Have been with my girlfriend 3 and a half years, we are both 22 and I'm finding it hard to go on without her as we did everything together and I idolised her, I work fairly hard which allows us to live a nice lifestyle, we have our own house which she moved out and left half her clothes, anything she ever wanted I gave her,

Things all came to a head with her wanting to get a tattoo and we freaking over it, I told her it is over if she got it done and of course she got mad and said fine we it is over...
Its over now about 5 weeks and we have been in contact and she has told me she still has feelings for me but is not ready to get back into the relationship now,

She says she needs space as I recently found out that her aunt is very sick who she is very close to, she would not tell me as she said it was rivate and that is the way her aunt wanted it but I don't know is this just an excuse to let me down lightly?

She also told me she did not want to move on and don't want anyone else, I'm just so confused about the lot... I am just going to give her the space she said she wanted from the start, its my birthday in two weeks...

I WOULD LOVE SO ADVICE OR WHAT PEOPLE THINK?

It has been five weeks since my partner has left me and she has moved back home with her parents, however she has not taken all her stuff out of the house yet such as some of her clothes, handbags make up and even pictures belong to her garndmother that were given to her when she died as they were very close...

Is this hope she could be back and just needs time to think or am I clinging onto false hope?:(

HI Mac, I think it is over. When my ex left me, he left his stuff here at my place as well, eventually I realised he will come and pick his stuff up when it suits him. He never rang and left it so long, it drove me nuts as in time I realised he did not care and will do what he wants and when he pleases. The longer it stayed at the house, the more painful the whole thing got. Finally I cargoed his stuff back to his mum's in the UK.
I think it is v wrong when I person leaves and does not finish things properly. Leaving things around makes you think- maybe he will be back, but that is just false hope and you just get dissapointed and more heartbroken and end up driving yourself crazy.
Best thing for you to do- is pack the stuff up nicely and send it back to her parents in a nice way- at least this way you know her stuff is gone to the right place and you don't need to worry about it. It v hard, I know but I spent 2.5 months panicking about his stuff , worrying about it, thinking of many thoughts of what does this mean etc and at the end sending his stuff back= relief.
At least now I know he will not come over to see me for his stuff! If he ever did come round ( which I doubt) it will be to see me . Sending her stuff back will be good for you as it will give you your space and you can make your place nice just for you and feel you in your home. You can't heal with all your partners stuff around, I couldn't.

Ok also she has told me she still has feelings for me and just wants space, she also told me she does not want to move on and wants nobody else.. lately I found out that her aunt who she is very close to is very sick with the same sickness her grandmother died from, its having an effect on her mam who she says is all over the place... what do I do? Do I giver her the space she needs as these past five weeks I've been desperate with sending flowers, love letters, texts etc?

Thanks

Hi Mac, Give her all the space she needs. That is what she asked for. In the meantime, pack all her stuff in a box and keep it in one place and so you don't have to look at it all the time. She must be going through a v hard time and may have not thought about her things. You should in the mean time keep busy and keep more busy and take little steps and make your day better. She may come back once she has her space, or she may not want to come back- at least this way you have moved on a little and will be able to deal with the situation in a much better way.

Like we have been together 3 and a half years and we used spend everyday together and when we were not together we were texting, ringing etc...

She told my mam last week that she does love me and it would kill her to see me with anyone else, but all I want to do is help and care for her but she says she is not ready and she does not want to be in the relationship now?

In a women's context what does this mean? Thanks for your advice

If I loved someone but needed space to sort things out I would ask for time. But I could not expect that person to just wait and wait for me- it would not be fair. I think it is unfair for someone to say it would kill her to see you with someone, but she is not ready to be in a relationship. SOmetimes people need a bit of time to figger things out on how to proceed to the next part of the relationship- Your best bet is to give her space, and you move on getting yourself on your feet again.

If you are that dead set against tattoos, this may be a moot point anyway, because she probably already has it. As for letting you down easy... yes. If she wanted to get back together with you, she would be there. Especially now that she should need comforting from someone that she loves. This is a sneaky and horrible way to find out for sure, but it has a tendency to work. Stop calling her, or contacting her in any way. Start dating someone (on a friends basis only) and see if she has anything to say about it. A lot of women don't know what they want until it is no longer available. If she doesn't come back, move on. You are better off being alone than being with someone that doesn't love you. Good Luck.

Okay, you said that you did "everything" together, and that you "idolized" her. Back off Jack! (or I guess, back off Mac) I sense that you were crowding her! It's nice that you wanted to take care of her, but maybe you weren't letting her breathe?

As mentioned above, let her be for now. Don't call her, don't be clingy, don't be so available! Girls tend to like the guys that don't come running on the drop of a dime for every little thing. Stop doting on her so much, and give a little mystery to your relationship. Girls, just like guys, like a bit of a challenge! They don't want someone that is sitting at their feet all of the time.

Well she did go out most weekends with her girlfriends while I used work 7 days a week but we were always in contact with each other, like she has not cleared out all her stuff from the house, like she only took not even half of it... do you think she just needs time and she will be back or is it over?

No one can answer whether she will be back. The best thing you can do, however, is pretend like it is over, otherwise it becomes extremely hard to deal with. You need to protect yourself as much as possible right now. You cannot dangle on a string while she makes up her mind as to "whether she wants to be with you" or not. That isn't fair to you.

Why are you letting her walk all over you? She went out with her friends, while you were working all of the time. She leaves her stuff at your place, as basically a storage facility, and you just let her. You need to grow a pair. Seriously! Either she wants to be with you, or she doesn't. At this point, assume that it's over. If it's not, then time will tell. In the meantime, get on with you life and don't count on her coming back. That will only be setting yourself up for hurt. Best to try and accept that she is possibly not coming back now, and not sit and wait to see if she will.

When a female asks for space, give it to them. That simple.

If you have kept a healthy balance in your life, you will have plenty to do while she gets her act together, and after a period, she will either get her stuff, or you will send it to her. Your best plan is to enjoy yourself without her, until the emotional dust settles.

I doubt if this is about a tattoo, or a sick aunt, nor does it matter.

What matters are what you do about THIS situation.

First, I don't agree with the fact you gave her a choice to make. You made her chose between something that goes on HER body not YOURS and then she chose to end it because that's the choice you gave her. You have to live with it now. All you can do now is act as if it is over and move on.

Sorry guy, but a female who cuts you from her life, is not worth tripping over, no matter what the excuse. Lack of clear honest communications, is a deal breaker, and she was probably tired of the way you treated her so go and deal with your issues and leave her alone until you do.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ce-285663.html

You can start all the different threads you want to, but sticking to one with your additional questions is a lot less confusing to all of us.

I have already posted a few times regarding my relationship, broke up with my partner of 3.5 years 5 weeks ago and at first it was over something stupid and then as we work in a small town, people started talking and saying horrible stuff as to why we broke up as we were in my eyes a perfect couple,

She told me she was willing to come back but once people started making up stories as to try see what happened example she cheating on me which I know was total bull as she is not that kind of person it hurt her deeply and made her angry towards me as if it was me who started the rumours...

Now we do talk regulary and even met for dinner the other night but she says she just isn't ready and needs space? What do people make of it all?

The #1 thing you can do right now is NO CONTACT. You need to separate yourself from her. It might take months... it might never happen... but you have to give her time to think about leaving you... to miss you and to wonder if that's what she really wants. Basically right now you're acting the way she expects you to and it just gives her more reasons to want to not be with you. Everyone likes to have someone wanting them... its like a drug... it really is addictive. But when that attention is gone... then they have to rethink if they want to be alone.

If she's leaving you over rumors from people in your town then I question how much she really knows you. It actually sounds a little immature to react this way. If she loves you and respects you... then she'd know you wouldn't spread rumors like that.

No contact... focus on the future and if and when she comes back around... let her talk and make it clear to her that you want an equal, loving relationship. No more gossip and rumors.

Thanks for the advice, I am ging to try the no contact... its my birthday in 2 weeks and with Christmas and all if she had any feelings for me she will be back don't you think?:confused:

You don't need another post Mac, just reply to the other ones, and get feed back, and cut down on a lot of confusion regarding your story.

When a female needs space, give it to her, and let her make up her mind without any pressure, and influence from you. Doesn't matter what coming up later, does it?

The path your on will lead you to confusion, and that's never a good thing.

I know I'm just so confused myself... one minute she says she wants her space so I start to give it to her... then she texts me saying hope you are good, then we go around in circles... her mam was talking to me last night and just said giver her the time and break she needs?

I am trying to do that but at the same time is this just an excuse? I don't think her mam would say it if she did not mean it as I know her mam and she is always blunt and to the point?

Advice if anyone has been in a similar boat?

Her moms feelings, and opinion, are not important, and she is biased. Avoid the confusion by leaving her, and her family alone.

All that matters is how you cope with this situation, so do other things besides worry about her, and her feelings, as her actions are pretty clear, aren't they? Ignore her texts, and be busy, and unavailable to her.

Don't let her confuse you, and pull you back, and forth.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Her moms feelings, and opinion, are not important, and she is biased. Avoid the confusion by leaving her, and her family alone.

All that matters is how you cope with this situation, so do other things besides worry about her, and her feelings, as her actions are pretty clear, aren't they?? Ignore her texts, and be busy, and unavailable to her.

Don't let her confuse you, and pull you back, and forth.

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Well her mam and her are very close and they talk about everything so I do believe if I just giver her time and space she might be back?

You aren't giving her space by continuing to talk to her mom, or any of her family. Leave anything that has to do with her alone. Think about it... if this is over do you really think you will still have a relationship with her mom? I would hope not, as that would be a bit awkward down the line.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You aren't giving her space by continuing to talk to her mom, or any of her family. Leave anything that has to do with her alone. Think about it...if this is over do you really think you will still have a relationship with her mom?? I would hope not, as that would be a bit awkward down the line.

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Her mom rang me to ask me about something and then asked how I was, told her I was miserable which is the truth and she then said just give her time...

That is fine, now don't talk to anyone associated with her... Look, everyone one here has been where you are. Dude, I am still where you are, and it has been three months for me. I am telling you, as honestly and as truthfully as possible, to back off!! I am not saying it is your fault, buy you enable it. Do not make this harder on yourself than it has to be, cause trust me... it will be hard either way.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

That is fine, now don't talk to anyone associated with her...Look, everyone one here has been where you are. Dude, I am still where you are, and it has been three months for me. I am telling you, as honestly and as truthfully as possible, to back off!!! I am not saying it is your fault, buy you enable it. Do not make this harder on yourself than it has to be, cause trust me...it will be hard either way.

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Like we were together 3.5 years and I did everything for her, gave her the world and we broke up over something stupid and then rumours about her seeing another guy which was bull made her very hurt and angry as were we live is a town that loves to talk about other peoples problems... thing is we never had a problem...

Like her mom told me give her time and the break she needs? Do you think I will get the chance to work things out or is it a dead duck and move on?

You move on for your own sanity. If she comes back, then that is fine. You sitting around wondering and comtemplating the "ifs" doesn't do any good. Get your head cleared and your mind right. I can't answer the question of her coming back. Only time will tell that. You can't get a refund on time however... so the more you mope around the more you waste... know what I mean?

<but all I want to do is help and care for her but she says she is not ready and she does not want to be in the relationship now?

In a women's context what does this mean? Thanks for your advice>

Maybe you are acting way too needy and it's a turnoff...

No idea, hard to know since we don't know her,

If you have been spending every day together for 3 years it is likely to be the case,

Take time and disappear from her, and get a life apart from her.
Find confidence and strength.

If future is not with her someone else will appreciate it

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Originally Posted by pandora2

<but all i want to do is help and care for her but she says she is not ready and she does not want to be in the realtionship now?

In a womens context what does this mean? Thanks for your advice>

maybe you are acting way too needy and its a turnoff...

no idea, hard to know since we dont know her,

if you have been spending every day together for 3 years it is likely to be the case,

take time and disapear from her, and get a life apart from her.
Find confidence and strength.

if future is not with her someone else will appreciate it

---

Like we didn't spend everyday together but we would always be in contact, I worked like 6/7 days a weeka and gave her whatever she wanted, she went out with her friends at the weekend while I worked and all I asked for was a text or call to let me know she was OK,

We hardly ever fought, the odd tiff here and there but we were happy well I thought

Seriously... your only going to prolong your pain and confusion by staying in contact and regularly talking with her or anyone associated with her.

It's time to start looking out for yourself and moving forward with out this girl. As hard as it may seem for you to realize, it's over, despite what anyone else is telling you. Your actually making the situation worse for you AND her by staying in contact.

Also, why would she break-up with you based on rumors other people are saying?? Your not starting these rumors... why do you suffer because of it? Something doesn't add up. Sounds to me like a lame excuse to dump you.

Rumors are rumors, but my ex of 3.5 years dumped me and then slept with someone else soon after, while I thought she wasn't that type of person either. But she did... and it hurt.

You can't put her on a pedestal man!!!

You can't wait for her to come back, because chances are she never will. You must see it that way. Otherwise your going to be waiting and waiting for what may be a huge let down in the end, when you could be using this time to start healing and moving on.

There are other women. I am finding this out more everyday. Now get busy and move on from the past pain to the future rewards!

No contact. Leave her alone and start your own healing process. I would really really suggest you email her or text her and let her know you're boxing up her stuff and where or when she can pick it up. Push her hand so she can't keep a foot in your life and foot out of it. She isn't ready to cut you off.. but she also isn't going to come back. You need her either in your life or out... but having her stuff there gives her power over you. She knows that. Yes she needs time but if she's not telling you anything... you need to protect yourself. Telling her to come and get her stuff will give you a clearer idea of her intentions. If she says OK and picks it up... then the relationship is over. If she gets angry and says she doesn't want to etc.. Then you might do best to give her time... but give her a date (say a month) that she has to give you a decision.

Don't let her string you along. I know you love her but love shouldn't be like this.

She just needs some time to get her head on. Back off a little but still show her you are there if she needs a shoulder

Warning This is rather harsh

If after 3 years this relationship can be broken up by outside rumors, then you didn't have a relationship to begin with.

If after this break up, you still talk to her but can't resolve your issues, then you didn't have a relationship, or worse your not talking about the right things.

Now your chasing after this female, who can't still be upset over the actions of others, but continues to play these silly games, with your feelings, instead of working thru this silly glitch, which should have meant nothing to begin with.

Worse, you run to mummy for help, for what you can't do! Ugh! Thats as wimpy as it can get. But thats not the worse part.

You have allowed her to behave badly, and disrespect you, and all you do is boo hoo about how confused you are. If after 3.5 years you can't talk up for yourself, and tell her straight up, she is treating you badly for no reason, and tell her how wrong, and silly her behavior is, then buddy thats your problem.

You choose the wimpy, punk a$$ way to deal with this, and thats the way you will be treated. Thats why you don't talk to her at all, so you can save your dignity and self respect, and at least make her think your a man.


You can continue to let her punk you out, with her behavior, or grow some, and stand up for yourself. Your choice.

Either way, quit crying about how bad you miss her, or how much you love her. Thats disgusting, since you can't seem to love yourself as much!

Tal is 100% correct!

Harsh but true!! You got to move on! You won't make any progress sitting around dwelling on a relationship that is over and can't be fixed.

Are you doing anything to keep yourself occupied?

I agree man you have to move on

Everything TAL said is right.

Grow a back bone!

And move on!

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Originally Posted by jmw0713

Tal is 100% correct!

Harsh but true!!! You gotta move on! You won't make any progress sitting around dwelling on a relationship that is over and can't be fixed.

Are you doing anything to keep yourself occupied??

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Not much really I'm, just to fill ye all in also lately she just found out her aunt is really sick with cancer, she is very close to this aunt and calls to her most days, lately she has been spending an awful lot of time minding her kids and visiting her while she is going through treatment.. her mam is all over the place too with this... last year she lost her grandma to cancer which with whom she was also very close to and this had an awful effect on her.

She never told me and when I asked her why she said that her aunt wanted to keep it private which is understandable... I asked her to let me be there for her and she said she could not do it to me as she is always in bad form...

Please help, I love this girl more than anything what should/could I do and is there hope for our relationship?

People usually want to be surround with people they love during hard times in life. So she says she doesn't want you there?? Well, that's a big sign right there. She doesn't want you around...so you need to disappear.

Don't worry about her or her family. She now has to deal with this all on her own BY HERSELF.

She dropped you, so why should she, or you for that matter, have any obligations to be there for her? You don't!

She is not there for you, so why be there for her?

Disappear and rebuild your life! That the only way you are going to get over this.

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You have had plenty of advice, so this is the part where you get busy, instead of crying.

Does this mean two or three weeks as I am just confused?

Are you referring to your ex?