OK, I did have a boyfriend for about a year,live in. Uhmmmm, about two weeks ago,I invited my niece why her friend over why we played cards and hung out. My nieces friend is male. Well Iam I wrong or is he supposed to be able"my now ex boyfriend" to make rude comments to me why them,and become more why more angry/obsessed.. I guess because another male is there? UHmm a"jealous rage" I am told. Is this acceptable behaviour of someone I Love(d) dearly?
The only other time I seen him a bit jealous was when I was speaking with my good friend Male who he knows about I told him about when we met why even introduced them,y well informed him that he is my goodfriend,that lives very far away from me anyhow in Texas. Not that my friend living far away matters,but what matters is I trust him he should trust me... y I made sure He was well informed of the friendship. I am wrong? I love him... Never betrayed him.. Just trying to have a normal weekend w/some people over. Ask any questions if you don't understand me.. :confused:

No, you are not wrong. That was totally unacceptable behavior for anyone, whether a current lover, friend, or even acquaintance.

It is a good thing you are out of this relationship. It seems as though he was, or would eventually be, controlling and/or abusive.

Since he is not your boyfriend any longer you should have no contact with him at all. Go on with your life and stay away from him. Jealousy in certain situations can be healthy, but not at all in this situation.

Also, why do you keep putting in "y" instead of the word "and"? Just a little hard to read for my old fogie brain.

No he shouldn't care at all... you're seeing a very bad side to him.

Thank you. I thought I wasn't crazy. Sorry I have bad habit of using "y" instead of "and" for making things shorter... thanks for the tip. I have left him... now for almost two weeks haven't spoken with him.. Only thing is That night yes he did become abusive. I would have never thought that he would become the monster he was that night... Again Thanks for the straight advice.

If he became that monster you never thought you would see, he is showing his true colors. It is a good thing you got out now, before you got hurt in more ways than one.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

No he shouldn't care at all....you're seeing a very bad side to him.

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Yes,I did see a very bad side. A side I didn't know of him at all. I haven't spoke nor seen him since The cops arrived that morning. He calls from a blocked number,but I will ignore it.
Thank you as well for this straight advice.
It's the beginning of a long story and I guess I am trying to break it down. For your guys sake and mine. Thanks once again.

I'm glad he is your ex now and have no need to be bothered with such a rude person. Its got to be hard to have fun with a NOGHEAD!

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Originally Posted by J_9

If he became that monster you never thought you would see, he is showing his true colors. It is a good thing you got out now, before you got hurt in more ways than one.

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Yeah,I'm out. With an ER DVP and court dates everywhere it seems. He is making this very hard for me. A detective came the following Monday and took photos of me and the damage he did where I live. I am heart broken,ill,scared... and very alone in this. I know I don't deserve what he done,but maybe I was a bit naïve about 5 months into our relationship,well looking back anyhow. I never cheated,I loved him,I trusted him, the whole 9.. even helped with his children,who he don't even have no longer,I was willing and he knew this to go the miles to help him with his life,somehow I forgot mine,but he always had some way of,an effect on me to where I thought he was helping me in return. I hadn't let anyone so close to me before,not even my ex husband. I am very confused. Maybe I should take the advice of trying to sort it out on word pad and then posting,that at this point even seems hard. The more you guys ask or reply more I can sort though and ask. In the mean time I'm trying real hard to keep my head up.

Hold your head up high, your already on the right path and you will get a lot of support from your new friends here. GARAUNTEED! :cool: :)

That's WHY you must take relationships... slow.

The first few months with an abuser can be great... they can act with the best of them.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Hold your head up high, your already on the right path and you will get a lot of support from your new friends here. GARAUNTEED!!:cool: :)

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Tryin' Hard. & thanks! I must sound desprate,but maybe I am a bit,it's hard goimg thro' this alone. It means so much these words of you. ;)

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

That's WHY you must take relationships.....slow.

The first few months with an abuser can be great......they can act with the best of them.

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Your right... I had planned to do that,but well... abusers yep so I've found can just flip it seems like a drop of a coin that quick,but I guess.. there's no way it can ALL happen that quickly or can it.. Thanks. Still going to try and get to the bottom of this on WP. Thanks.. and thanks to all. :) Gosh.. Its hard to believe for there's you guys out here that want to help.. :cool:

Although I am fully aware of how lonely one can feel when going through such an experience I want to ensure you that you certainly aren't alone. There are hundreds on here with very similar expereinces to you and will be willing to share and help you through this.
Also I'm sure you have friends or family that you may be able to reach out to. They can help you more than you realise. Don't let yourself be alone.
I am going through a relationship ending myself and it is very painful but I found working out, going for a good run to be so helpful. It was an hour in my day with just me on the road running. I found so much peace of mind. Just a thought. Maybe you can find something else that can take your mind of this person.
And the people on here want to help because they have been where you are now and know that you need help to get through it. All these people here have gotten through it and I'm sure will all say they are that much better people for the experience.
Good luck and keep us posted.

I guess now that you understand hindsight is 20/20. I am sure that as you look back now you can see the red flags going up.

It is good that you are out of this situation, you actually could have saved your own life.

Remember, none of us have met, but we are a "family" here. We support each other in our daily struggles, laughs, and life. We do not judge others, as most of us have had our fair share of situations and we are here to help.

Welcome again, you are amongst friends.

My first husband was like that Sombra, and the last day I was in the same house with him he hit me across the face full force with a pool cue stick, knocking me down and nearly out. I never even saw it coming. I left as soon as I regained myself and never looked back. Restraining order, divorce, then later lots and lots of bad dates...

For quite a few years, I seemed to attract those types, until I got into therapy (boy did I learn a lot) and changed my whole demeanor and therefore changed who was attracted to me. But before that, for a while, my motto was "You only get to hit me once and we're done!"...

Can you imagine!? Now that seems utterly unacceptable to me, HIT ME?? No way Buster! I hope you really focus on how you do NOT deserve that.

Ughhhhh Val - I have heard so many stories like yours Val... WHY are women so attracted to the bad boys who are abusers??

Is it the excitement??

The thrill??

Is it something you can't have??

Are they taboo??

All these bad boys lead to nothing but massive trouble.

The Bad boys carry themselves very well I nthe begin - their 'I don't give a dam' attitude... thrill seeking... CONFIDENCE!. challenege etc.

Apparently they act very sexy to women... big turn ons...

HI everybody. It's nice to know you guys are around,really.
I would much like to get into something to take my mind off everything. I have ideas... I like a wide spetrum of things. Well, see the thing is I am ill,I am not using this as an excuse for not picking myself up off the floor,just sometimes when you're ill,stress can really,you have to "recover" your body and all... lots of rest and all. As for family & friends.. well.. I don't have family I have my mom & dad.. My mom is confusing over this.. she is not supporting me at all in this. HE went to her house and I will never know exactly what was said. He left me in debt. He left when he knew I was going to have extra bills,I didn't really depend on he for money.. but I did give me shelter and all. I paid the bills. He owes my dad 700 bux. I was against that I knew had a feeling it would come back on me. It did,with my mom the most. See he wasn't a meat head type my ex... he was uhmm.. very positive,hard worker(at first) he was more of a "nerdy" guy.. whos beauty seemed hidden to others till maybe second glance or until I pointed out. His smile and jokes he way he dealt with people outside.. they think of him a saint. He had/has a troubled family life. And the kids.. I wanted to help him he asked me to help. He was sexually abused etc. 6 months into the relationship after a huge event,that's when I wish I would have kept things broken off... but didn't he distanced himself from his family.. well he didn't speak to them. He was on 6 months of this. My mom & dad was like his mom & dad. I shared everything with him,including my family what little I have. I am such a fool. I wish I could turn back time to Jan 2006 when I broke things off. Because then my parents was upset with him... but he got under their skin... under my moms. He is clever and good with words. I want "closure" but now that the dvp etc stands in the way how will I get it.. I wish my mom would be understanding. I have been betrayed in many ways. Thinking about it all it seems like a soap oprea. I hope I don't sound too stupid. I just want it sorted. I'll get there. Thanks.

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Originally Posted by sombra_de_ti

HI everybody. It's nice to know you guys are around,really.
I would much like to get into something to take my mind off everything. I have ideas...I like a wide spetrum of things. well, see the thing is I am ill,I am not using this as an excuse for not picking myself up off the floor,just sometimes when you're ill,stress can really,you have to "recover" your body and all...lots of rest and all. As for family & friends..well..I don't have family I ahve my mom & dad..My mom is confusing over this..she is not supporting me at all in this. HE went to her house and I will never know exactly what was said. He left me in debt. he left when he knew I was going to have extra bills,I didn't really depend on he for money..but I did give me shelter and all. I paid the bills. he owes my dad 700 bux. I was against that I knew had a feeling it would come back on me. it did,with my mom the most. see he wasn't a meat head type my ex...he was uhmm..very positive,hard worker(at first) he was more of a "nerdy" guy..whos beauty seemed hidden to others till maybe second glance or untill I pointed out. His smile and jokes he way he dealt with ppl outside..they think of him a saint. he had/has a troubled family life. and the kids..I wanted to help him he asked me to help. he was sexually abused etc. 6 months into the relationship after a huge event,thats when I wish I would have kept things broken off...but didn't he distanced himself from his family..well he didn't speak to them. he was on 6 months of this. my mom & dad was like his mom & dad. I shared everything with him,including my family what lil I have. I am such a fool. I wish I could turn back time to Jan 2006 when i broke things off. because then my parents was upset with him...but he got under thier skin...under my moms. he is clever and good with words. I want "closure" but now that the dvp etc stands in the way how will i get it..? I wish my mom would be understanding. I have been betrayed in many ways. thinking about it all it seems like a soap oprea. I hope I don't sound too stupid. I just want it sorted. I'll get there. Thanks.

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I gave him shelter... my home. Sorry typos.:eek:

It's good you came to us for advice, but you should also go to a 'Safe house' where you live. There you will get support and advice from those that have gone through what you are dealing with now. You deserve all the help you can get. No man has the right to be controlling and abusive.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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Originally Posted by Chery

It's good you came to us for advice, but you should also go to a 'Safe house' where you live. There you will get support and advice from those that have gone through what you are dealing with now. You deserve all the help you can get. No man has the right to be controlling and abusive.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

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;) Hi,Thanks for replying... It's been a few days since I have posted.. about all this. He is trying to get me back... Crazy. I am asking God for strength. I have a bad feeling he wants me to get back w/him... drop dvp/charges.. and move out of my apt. (which is mine & safe/affordable for me) and move into a house thats*OURS... I think he just wants everything taken from me... and be in control. I know better.. I am confused,but Not going to let it happen.. I hope. He wants me I feel to be totally dependent on him so if he reacts I can't do anything just take it or be stuck with all the extra bills and can't move back to this place I live. I'm praying... I am flat broke. I mean like I have maybe 50 pennies to my name. He knows this. He talks to my parents I think my dad is starting to see him a little bit clearer... but can't see it all.
Anyhow... Thank you once again and yes I do need help. It's hard to find these places,that's why I'm grateful for you guys. :cool:

I appaud you and wish you well. You have made the right decision. In time it will get better,You'll see!

Keep staying strong. You can do it. Don't give in to him. Think of all the bad things about him. He is not worthy of you.
I hope you stay as strong as you seem to be now. It is inspiring to see how strong the human spirit can be at times. Many in your situation would not be!

Go and find all the available help you can. Try your church, a teacher at school, a social work center and even the police if necessary. He wants total control of you, and he'll try to get your parents on his side.

If you don't do something concrete about it right now, he will try to influence your entire life and stress you out.

And, by all means, keep in touch with us.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Ughhhhh Val - I have heard so many stories like yours Val.....WHY are women so attracted to the bad boys who are abusers????...

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I don't think this answer will sit well, but here goes. Its not nearly as obvious as that Wildcat. I think a lot goes on with people BELOW the threshold of awareness, partly because we live in such unaware states and partly because of how humans are deliberately put together psychologically.

I found for myself and many others that so long as my business about being abused remained "unfinished", it was like a big neon sign blinking on my forehead that said "If you've into that kind of crap, step right up please!" I was unconsciously inviting them into my life in order to recreate my original psycho-drama in the hopes of making it turn out differently this time-- and that just does not work. Remember what the professioal rapist has said about all the really subtle stuff he looks for the perfect victim and then amplify it in the subconsious-- it works like that.

Human behavior is both complex and subtle and we often don't look nearly closely enough to see that many times what we get we really ARE asking for... the sad part is we just don't REALISE we are.

Now as for the bad boy thing, that goes to how we see ourselves internally. Bad girls hook up with bad boys and vice versa -- the left hook is what we project into the world may be radically different than what we actually believe ourselves to be. That's called a "front" and it keeps us from being authentic, real, our true selves.

This is why I am so keen on both books and professional help -- the good ones can really plug us back into US, so the subtle stuff is, well, far more conscious and we then have more of an active choice in it. The less "front" the better, which may seem too vulnerable to some people but I can attest to them paying a huge price for having a front. I had one in the hopes that it would protect me from hurt but the really stupid thing about it was when you didn't like my front (false though it may be) I got my feelings hurt anyway LOL, so like Dr Phil likes to say, "How's that working for you??" LOL

Does that answer it for you?