HEY GUYS! I haven't been on here in a bit, but yet again I am a "situation". I guess its not a bad one to be in though!:D The gal from Cali is home, she just got back 2 days ago, but I have yet to see/talk to her since she has been back. I think I am going to wait at least until Mon before I call her so she has some time to visit with friends and family, so we shall see where that one goes... The thing is... I am currently kind of dating 2 other girls at the momet. I really like the Cali girl though, we seem to get along so well, but she has been kind of flaky as of lately and Im not really sure why. I guess it's a good thing that I have some other options to go with, but Im not really sure how to handle it. I don't want to come off too strong and call her quite yet. :rolleyes: I would really kind of like her to chase me!! She knows I like her, and she told me she has had a crush on me for a long time. Should I put the ball in her court and see where it goes, or should I make more of an effort to see her? I want to play this right because if we don't go out, it would be great to have her as a friend I can hang out with and dance with or something of the sort... :cool:

Well you know the rules as far as chasing goes (it will run) because you were one of the first to pass them onto me. So I'm sure you won't make that mistake. However you may have to take a little initiative with her. Particuary if she finds out you are dating other women she may think you are not interested and look elsewhere. I suppose you have to let her know your still keen without chasing. That's the beauty of the begginning of a relationship I gather. Getting that balance right. I look forward to one day being in this situation again.
I'm sure you'll be OK though. You know most of the do's and dont's of dating from your time on here so you have a head start over most guys anyway.
Keep us informed.

See, this is one of my favorite things about this site! People that you helped out months ago really come a LONG way, and actually end up helping YOU out later!! VERY cool to get insight and in a lot of ways teach the teacher!! I see where you are coming from, and I guess there is a pretty big difference between playing hard to get, and just not playing at all! Thanks!

Hi Jeff, Whatever course of action you pursue I'm sure these circumstances are a lot better than before. Stay honest.

Even in this modern age, some girls need to be coaxed into chasing... and flirting/teasing is a great way to initiate that. So flirt away! But please don't tell girls you date that you are dating other girls - that's very private business unless your circle is that small (which should be a clue to enlarge the circle LOL). Just don't imply exclusivity in any manner, and they'll know. And the greatest strength anyone has in dating or friendship is like what Talaniman said, honesty!

Hi,
Go for it!
Date as many as you can, at the same time. That's called Dating.
Call her.
As another said, if one of the girls you date doesn't like yopu being with anyone else, then your relationship with her will probably be over soon. She will find out, one way or another. Best wishes.

Skell - actually these are women - IF she KNOWS he dating someone else - he becomes instant challenge - HEAR ME - INSTANT CHALLNGE. You're being logic here... women work on feelings... not logic.

Jeff - it's good to wait... be cool about it... WAIT until Wednesday next week... she MAY call you first. Be cool, be funny, no tough questions... keep the call short - you're a busy guy.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat

Skell - actually these are women - IF she KNOWS he dating someone else - he becomes instant challenge - HEAR ME - INSTANT CHALLNGE. You're being logic here.......women work on feelings...not logic.

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Hmmm, whilst we are often on the same page, I think we disagree a little here Wildcat. I feel a burning desire to add for the record that some women are quite logical and some have a more sensitive idea of manners. If he implies indirectly he is dating others, that is one thing. But to make it known and for the purpose of making himself look more viable, ugh! A number of my girlfriends (of all ages, by the way) and I would call that an out-and-out tacky ploy and passssssssssss it up. :p

I recognise that in order to get a job in my area, you have to BE working already so you get what you know to be a throw-away job... and I think you are talking a similar phenomena here. But you don't tell anyone that?? And so I contend that women aren't that dumb either.

So it boils down to what kind of woman does he want? There are all kinds.

I guess I should have put that response in here instead of a rating... But I'd say the same thing. As long as she thinks of you as hers she'll see a challenge, but if she doesn't she might chalk you up to a lost cause. Depends on the woman

True. Everyone is different. BUT, if she IS already attracted to him - challenge.

Hey Jeff... we cannot make the decisions for you, but I sure hope that you just treat her as you would have her treat you. You know what pain and frustration is like and you also have learned that it's no fun - so nobody is deserving of it.

The way you delve into a relationship should be set by whether you are ready for a commitment or not. If not, then keep it aloof, funny, and give her a chance to hold on to her open options if you are not sure you want a serious relationship yet.

So your question of should you call or not, depends on what you want her to 'read' into the message. You could call her to welcome her back and ask her out to a dance, then keep it casual unless she makes the first move.

As far as the other girls, if you want just one, you'll have to make a choice soon for your own sake. If not, then as I said before, be fair.

Lots of luck, and have fun.


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I agree with what Chery says so much!

Jeff, you've known this girl for a while, you know how she feels, sort of. You also know her history. Has she been burned by guys often or by one very meaningful relationship? Is she sick of the games people play in relationships? Is she a chaser or does she play the role of the chasee? Is she in a place emotionally where she is ready to get serious and settle down? More importantly, what do you think? Are you feeling a little hesitant to move this relationship along for some reason? It sounds to me like you're enjoying the dating scene and the casualness of it. I think that's great, if that is all you want out of relationships for now. I agree that you shouldn't tell the women you're dating about the others, unless of course they ask if you're seeing other women. If you didn't imply to Ms. Cali that you were exclusive, then as a mature woman, she should assume that there are others, she may have others as well. If she wants more, than that would require, one, that you feel the same, and two, that she not be so far away, geographically or otherwise. At any rate, you'll cross that bridge when you come to it. For now, you have no dilemna, what you're doing isn't wrong. Call her today or Monday, it really doesn't matter as long as you keep it short and fun.

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Originally Posted by Chery

Hey Jeff... we cannot make the decisions for you, but I sure hope that you just treat her as you would have her treat you. You know what pain and frustration is like and you also have learned that it's no fun - so nobody is deserving of it.

The way you delve into a relationship should be set by whether you are ready for a commitment or not. If not, then keep it aloof, funny, and give her a chance to hold on to her open options if you are not sure you want a serious relationship yet.

So your question of should you call or not, depends on what you want her to 'read' into the message. You could call her to welcome her back and ask her out to a dance, then keep it casual unless she makes the first move.

As far as the other girls, if you want just one, you'll have to make a choice soon for your own sake. If not, then as I said before, be fair.

Lots of luck, and have fun.


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I really think that this is a GREAT observation, that I haven't really thought about. This pretty much makes me see what is going on with myself right now. Im still in that "in between" phase it seems, and I Don't want to ruin a good thing by rushing into anything. I think I just need to do my own thing for a while, and then really look at what I want, I think Im still a little lost in some ways. Ive really been pushing myself to try and see things in new ways, and this really helps me... A lot! I heard a good frined tonight talk about how he "never wanted to get married" and how he "bails out when he gets close"... It really made me NOT want to be that way just because of ONE bad relationship. The more and more I tell myself I am over all the BS that happened... I see Im not totally over it. I know I see things in a more "real" or "wise" way, but I still have a lot to learn. Im totally proud of how far I have come, and I know you guys are but its good to get a bit of a reality check to see... Im being a bit too confident by trying to rush into another "meaningful relationship" because Im not ready to give it all I have. Im having a great time doing what Im doing now, and I think it would be unfair to her and myself to go into this without giving it all I have. It gets a little odd (to say the least) to sit here and think about everything that's happened (the good, the bad, and the ugly) over the past YEAR of my life!! Thanks guys!! :cool:

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

It gets a little odd (to say the least) to sit here and think about everything thats happened (the good, the bad, and the ugly) over the past YEAR of my life!!! Thanks guys!!!:cool:

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Not odd at all... Socrates once said "the unexamined life is a life not worth living". Your experiences are your best teachers, and to that end, to learn well is to live well. So I say... BRAVO and bring on more thinking anytime you feel the inclination! :)

You can bet your on the right path when THESE ladies are behind you. I think its great and shows maturity that you chose to talk and seek advice BEFORE you made a dumb move. As Val said Bravo!

UPDATE: Hung out with "her" and a few friends tonight, and things went great! I kept it light, fun, playfull, and we had a lot of fun on a night that wasn't all that great. I was a bit un nerved at first, but once I calmed myself down... I was just me. WHEW... Big relief that I could just get over my own BS and be cool. My head is out of my butt now people! I got invited to her house for the 4th of July at the end of the night, so I will take it one step at a time. This was one of the first times we have really "hung out" and we get along surprisingly well. She gets my sarcasm, and a lot of times someone would say something kind of weird, dumb, or random, and we would both look at each other and just laugh. If anything, she will make a great frined to have some fun with!

I feel an inkling of pride here... Friendship is a great thing that can bond - sometimes a lot more important than one-night-stands.

Keep us posted.
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Mom2

I already answered to this one telling you how proud I am of you, and it did not show up. So here it is again.

Attaboy Jeff!

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Awsome as usual Chery.

Okokok... The past two days have been AMAZING guys!! I hung out with her on the 4th, and tonight! I went over to her place and met/hung out with her family and ALL of them are SUPER nice. Tonight I went over and watched a movie with her and then just hung out watching TV for a WHILE. I was going to go in for a kiss on the 4th, but we were both kind of drunk, so I figured I would wait it out a bit... well... tonight I did, and it was pretty awesome!! We might hang out again together tomorrow, go to the pool or something, but I figured I would let you guys know what's up! She is totally cool! We get along GREAT and laugh a TON! A few times tongith when we were kissing, we would just start laughing... Silly stuff! I guess we are kind of dating or what not right now, but Im just going to go with the flow and see where things go from here! Needless to say... Im pretty stoked right now though!

Dude - REMEMBER MY NEW WORD!!

BALANCE!!

Give her time to miss you. You DEFINITELY sound like you're coming on too strong - too fast.

Give her some space or this won't last long.

Women need time to themselves - they need time to reflect. They need time to miss you. You're there al lthe time and YOU WILL LOWER HER INTEREST LEVEL.

Women like a challenge - especially early on.

Go do something else.

Quit calling her all the time.

Remember - this what YOU think. Women won't always tel lyou wha tthey think.

EASY bud. Ive only hung out with her the past 2 days really, and I do NOT call her all the time... not even close. Im trying to take this SLOW, she actually calls ME. I have work for the next 3 days, and she starts her new job tomorrow as well. Im making sure I take this at a SLOW pace, but have faith... Im using the things you guys taught me and just having fun, NO EXPECTATIONS!! Im not being clingy, calling her all the time, none of that. I actually have called her once, on the 4th to get directions to her place. Have faith in me Cat, Im going about this in a TOTALLY different way this time!

Ok... just give it balance.

I want to see you succeed man. I want you to do well. Sometimes we guys get caught up in it a forget.

Thanks! Ive learned a TON here from all of you, and I WILL use it!

Happy to hear you had your own little fireworks going off well after the 4th!:D

HAHAHAHAHA!! Thanks M3! Soooo funny!! We have been having a great time together so far. We both want to take things nice and slow, getting to know each other and what not. Neither of us like the whole "dating" thing, so we are just "more than friends" I guess. Im no longer dating the other gals, seems kind of pointless. Wildcat I figured I would tell you something that would make you PROUD. She wanted me to come hang out with her and her friends last night, but I told her "just have fun with your friends tonight, I will see you soon". She seemed a little bummed out, but sent me messages when she got home. =). It is kind of odd that one of her best friends doenst want me to hang out with her because she thinks "Im going to get hurt" but Im not really concerned with that right now. Her friend is a DRAMA QUEEN, and everyhting was pretty much explained. Right now, Im just having fun getting to know her, but if things keep going this well... who knows. I will keep you guys posted!

Good for you Jeff!. you'll make her miss you - very important in the beginning - believe me. LESS IS MORE!! I always say that - less of you is more.

Another situation - HER FRIENDS - make peace with her friends - go out of your way to be good around her friends - you don't have to like them - BUT, you don't want them to hate you because she WILL, most of the time, pick her friends over you. Make peace with this one friend - beleiv me. That friend could bring your relationship down - I've seen it so many times - the one frined who always bad mouths you that she beginings to believe it.

HA! I thought you would be proud! Im really trying to tak ea totally different approach to this one. I like her a lot, and I know she like me a lot, but there is no need to rush. Right now, Im just "mr. fun" I keep it light, poke fun at her a bit, and keep her guessing. Im good friends with her best friend, I guess that's why she doenst want me to get hurt. This is turning out VERY well so far, seriously... guys, take note of what these people say on dating... break ups... relatuonships, and whatever you ask. Make sure you USE this information because IT WORKS!! No matter how much you THINK you know... if you are on here asking for advice... you have MUCH more to go! Im by no means an expert, but Ive learned a TON over the past few months. Wow, you guys ROCK!

That's great. Keep her guessing - I KNOW it sounds like games... but it isn't. You give her wha tshe wants craves. Women may say that wrong - but they all want mystery, self conficence I na guy, a guy who HAS other things he can do... etc.

You with her everyday early on and she doesn't have time to think about you.

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

Im no longer dating the other gals, seems kind of pointless.

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While you are doing many many things well, I am curious why there is no dating of other girls? Its not like you are in a relationship or have implied exclusivity here. Just so you know, this can be a slippery slope where people "transition" kind of sort of automatically into a relationship at their end without the other person really being involved in that decision - which not good - so look in that mirror and make sure you aren't doing that, okay Jeff?

Ah! Good point, but Im sure Im not. Things with this girl just feel different to me... I guess its too hard to really explain. I don't really want to date the other girls because I want to see where this one goes with NO distractions elsewhere. I understand the whole "keeping my options open" thing, but its too hard for me to split time between girls and getting to know them... I guess Im just not made out for it. I had dinner at her place and met her dad tonight. Things went great, but seem like they are movign a bit fast... even for me. I guess the good thing is we won't be spending much time together next week because of her and I working. I like this new SLOW approach thing! It gives us time to KNOW each other well before getting into anything. Im happy as can be right now! This is the first girl Ive ever really gone after, and so far so good. Now, Im just trying to use everything Ive learned so I don't do anything STUPID. No rush... no need to! Just having fun!

Good... keep it light and fun for a while - she'll love you for it. Love you for it. Less is more for now.

I'm confident that you know what to do, after all of our advice, and all the advice you've given others on this site... So... keep us posted when you have the time.

Love, Mom2

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OK!! PROOF THIS STUFF WORKS GUYS!! I talked to her tongith, and she told me she really like me a lot, but Im "hard to read, and it makes her want to chase me in circles". I was amazed, but played it cool and just laughed!! WOW... Trust me guys, if I can do this... you can too! Just be fun, poke at them a bit, and don't me so available. I encourage her to hang out with her friends/family, and in turn she wants ME! It feels so freaking cool to have it down to an almost science now. It took time dating girls and what not to get it right, and to make it just come naturally... but it is now!! I owe you ALL a beer!!

Well I do, and I will take mine extra chilled!

No Rush, what a concept? Glad to hear you're doing great!

M3!! Ive missed you!! :p