My Girlfriend Wants to be Independent After 4 Years.
Hello,
Well here's the story. Bare with me.
We are young (please do not use this part as a reason), and we started dating when she was only 15 and I was only 16. We were both VERY mature for our ages, being she had been home schooled most of her life, and I had just matured through my families Entrepreneural lifestyle.
Anyway, we had been dating exclusively for about a year when some major problems between here parents happened. As I don't want to give specifics, I will just conclude that they ended up divorcing, and her mom moved across the states and she went with her.
I was already planning on moving out of my house at 17, as I was ready to become 'a man' if you want to call it that. I felt I was old enough, responsible enough, and eventually became an emancipated youth.
I moved across the states about 3 months later to where she had moved (we had talked on the phone everyday for those 3 months and the absence was very depressing to say the least). We moved in together (she was 16 I was 17) shortly after into my apartment.
We did that for a little over two years, and then recently about 6 months ago we moved back to the original place we had met and started our life there. I said I was from a business minded family, and I had started enough small companies to easily cover our monthly bills. We had planned to get married eventually, and were getting ready to buy a nice big house.
Then it happened. My girlfriend went to visit here Mom and when she got there, she started acting very differently. I could tell something was wrong, and she eventually told me she wanted to try her life out independently, and leave our life, as well as our relationship, behind. She flew back for about two weeks, and then she left again, to start her new 'independent' life.
I was supportive of the entire thing, as I did not want here to stay with me, and then regret not trying indepence a few years down the line when we were even more involved (aka settled) as we already were.
My problem is, it's been almost two months now, and it only seems to be getting worse. I figured it would be a few months, she would probably miss me, and then we'd get back together. But since she's left, she seems to be trying to push me away, and she seems to just keep pushing. I'm not sure how far she wants to push me away, but I almost feel if I let her push me away any further we wouldn't talk for months. She is now saying she doesn't see herself even thinking about being with me again for at least another six months... how can she tell she won't a whole 6 months in advance??
I do honestly love this girl, and I have no desire or even a curiousity to be with anyone else. I am very different than your typical 20 year old as I'm sure you can see from the little you know about me.
Anyway, I love this girl, and I want to be with her. I supported her indepence thing, but I do not want to support it so much that we quit speaking altogether! What should I do? How should I act? How do I get this girl to miss me?? :confused:
I do not have many friends, as I am far beyond where I should be at 20, and I think most of the people I associated with couldn't relate and were slightly envyous. I do not have an activities going on besides my usual one of trying to build more businesses, but that leaves me thinking about my future all day long. So now it's really driving me nuts! My depression level I have been able to hold off so far by improving myself further, but it is starting to catch up fast and I find myself becoming worse and worse drastically by the minutes.
Any advice you can give me would be fantastic. I am lost, confused, hurt, and afraid of what will happen if she does decide she never wants to be with me again. I don't have any support, so you guys are pretty much my last shot.
I appreciate all comments, and I thank you for caring enough to take some time from your day to help me.
-C
Girlfriend Wants to be Independent After 4 Years. (PART 2)
Hello everyone,
I posted a topic here back at the beginning of July, and want to update everyone on what is going on.
If you haven't yet read my topic, I urge you to first look over it here. It will catch you up, and tons of people left great advice!
Well, since I posted I started doing better, largely in part because of some of the great people I met here, and because I went on a 6 week vacation and saw some family as well. I recently returned home, and have been very productive. I've cleaned up my house (it wasn't dirty, but extremely cluttered). I've also started working on two new businesses, which are due to launch in about a month and should triple my current income. I'm getting ready to start taking private golf lessons here in a few weeks since many of you suggested I do that to find people more 'like me'. I've also been working out too. I didn't think it was possible since I'm not even big, but I've lost over 25 lbs. of body fat, and am gaining muscle day by day.
Anyway, besides all the accomplishments I've been reaching for myself, I have been quite happier because of you guys. So thank you!
But... there is never a story that is PERFECT, right? So here we go. During my vacation I hadn't been calling my girlfriend and had been giving her space like you guys had suggested. It worked, and she started calling me. I didn't call her back for awhile, about two weeks, and when I finally did she told me she still loved me, she regret ever leaving in the first place, and that she missed me. Although my first instinct was to say, "Great! Come back home!", I decided that is was best to tell her to keep doing what she had been doing, as we were both evolving in our lives, and that it wasn't the right time to go back to our old lives. I also had told her it was probably just her emotions talking because she was thinking of me, and that it would probably come to pass, and she swore to me the feelings were real and would never change.
I did this for several reasons. Here are a few;
1. I didn't want her to come back too soon and feel like she didn't get it all out of her system.
2. I was changing and still 'in the process' so to speak, and I was afraid if she came back I would fall into my old style of living.
3. I didn't want to allow her to come back with open arms, because then she might feel like I'll always be there to take her back which could lead to bigger problems.
4. I needed to keep focused on my businesses, etc so that I could by my house, and live a more fullfilling and rich life.
Good reasons, yes... no?
Anyway, her sweetness went on for about a week, about the time I was flying back home, and then it stopped. Looks like I was right, even though I didn't want to be, but it seems the feelings came to pass. She has filled her life with lots of activity, so she does not have time to even think about 'us' (she told me this). Now the problem is she kind of reverse-psychology'd me, and now I find myself missing her, even to the point where the other night right before bed I started balling over it (do not repeat this to too many people :p hehe).
So my new questions are, did I do the right thing? What should I do now that she seems over me again?
I appreciate all your help and I look forward to your opinions.
Thanks again everyone!
-A happier but also depressed, cguy. :(