is the best thing I've heard in a long while. You're sooo right at that. And as she is stuborn I know she'll stick to her guns about the decision. So I take it this means she'll never contact me? I know you can't answer that but you know what I mean..

I think I'm going to do the same as you and help people on here that have gone through the same thing.

Helping others on here is a great way to make yourself feel better. Self pitty will get you no where. By helping others, you can also start to learn from your own mistakes. Takes you a lot further along.

You already know deep down she's thinking about you adam, you don't need it to be told to you. Just let it be man, you'll be fine.

Let's put it this way I thought for sure my ex would never text me again, and she texts me a couple times about the dumbest , you'll hear from her again, just ignore her though, if she wants to actually talk she'll let you know then deal with it, if it's stupid dumb texts about hey do you know the knick's score? Or something really really dumb, forget about it.

We'll all get you through this, stay strong with NC, and you'll be fine.:p

Take Care,
LCM

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Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan

Alright buddy, if you LOVE someone when you see them you get butterflies in your stomach while together good ones, and when she's not yours bad ones...we know this, if you were to get face to face to her, talk, give her hug, be the person she fell in love with, all those things WILL rush back, whether she fights the feelings or not and denies them is her choice. For example, i love my ex, i love her to death she shattered my life when she left me after 4.5 years, cold, but i still will love her til the day i die, the unfortunate realization that occurred to me was i need to fight the feelings for her,to heal myself. I cut her off completely for me, because that's my only concern now, is me. It honestly bothers me to think that i could be hurting her by ignoring her when she texts me every now and then about something subtle and what not, but nothing will compare to what was done to me. Please understand this isn't a she did this, so i can do this to her thing. Your ex knows if she comes in contact with you and starts speaking with you and seeing you again, she'll fall right back in love where she was, and she wants to stay strong on her decision she made and not look ridiculous, at least not yet. anything's possible. Don't worry about her family, they know your a good guy and speak highly of you leave it at that, they would understand why your not around or in contact because I'm sure they also have been there my friend.

Once, these break ups occur to us, all we want is our loved one's back, then a month passes maybe two of no contact, life gets better, we heal learn new things, make new friends, live for ourselves, do things we would've never thought we would, then that day comes you wake up...look outside and realize everyday that sun is going to come up whether you like it or not, and your choice is to make the day great and be happy, or be miserable everyday...and trust me being miserable everyday gets you no where my friend. Live for yourself, things fall apart so something better can fall together, i promise you. I never thought I'd be where i am today, but this website helped me a great deal and i told myself that i would in my spare time help more people in my situation on this site, and you'll make friends online, in person, at work, where ever. Just realize this is YOUR life, you get ONE shot. You had a great time with this person, keyword = had, take it for what it is and move on man, remember the good times, the bad times probably out weigh the good in most cases but remember your loved one for the good things he/she was, and wake up and smile about it, because it's okay! Wish them the best on their life journey, and both of you know some special bond will always be between you two, it's an unspoken thing.

Hope this helps,

Take Care,

LCM

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Hey mate, I've been stumbling upon some of your posts around here, and read your story... I must say, you've come a loooong way. So good on you for that... im in this same situation myself. Got the "I think we need a break/space/time" 20 days ago and NC for about 15.. have to say I'm finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Although very faint. This site has helped me and I can see it has helped you.

Just to finalise... I should not text her happy christmas or happy new year?

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Originally Posted by adamross

just to finalise..... i should not text her happy christmas or happy new year?

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Nope... you don't owe her anything. She is more than aware of what day it is, so she doesn't need a reminder or any well wishes from you. Those days are about focusing on what you have, not on what you had.

Why would you wish someone a happy holiday after, they have turned yours upside down, and made a mess of the whole celebration thing? Is that logical, or are you still in shock?

That's a big NO!

What would be your goal to text her on Christmas?

To let her know that it's Christmas? I'm sure she already knows pal. ;)

Basically, just let it go, and if she texts you, well that's your choice I suppose, just don't build up false hope over something like a holiday text like I did on Thanksgiving. It gets you no where, and just messes with your mind.

Take Care,
LCM

P.S. - Thank you for all the kind comments about my posts, advice, and my own personal story.

I'm in the same boat as you are... I thought maybe a merry christmas text or short call would be a good idea to stay on her good books or just plainly let her see that I'm still here... but then after seeing all these recommendations its true. It won't get me anywhere except give me hope which will most likely let me down. So instead of texting her, or calling, just text your friends or something. Im going to do that myself. If she texts or calls, ill be polite and quick.. and NOT bring up the relationship. Whatever it is ill be careful not to re-raise my hopes as it could only be a pity-call (I am away from my country and have no family here, as well as few friends. So she might want to call and check up on me, but ill show her I don't need her to have a good xmas!)

I see the benefits of not calling are far better than if you do. It would be risky and if you don't get the result you want you'll be dissapointed and spend the next few days thinking about it. Better that you let yourself heal and not miss her.

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Originally Posted by expat2009

I'm in the same boat as you are... I thought maybe a merry christmas text or short call would be a good idea to stay on her good books or just plainly let her see that im still here.....but then after seeing all these recommendations its true. it wont get me anywhere except give me hope which will most likely let me down.

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This same topic comes up a lot. The answer from those who have been there and done that, is always a resounding "DON'T DO IT!" You will search for anything to establish contact. Birthdays, Holidays, the dog's birthday, it's a full moon out and the enjoy full moons. While you won't and typically can't admit it to yourself, all you are doing is digging desperately for any crumbs of hope she might drop on her way out of your life. Save yourself the pain and anguish and just DON'T do it! Oh, and even if they text you, delete it promptly. There is NO, I repeat, NO reason to respond.

expat2009 this is comforting. Thank you for letting me know what happened. The fact is that I know she still feels for me and although now I won't text her on xmas (thanks to you all)... it is still hard for me to come to terms with the fact that people can spend so much time together and share so many special things like holidays, family moments, intimate sex, great meals, arguments and solving them, getting together and making each other feel wanted... all that sort of stuff and then they can just switch off. I think that although I had so many chances to save my relationship... like the fact I brought the break thing up and I was the one that told her I was starting to like the friend side of her more than the girlfriend... I will always regret what I said because it was me who has technically made myself feel like this then got needy when I realised that she just accepted what I said and started to move on. It came as a shock if you like. It's a strange one because I know she finds me attractive but I guess that's not all a girls concerned with when it comes to relationships.

'hey well I hope you do well in you exams and enjoy your holidays to. If I see you about over the xmas holidays then I'll I come say hi and you can but me a drink :P And do yourself a favour and delete that email I sent it's not going to do either of us any good now x'

THat was the last text I sent her. What would anyone take from that? The email contained feelings I wrote to her in an email the week before

I take from it that you are not paying attention to anything we are telling you. I have done EVERY SINGLE stupid thing you are thinking about doing. I could literally write a book on how to make yourself look ignorant after a break up. I mean everything. I have dropped to rock bottom and made myself look like a complete idiot to my ex, and the only thing it did was validate your break up. Save your freaking self pride, get off your a$$ and quit acting like we are on here spewing junk to you in hopes of causing you more pain. I get mad because I see people making the same stupid mistakes I did, and with my advice, they don't even seem to notice, or care! Man up!! I don't come on here in hopes of ruining your chances of getting your ex back, I come on here to hopefully spare you some of the heartache and embarrassment I endured... not to listen to any of the advice given to you on here is just plain disrespectful and immature. But, I was in your boat as well, so I will try not to judge.

Why are you trying to read her mind, and analyze every detail?? That's like being stuck in the mud, and spinning your wheels. It doesn't matter what she thinks any more, what matters is your plan to move yourself along.

I get you. I really do. What's good about that is that it sometimes takes something like what you've just said for it to hit home. Thanks. And I'm not being ignorant just trying to make sense of these really weird thoughts I'm having and try to make sense of them. You know what I mean?

I know what you mean... everything will be all right. I wish nothing but the best for you, I just know how hard this is and I hate that others have to go through it.

SUCCESS!! :) I went out last night and had myself a brilliant night with all my closest friends. I met my ex out in the club. Went over said hi... merry christmas... then left. Met a girl that night that stunned me... she was gorgeous. Spent the whole night ancing with her and didn't think of my ex until I say her watching us. Then she came over and told me that this is exactly why she has been avoiding me. That she died her hair because she knew I wouldn't like it.. . that me dancing with someone else apparently in her words... 'confirmed a lot of things for her'. Ha... I thought what the hell needs confirmed were apart.. . so don't know what she was on about. Anyway I thought I would also say that I haven't text her either and I feel good about it. When you get that feeling in your stomach when your with another girl (butterflies) it justakes you see that your ex was not the only person to give you that feeling. Also when I saw her I thought all my feelings would come back but... there was very little. I think it maybe had something to do with the circumstances... what with me having a better looking girl there and all. I'm not being big headed here lets get that straight... I'm just saying that there IS a way through this pain for all of us. Any feedback would be great. Merry Xmas. :)

Good, sort of. You danced with another girl... but did you do this in spite of your ex? If so, then... not too healthy. If you did it simply to have a good time, then congrats.

I would advise, to stop going to clubs that your ex frequents. This time around, she saw you with another girl. How will you react if you saw her with another guy?

Happy Holidays,

Good for you Adam, but I agree if it was out of spite, that's no bueno. But hey, if you were doing it for yourself and because you wanted to, good for you! Just don't jump into anything to crazy, enjoy your freedom while it lasts until you become buckled down again by the love monster!

And for your ex... let her go now man, usually they will try and interfere now that they know your with someone else and crap but, it's just childish and don't let it get to you, do whatever makes your happy!

Anyway, glad to hear your doing better, best wishes to you and your family today!

Yours Truly,
LCM

Your lucky as now you know the world just doesn't have one female in it.

Thanks guys. Much respect for you all. Uch a nice thing you do buy listening to my stuff. It most certainly wasn't out of spite. Like, it made me feel good inside knowing that she was watching me have a good time, laughing, dancing and just being what I was before the heartbreak. If I saw her with another guy then it would make me feel a bit weird but not horribly sickening. I know what your saying about what if it was the other way around but the way I see it... it wasn't. And when it is then I'll deal with it better now because I know that there was a chance I could have ended up in bed with my ex or something last night and because of that other girl I made me realise where my prioritys lie at the moment... with me and making me feel good. At the end of the club I saw her waiting with people. I wondered if it was me she waswaiting for so crossed the road then walked to get a taxi. She then watched my taxi drive away and I caught her eye as it did.

Anytime kid-o,

Glad to hear your living for yourself now, and doing things that make you happy!

Take Care,
LCM