I am entering uncharted territory in regards to my girlfriend of 4 years and really need some advice. First I will explain the details of our relationship because I think that this is a unique situation.

Megan and I got together when I was 17 years old she was 16. I am now 21. She was my very first girlfriend that I had in which we were in a serious relationship but she was only 2 months removed from her first love breaking up with her. My best friend, back then, introduced me to her when we were in High School and we connected with each other right off the bat. It wasn't long after our first date and we were spending 100% of our free time with each other. The euphoria was out of control and all I wanted was to be around her 24/7. A couple months later she said she needed a break because she still had feelings for her ex. I backed off for awhile and told her I would be there for her. We got back together a week later and had been together for the next 3 and a half years. Out of High School we even got the same job together and it actually worked for awhile until she got a new job.

As for the bad part of the relationship. We became so consumed with each other that we lost the majority of our old friends and were spending "too" much time together. While this made both of us successful in college because we didn't party very often if at all, we lacked the energy of a great couple, but we had extremely strong feelings toward each other. When we would get alcohol we would drink with each other and only each other. We didn't fight that much, but every time I tried to hang out with friends without her she would get mad at me for a couple days. This is part of the reason I lost a lot of my friends. I was also on a career track to become an Airline Pilot, but she did some research on it and found out that they can be gone for a few days at a time and forced me to change career paths. I love flying and this was very hard for me to do. The point is that I sacrificed SOOO MUCH for her and she doesn't even care anymore. We lived together at my parents house at age 19. She also didn't respect my family and often gave them snotty remarks in front of their faces.

Two months ago we finally moved into an apartment with each other. This was an exciting time because she was living with me. The first month went spectacular and she even told me that she wanted to get married, so I went and bought a beautiful ring and started planning ways to ask her to marry me. Last week she just didn't come home one night. This was the first time that we hadn't slept together in almost 2 years! I was so worried all night I couldn't sleep because she wasn't answering her phone. Then I get a phone call at like 1AM and she says that she doesn't know who she is without me and wants to break up to "find herself." I don't know but that seemed like a very classic break up line that didn't feel like it was what she was really feeling. What should I do? I bought a $2,000 ring and I love her more than anything even with the problems we endure. I just want to be with her and hold her. This is such a sudden shock to me I don't know what I did wrong. I even got a 2nd job for her to be able to pay rent and provide entertainment money for the both of us. I have never felt heartache like this in my life and it is horrible. Thank you for reading my story and I sincerely appreciate any and all advice!

Hi there! I am so sorry you are feeling such pain. You gave a great view of your situation that took me very quickly from one view to the next. I know you miss this girl and love her very much. I am not saying she was bad for you or you for her but I am saying, anyone who lives in another's home (your parent's) and disrespects them, I would see a huge red flag regarding the character of this girl.

Have you heard it said, "To thine own self be true"? I am not even sure what all that encompasses but to give up your life's dream of becoming a pilot, was a sacrifice you made of love and devotion for this girl. She then says she wants to get married so you buy an expensive ring and begin making great plans. She then breaks up and on the phone no less!! That does not show much commitment or sensitivity to me on her part.

You say you don't know what you did wrong. You both had marriage before you were ready, in that you lived together as if you were married. There was no real commitment to marriage but just to live together until she mentioned it. Then so quickly, she is ready to dump you and move on. I hope you do not let this break your heart for too long. There are so many gals out there who would love to be loved like you loved your girl. She threw it back in her face. If possible, I would clear out her things, see if you can return the ring, don't answer her calls and move on. I apologize if you feel that sounds harsh but when someone flips on someone like that, disrespects those providing a roof over their head and breaks up on the phone after not coming home, I would say it was a case of you having much love to give and she took. Don't short change yourself. She will probably be gone for a bit, come back and do it all over again. Too much pain at this time in your life. Make good choices for yourself, catch hold of your dream of becoming a pilot and go after your dream. Best to you!

P.S. I do not take lightly your pain you feel in your heart. We have all had pain so bad we thought we could not stand it but given time and making good choices, will give you back your life. You will once again feel whole. There is someone out there so special for you. Don't settle for less. This life is too short for that.

You seem to be a well put together person and articulated your situation very well. I feel for you and know how it feels to have such heartache. I don't think it is fair to you to give up so much and, from the sounds of it, have her give so little. You basically molded yourself around her and what she wanted/thought she needed. When someone says they "need to find themselves" that is, as you stated, a classic, "I am not sure I want to be with you anymore," line. I know it is hard, and I know it down right sucks. Like the first poster said, time to get your life back in order. First and foremost, take the ring back. You don't need to be getting married this young anyway. Second, focus your attention back onto what your original passion was, flying.

We are all here for you and have been through it (still going through it!) so know that you aren't alone. I wish you luck. It always helps to come on this website and get others' opinions. It is a great outlet for emotion. Good luck buddy!

Take the ring back, and get your money back, and let her find herself.

I know exactly what you're going through. It's going to be hard to look on the bright side of things for a while, but when you do, you'll see that you can still be a pilot, get your friends back in your life, and find a girl who will support you in what you want to do and respect your family. Hang in there.

Thanks for the quick replies. The reason I am so confused right now is that she says she still loves me and wants to get back together just not right now. I told her that I need closure and need a yes or no answer. She just tells me that she loves me but wants to be single. I then proceeded to ask her if she wants us to see other people and she gave me a stern no. I am so confused now. Why would she do this? This is making it extremely difficult to let go.

I think you should have broken up with her , when she made you switch your career, now u are working 2 jobs to just survive. You should start finding who you are now as well.

I know you love her, but you don't love yourself enough man. How many times are you going to put her needs before yours? Just leave her be. The ball is in her court. Start rebuilding your life without her.

It happens, you got together at a young age, developed an intense relationship but from the sound of it not exactly one built on fun... she grew away from you. It happens, it's no one's fault, she knows what's best for her and obviously doing what she said as far as the career change was not you doing what's best for you. In my experience, the people I've met who have the happiest, healthiest relationships are those that both people do exactly what's best for them, yet they both still live their lives "as one"... when you carry someone in your heart you don't have to be with them 24/7.

It's hard, but take time, pamper yourself, take care of yourself and focus on your life and getting things straight and when it's the right time you'll meet someone who's more suitable.

Seriously - take time, don't think about her, save money, live decently, eat well, take care of yourself, excersize, think about if you want to go back to your career of choice, you need to prove to yourself that you're capable of doing these things for yourself, by yourself.

I understand this is hard. I will offer this insight. It seems to me that your ex-girlfriend likely had, and still has, some codependency issues. As the relationship progressed, you increasingly bowed to them and thus cut yourself off. However, as she got older, she (as MANY girls her age do) began to question the life path she envisioned as a teenager and desired to experience new things (and perhaps new people) before settling on a final decision. This type of wanderlust is very common among women around age 20. It's a period of major life change and re-appraisal. Her desire for the two of you to not see other people is selfish - I can guarantee you that she will eventually. You're best off moving on as well. If she desires to come back, she'll do it (very unlikely though) on her own time and volition.

Welcome to my life...

Want to know something funny? My girl's name is Megan too... HAHA!

Anyway, I've been dating her for almost 2 years, and I proposed to her in Sept this year... since then, she keeps breaking up with me because she doesn't feel good about herself and doesn't think she is what I want... so this happens every week, and I go through the heartache of the break up all the time.

She says the same stuff, that she doesn't know who she is without me and she needs to find herself again so she can be happy. It is a very common line...

Basically, what I keep doing is when she wants to break up, I just let her go and try not to take it to heart. She comes back to be in between 2 hours to 3 days time, and she has always come back thus far, but if she does leave and never comes back, then I tell myself it wasn't meant to be.

It is very hard sometimes, because I love this girl a lot and have done so much for her. I actually spent a lot of money on the ring, and when she breaks up with me, she tells me she is going to sell it, and I just laugh and let her go, because when we get back, she tells me she could never sell it.

Anyway, this might sound like the wrong advice, but take it from a dude who has been there and is going through the same thing as you, and is dating a girl with the same name as you girl, when she tells you she wants to break up, just let her go, give her some space, if she comes back and wants to work things out, then that's good, if not, move on. When she does leave, and if its for a while, try not to think about it. Occupy yourself with things that are for you, make some time for yourself, and if her break up is permanent, then so be it, move on and find yourself someone worthy of your love. Good luck. Peace

Wow this is pretty well the same situation I was/am in. The best thing I could suggest (as so many have suggested to me) is move on as best you can, take up hobbies and worry about bettering yourself.

I know exactly what you mean about closure. EXACTLY. I went through the same thing no more then a couple of days ago. Being in limbo is the worst feeling you can have. Waiting for her call, thinking that she's waiting for yours. Give it time! Don't ask for that closure, and a definintive yes or no answer, because she probably doesn't even know what she wants yet. She's still in the "I'm doing the right thing mode" and I hope in your situation that she will realize what she's missing. But you can't WAIT for that decision. You MUST move on. She will call you in due time, she's not going to forget about you. If anything, the time apart, and the time with NC, she will be thinking more about you.

BOTTOM LINE

If she's "taking the time" to find herself, you should take the time to find yourself.

She texted me last night and said she cheated on me. "By the way I cheated on you and it was bomb." What a ed up person. At least I know we won't ever be together again and I can finally heal. Thanks for the suggestions. You guys helped a lot.

She is a piece of trash if she says something like that. Kick this biatch to the curb and let her stand on the corner like the person she really is. You don't need someone like her rubbing crap in your face. She will wake up one day.. realize what a stupid piece of garbage she is... and feel like Sh**.

Don't bother with her. Definitely leave her and her mental issues behind and find a respectable, loving female.

She's dumb!

PS... sorry for the rant, but women like this get to me!!

Yeah man, you are better off without her. What a low class move on her part. Karma is a biyatch...

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Originally Posted by smsuttell

She texted me last night and said she cheated on me. "By the way I cheated on you and it was bomb."

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It's official. You're better off without her. Go get your pilot's license!

Let me just say, lastly, that I hope you don't let her get to you by sending you that text (because she is trying to get to you). Her cheating on you has nothing to do with you, it just means she has extremely poor character, which will probably haunt her for the rest of her life. On the other hand, the sky is the limit for your dreams and your potential (literally). You are a stellar guy and you will be happy... just thank God you two didn't end up getting married and then you found out about this.

Pyscho immature biznatch my friend. Don't even let her crap phase you, got get your pilot license and live your life the way it was meant too

The really sad thing about that is you barely even know what the heck happened,but the thing is you prpoably didn't do anything wrong. Girls I find are easily mislead and often have a lot of drama and switch from guy to guy, and that's not something you would have necessarily caused. Now I don't mean to jump to conclusions but maybe she found someone else, and it's normal for someone that stays in a long term relationship after a while to fantisize about other people. I suggest try asking her, but that's fully up to you. Good luck.

Don't ask her! Don't ever talk to her again. You have no reason to! You are done with her, as if I was done with the toilet paper I just used in the bathroom... I won't be digging that out of the toilet!

Nice analogy KC. Especially for this disrespecting girl!

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You are done with her, as if I was done with the toilet paper I just used in the bathroom...I won't be digging that out of the toilet!

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Haha that is funny. I already have my pilot's license and I am looking for an Aerial Photography Pilot job to build hours and eventually work for an airline. I'm not ever going to speak to her again and she can take her baggage of $10,000 credit card debt with her.

Nice. You would be surprised how many awful situations turn into incredible opportunities. Life has a funny way of turning things around.

It's like they say, "when one door closes another one opens."

What comes around goes around. I've been dumped, ignored, had talked about me, cheated on, and it hurts. Then a couple months later, she will call/email/text/message you begging to get you back. Hell no. but now you know, she is not worth a second of your time and you went out on top. You will get yours soon enough, just don't go pressing for something. It'll come to you

I really hope she doesn't try to come back, I have been enjoying the single life plus there is no way I could ever get back together with her. There would be major trust issues and there would be recurring fights and breakups. I finally stopped moping around after a few days and started hanging out late and partying with friends that I hadn't seen in years because she didn't like most of them. The only thing that kind of sucks right now is that it's hard for me to talk to other girls still. I don't think I'm ready to start dating other girls because I just get down when I think about that. I've had several girls at the parties I've gone to try and flirt, but I just can't do it right now. Is that normal?

Haha Out of My System by Bow Wow is like my favorite song now

It is very normal to feel awkward around other girls right now. I wouldn't even recommend talking trying to flirt with them if your intention is to start a relationship. It is always fun to flirt or just talk to girls to take your mind off things, but right now you probably will find it hard to do that as you are just coming off a four year relationship. It is still in your mind, no matter how much you think it isn't. Just keep doing what you are doing. Going out with old friends, catching up, and living your life. Eventually you will not find it difficult to spark a conversation with a girl. But, that isn't important right now.

Treat the females as you would any male at this point, friendly. Flirting is a bit overblown.

It is perfectly normal to feel like that. Take this time to enjoy yourself and become the person you want to be. I was in your position 5 months ago. I went NC pretty much after the 2nd week. She contacted me numerous times but I never responded. I just went on with my life. Catching up with friends making new friends, going on dates, focusing on hobbies I didn't have time to do before and generally trying to fill the gap. And it really did work. Im not sure if Im completely over her but I feel fine.

Then about 3-4 days ago I got an email from her basically telling me how sorry she is for the way she treated me, how her life is a lie and how she has tried to convince herself it was OK of her to leave me but has failed. How she needs me now that she is going through a rough patch, because I was always able to help her, but knows she has no right to ask for friendship after the way she treated me. So what do I understand from all this? She does not want me back for sure but still wants all the emotional support I used to provide because her current guy might not be able to offer her that. So will I actually be her friend and provide all that? DEFINITELY NOT! And I am not doing it out of revenge. Im just protecting myself and do not want to start moving backwards after all I've been through. So what Im trying to say is that you need to put yourself first now and even if her guilt forces her to come back you need to be strong and just keep moving forward.

Good luck with it.

Thanks for the insight man. It is really encouraging reading about peoples similar experiences. It makes me feel like I'm not alone out there. I have a lot of great friends that have been helping me through this difficult time, as well as great advice from this website. I am using this experience as just another lesson to learn from and more of a blessing than a curse.

I started flying again yesterday, it was so fun. I flew over Qwest Field where the Seattle Seahawks play and ate lunch at an airport looking over the ocean with a friend and came back. Best time I've had in awhile. Check out a couple pics a friend took.

You are definitely not alone out there man.
Its really good to hear that you started flying again. Keep this up and don't look back. Even if she contacts you don't let her get to you. She might regret this but you will have moved on to better things.

Yeah, keep it up man! You chasing your dreams can be an inspiration to to all of us. It is good to see you aren't letting the situation bring you down or keep your from doing what you want to do.

I guess I might as well throw myself on the bandwagon of people who have been in that exact situation. We all know it hurts, but we all also know how much better it gets.

For me, personally, the last three months since my relationship with my ex ended I've pretty much accomplished more than I did in my previous five years with her. And by the sounds of it, you too are accomplishing much more now that you are without her.

Had I stayed with my ex for the rest of my life, which was my plan at the time, I would never amount to half of the things I always wanted to do in life, and I can now honestly say that us breaking up is the best thing that ever happened to me.

If you can even achieve a fracture of what you always wanted to do but didn't get to do because of the limiations your relationship brought on you, I think you can safely look back and be glad things happened the way they did.

Meanwhile hang in there bud! And don't look back, because there really isn't anything to see.

Hey pal! Let me catch up real quick with this post, lol it's funny it's just like my story.

I'll never understand why women do these things (I'm sure men do it to but, I'm on this side of the fence lol) I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you my stomach dropped for you when I read the cheated thing but honestly you need to look at it as she was a piece of crap and you don't need that you deserve so much better, I know how it feels to give your whole to someone for 4 years and have them walk out of your life like it means NOTHING to them, dude do you now, live your life just no your better then her and your going somewhere in life and I guarantee that this will comeback to haunt her at night while she lies alone in bed and wherever she is, watch you will see.

And most importantly, don't you dare take her back, or all of us from this forum will come kick your butt pal but, I know you wouldn't do that. You're a great person, you wouldn't be if you didn't come to this site, everyone on here is a great person and just cared about their significant other so much when they walked out of their life they didn't know where to turn, I'm so glad I found this site it's helped me so much, and I plan on helping everyone as much as I can from here on out. Take care of yourself.

P.S. sorry you're a seahawks fan :cool:

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Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan

P.S. sorry your a seahawks fan :cool:

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Yeah, it's been a rough year for Seattle sports all together. The Sonics are gone, the Mariners lost over 100 games, the Seahawks suck... even the college teams are absolutely terrible haha.

Anyway, yeah there is absolutely no chance I would get back together with her. Too many hurtful things have been said and done. I wouldn't be able to forgive her completely and it would be a no trust relationship.

Good for you and I'm sure you didn't even see them until this BS situation happened, trust me it sucks but it's good for you, the universe always has a plan. :p

Chin up mate

Please keep an eye on the dates - this is from 2008. There are other more recent posts which could use your input.