Ask Me Help Desk - Hurt & confused

Hurt & confused

I really like the boy across the street. We have been hanging out all summer. No other girls have been around. We kissed one night it went one step farther and he asked me if there were going to be any akward feeling I said were only kissing. Everything stopped and he claimed he was not looking for a relationship and the neighbor thing bothered him. but he told me I totally turned him on and he could have so banged me.Several months passed no more kissing happened but he did a lot of flirting.(Can we get in the hottub naked, I was at his house and I had said to him you can see through my curtains,and he said and I like watching you get undressed) Anyway our 2nd kissing encounter with a sexy belly dance performed by me happened the other night. He still left my house and told me the neighbor thing really bothered him and he was not looking to get involved. I am so bothered and upset. I just am having a hard time with the fact that he left. He so could have taken advantage of me. I was a little tipsy but my feelings for him are real and I just let them out that night. I know he finds me attractive but I have never had or heard of a man walking out on sex. Is this fear of me living across the street being a real concern of his or is this just a gentle way of saying your not for me.Should I still hang out and be his friend ,try again when Im a little more sober, wait to see if he comes around or move on. I have a hard time turning off my feelings so moving on is going to be hard for me.

Why would you post the same question? Hurt & Confused = Confused & Hurt...

You should be glad he didn't take advantage of you. How old are you? How old is he?

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Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

you should be glad he didn't take advantage of you. how old are you? how old is he?

Im 45 he is 37. I just thought he liked me and it just sucks to find someone you like and have to figure out how to turn the feelings off. Im not too sure how this site works but no one really answered my question Is this the right place I respond to your question and is therea difference between the experts I had a comment as to why I would post the same question and I went to the expert place and I think getting at least two views helps. I like your rocking chair quote it hits home:)

Oh, I was under the impression that you were younger because you said that you liked this boy and then mentioned other girls.

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Originally Posted by mkkeiter

Im 45 he is 37. I just thought he liked me and it just sucks to find someone you like and have to figure out how to turn the feelings off. Im not too sure how this site works but no one really answered my question Is this the right place I respond to your question and is therea difference between the experts I had a comment as to why I would post the same question and I went to the expert place and I think getting at least two views helps. I like your rocking chair quote it hits home:)

I'm glad you like my quote. Lol. It's something I say a lot. Well the experts on this site were name experts, I hope I'm explaining this right, by their reputation on the site (the agrees and disagrees). I forget how many you have to have. You can find this information on the site under forum help I believe. When you post a question, though, everyone on the site should be able to see it. So you really only need to post once. I didn't see your other question though, just this one.

What do you think of my situation. Id like to hear your advice and get some feedback.

It's an interesting situation. He did say he wasn't looking for a relationship though, and I think if someone told me that and I had feelings for them, that I would probably distance myself. At 45 you would think that maybe he would want to settle down. Is it possible that he is seeing anyone else?

Im 45 he is the 37 year old. Hurt from a divorce. Its hard to distance myself. I guess If he liked me he would be putting moves on me. But he really could have an issue with me being his neighbor.

Sorry, I need to learn how to read better. I see. I guess I don't see what the issue of being a neighbor has to do with any of it though. The only downside is that if you guys were together and it didn't work out you'd still most likely see each other a lot.

How long ago has it been that you've talked to him? Or seen him?

I just saw him Monday. Hes the one with the neighbor issue. I don't get it either. He seems attracted but yet he won't cross the line. I don't think I should keep pressing the issue do you?

No, I think I would let it be. It kind of sounds like he doesn't know what he wants

He knows what he doesn't want, drama and craziness, that close to his home, where you can keep tabs, and pester the hell out of him.

Back off, and frankly, your both acting like immature kids, at least you are.

One more thing there was no drama I was just confused about his actions and looking for advice not criticism from you. I never would pester him who are you to judge me??

Just being honest, as your post sounded like it was from two kids playing games, learning about their bodies.

Your lucky I didn't call you "boy crazy" as I had intended to do.

Your really going to be mad then when you read your other post! Sorry, that's how I see it!

Are you still confused??

I would move on and forget about him because he already told you an excuse of why he can't pursue a relationship, which sounds like a lame one, and you keep making moves on him but he doesn't act on it. He needs to figure out what he wants so I suggest give him some space a little to figure things out.

Just because I used the word boy and girls does not make it sound like kids. Have you seen the movie with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant where she says Im just a girl standing in front of a boy... they were not kids. I was really looking for an answer as to how someone felt about me I am not boy crazy and we were not learning about our bodies. Those were flirting remarks and I guess I didn't know if he was serious or not. I was just looking for advice on this situation.Your the relationship expert not me.

I've already told you to back off him, as he doesn't seem to want what you do. I've said that in both of your posts.

Just listen to tal, he knows what's going on but, I agree with the childish thing I thought you were going to be like 18 - 21 range to be honest and I found out the real age I was shocked, let him go he doesn't want drama wher he lives.

Back off man..

And try and find something to take your mind off this.. it will be hard!
But just try.

Losing someone you love or want.
Is like a death.

Take the time to feel sad
But get back up and out there.

OK Tal I have a question for you. So your telling me that if a man is attracted to a women that he can totally be strong willed and not take it anywhere because their neighbors? Is this the way you would be if you were attracted to your neighbor. Do you think this is the real reason nothing is taking place. Please answer that. Some of you writing in have a sensitivity chip where others of you think its so easy to turn off feelings. Im not like a water faucet. And some keep telling me to back off Im not doing anything those episodes were 4 months apart.

You have got to be one of the most angry people I have ever met (over the internet). Why do you take advice so personally?

Why in the world do you think I'm angry? I do not sound angry in that response at all I just asked Tal a question??

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So your telling me that if a man is attracted to a women that he can totally be strong willed and not take it anywhere because their neighbors?

Yes thats what I am saying, and its more than will power, its common sense to think of the consequences of messing with a neighbor, and making things complicated later down the road.

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Is this the way you would be if you were attracted to your neighbor.

Yes thats the way I would react as getting sex and having drama later isn't worth it, thats how real men think, that care about themselves.

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Do you think this is the real reason nothing is taking place. Please answer that.

Absolutely.

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Some of you writing in have a sensitivity chip where others of you think its so easy to turn off feelings. Im not like a water faucet.

We all know that, don't be so sensitive.

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And some keep telling me to back off Im not doing anything those episodes were 4 months apart.

How do you expect us know that unless you tell us???

I don't know what kind of guys your use to, but this one obviously is not some dog, who falls under your spell. Not all guys are.

Thank you. I know he's not a dog that's why I like him so much. Thanks Tal for finally giving me the answer I needed to hear. Its too bad I had to meet such a special guy who happens to be my neighbor:( Ill just concentrate on our frienship. Thanks to all who responded

Well first of all, in my opinion, you shouldn't let a man take advantage of you, one day, that man could go a little too far, and you could end up regretting it. And if he loved you back, he wouldn't let you two being neighbors take the best of him. Hopefully if he likes you enough he'll decide to take you back, but if he doesn't, then you may just have to move on. It could be hard on you, but as my parents would say, " there are many fish in the sea..."