My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago. Her reasons for breaking up with me were that she was being a bad girlfriend and that she had personal problems. The next night at about 4 am she leaves me a voicemail of her crying and saying my name, I know she was drunk. Another day goes by and I beg her to let me talk to her about where we stand and she never gives me a solid answer. A few days later its her 21st birthday and I send her a message to ask her if I can buy her a drink, she accepts but never comes to the bar. An hour later she starts messaging me wanting to see me. I ask her why and she just wants to talk. I finally go and I ask why she wanted me there and she said because she felt most comfortable with me. During this point of this time she tells me she is really depressed. I want to be with her, I know she still cares, but what do I do?

She appears to have personal problems. I can't give more advice without knowing what they are.

Ya this girl defiantly has personal problems and their big, I'd say. It seems like she does still have feelings but right now she needs a friend, a good one. You love her, my advice would be to hold off on the relationship for a little while, if its supposed to happen it will, and just help her through whatever's going on. I'd recommend that this girl go to a therapist too.

Were in school and break is coming up and her best friends have told me that the break should really help her out

Do you not have your answer then?

You have ample opportunity over this break to give her some space. Let her friends and family take care of her and let her be herself without you for a little while. If she does care and your relationship is as strong as you think it is then it will stand the test of a break?

When you get back to school have a chat then.

No?

A girl breaking up with a guy due to her own personal problems and not feeling like she is a good girlfriend for you is a reason I've heard a lot, so don't worry, it happens. I'm dealing with one of those things now in a way...


Edit: Thanks for reminding me.. but yeah, this is not the situation now... I'm dealing with the same girl leaving for a different reason, but in the past, she has tried to leave me countless times because she was depressed, and didn't feel like she was a good girlfriend or that I wasn't happy with her...

This has helped out a lot, is there anymore advice anyone can give me?

How should I confront her when we get back?

Give her space, she broke it off and has her own problems to work out so don't add to them. Get going and get gone, she wants space, give it to her and a lot of it

Put your need to be with her aside, and let her deal with her own problems, as she has asked, and don't worry about confronting her.

My first ? Why would you want a depressed girlfriend. You can not take care of her. And depression is not something she can fix on her own. Do not calls do not buy drinks and do not text email et. DRINKING is only going to make her more depressed, so maybe she needs to try and fix herself. Good luck. It's hard but stay away the best you can.

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Originally Posted by kwwinny59

My first ? why would you want a depressed girlfriend. You can not take care of her. And depression is not something she can fix on her own. Do not calls do not buy drinks and do not text email et. DRINKING is only going to make her more depressed, so maybe she needs to try and fix herself. good luck. It's hard but stay away the best you can.

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I don't know... do you really think its best to just ditch a depressed person and let them deal with it on their own? What if they are reaching out for help in a way and you just leave? That ain't very nice... and that would make them more depressed...

I think the only problem I have now is if she blacks out and decides to call me or the opposite, I black out and call her

Guess you just got to be strong in your decision, whatever you choose... make a choice, stick to it and neva back down...

Eh blacking out.. not normal boatbuilder!

Exactly why are the two of you blacking out? Okay, sounds to me like your are both in high school right? I'm wondering about something more serious like drugs here.

Every time I write a post there is this intuition I get about the situation before I even place my fingers on the key. In any situation I would say that she is confused about you and someone else since in general (not always) women hate to be lonely but I get a different feeling here. My suggestion is not different from what people have been telling you. Give her the SPACE that she needs. I strongly believe that there is something else and not a guy. Who knows, she maybe going through something that you can't help her with. She may need to figure this out on her own. Whatever happens just know that its not your fault. Just support her by giving her some time so she can figure things out.

My girlfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago for her own problems, now I'm feeling really down, I went from the happiest point of my life to the lowest, it really sucks because I haven't enjoyed a christmas in years and this year I was looking forward to it and now all I think is what if and what's she doing during break, is she feeling the same way not having someone

Oh... so sorry. Wow... I would say that was pretty harsh on her part. She could have waited until after the holidays. Look at it that she wasn't the right person for you for not taking your feelings into consideration.

I am in a situation like you. I lost my boyfriend of 4 years. He passed away in September. So these holidays aren't all that great.

Just constantly talk with your friends and family. Constantly be around them.

Socialize. Meet new friends. Keep your mind occupied. You may not be able to move on, but you can keep your mind off things.

That is what's getting me through this. Being on this site helps out too. I am focused on something else.

Your family and friends want to be with you this holiday... so don't shut them out. I wish you nothing but the best :)

What's stopping you from enjoying the holiday with family and friends?

you don't need girlfriends to have a great holiday..

The less we need.. the more we get

and that goes with everything in life.

It's a shame but hey I'm alone for christmass as well. You think that's going to stop me from having fun?

Hell no!

Even if I have to stay up all night telling myself 1980s joke. I'm going to do it.

you are not the only one feeling like this ;)
but don't let these feelings own you.
you are in control

Make an effort! To make this X-mass the best one you have ever had.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My girlfriend and I broke up a couple days ago. ITS HARD.. VERY HARD.. especially during the holidays. All I can tell you is it's going to get better over time... Even though I can't sleep, I miss her, and I start to blame myself. I know I need to move on. And that's what you need to do.

GO OUT WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me last month and since then I have only sent her a merry christmas text which I sent to everyone. Last week on new years she calls me twice at 2am and never talked to me, I sent her a message asking why she called me and she gave me no response, I know she was drunk but why would she call. Then last night on my AIM I left a message that said I was going to the hospital in the morning and 10 minutes later she left a message asking if I was OK. She knows that its been hard for me to get over her , why would she do this? I'm trying to keep my distance

Keep trying... No contact means NO CONTACT...

No exceptions, no contact and that's it... Be strong... Don't give in...

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I'm trying to keep my distance

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Try harder, and keep trying.

Remove her from AIM and any social sites. The less you know the better--believe me. The longer you go on NC the better you will feel.

Seems like she tried once on new years where you assumed she was drunk...

You then proceeded to send her a message and then IM her...

Just leave it alone my friend, she didn't leave a message and didn't try again so it meant nothing.

I know your mind wonders but you have to push that aside. This wasn't an attempt to reconcile I assure you that!

After four years my married ex called and wants back. Now I called to check in and won't call me back. Why did he do this to me. I hurt all over again. He blames me for the break up, even though I aplogized and tried to get back together, he ended up meeting some one else and getting married. I feel really guilty that I lost him, but once I made the mistalke , nothing I could do but apologize. He quit. So, now I am hurt. So he calls me, and now won't call. And I REALLY HURT. PLEASE CAN ANYONE HELP. I blame myself for being alone.

Elizhuie: Post your own question on the forum, not on this thread. You will solicite more responses that way.

Boatbuilder: Your ex is clearly under the impression she has the power, as she knows how hard it is for you to get over you. Change your phone number, and get the power back in your hands. Do not read anything into her random drunk dial.

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Originally Posted by elizhuie

After four years my married ex called and wants back. Now I called to check in and won't call me back. Why did he do this to me. I hurt all over again. He blames me for the break up, even though I aplogized and tried to get back together, he ended up meeting some one else and getting married. I feel really guilty that I lost him, but once I made the mistalke , nothing I could do but apologize. He quit. So, now I am hurt. So he calls me, and now won't call. And I REALLY HURT. PLEASE CAN ANYONE HELP. I blame myself for being alone.

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Don't feel guilty, he lost you! It was wrong for him ask for you back now, then cut contact again. He has resurfaced all those emotions again. Its been 4years, you survived without him, you can doit again. And you won't be alone forever. You have much support on the site.

Delete her contact information from any thing you have her stored in. Trust me this will do wonders for recovery

You'd have to be a hard case to not respond to someone saying they were going into the hospital. You made her contact you that time.

No contact means no contact so you should not be leaving ims for her.

I agree with the post above - saying your going into hospital - would lead her to contact you.

Just because people split up does not mean they lose the caring feeling for someone, but you must understand that is different to loving someone.

You manipulated what was happening by sending that IM, block her from your ims and email etc and maybe think about changing phone numbers to remove that part away too.

Everyone is telling you to NC.
But is this what you want?
Is this women worth another heartbreak and attempt to reconcile?
If you still have feelings for her then you must decide whether to act upon those feelings and possible suffer some more.
There is a chance she is still thinking about you because we all know when we're drunk we do things from the heart! Say things we mean but wouldn't say sover, do things we want but wouldn't when sober. But also sometimes we over react! ( so I guess I just circled myself LOL)
This is a question only you can answer! I wish you the best of luck!

I have to correct myself, the AIM message was an away message saying that I had to go to the hospital in the morning

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Originally Posted by boatbuilder

i have to correct myself, the AIM message was an away message saying that i had to go to the hospital in the morning

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If you really want no contact you need to block her on you aim settings so she can not see anything you put and you can not see anything that she puts.

I understand what you are saying but no contact means blocking her on settings.

No Contact means she is dead to you! She shouldn't even have a way to get ah old of you. You ever seen that movie Eraser, with Governor Arnold? That is exactly what happens with NC. Everything about her is erased from your life, and vice versa. No excuses. Your heart deserves this.

I see this NC thing over and over and I have to ask, why? I thought if the dumper tried to make contact that put it in a different playing field. Seems all the answers are NC regardless of it being a complete break up or a temporary "break" to try to bring oneself out of depression. I just don't get it. What if he truly loves her and she has came to her senses? If he continues NC won't he always be stuck wondering "what if"?

Next week I go back to school and by then it will have been a month and a half since she broke up with me. I want to make her jealous and kind of regret breaking up with me. Does anybody have any ideas how I should do this ?

By being happy with who you are and what you're doing.

REALLY happy, not just faking it happy.