How do you know when you have in fact found that one for you? That person you where created to be with...
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How do you know when you have in fact found that one for you? That person you where created to be with...
I for one do not believe that people are "created" to be with only one person in this world. It is crap! Think about it, if there was only ONE person in this entire world we could be with then there would be a lot of lonely people out there. The beauty of life is that there are always good people out there and there is always more than one person you would be awesome with, otherwise people wouldn't break up. Don't look for it or expect it, just let nature take its course.
Yeah I hear... I was just curious... I was just thinking about my ex... and was wondering did I mess up something that was suppose to be... you know??
No, you didn't. Quit lingering on it. Look, sometimes... matter of fact, a lot of times relationships do not work out. It is just the natural progression of life. Life will happen, no matter what. Don't dwell on the past, just learn from it. I am in the same boat you are, but I know I will be twice as happy as I ever THOUGHT I was with my ex. May not happen for awhile, but it will, and when it does, you will reailze it. You and only you matters right now. Remember that. Don't regret anything except the fact that you are so hard on yourself now.
If it was supposed to be it still would be, it's really that simple.
"The One" is the one who sticks by you through it all.. good and bad.. and you stay together and grow.
Though it stinks to get your heart broken, that really is the simplest and best answer.
I don't think you really know. I think everything happens for a reason and if you are meant to be with someone for the rest of your life... then it will happen. I still haven't found the "one".
Yeah I know... I am being so hard on myself right now... why is that?Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Maybe I should have gave it more time... she had me so frustrated, and confused...
"The One" is always asked about here on the forum exactly the way you just did. People want to know when they've found "the one"... as if this is some litmus test they can figure out ahead of time.
And once again I have to point out you guys think about "The One" all backwards.
"The One" is not something you find, it's something you are. We spend so much energy on measuring and fretting and second-guessing instead of ALL that energy going into BEING the best boyfriend... then husband... a woman could ever want.
"The One" is a title YOU earn after years and years of steady selflessness, sacrificial and unconditional love, sticking it out with your mate through decades of bad crap and infidelities and failures and successes and family and OH MY GOODNESS SO MUCH.
"The One" is your greatest accomplishment. It's something you give to another person. It's not something you find in other(s). It's something you become through refinement of your character, self-denial, and hard work.
So, let's stop fretting over relationships that are supposed to be over, and start the next chapter, OK?
You have posted several questions of this nature. They all seem focused on your own pain and your own fears. How about looking out at that big world and realize there is a LOT you're supposed to be giving to it. The girl that comes and stands at your side while you're out there making the world better, that's the girl who admires "the one" she sees you being.
And that's more than just one relationship. It's a lifestyle.
The "ONE" as in the one your with, well you have to be with them over time before you know if there the one.
They are all "the one" when things are going well.
I never heard it put in that way before... Can you explain that a bit more... I need to really grasp that.Quote:
Originally Posted by JBeaucaire
I really need to get a very good understand of that... please...
If you found The One, you don't have to ask.
Just repeat the theme of that post and you'll figure out what this really means all on your own.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
"The One" is not something you find, it's something you are.
I believe that 'The One' (sounds like the Matrix huh?) will come to you when you least expect it- for me, my husband was my best friend and the relationship just grew from that-I always felt that he understood me better than I did, but that's just my perspective... I've been called something of a romantic... :)
Hello again :)
Damn dude you want a Book on this don't you.. you treat this.. as this is some school.. and my friend it is not.
As I said there are some things you can't teach.
We all have our own ideas and ways and views on LOVE
It is YOUR job to find out your own way in LOVE and LIFE. Now we can help and give you a few pointers.
Mine would only be
Don't have a kid yet
Don't date Flirty girls
Don't be insecue
Don't be Jelouse
But the list could go on and on. But that is just from my view. And what does not work for me might work wonders for you.
There is no Guide to a PERFECT life or a PERFECT relationship
All this comes from with in ourselves. And by that I mean
If we are not happy in ourselves we can never be happy with someone else
And that does take time and a lot of personal growth
And also
I don't believe in the one.
I do know after you have gone into lots of relationships and one girl stands out.. and loves you for who you are. Not what they can turn you into.
And will stick with you in the good time and the bad.
Then well I think that's a pretty good partner
Its what we all look for.
Some of us find it some of us wait 50 years to find it.
You are still very young to be thinking about the one.
You need to grow a lot more. And learn. Before you can really be in a true relationship
Because as JB said. And I do believe in this.
In the end. Everything comes down to You and the way you Act.
All the best
It's all about whether you believe whether fate plays a hand in dealing your mate- I do believe however, that it is the way you act,
You have to be yourself through and through- otherwise your potential mate may fall in love with who they think you are, not who you are.
I don't agree with being yourself. So what you are saying is if u're an a_s then be an a_s ? If this is the case then I am sure no one want to be with u. I belief you have to try to adapt to the situation. Basically you try to be the best you can to the one you love and if it doesn't work then you know you did your best. There is no such thing as the one. It all come down to how much crap you can put up with. Relationship take a lot of hard work, sacrifice and years to build.Quote:
Originally Posted by spyderglass
As JB said, if your not "the one", you sure won't be found by "the one".
I wholeheartedly agree though, that its all about knowing yourself, and who you are, and your happy with yourself.
This post has gone on long enough. Here is the basic stance on finding the "one." DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. It will happen. Be selfish and work on yourself! When I broke up with my ex the first thing one of my friends asked me with a straight face was, "Well, I know you are hurt, but when was the last time you thought about yourself?" Think about that for a minute... how many times have you given it all in a relationship, only to end up being dumped? Make yourself better and do things YOU want to do. Everything will come back around and work its way out, but you cannot worry about it or constantly be trying so hard to find it. Just my opinion.
Yeah you are right. You know I'm 23yrs old and every relationship that I've been in... I always give my all, and put myself in the relationship. And also I always put the other person wants and needs, before mine always. But I never get that same treatment back... you know. I put out and put out for her (thinking of her before I think of myself)... only for her to start acting different, and not being honest with me about her feelings at all, and allowing the relationship to carry on. And her never apologizing for anything, or never admiting that she made mistakes also... at all!! So frustrating and confusing! I really need to just take care me myself and only myself... but I tend to think of other people so much. Even after how wrong she was... I still think about her... even though I don't need to anymore...Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I still think about my ex too. With time it passes. Thinking about her doesn't mean I stop living MY life. It just means every now and then I miss her and get sad... for a minute or two at the most! Working on myself has made me a much better person and has also helped me through this crappy situation.
Yea... true... I also tend to analyze the situation too: I should have did this, or that. Or maybe I was wrong. Or if I hadn't did that we would still be together... even though it was her. I still tend to blame myself. I beat myself up so bad when I shouldn't. One moment I am fine... then there's that hurt creepy up on me... I just don't get it...
Sweet_Guy, I am trying to be patient with you, but it is wearing thin. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you did your best and it just wasn't meant to be! I was in a five year relationship and broke up... that is hard! You are an awesome guy and you will find what you are looking for if you LET it happen! Enjoy life baby, it is too short to wallow.
Believe me I will enjoy life... it is too shortQuote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Ima stop wallowing and just accept that I did my best and what I knew to do. My intentions wasn't bad or negative at all.
Thanks for being so patient... I know I'm a bit much...
You are a bit much, but if I am helping you then I am happy. I just know what it's like to get down on yourself (as I do still), and want people to avoid that at all costs. It is anti - productive to life.
Thanks to everyone. I don't how I would gotten through this confusion and frustration if I didn't have someone to vent to and gather WISDOM and direction from...
I'm a bit much really.. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
What did you mean by it being anti - productive to life?
Getting down on yourself does not help life at all. That's what I mean. It is the hard times that define us as people, and we have to make something of ourselves in even the most impossible of situations.
Yea this has been a very troubling experience for me personally but I know its just shaping me more as a person...Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Trials and tribulations is what makes us... or turns you into the person you are suppose to be...
I'll give my description of the "One".
The "One" is:
-someone who is there with you through thick a thin
-someone who loves you for you, not what you do
-someone who sticks up for you
-someone who is not embarrassed to be with you
-someone who supports you at all times through everything
-someone who no matter what will not stray from you
-someone who openly communicates and works with you
-someone you can trust with out an inkling of doubt
-someone who you can rely on
-someone who shares life with you not dominates life
-someone who helps to guide you through the fog of life
-and finally someone who will not hurt you and leave you behind
That's just my thoughts of the "One"
Thanks I will keep that in mind and refer to that often... Today has been horrible... All I've been doing is thinking about her... she made me feel like no girl has made me feel ever... I miss that...Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
She strayed away from me big time... Didn't communicate to me at all... wasn't honest about her feelings at all...Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
She wasn't willing to work with me... surely didn't communicate with me about nothing... just strayed away, so I would get the hint...Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
I had doubts about her feelings about me for the longest before I broke up with her... I couldn't take her at her word like I use to be able to at the beginning.Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
She definitely didn't love me for me, and for who I am... I very good to her... she didn't see it.Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
She don't think she hurt me at all... doesn't admits or apologizes for anything... she doesn't understand my hurt at all...Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Man its crazy...
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
This is from my personal opinion - my worldview.
Sweetguy, I really want to caution you about lists like this. They seem to make a lot of sense, I understand that. But I have to reiterate... its lists like this that form the basis of very unhealthy mental processes. You go through your relationships with a list like this and you put so much focus on her, you forget that your own behavior is the most important.
Don't misunderstand. Everything in that list is a desirable truth. It's just not primary. What is primary is that YOU be able to be and do all of those things... and more. Yes, you pay attention to how you're treated, but keep your own habits the focus of your most critical observations.
Someone commented above that if you could follow my description of what being "The One", you could make a go with almost anyone. I believe that to be almost certainly true. Not universally true, but certainly the right foundation.
Why do I believe this? I believe that people are inspired, frequently, by uncharacteristically positive behavior. If you take that list above and make it YOUR responsibility, and acted in all of those ways, many many times it could inspire an otherwise iffy mate to behave better.
It still might not work out, but at least your heart and conscience would be clear. And living like your goal is to BE "The One" means you should be attracting healthier mate candidates anyway.
==========
Anyway, I just want to warn you to keep lists like that in perspective.
When you date someone, you probably already like them, maybe a LOT. But you date them to discover the reason(s) you shouldn't be together, find them, and move on. More often than not you WILL find those reasons.
During that process, you keep living like you're "The One", and when you suddenly find yourself working with a girl you CAN'T find those reasons you shouldn't be together... it will be amazing. She'll be awesome, you're already awesome... lookout stars.
So when I date someone I should be looking for those reasons in that list..
Listen to JB man that's all you need to work on :)
If you keep looking at her to bet the best you will lose sight of what you should becomen.
Woh woh woh... where have you all been? The one? Its all about living your life the way you want to live your life and someone comes along and likes you for some reason... you grow... you talk. You learn about one another... there is no "one". Geez people... its not a mystery...
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