Hey, thank you all for reading my posts. I am in need of some serious advice to get me out of my rut. Sometimes I do not even want to get out of bed, but I find myself learning to cope with it a little easier. Anyway, her and I were together for 3 years. We were having problems this last summer, and at the end of the summer she decided that she could not be in the relationship anymore, and said it was over. I was hurt, but did not want to show it. As a result, when she asked to meet I told her that I agree with her decision and told her it was for the best. I do not think she wanted to hear that, so she started crying. For about 4 weeks after that I would receive a text message from her here and there. Keep in mind that I never reached out to her, she was the one reaching out to me.

Anyway, it has been two months since we had any contact. In that time, I met another girl who is very pretty and very smart, but still have the ex girlfriend in my mind all the time. As a result, I decided to reach out to the ex girlfriend last week. I had sent her a text message asking how she was doing. She responded telling me she is doing good, and very busy with work. I asked if she was free to talk... she said she wasn't, but maybe the following day. I said OK. The following day came and went, and did not hear a thing. Last night, I decided to give her a call as a last attempt to reach out to her. I left a voicemail asking how she was and wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving, and asking if she would like to get together for a cup of coffee. She never returned my call.

Aside from all this, I feel the best thing is to just leave it alone, but am very upset over it. Please help with some good advice.

The best advice I can give is to cut all ties with your ex. Go NC. Make new friends, join various groups etc... What you are going through is NORMAL. However, if you cannot even pull yourself out of bed, you may want to speak with a professional. Yea, there were plenty of days where I didn't feel like getting out of bed, but I could. If you really cannot, then I would honestly speak with someone. Speaking with my pastor helped me.

Give your new girlfriend all you attention,she deserves more than a player,looking for a rekindling of a past relationship.

What would be your motives asking to meet with the ex?Sex?getting even with her for hurting you?Somehow making the hurt better by..

Leave her alone,she is the past,let her be the past.

If you can't understand this,look at the other posts asking about NC(no contact) See how much they are suffering,lost on the idea of getting something which isn't there anymore,chaos breeds chaos.

Settle down and accept the way things are.

You sound like a sensible guy,be sensible.

Don't waste time on your ex when you got a new girl there. Move forward with this new chick and forget the past. It will be much better for you and others in the long run.

Way to go on the new lady!

I wish it was that simple in regards to the new lady. I do not feel is if I have that spark with her. Maybe I just need to take some time to myself and be by myself.

That too. I mean don't go leading on a girl if your not feeling the same way about her as she does for you. I would definitely not pursue something your not totally in for your's and this new girls sake.

If you need time to yourself, you need to be honest with this chick. You need to tell that you would only like to remain friends right now or something like that. Just don't lead her to believe that your 100% with her when your not.


I know you will make the right choice!

How long have you been seeing this new girl?

About a month now. I think I need to get over the ex before moving onto someone new. I just get a little jealous that she seems to be living life and moving on, and I am stuck here missing the ex.

Yea, it sounds like you need some time to yourself. If you like this girl, you need be honest and keep everything on a friends only basis for now... untill you get over your ex.

The depression will go away in a day or two. However, if it lasts more than a week and you start having bad thoughts, such as suicide, you need to see a doctor or a therapist right away to get help. Depression sucks. I get it periodically, especially when bad things happen in my life. I've learned to cope with it pretty well with exercise (exercising is a natural way to fight depression) and limiting my alcohol consumption. I'm at the point where I'm not reliant on medication, although I may start taking it again if my current about doesn't go away soon (it comes and goes periodically).

Well, I am not thinking about suicide or anything like that. In fact, I have a really good job in Manhattan, and finishing up my Master degree is American History. I also plan on doing a second Masters next year. What hurts the most is that one minute you are together, and the next minute, you are treated like an outcast with no respect.

For some its like that. You need to work on not dwelling on the past. The past is the past. No matter what you may think you did wrong, or what choices you did or did not make, they have NO bearing on the present. There is nothing you can do to fix it, except move forward and continue NC with the ex.

You must let go of the past relationship, take what you have learned from it, and apply it to the new relationships you form in the future.

Take time for yourself and concentrate on getting your current Master, getting second Masters, and getting ahead in your profession. This is your time to develop yourself.

Keep thinking about all the accomplishments and good things you have in life. That will help you get out of this depressed funk your in.

Remember, the girls will come in time (as you have already found out). You just need to be mentally ready for when they do!

Hey bro I feel 4 you. It can be devastating.
My saying is this-----

" everything will be O.K. in the end, because if its not o.k. yet, its not the end" things will continue. Time heals all things... but they never say how much time, that's the problem. A part of you dies when this happens. You need to surround yourself with good friends, and talk to new girls, I know you don't want a different girl, but doing this will grow a new spot in your "heart" thatr will help patch the part that "died" you'll never fully be able to fix the part that dies, but you can patch up over it,
Hey good job with the school thing too man!! Way to go!! Keep in mind all that cash your going to rake in withthat degree!! Any girl would want a sucsessful guy like you. Keep your head up bro. keep pluggin along. You'll be where you want to be in life, cause your not going to give up. Goodluck bro,I've been in your boat, and I'm pulling for you!!

Oh and also, this new girl, (I have the same thing going on right now), and from my exp. This new girl deserves your attention now, cause she returns your calls, and cares about your feelings. People who care, awnser the phone and call you back. I know you miss the old one.of course your going to hurt like hell. But the new one is the one who is there for YOU now! And there-for , has earned the right to have your full attention, if not don't string her along, cause if you dump her for your old girl, you leave her feeling like you feel now, missing the person they WERE with not who othey ARE with. Give your love to the new one and it will grow to be what your old love was, but even better cause she will love you back. Unlike miss heartless aka old girlfriend

And that was totalreasons two cents

I agree with you completely. However, sometimes I feel inadequate because the ex just got her own apartment, and I am still living home.

Hey I'm living at my girlfriend parents house until she graduates college for accounting, and we can get a place. So I'm with you there too. I'm taking it one day at a time and refuse to give up . I wish I knew you in person, we got a lot in common and I would like to chat about things. I really can relate to how you feel bro. don't let her get to you. Try to ignore her for a while . It will help ease your mind instead of it going 100000 mph like I'm sure you feel it is sometimes. Or at least I did lol hang in there bro:D

Sometimes the hardest things to do is the best thing to do. Keep on going on with your life, do what makes you happy. If she contacts you then you tell her how you feel, but until then have fun and "love to live and live to love"

Quote:

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I just get a little jealous that she seems to be living life and moving on, and I am stuck here missing the ex.

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Sitting on the pity pot, feeling sorry for yourself, is your choice.

Getting off your butt, and actually doing something good for yourself, is an option you have also.

YOUR CHOICE!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TOTALREASON

hey im living at my gf parents house untill she graduates college for accounting, and we can get a place. so im with you there too. im taking it one day at a time and refuse to give up . i wish i knew you in person, we got a lot in common and i would like to chat bout things. i really can relate to how you feel bro. dont let her get to you. try to ignore her for a while . it will help ease your mind instead of it going 100000 mph like im sure you feel it is sometimes. or at least i did lol hang in there bro:D

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Thank you. Next to losing a loved one (i.e. death) this really is the hardest thing anyone has to go through. Sometimes this is a real kick to your ego and self esteem.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Sitting on the pity pot, feeling sorry for yourself, is your choice.

Getting off your butt, and actually doing something good for yourself, is an option you have also.

YOUR CHOICE!!!!!

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I absolutely agree. However, I cannot afford to move out right now. The cost of rent is astronomical for my salary. What other options do I have?

Roommates?

When is your lease up?

Perhaps you could sub-lease it to someone until your lease is up?

Rent a room and not an apartment

At this point, I do not have the money to actually be on my own. I would like to, but until I can teach this coming September, I do not want to chance anything considering my job is not safe right now.

On Monday night, the ex called me in response to the text messages earlier that week. Anyway, when she called I told her that I was unable to speak. I asked if I could call her back later on that night, she said she couldn't because she was on her way to dinner. So she suggested speaking the following night. I said OK, but she never called back last night. Is this a stupid little game?

It is only a game with one person... you! You are the one being played. Quit calling or contacting her. She is playing you like a piano! Not to be harsh, cause I was in your situation. Don't let yourself become the butt of others' jokes. Time to stand up and be a man.

How do I stop thinking about her? How do I let these feelings pass?

You really need to focus on your own problems, before you get distracted, or side tracked by her issues.

You have enough issues with out adding her drama to it. Her actions speak louder than any words you'll hear from her.

You stop thinking about her by getting busy with your own life. Join a gym! Go out with friends to bars and clubs. Get out and meet some women! Take on more responsibility at work. Take some college classes, preferably one with a lot of women enrolled. (As long as its not Feminine Studies.) That's how!

Don't sit at home and mope and dwell of something that can't be fixed. Get out and get busy with your new freedom!!!

Oh, one more thing, DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE IF SHE CALLS!!! That your biggest problem right there!

I am already finishing grad school. I already belong to a gym. I am afraid of running into her if I go out to a club or bar.

Then you go to a club or bar that you two have never been to before. You live in/near Manhattan right? There are plenty of places to go. I seriously doubt you will run in to her. If you do.. smile and wave and keep walking.

You need to get out and start doing stuff. Sitting around ALONE will make you think about her MORE!

You are right. I did not think I would feel this way again. I was making good progress up until a month ago. I think I started comparing the new girl I have been seeing to the old one.

Yeah man, don't do that. She is totally different from the last one. Take her out! Show her a good time. You will have a good time too. Let things work from there. You have a lot to offer!

However, if your not feeling her, you need to tell her. Don't string her along, if your not ready for a new relationship.

I think that if you take her for who she is, a different woman than the last, and stop comparing her to your ex, you will be surprised.:)

UPDATE!!

Ok... to be fair, I have decided to break things off with the new girl I was seeing. I know I cannot devote 100% of myself to her, and it is not fair to keep things the way they were going. Aside from that, I have not reached back out the ex girlfriend. I decided that all things happen for a reason, as a result, my relationship ended for a reason. If two people truly love each other and really want to be together, they would not be in our situation. Therefore, it is time to give 100% to myself and focus on the things are most important for me.

As time goes on, will I continue to miss my ex less?

Yes, as long as you are proactive in rebuilding a life that is perfect for YOU, you will miss your ex less and less. Good for you

What would your suggestion be to me if my ex should call me? What do I do?

Don't pick up

It's that simple I guess

Even better idea... change your phone number

Be proactive in your healing process and it won't matter if your ex ever calls you.

Why?

You will have a new life that you have built, without her. You will not need her anymore to feel happy. You will be happy with yourself and what your doing.

NC helps with this healing process.

Just wait, you'll see!:)

Will this also help if I think of her sleeping with another guy? I know this is a weird question, but this is how my mind works.