In advance, sorry for the long description, but I want to make sure that those who answer understand my situation.

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 5 months, it has been the most amazing time of my life. I am in my junior year of college. Three weeks ago, she called and said she wanted to break up, then we got back together, but for the two weeks after she hasn't been paying much attention to me. I would always call, ask to hang out, even dropped off a rose with her favorite hot fudge Sunday in the mailbox. Tried my best to fix the relationship. When we did call each other though, she would say that she loves me.
Well, 5 days ago she said we should take a break since she is so busy with school Since I wasn't extremely happy with the way she wasn't paying attention, I agreed that might be the best solution...
I did not call her, but she would and she still does. She said we should see each other on Friday, I told her that will be fine probably. She has been acting on the phone the same way that she has before, saying she loves me and asking me if I still love her. Well, guess what happened two nights ago, I asked her if she still wanted to meet on Friday, and she said she is going out with her friends to the mall earlier and might be busy in the evening. So now I am just getting the sense that she is taking advantage of the fact that she knows I will love her regardless and does whatever she wants.

So, this is very difficult for me to forget her because she would call and say those things since I still love her very very much. If she goes back to being the person that she was, I would love to keep dating her. She kept saying that she needed time to figure herself out. So I have gotten a suggestion from a friend the other day to not answer her calls for a few days and see if she gets things figured out. Right now is the second day, she keeps calling all the time, texted me asking if she did something wrong. On aim, she said she still loves me and does not know why I keep ignoring her. I really don't know what to do now, should I ignore her longer or maybe should I answer her? I am a little afraid that she will stop trying to contact me completely.

You need to tell her this: at this stage there are only two options. You are either together or you aren't. Nothing in between. If the answer is the latter, you need time to work things through and will get in touch with her if and when you're ready. She needs to stop contacting you when you're trying to do that.

Your weren't happy with the way she treats you, but have not let her know?? No wonder she does what she does.

Instead of ignoring her hoping she changes, talk, and see if there is a resolution to the situation, that you both can live with. If not, don't waste time.

Perhaps you guys are right, I need to be a bit more direct with her. The reason we went to this break phase was because she realized she wasn't being a good girlfriend and I think she figured that it is because she was busy with school at the moment. I will talk to her tonight and post back to tell you what comes out of this.
Thank you for helping out.

Well, no good news today. I told her everything last night she listened, said that she still loves me just as much and plans to be with me in the future, even mentioned marriage and such. She just said that right now is such a difficult time for her trying to balance schoolwork and boyfriend and all the other things. On a more unfortunate note, I found out that she went to drink lounge a few weeks ago with her female friend, didn't even tell me about it, I recall her calling me the next day being really cute and saying that she stayed up all night at home talking with her friend and listening to her. However she wouldn't call me back until the night after. Anyway, kind of bummed me out that she didn't tell me.
In terms of the relationship, she did not give me a definite answer, she would act really cute as always and saying that she loves me and got me off being serious, so I didn't push her. Today same thing happened as before, she wouldn't pick up my phone for a while, then called back 5 hours later. I answered, told her my phone battery was dying and I would call her back. Called her a min ago and she didn't pick up as usual. I know she has finals all week and is probably studying, but I feel like she should at least dedicate a bit of time to me. Am I being overly possessive here? Been thinking about myself, maybe I am the one who is over dramatizing this. Its just that I called her from a friends number today who she does not know and she called him back after 5 min. To call me back it took 5 hours. What do you think guys, is it just in my head, is there any hope in this relationship?

I think that right now you need to make it clear for her that you NEED a definite answer. If she can't balance you with her life right now, then it's better to break up since she'll be hurting you and she'll suffer too (it seems that she likes you), and the relationship will end down the road in a much more painful way, with deep emotional scars. It's also the only way you guys can give another shot in the future.

And if she wants to keep you, than make it clear that you need a reasonable level of attention (and it doesn't seem to me that you are asking too much).

Don't let her evade this question. If she does that again, tell her that you can't stand the uncertainty and that you are breaking up with her. It will probably feel really really awful right now, but I think it's the right thing to do.

How can people say. I love you . But I don't want to be with you?

It just does not make any sense

She is only telling you this to make her feel better
And by doing this she is giving you false hope

Take it is as an end to the relationship
Trust me I know its hard!
But once you put that gear in motion
You will start to heal a lot better!


All the best

Regards

This is my advice, may not be the best, but here we go,she seems to no how too control you. And that's just not cool, as your friend said you should ignor her. But for a week, hmm I don't really know about that one, ask her what she wants from you?
Try and find out why she still "loves" you but insists not too be together.
And the whole thing about Friday, was basically a test, too see if she has you right where she wants you.
No offence she seems like a controlling ,
But, I hoped this has helped.

Disappear from her life, because if her actions, matched her words, she would be working to grow this relationship, not tear it down.

The thing your not seeing is she is letting you go, and taking her freedom, while you sit on the porch and wait.

Stand up for yourself with actions, not words. Don't be controlled

Well, I talked to her 30 min ago. She says she loves me just as much, she mentioned yesterday to give her until Thursday because her finals will be over to decide on things. Right now she is studying on campus with a guy from her class. Don't think they have anything going on or anything. I also may need to mention that we live about 2 hours apart and go to different colleges, used to see each other at least every weekend and usually she would come down during the week to see me here too. I almost feel as if we could see each other more, I could get things worked out, but I am not sure. She was my first girl, so I am not very experienced in this. I feel like we really have a future together and I think she appears to feel the same way.
I completely agree with you Rawr_its_andrew, she is controlling me, whether she is talking to me or not. I do not like it, but unfortunately it ended up that way. And yes, I also realized it was a test the day after. Good point on noticing that, haha. You guys think I should wait till Thursday to finalize things? Also, I wish there were ways to make her less control over me, but I just love her so much its very difficult.

Just to add on, another thing that keeps me attached to her is the fact that this summer I wasn't the greatest boyfriend to her, went clubbing with friends a couple times, went to see some friends at the beach and kissed one of the girls. I told her all that, but she still kept loving me, but I am sure she was hurt emotionally Perhaps those scars are what initially caused her to talk about breaking up with me. Maybe if we get through this it will make our relationship stronger? I cannot tell right now if I am just trying to make up excuses not to end it with her... am I?

Yes, there is a way to not let her have control over you. It's simple. Don't let her! See, what you are not seeing, as by being available all of the time, and agreeing to her timetable, and the way she wants to do things, you are letting her walk all over you. She knows this, and will take advantage of it, if given the opportunity. She's already doing that now, because she knows she can, and that you won't speak up for yourself.

You are making excuses for her, and all she has to do after blowing you off and not answering your calls, is tell you that she loves you, and you are right back to where you were! You have to set some boundaries and limitations for her and for yourself. It doesn't sound to me like there is a whole lot of honest comunication between the two of you.

I noticed something you said also. You said you didn't "think" there was anything going on with her and her study partner. I think you actually think there might be, and it's quite possible. If she calls you one minute, and then you call her back and she doesn't answer, well there's a red flag right there.

OK the distance thing seems a little far,
Yeah I Guess You Should wait, But Yeah Don't Fall For It All Over Again,
Just play it cautios, and if she does a repete of the whole Friday thing,
Tell her off and move on,
It may hurt and be hard, but it will help in the long run,

I have a feeling she is cheating on u.

No one is that busy studying for finals when they have time to go to drinking lounge and go to the mall with her friends.

She keeps telling u, she loves u, so she doesn't loose u. Until she decides the other guy is right for her. (I maybe wrong but try to find out about her from neutral sources, do more research on her activities and don't just rely on what she says.)

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Originally Posted by Jake448

Just to add on, another thing that keeps me attached to her is the fact that this summer i wasnt the greatest bf to her, went clubbing with friends a couple times, went to see some friends at the beach and kissed one of the girls. i told her all that, but she still kept loving me, but i am sure she was hurt emotionally Perhaps those scars are what initially caused her to talk about breaking up with me. Maybe if we get through this it will make our relationship stronger? I cannot tell right now if i am just trying to make up excuses not to end it with her...am I?

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Sorry to say it, but I think you are.

The whole clubbing thing and the frineds thing is normal she can't control you with your friends you can't spend every waking moment with her, and the kissing the girl. Hmm, has she ever done anything like that ?
That would explain why she would be so calm about it,

I wouldn't say you're a bad boyfriend, just her demands are way too high,

yeah you guys are right, I am going to work on myself regardless whether I stay with her or not, I do not need to be controlled by a girl like that. I also deeply regret what I did when I kissed that other girl because it only made me think of my girlfriend, at that point I did not fully value the love that my girlfriend would give me, really didn't realize what she meant to me until this whole break up thing started. I took her for granted, yet I always treated her very well. I would buy her flowers randomly, show my love in many ways, anything to make her happy and see her smile. She would do the same to me, maybe even more.
I just called her an hour ago and told her I might be going over the christmas break for a few days to see my friend, a guy, in Florida who invited me over (which is not true), but that did not make her happy, don't know why I did that, just wanted to show her that I have my own life besides her and wouldn't be waiting around to see her every day of the christmas break. Hehe, probably just going to work the whole break and play 360.

Hey guys, allright, I called my girlfriend and told her that I do not want this anymore, I do not want a one sided relationship and we need to end the whole break thing. She started crying of course. I told her that she just misses my attention and will find someone who can deal with her. She started saying that tonight she went to express and ordered a sweater for me, she bought me a teapot I wanted at walmart and she was wanting to change. I told her that I have given this a lot of thought and I don't think she will change. I also told her that if she is trying to hold this because I initiated it, she can tell her friends that she broke up with me. Well, she pleaded me for a second chance and made up her mind that she wants to be with me before I called. Well, I agreed. I figured I would be suffering without her right now and I am willing to waste a few weeks of my time even if there is a 1% chance of saving this.
However, I think I have a different outlook on it now and do not have the expectations that I would have. So if it does not work out in the next few weeks or so, its really not meant to be and I think I can go on living without her with complete satisfaction that I held on to this until the very last strand and then let it go. Don't really care if she later tells me she wants to let it go, I am not much into holding up that macho factor, whatever makes her feel better about herself. You guys think you would have done what I did in my situation? If I made a mistake so be it, at least it will be a lesson.

I'm not tryign too sound smartassed here, but it seems as soon as you said that she said everything she could to get her claws back in,

But as you said if it's a mistake it will be a lesson,

Good luck mate.

Okay, to me it sounds like you are playing games! There is too much game playing and drama in this 'relationship.'

In the span of a half hr. even less, because you posted here, thought about what you were going to do, called her, had this conversation, and then posted here again, with a totally different game plan.

First you lied, and told her you were going to go to Florida. What kind of a game was that? If you don't have honestly, you may as well just walk away now! It's another game you played, just like when you kissed the other girl.

Then in the span of a half hr. you said you "would be willing to waste a few weeks of my time" if there is even a 1% chance of saving this! Then you say "don't really care if later she tells me she wants to let it go." Which is it buddy?

I am starting to think that the reason why this girl broke up with you, is because you are very wishy washy. You are confusing her! One minute you say you want one thing, and the next you want another! It confuses ME, and I don't even know you!

Unless you are willing to be completely honest with yourself, and with her, this relationship doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell.

I'm not saying this to insult you, or make you mad, but you mentioned the word "Macho." I get the sense that it actually does have a lot to do with that. She broke up with you. You want her back. She wants to come back, but you are putting up roadblocks, and not being honest! Just the fact that you mentioned that she "can" tell her friends that "she" broke up with you again, tells me that this has more to do with your ego, than it does to do with her happiness!

I get the sense that you are the one that is high maintanence, and not her so much, which likely lead to your initial break-up. We mentioned communication earlier. We meant honest communication, which also means you need to be honest with yourself! If you don't have TRUST in a relationship, you have nothing... zero, zip, zilch! If you lie and play games, like in the Florida "story", and then giving her and yourself a couple weeks to make a decision, you are shooting yourself in the foot! It WILL backfire on you.

Dude, I can tell you right now that I can relate to this to some degree. I wish I had seen this a little earlier because it appears as if you've already started reacting sporadically to the stress and pain of the situation. This flurry you just had with your ex will be one of many of you two keep doing the things you are. It could be because of immaturity and will happen inevitably, or it could be because you are not being clear and honest with each other about how you feel and what you want. From the beginning I would've said she wanted you to be there but mightve met some new people or felt a desire to experience some things that were a little more taboo (outside of your relationship). Sounds to me like she might've been doing that. I probably wouldve asked her why she lied and talked about it with her.

The whole finals crap is stupid, unless she always acted like that, the chances are its not just about grades. Sounds to me like she may have been considering taking a step away from the relationship to see what it feels like, which tells me one thing about you guys as a couple. Either, you're way too close all the time, or, you aren't in love but you like the idea of it. Towards the end you made a series of not very well-thought-out moves to determine her feelings, but I don't think you were prepared to do half the things you acted as if you were, nor do I think you were prepared to give this up in the slightest.

However, I do not know your relationship with her. All I can say is, I wish you hadn't dove back in so quick, I think she realized you might be slipping away and grabbed you as quickly as she could. Chances are she's not going to stop whatever she's doing, she's just going to find another way of doing it... or... it'll wait a while, and then come back out the same way it did now. If you're going to stay with her id seriously consider not allowing yourself to be too attatched because I don't think you or her have any idea where this relationship is going, you are acting based on a feeling or a multitude. Relationships are about communication, trust, respect, love etc. not attachment or telling each other you love them in a cute way. Make sure you really think about what's going on dude, don't be a fool, don't go overboard, but don't get played and don't play her. All that you will get is some pretty crucial pain in the end if you do. Take my advice, been there, done that... twice! 2 years a piece, sucks. Im still getting over one now, and believe me, it couldve gone on, I just finally realized to accept the things in the back of my mind that I knew were true and step away from the safety blanket. Good luck to you my friend, and please, if you ever want to talk about it I'm more than down, I check this about every day.

Grayfox. Please, for the sanity of the others, use paragraphs when writing such a long response. It really is too hard to read. I don't even know if you gave good advice, because it gave me a headache! :)

Good reply grayfox.

Seems like the moment you decided to end it, she hadn't quite made up her mind and would rather think about it with you still around as safety than alone, with a much bigger chance of losing you.

The problem is that now you are back together but you have no clue where you stand with her, you just know she had major issues but no idea where she is going with them or where they came from. Aka they can come back at any given time out of the blue. Because of this You will probably be on guard all the time / and more controlling than normal. This will eventually cause her to lose interest/become annoyed and consequently lead to the break up.

Your welcome.

First of all, starbuck, as much as it hurt me to read (and reread) your response, you made some very valid points that I really needed pointed out. At first, I know I have been playing games all along and I need to stop. I should not have done that. You got it right, this was not the only occurrence where I have done that but more of a habit that I have somehow developed without consciously recognizing this. I will work on this. On the other hand, I think I will disagree with you on one of the points you made. I do not think I am very high maintenance, I really did not ask for much from her except her love and as long as I felt it, I wouldn't need her calling me all the time or anything like that.

One of the reasons I did not feel confident following through with what a few people said earlier such as completely break off with her and forget her is because I did not feel like they fully knew the relationship that I have with her. I tried as much as possible not to be one sided and explain mistakes that both of us have made. Although I agree that most relationships have things in common, there are things that make each one unique. As a couple, we have always been different from all the other ones and we would notice and enjoy that fact. We never became happy by just going to movies or having those dinner dates, no matter what we did together, we would be happy. Before we started dating (1.5 years), we knew each other as good friends for 3 years.

Last night was the first night in a while that I actually slept pretty good without staying awake thinking about these things. She told her friends last night that we are back together and that she can't be without me. I even had to give some relationship advice to her friend... making me laugh now that I think about it. When we got together 3 weeks back for that one week, I think we rushed it. It has been some time since and I hope that whatever still needs to be worked out in our minds will be worked out together. Today she has been great and by that I mean she hasn't been all cute and stuff, but it almost felt like she needed me and to some extent I feel things are becoming a bit more mutual. I do not want to jump to conclusions that everything is going to be great from now on, but my hopes that are that we can work this out, together. When I see her on thurs/fri, I want to make it clear to her that although things may seem good, we need to be clear and honest with each other about all of our feelings if we want to be happy together. Thanks for everything you have told me, I was just thinking earlier how amazing it is to have the internet nowadays and people like you to give this advice. Although I have good expectations for this relationship, if we cannot work it out together with her at this point on, as I said, then its just not meant to happen. I will work on myself as well and post back some updates to tell you guys how things are going. Now time to study for finals.

I'm glad you took what I said, in the context it was meant to be. I guess sometime we have to be a little cruel to be kind, if you know what I mean.

I wish you all the best, and hope you can work it out. No more game playing okay? ;)

Make sure you know what you want from this relationship and that it is realistic. Only you know the truth about you two and what is a reasonable expectation for the future. If you don't truly believe that it's a damn good possibility, you are wasting your time and prolonging pain.

Well today went pretty good, she has called me and seemed to be a lot more caring. I've been happy most of the day, with one exception. She asked me an hour ago if she can go to Atlanta for New Years with her friends to see the peach drop. She asked me that because she knows that I cannot go and told her so last year and this year since I always spend that time with my family and cannot miss it. Both this year and last year she said that this has been something she has really wanted to do. Of course, atlanta would imply her going to clubs, drinking , etc. Last year I told her she can go, although she didn't end up going in the end because her friends canceled plans. I recall her telling me last year that she hated sitting at home on new years and always wanted to do something.

This year as expected it would be a bit more bothersome due to what happened, I know for a fact that she does not handle alcohol well at all. She will start drinking and keep drinking until somebody forcefully stops her, I have seen it before both where the person stopping her was me and where it wasn't, both successfully and unsuccessfully. Through the summer she was out of the country, but I knew that she loved me 100% at that point and did not doubt her for a second when she went out to bars and clubs. She always told me that she just goes to have fun and pushes guys off if they come, which I believe is what most girls tend to do at clubs. From what I hear from other girls, they mostly go to clubs and such go hang out and have fun, not go for guys. I highly doubt she would do anything with a guy, but one of my concerns is that I am not there with her and not there to make those memories together. I told her its totally fine, asked about the friends she is going with, who are girls, maybe there will be one or two guys. Did I do the right thing? I did not want to appear controlling on her, I guess I also very worried about her getting out of control than anything else. Her drinking has been a concern of mine for a while, she gets drunk easily. Sometimes she will start casually, but even a single shot or mix drink messes her up and she will try to go for more and more. She does not do it too often, perhaps but in the last 5 months I know she's been drunk like that about 3 or 4 times. Drinking appears to be the way that she handles stress and finds relief. We talked about it but every time after that first drink she forgets the boundaries that she set before that. I haven't seen or heard of her doing anything wrong with another guy while she is drunk or even trying to go for another guy, that is why I am not concerned about that. Only thing is, if I am not there, I know some guy will be taking care of her when this happens... that thought bothers me. Should I tell her that?

Btw, thanks Grayfox for the good recommendations earlier.

Dude, you should definitely tell her how you feel. If you aren't comfortable with her drinking, remind her how she reacts, remind her of the consequences should she drink too much and make mistakes, refer to the past. Hopefully she will be able to guarantee you that she will not drink much or that she will avoid it. You know her, I don't. If it were my girlfriend, id want to know who she was going with and if I could trust them to be careful and make good decisions. If all the boxes check, then I don't see why not. As long as they're trustworthy, careful friends who will be there to help and take care of her, should she accidentally go overboard. Remember man, I know things are peachy right now, but I still feel like you took the easy way out and those issues are going to come up again, you're taking cautious steps to avoid problems, but you also initiated a little honeymoon period kind of deal when you got back together, and when that fades make sure you're still working to fix your problems in the relationship. Something I learned from being on this site is to only worry about the things you can control. If you trust her then you trust her. If she screws you over, all you can say is that you did the best you could and the problem then is hers. Be honest, just don't be overbearing about it.

Yeah man, I just told her exactly how I felt, wasn't even specifically referring to her trip. She said she will not do that again and will be much more careful about drinking, she said that it is her new years resolution. So that should be good, I've seen her hold her liquor before, so I know it is possible. People buying her drinks and giving them to her one after another is what usually gets her drinking since she isn't 21 yet.

Well then, good luck with everything, sounds like you've got it worked out to your liking.

Well today went pretty good, I still thought a lot mostly about what I wanted to say to her when I see her about us being more honest with one another and that our happiness and excitement together may have masked the lack of truthful communication that we need to work on if we want to stay together. I initially had plans to see her on Thursday after getting done with finals, she mentioned though that her girl friends might be planning a night out to celebrate the end of the school year. Of course I am not going to keep her from that so I did not mention anything about her not wanting to see me or anything like that. I hope she will want to see me on Friday and we can finally talk in person about things. Again, I think I will try not to direct attention on that, if she has the desire to see me and misses me, she will do so on her own without my reminders. Also we were planning to go on a winter trip for a couple days next week, but she said her relatives may be coming and her mom may not let her go. So, I did not push that either, I want to let her decide things and watch in what direction her decisions flow.

Whatever you are doing is absolutely right. But be prepared for a much greater shock then all the shocks you have mentioned.

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I want to let her decide things and watch in what direction her decisions flow.

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Why can't you make a decision for yourself, without her influence?

Well talaniman, I decided a couple days ago that I have a very strong desire to work on our relationship and make each other happy in the long run. Now I want to see if she is willing to do the same together and that is her decision.
I recognize that things will not go back to what they were a year ago with us where the initial rush of the relationship covered up our faults. But neither do I want them to, I want a partner in life with whom we can work out things like this, since I am fairly confident they come with every relationship and in some unfortunate cases do not surface before marriage.

Ill tell you what you're doing right now, the same thing a lot of people do on this site. You're asking advice then not really taking it. You already know what you want and that is this relationship regardless of what the circumstances are. Sure, obviously you'd like it to go the best way it can and if its ever going to end you want it to "end well". The sad thing is, that rarely happens. I don't know if now is the best time for you to be thinking about a partner, but I understand your desire to work things out with one when you have one. However, make sure you are getting what you want out of this as well, it needs to be mutual. Otherwise you are only settling to fill the void in your life that would exist should your relationship not be there. All I'm saying is that it sounds like things were going one way, then you guys rushed back in real quick before you could really get a good look at what was going on. Now nothing is really fixed, although you're being careful. Just look at the relationship realistically and don't lie to yourself to be temporarily happy, the pain you'll go through later isn't worth it. Handle these things now and if they can't be handled then do the right thing, the hard thing. Pushing something that isn't right because of attachment really won't make you happier in the long run, its up to you to decide whether its right or wrong, just be honest. Make sure you're getting what you want too!

Yeah Grayfox and talaniman, I do not want to be foolish and not take the advice of those who have gone through this before. So you guys think that there is no way that we will work this out and I am wasting my time?

This girl made me very happy in the past and I believe that if we work this out, we can be even happier. Am I fooling myself when thinking all this?

It also feels like by ending it, I am taking an easy route out by trying to keep myself from being hurt and always wondering what could have been...

Whoa whoa. Im not saying you should end it man, just be honest with yourself. You know what feelings you have. Make sure you aren't justifying staying together or working on something simply out of attachment. I felt the same way about my ex, even now part of me wants to work it out over winter break, but I know that's not for my best. You have to reach deep inside yourself and determine if you have feelings that you're putting aside that you know you should face, such as knowing that its wrong, or knowing that you deserve better, whatever it may be. Don't waste your time on something if you know the outcome is ultimately going to be the ending of a relationship. That's for you to determine, but from what you've said so far, I think you have mixed feelings and those need to be worked out beyond a reasonable doubt before you let yourself get attached again. Right now you're being cautious, that's good, but is there something you know that you aren't facing?

I don't feel like by ending it you are taking the easy route at all, that's the hard route. Not ending it, and allowing yourself to live in a comfortable situation (even if its wrong) is the easy route. Don't get walked on, make sure you're getting something you want out of this. Don't continue if you know its wrong, because then it doesn't matter what could've been... it won't be as good as what will be if you do the right thing. Take your time, communicate, face the truth. Then decide if staying together will have more benefits then breaking up(in the long run). You can make something good out of just about every bad relationship (a learning experience) but you may wish you hadn't wasted so much time on something you knew would fail ultimately. Just a thought.

OK man, I see what you were saying earlier. I think some time here is the key for me right now as you said along with honest communication between me and her. That is a difficult point also at times like this because we live two hours apart.

I generally have very optimistic views in life, whether it is regarding my career, relationships or anything else, that is why I do not feel like it will be wasting time regardless. I am only 20, I think I have a solid career in engineering ahead of me, so I have plenty of things to fill my time with and do not necessarily think I am doing this because of the gap, but time will tell...

Again, I don't know how to thank you guys for the suggestions, I am just very grateful. I'll keep posting updates.

Being honest with yourself, means telling her your not going to be in limbo while she thinks about it, and you two still date like you are together. Your not.

Where's the healing to get some reality?? Nope your going along, I think, because you want her back officially, and your afraid she will forget you, and move on leaving you alone.

Not trying to be harsh, but working together is not about waiting for her to want to be there, its about being there, and leaving these silly pity pat I see you, can you see me, games alone.

For one, no ex partner gets to have you when its convenient, after they dump you. Sorry guy, there just ain't that much love in the world.