Ask Me Help Desk - Not sure what to think

Not sure what to think

I'm puzzled on this one. I was suppose to go home after work. My girlfriend asked me do I have plans later. I said no just going home after work. Not sure what that mean when she says do you have plans but does not follow up with, I got an idea. So I called her back and asked if she would like to come over after work. She said no how about you come over here I'm closer. That's the plan. So, after I get there she has dinner we eat. Later she says boy my garbage is pilled up. I forgot to take it out the other day. Could you take my garbage to your house so the garbage will pu tomorrow. I nodded sure. Well I guess I did not reply correctly she got angry and said, I can tell you have a problem with taking my garbage to your house. I said, no I did not say that. So she is like I will never ask you for help again...
Why is she like this and am I doing wrong?

Dude - your gal has issues. I THINK she is also seeing gif you have a spine.

Move on
Drop her like a bad habit. You can't be happy can you.
Or are you that lonely.
Just become friends with benefits

Don't despair, your just on the Estrogen Rollercoaster Ride From Hell! At 50 years old, I've been riding for quite some time now. I have fallen a few times and bumped my head but I always get up, brush myself off and jump back on. If you want to ride another roller coaster go ahead. It may be more fun or not. Otherwise, just stay on the one your on until it jumps the tracks. The thing is, when you think it is about to jump the tracks, unsnap your seat belt and hop out. Do not fly off the tracks with it.;)

She is having trouble trusting you, and it very likely has to do with HER past, and not a dang thing to do with you. She is reading into your actions things that aren't there.

If you want a really effective way to confront this, tell her in a very non-negotiable way that you feel insulted and that she needs to ASK you about these things before deciding them herself. If and when she asks and you tell her the truth, if she doesn't believe you then, be more insulted and ask her if she is calling you a liar. Because in essence that IS what she is doing.

The thing is you know YOU best and she knows HERSELF best, and so this "I know what you're thinking" crapola is just that! When people pull this stunt on me, I like to challenge it with humor. At the first sign of them telling me who I am, I say: "And what are you, a mindreader now???" in a comically exaggerated tone of voice. This may ground her into reality, if you can pull it off. Thanks for posting and good luck!

Man - we've had to posts in a row with some wacked out women. WHY do women think we can read their minds?? WHY do they think THEY KNOW WHAT WE ARE THINKING??

Hey Blueiman,
How long have you 2 been together?
Has she always been so immature and had bad issues?
Has she had some sort of bad past?
Something is seriously not right here!

Old habits die hard... ditch this one before it lands you in the grave... the chic has control issues and wants to keep you under her thumb... be single and love it for a few...

1-Is this the same g/f you've been posting about previously?
2-If it is ,what are you still doing with this nut.
3-If it isn't tell her to take her own garbage out, and pass the hot sauce
4-Find a girlfriend who can remember when to take her own garbage out
5-Find a g/f that has a better disposition
6-Dust yourself off and get back on the rollercoater
7-Dust yourself off get back on the horse pull back the reins and say WHOA Nellie
8-Tell her where she can stick the garbage as you walk out the door and don't look back!

Seriously, Blue... what is it that you're looking for?

Come on, you are not really that desperate that you take any and all kinds of crap from a woman just so that you're not alone...

Being alone with yourself, and enjoying music, recreation, and getting to know other people with interests should be on the top of your list of things to do.. NOT staying with someone that just totally blows your mind. No matter what you say or do, it's not right with her. Wow, did your mother do that to you too? - Is that why you miss this abuse?
How about your prime time always being interrupted with someone else's needs? Have you always been put on the 'back burner' and are just so used to it that you let her keep on doing it?

Honey, you could write a book for other guys to read to learn "What To Avoid In a Relationship", and make a lot of money. If you do plan on the book can I have a percentage? I'll help you with the editing.

Write this history of current events down, read it over and over, and then check your emotional meter out. If this meter goes 'rock-bottom' and you are saddened by what you let happen to you - GET UP, GET OUT, and leave people like her far behind!

Once you get out of this in one piece, please take a breather and don't jump into another one so soon. You really need time to collect yourself and heal a bit.

Good luck, dear

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_108.gifStop letting this crap happen to you!

Dude - IF I were I'd get a chip on my shoulder and not take so much crap from her. She'll stop doing all this mind games with you then.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueiman

I'm puzzled on this one. i was suppose to go home after work. my gf asked me do i have plans later. i said no just going home after work. not sure what that mean when she says do you have plans but does not follow up with, i got an idea. so i called her back and asked if she would like to come over after work. she said no how about you come over here i'm closer. that's the plan. so, after i get there she has dinner we eat. later she says boy my garbage is pilled up. i forgot to take it out the other day. could you take my garbage to your house so the garbage will pu tomorrow. i nodded sure. well i guess i did not reply correctly she got angry and said, i can tell you have a problem with taking my garbage to your house. i said, no i did not say that. so she is like i will never ask you for help again...
why is she like this and am i doing wrong?

She really needs help. What on earth is her problem?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Dude - your gal has issues. I THINK she is also seein gif you have a spine.

Good point about seeing if you have a spine. And yes, she definitely has issues. [Tried to rate you WIldcat but got the usual "spread it around" jazz.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demonspeeding_2005

Move on
Drop her like a bad habit. You can't be happy can you.
Or are you that lonely.
Just become friends with benefits

Very good advice here. Didn't attempt to rate you because I knew I'd get the "spread it around" story.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

Hey Blueiman,
how long have you 2 been together?
Has she always been so immature and had bad issues?
Has she had some sort of bad past?
Something is seriously not right here!

About a year. She is sometimes, mostly fine, but every once in a while she says something that just makes me look at her and think why did she say that. I will always tell her hey wait a minute. But, that always starts a fight. I can't seem to finish because as soon as I start to talk about it. She says, I'm done talking because we are fighting. And really we are not fighting but I guess its her way of not addressing the issues...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Dude - your gal has issues. I THINK she is also seein gif you have a spine.

Yes, I'm sure you're correct. Maybe I don't have a spine. I thought I did. I will always tell my girlfriend hey that's not right... then she gets upset with the "are you saying its my fault. Then she stops talking gets agree and walk away. Me I'm like what the is going on here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Dude - IF I were I'd get a chip on my shoulder and not take so much crap from her. She'll stop doing all this mind games with you then.

OK, no more crap. So, give me an example on how you would really handle it...

You must love her, I personally wouldn't put up with it if this happens rather often.
Is she with attitude problems maybe because of past bf's or family? Or is she an only child? Spoilt from her parents?

I don't know but you sound very patient. While I'm not so much, I'm a hot blooded european ;)

I'd spread the love above but I cant. I agree though. She seems to ALWAYS be testing you.

Time to test her back I think.
Play tit for tat.
I don't believe playing tit for tat is sound to do but sometimes its good that someone like your girlfriend gets back what she plays.
Its time for her to have a taste of her own medicine.

There is a WAY to disfuse testing.

1. You ASK her questions BACK!! Ask her question with a question.

2. Make fun of things. Seriously. Give her cocky- funny answer back. Keep it light. She'll actual love you for it.

See - guys lose when they get all uptight about those 'test' questions. And you TRY to come up with an answer that YOU think she would want AND NOT how YOU actually feel.

If anything - you answer how you FEEL - not what you think she wants to hear - ever.

If she breaks from you - so what - you had a spine and stood your ground. No real woman wants a spineless guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

There is a WAY to disfuse testing.

1. You ASK her questions BACK!!! Ask her question with a question.

2. Make fun of things. Seriously. Give her cocky- funny answer back. Keep it light. She'll actual love you for it.

See - guys lose when they get all uptight about those 'test' questions. And you TRY to come up with an answer that YOU think she would want AND NOT how YOU actually feel.

If anything - you how you FEEL - not what you think she wants to hear - ever.

If she breaks from you - so what - you had a spine and stood your ground. No real woman wants a spineless guy.

YES no. 1 is actually a very good way to phsycologically test someone..
Good plan wildcat ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

1-Is this the same g/f you've been posting about previously?
2-If it is ,what are you still doing with this nut.
3-If it isn't tell her to take her own garbage out, and pass the hot sauce
4-Find a girlfriend who can remember when to take her own garbage out
5-Find a g/f that has a better disposition
6-Dust yourself off and get back on the rollercoater
7-Dust yourself off get back on the horse pull back the reins and say WHOA Nellie
8-Tell her where she can stick the garbage as you walk out the door and don't look back!

1, no not the same girl when I started posting. But, later I started posting in regards to my girlfriend.

Take everything light. Make fun of her tease her. You'll disfuse this tension.

I think you takr TOO MUCH of what she says personally and let it bother you.

See some Steve McQueen movies. You got learn to be cool under fire. Learn to be CONFIDENT. Give her trouble.

I agree with everyone else, blue. She seems to be feeding you a lot of BS and I honestly don't think you deserve that. No one does. She's doing it because she knows she can and that you won't stick up for yourself or in a better word.. not take her crap. You got to know that mind games (thats what they are) are just another form of emotional abuse.. Even if it seems insignifigant anyone who tries to use someone to get there own way by fooling with their emotions is toying with emotional abuse.. I know because it was done to me. I recognize the signs. She's trying to purposely make you feel bad although you clearly have done nothing wrong. Its not right and I wish you luck with this.

Yep... she does it because you allow her to. She'll eventually leave you because she wants a guy who stands up for himself and doesn't take her crap. Next guy who comes along she will be gone.

YOU'RE TOO NICE TO HER. TOO NICE. Now being nice is OK most of the time. (I HATE THAT WORD NICE!! )

This minute going forward you are a new man... quit taking her crap. You got to change now.

I've seen this a million times and you keep losing to her tests.

Bottom line: YOU'RE WHIPPED TO HER AND SHE KNOWS IT. Time to change dude.

IF something bothers you - YOU LET HER KNOW ABOUT IT. If she gives you that bad feeling - let her know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Yep....she does it because you allow her to. She'll eventually leave you because she wants a guy who stands up for himself and doesn't take her crap. Next guy who comes along she will be gone.

YOU'RE TOO NICE TO HER. TOO NICE. Now being nice is ok most of the time. (I HATE THAT WORD NICE!!!)

This minute going forward you are a new man.....quit taking her crap. You gotta change now.

I've seen this a milion times and you keep losing to her tests.

Bottom line: YOU'RE WHIPPED TO HER AND SHE KNOWS IT. Time to change dude.

IF something bothers you - YOU LET HER KNOW ABOUT IT. If she gives you that bad feeling - let her know.

I always tell her wait a minute I don't like what you're saying and stop reading my mind. And she usually get upset and leaves the room when I stick up for myself. She says because I want to fight with her and she says I always blame her like its her fault. No way did I say that... every time I speak my mind she calls it a fight. Why does she do that?

Sounds like she's flipping the blame to you and she IS very insecure and more than a little paranoid. Its about control and that's the bottom line!

I really think that you need to get up the courage and leave this girl- if you are having all these problems with her as you have been posting this is not a healthy relationship- get out before it gets too serious and you really get hurt.

Has she ever had a psychiatric evaluation? I mean, the mood swings or whatever they are that she has, sound more intense and off the wall to me than simple hormones. Even if a woman feels poorly because of a shift in hormones, in most cases she can still behave civilly and with maturity. I should know, as I've suffered from fairly severe PMS in the past.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueiman

i always tell her wait a minute i dont like what youre saying and stop reading my mind. and she usually get upset and leaves the room when i stick up for myself. she says because i want to fight with her and she says i always blame her like its her fault. no way did i say that... every time i speak my mind she calls it a fight. why does she do that?

Sweetie, she's calling it a fight or getting mad at you because she doesn't want you to stick up for yourself. Any other person male or female would respect you when you say "hey wait a second what do you mean by that"? And most 'normal" people in a loving relationship would sit there and talk about it and not get upset over something so petty like whos taking the garbage where....In a complete nut shell she's a control freak. She wants to have the control in these kinds of things. When she treats you like crap with the mind games and you don't say anything she feels good about herself and what she;s doing to you. Like kinda how when in school if you ever got picked on by someone and your parents always say well they just do it to make themselves feel better about themselves..its kinda like that. So when you keep quiet she feels like she has the control..when you do stick up for yourself she gets mad because you actually defended yourself. So when she calls it a "fight" she's trying to blame it on you.. and that's just not right. That's why she does it, blue

She shouldn't be picking fights ever. Yes there are things you will get in disagreemnts about but she really seems to push your buttons - unhealthy.

I agree with every answer you have. You must also remember that some people who do not feel good about themselves tend to take their "aggrivation" out on others and you are the bullseye.

She may be very insecure and to make her feel better about herself she takes her BS out on you. This way she feels more in control and therefore feels better about herself cause she know she can make you fell like crap!

YOU'RE BOTH DRIVING EACH OTHER ROUND THE TWIST! She finds you boring, irritating and you constantly try to please her and placate her, which in turn annoys her, you then feel slighted and upset and the cycle continues!

You are both clinging to some weird notion of a relationship where you can behave in a way that you would never normally in front of the "outside world". What do YOU want? When she flies off the handle, your instincts seem different to your actions. Your actions depend on HER, when they should depend on your own welfare. You both need to seriously relax, take time out, finish whatever - but you are poisoning each other. I sense some serious resentment on both sides. For whatever reason, you cannot move past this through communication = either sort that out or walk. Otherwise you are going out with archetypes of each other, doomed to be constantly disappointed at the "reality" of the person in front of you.

Finally face the behaviour- be aware of how you react, how your girlfriend reacts. This in itself will tell you if either of you really want each other.

That's pretty sad? You said sure, and she got angry? That's not right. Maybe she had a bad day or something. But just tell her that you said sure, so she shouldn't be angry with you.

This thread is over 2 years old, I don't think he is even on here anymore