Hi, I'm so stuck, and please don't judge me for this because it's never happened before.
Basically I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and I love him so very much, he's a pain in the bum, lazy, etc but he has changed recently. Anyway, for about a month now I've had feeling for somebody else, and they seem to just keep growing, he's told me he likes me and I've kind of admitted to him I like him. It's so hard on what to do, because I love my boyfriend to pieces but I can't stop thinking about this other guy.
Any suggestion? Help? Thank you, x

My advice leave your boyfriend. If you have feelings for someone else.

Im all for sorting out problems. But it sounds to me like if you don't leave him.. then you will cheat on him

Respect your boyfriend enough to leave him before you act on those feelings.

It is normal. That is what dating is all about.

You might love your boyfriend
You might lust after this other guy.

Who knows
Bottem line is. You are bored with your boyfriend and want to move on.

You have already told the other guy you like him.
So make a move before something happens. End it.
And then you can start something else up with another guy

You need to be honest with your current boyfriend and communicate your feelings to him.

Why are you getting emotionally involved with this other guy if you LOVE your current boyfriend to "pieces"?

Like TrueFaith said... DON'T CHEAT!! If you really want to break it off with him, you need to blunt and honest. Don't string him along with hope for a future for the two of you with crappy break-up lines like "I need space". That will result in more pain for him and maybe for you.

Blunt and Honest... thats the only way a break-up can be. Somebody is always going to be hurt, but the pain will pass much faster if the hope for reconciliation is gone!

Thanks for that, it sounds so simple :( But I've tried it before and found myself being too hurt because I missed my boyfriend!

Argh I hate this kind of thing, Thank you though x

Also if you do break it off... don't call him a month later asking how he is doing. It will make him feel like crap.

Well, here is one of my favorite quotes. "Never leave the one you love for the one you like because eventually the one you like will leave you for the one they love"

That's very true that quote but I'm always arguing with the one I love. We argue at least once a day and we don't live together or anything it's terrible really! But he doesn't seem phazed he's always adamant that he wants to be with me :( gosh!

He is arguing with you because he feels the change associated with you liking this other guy. Your not as emotionally close with him as you used to be are you? It's because your trying to hide your feelings and this other guy from him. Does he know about this guy?

Well the arguing has been more consistent lately but I'm the one to start the arguments. Because of silly things like he lies a lot over stupid thing, etc etc. and it winds me up. But yeah lately he's probably seen the change and has become more clingy. X

I know exactly what you mean, I'm kind of in the same situation I just haven't told him yet but in my case I'm not so sure I should considering he's my best friends ex. I suggest that well if you love your boyfriend tell him the truth, honestly is the best policy. But also try to do what feels right, but be careful peoples hearts when they're newly liking someone they race ahead, get delusional and get caught up in something that is just a picture you thought they were when they're nothing you wanted. Think about the causes for the actions. But if you're the type with a wide fled concience then try not to think about it too much or it makes you sick. I know what that's like... Lol. Good luck. :)

Right I know I already posted a problem. But I want to describe it in more detail as I don't think I made clear the actual situation at all.
I'm currently with my boyfriend of over a year. It's been really really rocky, I always found him to be so lazy, immature and not wanting to do anything. He found out that this guy liked me and we went on a break, I sort of ended it but I wasn't strong enough to go through with it. Since that, he's been quite clingy and never choosing other things over me and being very considerate. The last couple of days it's gone down again but not noticeably. We argue at least once a day and we don't even live together or anything like that, it's a nightmare but I find I can't control my anger around him.

Anyway, a couple of months ago I started talking to a guy I was working with (The same guy that my boyfriend found out liked me) We got on really well, shared similar interests and humour, etc etc. He was single and started telling me he liked me, and I found myself feeling the same way. We would talk a lot and started admitting our feelings to each other which really filled a gap in my life. I think he got fed up of waiting for me though and now he is with someone else, but I find that we still flirt? Though I'm not sure whether it's just one sided. He doesn't seem to have really strong feelings for the person he's with as he was adamant that he really liked me the day before he got with her. When me and my boyfriend broke up/ish for a week, it was really confusing and me and this guy talked loads again about how confused we are. But he had a girlfriend so there was nothing I could do, He kept telling me how he thinks he's rushed things and he can't help but feel bad for me. Now I'm back with my boyfriend, my feelings are only getting stronger for this guy and I really want to let him know that I'm still fallen.

I want to end with my boyfriend for good but I can't because I'm no way near strong enough, and I especially don't want to get with someone I like as they'll think there my rebound. I don't know how to end things with my boyfriend, I don't know whether I should and I don't know how I'll cope.

Please help, I'm so hurt and stuck on this. Also please don't judge as it is so hard for me.
Thank you x

I would either try to work things out with your current boyfriend or leave. You need to realize that sometimes love isn't enough. Maybe you guys should take a break for awhile. He has obvious issues he needs to work on, and you are obviously not happy in this situation. You can't stay with your current man just because you love him. If you aren't happy, then you need to get out, simple as that. Maybe it will be a wake up call to him to change his ways. Your happiness needs to take priority right now. As long as you don't cheat on your boyfriend, then there is nothing wrong with breaking up with him if you don't think things will work. Don't let your emotions control your actions. Think things through and go from there.

I love my boyfriend to pieces, but he is very lazy, we never do anything, he always has an excuse and we argue at least once a day. I love him very much but it isn't all about love and I've failed to see a significant change. I want to end it, but I know I'll be devastated as I've tried this before but was too weak to go through with it. How can I do it without being harsh and also, how can I cope with it? I was so hurt and I should be the strong one since I'm ending it?

I hope I get a lot of replys cause I really need help :) thanks so much x

Hi!
I'm sorry your relationship isn't working out! I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 yr and 4mnds at the beginning of October and I know what you're going though. It is hard to get dumped, but it isn't any easier to be the one who does it.

I know this might sound harsh, but I really think it will be hard to do this without hurting his feelings. First of all I think you should make a list for yourself (in your head if you don't want him to find it) as to why you want the relationship to be over. What are you're main reasons and what are the minor reasons. Can you save the relationship or are you ready to move on?

The best way is often to just tell him in a calm and steady way (if possible) that this isn't working out. It might be helpful to come with examples; e.g. we fight everyday.

Good luck!

/Roxy

Thank you :)

I'm also struggling a lot because I cry and cry because I miss him, but I know in the long term it will be better but it's so hard at the moment. Thanks x

Just know relationships take work and while you in it someone else might come along that you like but the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

You should leave your boyfriend and clear your head to figure out what you want. In your other thread you stated you wanted to leave him so do it and in the future stay focus to one guy.

Also, you don't have to keep starting new threads because all your threads need to be merged since they are all related. When they are together you will get better responses.

Let me first say that it's not very often on here that someone is as mature as you and knows what they want, instead of wasting more of your time in a dead-end relatioship, this is mighty brave of you.. I am proud to see this post..

Anyway, like the other poster said there really is no "nice" way to dump someone.

Just sit him down and say it's not working out anymore, you can't be together anymore.. and if he starts crying don't let it break you.. detach your feelings from the situation (you can let yourself feel the pain afterwards so you can stay strong) You don't owe him anything.. DON'T LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY and if he asks why, give him a simple statement "We aren't right for each other anymore" and if he persists for more then say "please respect my decision and please know I want to leave it at that. " Then grab your things and leave.

Also writing a list of reasons you don't want to be with him is an excellent idea. Every time you start crying and feeling lonely go to that list and remind yourself as to why you can't be with him..

Be strong girl, and remember every minute you spend on this guy is another lost mintue of you finding the right guy..

My girlfriend's brother always tells this to his friends when they say "The grass is greener on the other side", he says "The grass is greener where you water it"... so you may think things could be better with this other guy, but you don't know that for sure, and if you stayed with your current boyfriend and worked on things, it could be a lot better with him, but that is for you to decide. Good luck

Pick one, and leave the other alone. If you can't choose, leave them both alone, until you can.

Wow, I just answered your other question about which guy to choose. You are so all over the place.

Its not about being strong, its about being honest, and telling the truth. And being fair.

Stick with that and just tell the guy the truth ASAP, and let him deal with it.

The longer you wait, the worse it gets. Then do yourself a favor, and stay out of relationships for a while, so you can get your own act together.

talaniman: very good answer..

So do you like this other guy as much as you like your boyf? Or is it the whole the grass is greener thing?

If it is.. you really might regret your decition if you go for option no. 2 (okay that sounded horrible!)

I don't know what to tell you, but I can say that your boyfriend is going to be very hurt by this.

Do everyone a favor, if you fall for guys easily quit talking to new ones and allowing your heart to open up to new guys when you are already in a relationship.

HighMax is right. I went through this with my ex girlfriend. Let me tell you it hurts and causes unneeded turmoil in the relationship.

If your looking around for another guy when your are in a relationship with someone... just dump them. Get it over with because the guy your with is obviously lacking something that you are looking for in others.

It always sucks to get dumped for someone else. It is a solid blow to the ego. JMW is right. You need to break up with your current boyfriend so he can start to heal and move on with his life. Right now it just seems like you are wasting his time... you obviously know this relationship isn't what you want, otherwise you wouldn't be tempted to look at other people's yards.

Date others have fun, but your not ready for a relationship, as your to easily distracted by others, and seem to needy, to be with someone.

Get your act together.

Hey, I'm still young but I still take these things seriously.
Basically, my boyfriend of over a year and I are good together, hese always telling me how much he loves me and he always wants to kiss and cuddle. Though sometimes he is very lazy and selfish. But also, the other day I found messages from him to a girl he doesn't even know (he'll never meet her she lives the other side of the world) but they talk ALL the time, like for years. And the messages were like I've been thinking about you! I miss you. And loads of other things and then lots of love, xxxxxxxxxx.

I don't like this at all. OK it isn't a risk because he can never meet her, but if hese saying this to a girl hese never met, what could he be saying to girls he does know and can meet up with? I don't like it atall. Am I overeacting do you think?thanks.

You need to talk to him and confront him with the details you know.

I always find good old fashioned talking always does the trick.

If its as you say and he has been talking to this girl(S) for YEARS, then you should talk to him.

What is it that deep he gives up his good pen pals? Talk about it.

This sounds like nothing more than pen pals, I wouldn't worry too much. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say he showed you those messages willingly, so obviously he's not hiding it from you. Explain to him your feelings and see how communication works before you jump too far.

Right I was with my boyfriend for over a year but at one point he was giving me no attention whatsoever and I started liking another guy. It sort of calmed down abit but I still had these feelings for the other guy. Me and me boyfriend broke up about two months ago for only a few days and I kissed that guy in thoise days but felt so bad I wanted my boyfriend back. Me and this guy have got even closer now though and I dotn know whay to do, me and my boyfriend broke up again yesterday, when I say broke up I mean I ended things, but I'm sooo weak and I just feel like I want him back, but I also have major feelings for this guy, I hate this and I never wanted to hut anyone . PLEASE HELP quick :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hellothere1

i hate this and i never wanted to hut anyone . PLEASE HELP quick :(

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You don't have to worry about hurting anyone, if you don't feel all that good in the relationship its best to end it, it hurts , but that will go away, you need to do what is best for you, don't wait around and hope that he will become more into you

Don't rebound. It doesn't really help with someone you have feelings for. I don't necessarily agree with the rebound guy/girl but if it has to be done (and I know sometimes it does) then you need to go with someone who you don't have, and don't want feelings for.. and someone who knows that!

The others will inevitably let you down because

a) it is so easy to transfer feelings and that's not fair

And

b) you haven't healed from a relationship so you'll be looking for the anti-ex

I know it's scary but try to heal alone for a while. You'll be all the better for it.

Jez loiuse you make life easy for yourself! Walk away from both these boys because you need some perspective. It comfortable over exciting, new over old blah blah blah - the green ain't always greener but something's wrong in your relationship to start with otherwise you wouldn't be looking. Bet you have a gut feeling you haven't told anyone about cause then it'd be real and you'd have to deal with it?

Basically last week I ended with my boyfriend of a year and nearly a half.. I love him still and I miss him like crazy, I just felt like I wasn't happy and I wasn't enjoying my time with him. He was so lovely the last few months of our relationship! But a few months before he would always play on games never really communicate with me and it made me drift a bit, I ended up liking someone else. So that sort of stuck with me but since then he's been lovely and amazing. The thing is I started talking to someone I knew from work and we got pretty close, we didn't meet up or anything just spoke at work and online. I found out he really really liked me and had strong feelings and I started liking him but I think I'm confused. Anyway when me and my bioyfriend broke up the other day I went to this guys and we ended up kissing, cuddles and just relaxing loads together. The next day I felt guilty straight away which is natural but I decided to forget about it and enjoy it. But as the days have gone on my feelings of missing my boyfriend have only got worse and I want him sooooo much :'( but I know that is such a y thing to do because of the guy that really likes me! I know it will devastate him and I have to go to work with him etc. please help me. I really love my boyfriend but I'm so scared! My friends will only tell me to try and forget about my boyfriend and that its for the best!



p.s. sorry its really long! x

The feelings you are having are normal, and it is also reasonable to second guess something you do, especially when your heart was into it.

Take time, to gather yourself, and heal from this. Don't worry about getting another guy, as this guy that likes you will ONLY be a rebound, and nothing more. Instead, just be alone, for awhile, as scary as that may be. Learn what truly makes you happy, alone, and then you will be ready for anything.

I also fear that you may have broken up with your boyfriend because you think the "grass was greener" with this new guy... which usually ends up bad. Stay away from both of them. I am not sure you really know what you want, and until you do, no man will satisfy your hunger.

Sucks as a process, but well worth it in the end.

I agree with KC, you need to face your decision and not get carried away. Think about things.

I have a saying, a person isn't who they are from the last conversation you had with them, they are who they are all along.

You need time for you! Alone,without any relationships.
People get hooked on the idea of being with someone and you can not be happy with someone else until you know how to be happy by yourself.

You also said you were happy then not happy,that is the way of relationships.Everyone has down times,but you stick it out and work it out if you love and respect one another.Its not going to be all hearts and flowers.

Spend some time alone,soul searching and decide what it is you are really looking for.