Hi, I need some help and advice. Me and my finace were to be married in 3 months time, we have been together for almost 9 years... everything was going well.. like any relationship we have had our ups and downs... but generally I would say ioverall the 9 years have been good years... we were saving for the wedding and mortgage and so I worked in Singapore and he worked in the UK... He came to visit me last month and I noticed things weren't right with him... I asked him many times what was wrong... was here stressed about the wedding... worried about getting married... was he seeing someone... he denied all... then two days before he was due back in the UK... we had to pay for our wedding rings which were customed made and I just could not do it because I knew something was not right.. he was still insistant we should pay.. but I knew something was v wrong... he then told me in the heat of the moment that he does not love me this way and he has tried etc and now wants to do things for himself.. the next day I accidentally worked out he was cheating behind me.. and has been seeing someone from work... he left singapore back to the UK... a week later I got a email from him, except I think it was written by his new chick (the writing style etc was v different)... telling me good bye and got blocked from Facebook... my ex started texting me once a week to say he will talk soon... butwhen he did- he sounds stressed and I realised its because he is next to his new chick... since then we have not talked- its been a month now... but we do need to talk as his stuff is here in singapore... I just learnt he is comingto singapore to pick his stuff up end of dec- but I heard that his new chick is coming too.. what I s worse is that new years eve would have been our 9th anniversary...

I have accepted the relationship is over.. it has to be.. is v v sad because I do miss him and love him v much... and I don't know how to proceed.. I know I cannot see him in singapore in dec whilst his new chick is here- its just to harsh for me... I also know I will only talk to him.. when we both had a good breathing space...

I would like the opportunity for us both to sit down and talk about what had happened.. for me its important as if this isover I need to make sure I have looked at everything and so when I move on I can with no turning over my shoulder.. the problem is I can't speak to him and I feel that his new chick is interefering to the point where I have backed off...

It's a v sad situation indeed...

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It must be very difficult to cope with especially since you were with this man for 9 years! I think it is very insensitive of him to bring over his "new woman" when he must realise the pain you are going through!

All I can say is at least you have found this all out before you actually got married.

It is best that you find someone who will love you as much as you love them. You don't want to be in a situation where your partner has to "try" and love you.

If you don't feel that you can speak to him when he comes down for his stuff, then my advice is don't! Only do what is best for you.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation! Try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and surrond yourself with friends and family! Be happy and be confident within yourself!

Dear imzz46,
Many thanks for your kind email.. it has been v v difficult indeed.. I am planning to cargo his stuff back to UK.. even thou I will do this, I know he will still come to singapore with her.. at least this way I don't have to do anything related to them.. to be honest I do think it is important to talk.. as I found out and guessed about what was happening.. to this day he has said nothing nor given me any explanations.. basically I have been left in the total dark and hanging.. worst still his new woman is well runningthe situation which I think is v wrong for her to interfere in this way... its v hard as I am v close to his members of his family and we have some mutal friends back in the UK and OZ.. As we lived there for two years before we came to singapore... I guess what I need is a kind and respectable closure.. at the end of the day I know I did not do wrong.. and that even now I will make sure his stuff gets back to his mums because well... I have always been kind to him and so I just don't see why I should start being horrible.. life is too short for that.. I do wonder if he thinks of me as just like that he walked out and I have not heard from him.. the few text and email I got was written by his new woman- which is v poor standard... I guess he really must not care.. hard to believe as two weeks before he came he sent me a card telling ,me how he could not wait to see me and get ready for the wedding... it's a good job I did find out and put 2+2 together.. as I reckon he would have just gone down and down and dragged me in it...
I will be okay as I lucky have a good job, good friends and family and most importantly respect for myself.. I never ever thought that if this relationship would end- it would do so in such a ugly, ty way.. its v shocking and I think I will always wonder why this way.. why just not tell me and do things respectable as ending a relationship is as important as starting one..

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I have accepted the relationship is over..

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I agree, and after 9 years with nothing to show, talking will not help. Putting your life together without him, and not looking back, is the best way to proceed from here.

Sorry for your loss, but make today the first day, of the rest of your life.

Hi talaniman,
Many thanks for your email.. it left a glup inside me thou- as I know I have tomove on and I am actually quite scared.. I know it will be v hard as I do love him v much... everything has happened so fast and we have not spoke for 4 weeks now... I have started moving on slowly, but I feel v empty and incredible sad... I never saw this coming at all... I think your right talking will not help... I guess it's the thought of never seeing him or even talking to him that hurts... my greive in thelast four weeks has changed.. first I cried over the love.. and now I cry because I have lost my best friend- as he was th eonly one I was really ever close too.. we were always laughing and joking all the time... this week has been v hard... it's the not sharing your laughs with someone you have done in 9 years that hurt the most... and finally I guess it's the shock of how can a person just walk out and not feel anything... its v hard to digest all that...

Be kind and patient with yourself, as of course its hard to fill that hole in your soul, and 9 years is a long time to get use to someone, no doubt.

Give yourself time, and plenty of it, to grieve and heal. You will slowly find yourself, and love yourself.

There is no hurry.

Dear all,
I am now at the position where I am in the middle of the road; and I am scared to take the next steps.. his stuff is here and I know he and his new chick has booked tickets to come here in singapore... I don't think I can cope with this at all.. if he came alone then I would be brave and dealt with it... what do I do, at one side I could just send the very personal stuff back and just pay the cargo... but I know they will still come... on the other side.. let him deal with it.. either way I can't find peace... I am afraid that if I send things back his family will be in touch and start asking for more things etc... the way I see it is I was with this person for 9 years.. one day without an explanation he walked out and 2 months later he has not called or contacted me about his stuff or anything he has left behind here.. in singapore we have an apartment under both names, he walked out and did not care.. left me to deal with it all, knowing that I could not pay the whole rent all on my own... the apartment was furnished by us both and has memeories of 9 years in it... unfortunately I now have to live in it for another 18 months before I can move due to mycontract... okay I guess I can work this bit out and so no worries... our wedding wsa planned and paid out by me here in singapore... I had to cancel and loose everything... do this tday he has not mentioned or helped with anything... the only thing he demanded before heleft was money- which I gave him.. but he wanted more- but I could only give him what I had at the time.. seriously I don't owe him any more money... I suppose if he did contacted me to sort things out then fair enough.. but so far nothing...
I think the right thing to do is to send his stuff out of here asap and then all my issues with him is done with.. but I know that will cause problems back home... like but he has booked a ticket.. but he wanted this and that... the truth is, he booked his ticket without consulting me at all.. did not even ask if that time was okay or not with me.. he and his new chick went and made plans and are expecting me to obey them... what shocks me is that I am v close to his mum and to this day she has not actually told him the way he has handled this is wrong... I feel like he and his family really must think this is one big joke.. do they realise how painful this is for me, do they realise that I am left with all the mess... I am starting to feel they must not care at all...

I'm really sorry this has happened you think you would know someone after 9 years. For him to do that is low

Tell you what rent a little stroage place give him the address put his stuff there and be done with the tosser

You don't want him back which is great it shows that you are strong!

I wish you all the very best!

What he wants is irrelevant. YOU OWE HIM NOTHING! Ship his things and get rid of him! You shouldn't have to deal with him and you certainly shouldn't have to deal with his new girlfriend. And as far as his family asking you for more things, ignore any request that does not suit your needs. Time for you to be selfish. He has been acting very selfish, thinking only about himself and disregarding you completely, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD. You shouldn't have anything left to deal with or worry about it. He made his choice, time for you to work on yourself and your life regardless of his 'preferences'. It is your right to do what's best for you. Cutting him out of your life will only help you move on a little quicker and you are entitled to anything that can help you in the healing process. Take care of yourself, he started doing that the minute he cheated. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Good luck!

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I think the right thing to do is to send his stuff out of here asap and then all my issues with him is done with..

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That's the thing to do! Be done with it.

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I know that will cause problems back home...

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Let him worry about everything else, and tell him get screwed!!!

You've done more than your share. Let him do his!!!

No worries! Best of luck with it all! And believe in yourself! You are better off without him!

Dear all,
Many thanks for the advice and help.. its really help me.. just go and do the thing that needs doing... one good news I have some cargo people coming this Saturday to quote the stuff and hopefully will get his stuff shipped back to his mums... I decided not to let anyone till a few days before and I will just let his mum know...
Another problem - and this one is rather scary.. his sister got in touch with me on facebk- we get along v well- she is 11 years younger than me.. anyway when she send me a message she was about to go to bed, whilst I got up in singapore and she replied so quick.. I told her I feel like she is round the corner and I will speak soon... literally 40 minutes later the new chick left a message on her facebk inviting the sister and kids to dinner one day.. really I find this shocking... I guess new woman wants me to get jealous as she has taken my place.. what she don't get is she hasn't... I have know the family for 9 years and I can't just vanish- even if I want to.. and if they do stuff with the new woman- that's between them not me.. so why keep doing this.. I am think you have the man I love, you have made sure we have not talked in two months... I liove 24 hrs away from a plane to manchester.. you have him... why prove more to me.. and then your comingto singapore of all bloody things- why can't she just leave me alone... obviously I am v upset at the moment - but I have a life.. I have a job and I am up to my eyes balls with stuff... rubbing it in.. Just makes me she how desperate and sad she is... I don't get it because well I am just a v normal person.. I am not great or ugly looking.. just v normal... so I think now you have the man I loved - why don't you get of my face... what's going on here..?

She's insecure! She's jealous of you and she feels she can't live up to the 9 year relationship you two had. The more she plays these little games, the more transparent her insecurities are. Ignore it, it's not worth an ounce of your energy.

Dear dragonfly,
Thank you for your email and reply.. that's what my best friend told me last night.. its v hurtful.. now she has put of picture of her on Facebook with him kissing her... its not v nice- as everyone here in singapore, oz and uk can see this- all my friends can see this, all my work friends can see this.. his sisters can see this... I saw this last night and died inside but then I reminded myself that well I was with this person for 9 years and so don't worry about it too much.. she is just trying to bring you down and down... today I had a few work people coming up and just asking how I am.. etc and then one in oz saying er.. I don't know how to tell you this but in facebk.. etc.. So ifeel really e.. I know she is pushing me.. pushing me out of all the family and friends we both had... over 9 years.. that is v wrong- she doesn't have the right to do this.. she has the man.. what more does she want?. I can just vanish to mars.. saying that I would not mind doing that right now... what is so hard is that it is like the whole world is watching you... that's like no privacy at all... I just feel so embarrassed.. as my friends see me struggle to come to work.. and get a day through.. then see puts pictures like that up... as you said the water your own grass and make it greener- it is true- despite this somehow I must finish work and go to the gym.. I must do these 2 things today.. and I hope I can do them because today I am finding it just that bit harder to get by... I know when I get home I will cry a lot today, because it is just one of those days where I just can't be v strong.. and then this morning of all things - I got an email from him.. asking me hope all is okay and take care.. this email was written by him and not her and so it's the first time I have heard since sept 6th.. I did not reply to that yet.. I find the closure v hard as I feel I nor my partner had the chance to really talk and ended the relationship.. it feels like it was ended by another person and your so out of control.. your hands are tied... that is not v right- for the 9 years we had we should be able to have that space to do that.. I feel v strangled.. no wonder I find it hard to move on... there are days I move a few steps forward and then she will do somethng and I am back to square one.. I wish his blinkers would open and he can see how hurtful she is being..

The shipment is ready to go tomorrow.. I am strugglingto cope.. all the photos , cards everything is there.. I will never see them again.. my head says just do it.. my heart is screaming...

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I will never see them again.. my head says just do it.. my heart is screaming...

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Given the traumatic events your going through, of course your feeling are confusing. What you need is time to grieve your loss, and cope with the pain.

I know that after 9 years, it will take a lot of time before the emotional dust settles, and you can see, and think clearly, and cutting all contact with the two of them, in all forms and fashions is the only way to start the healing process. (No more Facebook, myspace, or online ), A vacation, or change in scenery is in order, and some honest reflection, will put this in perspective, as you may realize that you had a lot to do with the way things happened, and have a lot to do with the way you cope now.

I suggest some physical activities to work some of the stress off, and a real plan as to regrouping and rebuilding your life, without him in it.

Maybe you can't see it now, but you will learn, grow, and be much better off, now that he is out of your life, and you have your freedom to get healthy, with healthy people.

Its tough, so be patient, and don't expect to be better without work, and effort on your part.

Put yourself first, and learn to love yourself.

Dear talaniman,
Many thanks for your reply.. I know I will need time, space to grieve and start healing... I know not contacting is the senisble thing to do... I am trying to make each day that bit better.. it is v hard.. I make sure I go to the gym and I know have to learn to fill in some of my weekends.. as I always justed worked.. and so I have made sure that I have one thing to do with a person one of the weekend and the other to just relax..

In many ways I say he is gone.. in other ways I am v unsure- I guess time will tell... perhaps I shoul dnot answer this now or even try to.. as I am not ready..

I would like to be happy again- these 6 weeks I have been miserable and v tearful.. I am normally v happy and full of jokes etc.. I have lost all self confidence as well.. I don't know why... but I noticed last week I found it v hard to sit around a group of people.. its werid because I never have that problem.. and these people are my friends.. its like wearing a swim suit in a law office..

9 years is a long long time.. and so this will take time.. and there will be good and bad days.. and I have to put myself first- something I think I have forgotten how to do.. stupid I know... I can't remember when I did put myself first..

I know I love him... the history is big with many good memories... I am not sure how to deal with my heart yet...

What am I scared of.. of waking up one day and finding myself again.. all happy and upbeat... but still feel that empty loss of him.. and deep down even though everything is good around you that one person missing makes you v sad.. what do I do then?

I guess its one step at a time.. I must fix myself first and then worry about the relationship issues... this way I can have better clarity within myself.. and the situation..

What do I do if he wants to talk to me in the next month..?

I feel v drained..
Is the above thinking a good way?

Taliman is right; don't go on Facebook, my space or anything where there might be something to affect your healing process. 'NothernNiceGuy' on here tells us about his ex who would always contact him when he was making good progress to move on and tell him she is uncertain about the breakup etc. things to screw with his mind as soon as he was making good progress. Eventually he blocked her emails and stopped her from having any contact with him whatsoever. Recently he even changed his phone number because he realised that this was the only way for him to really move on. It must have been very hard for him to do this but it was the only way for him to re-build a life for himself, in where he is happy.

I know it is hard for you to think that you may one day be happy and completely over him and of course it will take a lot of time, but you do eventually move on, really move on. One day you will no longer want him, you will meet someone new who will make you very happy and will say to yourself that it wouldn't have been possible if your ex hadn't done what he did.

I encourage you to read as much as you can on here, there are many people who are grieving over the loss of an ex and MANY who tell us how they thought they would never get over their ex but DID in fact and are happier now than ever.

Also, I know it's hard but replying to his email will only hurt your healing process. Everyone on here will tell you to have NO CONTACT with him whatsoever. The sooner you cut all contact with him, the sooner you will move on.

You deserve to be treated better than this.

Anytime you need to talk on here, go right ahead, we're listening.

You can expect it to be rough for a while, as your still freshly hurt. Cry when you feel like it, vent if you must.

This is a great place to rant and rave, and get support!!

Just don't throw stuff!!

Dear all, a huge thank you for all your kind words and support... his stuff went for shipping today.. it was v hard to see the ship guys pack things- for I know I will never see the 9 years of photos,cards love letters etc... cried a lot today but I know that sending his stuff back was the right thing todo... I am glad to have done this, rather than wait for him to come and do the packing- I know after what I went through today , if I waited for him to pack his stuff.. I would have broken down to pieces... I would not want anyone to see me this way.. and so I am glad I did this myself... at least now I can start to pick myself up slowly and do what I can each day... if I left this to dec- I would just be panicking and stressing and been v worried about seeing him- as I know I am not ready for this..

I am confused. This is my second post.
I had gone NC for two months now, and last week I had a few drinks and I know I did wrong but I sms my ex-finace and asked if we would ever speak again? To be honest I was not expecting any reply but I got an instant reply saying yes and how was I.. I then rang him, he was at work and told me he was off tomorrow and so we can talk then. He voice sounded relieved and he said he was glad to hear from me. I was surprised, but inside my heart I was just glad to her his voice, and the fact he wanted to speak to me meant a lot.
The next day I thought about what happened, I know I should have not called him, as I was NC, but I knew eventually once the dust settles we would have to talk. We have been together for 9 years and just like that he walked out- it was a very unnatural action of him to do.I did not want to ring him as I did not want to sound desperate and I know he is with someone (the one he left for me). I realize whatever we need to do- must be done properly and with respect. So I decided to sms him to see if it was a good time to call him, as I did not want to add pressure or make things uncomfortable. I got a sms back and it was cold, saying NO sorry I am busy but I will contact you when I am off next time. Now I am confused, why tell me he was off tomorrow and was glad to hear from me if was going to get cold? I don’t know what to do as his family told me to hang on for a while, as they said he is not looking happy and they said he does miss me v much- it is written on his forehead… and that the girl he is with is applying all the pressure and is wearing the pants….if I did not love him, or value what we had over the 9 good years with him, I would walk away by now, but the thing is I do love him v much, 9 years is a long long time… I would need to really double check things before I fully walk away.. for me if I came to that conclusion I would never look back….I have not come to that conclusion… I have no conclusion todate.. and so I told myself to look after myself and start moving on.. when that time comes.. then it comes and then deal with things and keep all options open and make the right decisions then.. and so don’t worry too much right now.. since the break up- things have been in the air somewhere, the NC is good as it allows one to start healing, but it also gives one time to think, reflect and come to terms with what happened.. I see now many ways of how we can resolve our issues. I also respect that it takes 2 to work this out and both partners have to be willing and wanting this as well. I also accept that if we talked and it turned out there was no way we can be together- then fair enough.. the important thing is that we talked etc and came to finalize that decision after readdressing issues... I realize now that I will need this, for a closure… and to move on fully… if I didn’t I will have too many ‘ifs’ and ‘questions’ in my heart that will be there for the rest of my life…
So has he gone all cold because he has changed his mind? Or is just playing with me? Or he needs more time? Or is he under pressure from the girl he is seeing right now and she is running the show? Or is she not reayd to deal with what has happpened? From what I have seen the past few weeks, I feel in my heart the girl is running all of this? His family have also told me this… the girl has placed tremendous pressure psychological on my ex, such that they can see he is unhappy, missing me…. And is not communicating with the family v well… his character is no longer the same and in many ways he looks ‘totally lost’.
What do I do…. I want to reach him v much… but I don’t know how…

You say you had 9 good years but the fact is he is with somebody else now and that will not change unless and until he wants it to.
You called and so he KNOWS you are interested so the ball is in his court and all you can do is leave it alone. Contacting him will only be counter productive and end up being more upsetting to you in the long run.

The idea of NC is to get them out of your mind, to move on, to start living your life again, not setting around just planing or thinking of them.

So time to move on

Maybe you don't understand what NC really is, and why you keep it until you have healed.

What good does it do to start healing, and pull the scab off before its ready? That's what you've done, stopped the healing process before you healed, with a drunken text at that. Now his response has started the questions, and FALSE HOPES all over again.

I understand how tough it must be to lose someone after 9 years, and I can bet you can rationalize, any position you want, (closure?) but two lousy months after what you've been thru is not enough, as your learning. The reality is, you interrupted your healing, and must resume it. That's the bottom line.

I know , and you are right, NC it is.. it is just v hard... I am OK during the weekdays... it the weekends and the mornings as I used to speak to him 4 times a day... I am trying to better myself and keep myself busy... but at the end of the day I miss him v much... even thou I can't do anything about it... this is going to be much more difficult than I would wish for and I know it will take years to get over it... I hope I do get over it... there are days than I feel I will be like this forever...

I won't lie, its probably the hardest thing you can do. But it can be done, and even though old habits and thoughts can be overcome, the trick is to make new habits, and thoughts, by planning ahead, and structuring your life with new activities and friends that you enjoy.

Its rough at first, but it will get better. We all go through this and your hardly alone, but read through the stickies, and some of the stories of those in your situation, for insights and suggestions, about COPING with your feelings. You can do this.

All you need is a little time to figure out who you are and what it is that YOU want. After you find yourself and the person deep inside, than worry about the Love of your life. Maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe it happened just so you can have time for yourself. I wish you the best, and good luck!

Dear all, after readingthe open letter the ex- I felt that I wanted to clear the air with my ex-finace's girlfirend- who has ruined my life and has been a pain in the arse since I have found out- she got involved with my relationship with myles, by textingme, emailing me and winding me up on Facebook, upsetting me and many family members. I knew myles for 9 years and we were to marry in two months from now...
She wants myles, she has him... well she might as well know a few home truth...
should I send the below?

Dear Sarah,
I thought it was time I sent you an email. Well first I should congratulate you! Congratulations Sarah! You have indirectly done me a huge favor. People say things happen for a reason and sometimes when bad things happen in life, it is actually a blessing! To be truthful with you I could not see how this could be a blessing in anyway, but with time I have noticed that my shoulders are not weighing me down like ton of bricks. It took me a while to realize why.
So what have you done? You have given me FREEDOM and indirectly by falling in love with Myles and letting him live with you, you have removed ALL MY PROBLEMS- you are now carrying ALL MY PROBLEMS on YOUR SHOULDERS. My apologies for not thanking you sooner, like I said it took me a while to realize this.

Now I will be frank, I don’t know you, I don’t need to know you and nor would I ever feel the need to want to know you. Nevertheless I think you should know a few things, to keep the record straight and honest.
1) Myles never FINISHED IT WITH ME nor did he told me about YOU! When Myles came to Singapore, I already knew something was wrong. When we had sex together soon after he landed, right after, like 30 secs later, I asked him who he was seeing- v direct and v straight to the point... he said no one, he could never do this to me... ever... really? In fact I asked at least a million times over the 5 week period whilst he was here and gave him the opportunity to tell me. I logically figured if a man was in love with another, or was ing around, he should well MAN UP and tell his woman he likes another person like a MAN would, sort the situation out and then leave and be with his new chick. This way a woman can appreciate her man’s honestly and let him go and a man can admire his woman’s understanding and let her go. Then he can go and play happy families with his new chick. That is the right way to do this. I have been WITH YOUR MAN for 9 years, and I have been ING YOUR MAN for 9 years and I have LOVING YOUR MAN for 9 years- 9 years is a long time- a lot of ing, kissing and loving has been going on during this time- all I need is one kiss, one second of ing, one look from his eyes to know if he is cheating on me, that’s how close we were. So I knew already within 3 hours of him arriving in Singapore (yep did not take long to have sex and there was plenty of it) that I had caught him red handed. Myles had all the opportunity to tell me IF he wanted this relationship over and about YOU anytime in the 5 weeks he was here, I tried to give him this time and so he can tell me respectably in his own good time, but he did not. In fact he had 10 months (thinking back) to tell me. There was no gun to be head forcing him to be with me. WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE WITHSOME LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE AS A LOVER? His actions tell one that that he is not clear about anything at this point. If I was in his shoes, and I was madly in love with someone, as painful as it would have been I would have told my man straight, especially if there is a wedding on the way. My actions would not just have an impact on my man, but every single member of the family and friends. Thus it would be so important to give an explanation and a decent one for all the heart ache I would be causing- don’t you agree? I certainly would not be ing both men at the same time- that would be a sign of I don’t know what I am doing and so I will do both of them for now. Someone told me that you have been chasing him like a “crazy mosquito” since Feb. Thus Myles had a lot of time to stop sharing his life with me. He has had a lot of time to tell me what he needed to say, give his explanations/ come clean and walk out like a MAN. But he didn't hmm. I REALIZE NOW HIS ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOUR IS NOT OF A MAN WHO HE KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS AND VALUES IN LIFE. Thus he played with whatever came along. What does your dad/ male friends think of this?

2) How did I find out?
When I saw the text from Ceci (I presume that’s your nickname) I first tried to halt the wedding plans as I was overwhelmed and I needed to think, but then he pushed me into getting things done for the wedding and so I told Myles straight, I could not go ahead with the wedding as something is not right and I can’t marry someone who is not being honest. Looking back I am shocked as he still wanted to go ahead with weddings rings payments and carry on with our wedding plans, he said he is going through a ‘low’ moment and will be fine, he actually told me I was worrying for nothing! But I could not pay for the wedding rings, as I knew I was 99.999% certain and so I stop everything. It was the ONLY right thing to do. Thank god I used my head and stopped, despite what my heart was feeling. Even then he never said anything about YOU. When did I find out about YOU? When he SLIPPED up with his words and said he will pick the remaining of his things up in Dec on the way to New Zealand –that was two hours before he left for the airport and that’s when I figured how he has been playing with-YOU. WOW, I hadn’t realized he made TWO PLANS, WITH TWO WOMEN and obviously was planning to be in TWO places at the SAME MOMENT IN TIME. Very smart moves Myles, how far was all this going to go? I wonder if Myles was planning to clone TWO S?
I obviously was v devastated with this, and was emotionally overwhelmed with grief, HOWEVERI REALIZE NOW HOW LUCKY I AM TO KNOW MYSELF WELL, TO KNOW MYLES WELL, TO PICK UP THE SIGNS AND STOP. Would Myles stop? If I did not find out what I did, would he be with you or me? Big question: would he actually tell me? Doesn’t matter for me now- but it is something for you to ponder on I guess.

Just like that everything that did not make sense over the 5 weeks he was here, suddenly made sense, not hard to work out really. Myles said he “never thought he would meet someone just like him”, you were kindly described as one who “likes to party hard’’, someone ''who is like one of the guys" and then ‘’ at least she is not a prostitute and so I guess it is alright’’ and “oh yes you have some qualifications on psychology”! Shocking, poor and disrespectful is all I can say Myles, considering you moved in with this person 24 hours after saying this. Took me a while to get to grip with all of this, with all my pain and heartache, but now I can see how SHALLOW, SELFISH, NARROWMINDED and SHORTSIGHTED he has become.

As painful as all this has been; I now realize a few things:
“Cheater will always be cheater (he cheated twice with me: first with a Thai prostitute whilst I was in the UK, which took two years of hard work to build that trust- ask anyone! And with you- who knows maybe there was more), cheaters are selfish individuals, devious, insecure, and shortsighted beings who will always care more for what they can get, than what they can give, will never commit fully and will only do when it is all rosey and sweet, but when it gets to the real life and when there are signs of problems, they will run as fast as they can, rather than embracing and dealing with that situation, will never cherish what they have for long, but will always believe the grass is greener on the other side, and will always have that “eye” out for the greener grass, cheaters have NO BOUNDARIES, they don’t know when to stop and will cause a trail of havoc without correcting themselves, cheaters are loyal to themselves and only them, they will think of then first and maybe their mate if it fits in with what they want, the mate is always second whether it is the wife or the mistress”

As much as I love Myles and miss him so much for what he was, rather than what he has become, I now know one thing:

I JUST HAD TO LUCKEST ESCAPE OF MY LIFE

Wouldn’t you agree?

Oh yes if I did send this it I would unblock her- send it on Facebook, and block her again...

Probably not what you want to hear but this is the worst plan ever. You will regret sending it, as it clearly shows how bothered you really are by this whole situation. Just a summary:

1) you show that it bothers you, a lot - just displays your weakness, not your strength
2) It will not lead to any results - he won't come back and she won't leave him
3) It can lead to a dragged out mailfight which will definitely mess with your emotions
4) They will be more bothered if you decide not to contact them at all, think about it, this is a much better display as to how happyyou are that you are rid of this guy and the situation than to contact them again.

You are above them, and above this situation, so let it go.

Thank you- well is a good thing I stuck it here instead- as ti be honest it would take great courage for me to send it- and so I posted it here and hope I get good feedback instead.

Take the high road and live a happy life, best revenge you could give

Its been a hard day today, I told him mum his cargo is sent and I want to be left alone... I don't want to see him or his chick and so this is the best way... she said I was to rash with my decision as she feels my ex still feels for me.. and so I said well there is nothing I can do now... but I am v sad today- I feel like screaming at both of them... and so I wrote this letter and I feel like an idiot...

I understand how hard this must be, and that you want to lash out to hurt both him and her. To be quite honest, they deserve it in my opinion.

With that said, what are you going to accomplish by sending that letter? Nothing! I know it must feel good to let that all out, but you will only cause more hurt for yourself in the end. I know you want both of them to feel how much you hurt, but they haven't done that, so it will do you no good. Both of them obviously have no conscience, and probably deserve each other anyway. Nothing you can write or say will change that.

Just sit back and know that what comes around, goes around, and karma will come knocking on their door! Trust me it will, and then you will have the last laugh.

First of all I would like to welcome you to the club. This is a phenomenon that's practiced world wide. It's a disease that strikes all walks and facets of life.

Once they believe they can get away with it they will do it again. Not only will they do it again, But it will now become a very normal part of their life. So normal that they begin to think it is what is supposed to happen. They are cowards,liars,selfrightous.

Best this has happen now before the expense of the wedding and the embarrassment it would have caused with friends and family.

Your right to let him go and I give you a warm hug and these gentle words.
The path of life has many turmoils,hurdles, and misguided events. But believe in this, there is a reason. You are now a stronger person, and your caring and affectionate ways Will fall into the person you are supposed to be with, but maybe couldn't because you would have been married to Mr wrong.My advice would be not to communicate any more with him," cut off the bleeding as they say" Move on. Don't give his pathetic life style any more of your time or attention. If he calls hang up quickly with not one word for him to hear. This is what will hurt him because his disease needs turmoil. Keep moving on, and when you are weak and I know you are now, find something to keep you busy.. Time will heal this broken heart... How do I know you may ask? I am married, and found out that my wife has been cheating on me, for a long time now... I have a 5 year old daughter that had given me the hint to find this out, so now we are separated, I am alone in my heart, except I know one thing, my daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me and when I feel sad or depressed I think of her... Take care my friend , time will heal... slowly But it does happen.

I wouldn't send it, but I love your paragraph on cheaters I agree 110 percent on that

Thanks guys- the feedbacks are great, I am glad I did not make a fool of myself sending it. I not sopken to the ex for a while and to be honest I don't have the strength or will power too, I am v hurt and although this happened 2.5 months ago, it feels like it happened yesterday. He was not right for me- no person that cares for a person would walk out just like that, without an explanation. I do hope they both have it coming to them- your right they deserve each other- both are selfish and heartless people and don't care for anyone else but themselves. I want to recover from this as soon as I can. I have been so miserable since and cried so much, I am amazed that my tear ducks can still produce tears.. it sucks..

Cool... see feeling better already aren t you... lol Thanks, Dale charleston,sc:):):)

Hi Fredj88,
Shocking as it is- cheaters are cheaters- when it first happened- he was so so sorry and he really cried, I felt so bad and I thought I should forgive as anyone can make such a mistake- we are stupid humans after all.. but I learnt that once they do that- they can do it again... such a sad thing to see...

Yeah I feel a bit better- I think for the last two months I have been quite and maybe I should just talk more and get it out of my system.. that's everyone.