Ask Me Help Desk - I am fooling myself?

Am I fooling myself?

I sent a text to my ex boyfriend who claimed he wouldn't mind being friends. I saw him at his work and he said hello. Then he went into the back office without saying bye or anything. Eventually I left and sent him a good bye text ( no response). I got mad at him and told him he makes things awkward for no reason and that I could not deal with this. On Friday night I sent him a text apologizing for my actions. He said, " I don't have time to play games. I'll call you when I'll call you. Chill out." I told him, "I am not playing games. Please don't tell me to chill out." He sent nothing back. I sent him a text tonight (Sunday) stating "I miss you". I got no response. Am I just fooling myself here? Is he no longer interested?

By the way, we spent time together last weekend and had a good time.

He's a jerk. Don't text him anymore!

I suggest checking out the book "He's Just Not That Into You".

Really good book and good advice! It helped me.

I read many excerpts from that book and I am having a hard time believing that the book applies. When he sees me he says hello and I have WATCHED him look at me and then when he notices I see him look off. When we spent our time together he even admitted that he liked looking at me. Do these same rules apply?

All I'm saying is that if he REALLY wanted to be with you, then he would be with you. Bottum line. He wouldn't push you away like this, especially when he knows you're hurting and that you miss him.

He can sweet talk you as much as he wants, but actions speak louder than words, in my opinion.

True. I bet I am just feeding into his ego by doing this. Stupid me... I need a hobby and maybe this wouldn't be an issue. I always fall for the heartless jerks. I just thought when I came back he would have been interested in me. Especially since I live in a great place that would intrigue him. I guess I was wrong.

Try to give him a couple of weeks - guys sometimes will give you the "off" treatment while they ponder what the right response should be.

I know its hard when you love and miss someone - and we want them to answer us back right then and there - we are all different and we handle things in different ways. Give him a little time - and by the way - apologies are always good if you think you did something to hurt - been in that spot myself.

Good luck and keep the faith.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

True. I bet I am just feeding into his ego by doing this. Stupid me...I need a hobby and maybe this wouldn't be an issue. I always fall for the heartless jerks. I just thought when I came back he would have been interested in me. Especially since I live in a great place that would intrigue him. I guess I was wrong.

Now that you know, try not to forget that every time his mouth opens. His words + your wishes haven't panned out to anything so far, so why would it tomorrow?

Start your next chapter and delete his number from your phone... no more texts!

Thanks. Well I tried to apologize but when he came back with that little text stating, "I dont have time to play games. I'll call you when I call." I was just surprised.

Yeah, I officially deleted his contact information tonight. I say I am going to move on, but I hope I really can this time. I think I just have a low opinion of myself therefore I allow this garbage...

I know - he probably regrets his quick knee jerk response - just like you felt bad about yours. Just give yourself a little bit of time - and he needs it too. Don't keep texting him because it only upsets you when he doesn't respond right back.

I am dealing with narcissistic individual. He is not your typical "sane" person. He has a past of being a MAJOR player and involved with a very violent past. He still battles with substance abuse even though he claims he is clean. THAT IS NOT TRUE. I am wondering if he is avoiding me because he is embarrassed that he has gone back to the old lifestyle? He even admitted he was hesitant to call me the night he did because of it...

You acted like a girlfriend when you kept texting him, you are jumping right back into being possessive with texting him all the time and getting mad if he doesn't say goodbye? Come on, grow up and just accept that it's over

You should be so ready to move beyond your past, and get with your future by focusing on some better decisions in the present.

I am not being possesive what so ever... I did not say, "Where are you?", "Who are you with?", or "Why haven't you called me?" I think your response was rude ROMEFALLS! What happened to you? You used to be very gentle with your comments... Anyway, I think I had the right to text him what I was thinking at the time. It was not anything rude, nasty, or even crazy. If you miss someone then you miss them. How does that equate to childish behavior? I understand that the relationship is over, but it is hard for me accept. I will get over it because for 7 months I was angry and had NC! I am sure I can do it again. Oh and by the way, I realize this is a help forum and sometimes the truth hurts, but let's not be down right rude. I am asking for HELP. I am not asking for name calling.

You were trying to seduce him, for whatever reasons.

I hardly think that telling someone you miss this is an act of seduction... Where did you get seduction from??

I have problems letting go myself and it sounds like to me, you don’t want to let go!
I know it hurts and you can’t understand why…and just keep saying why why why…this is simple, he does this to you cause he can, you allow it, he won’t tell you to leave him alone.. he will throw you a bone here and there to keep around for when he is in the mood to hang out! I think your wasting your time and he don’t deserve such a beautiful person chasing him around…stop calling him I bet he will be up you butt!! Then you can tell him to beat it, he had his chance 
Stay strong
Missmax

You got mad over him not saying goodbye and then texted him with another text saying he was making it awkward and that YOU couldn't deal with it. Then even after he said he will call when he is ready, you replied twice.

I did not name call, I simply stated you were acting possessive which you were with texting him even after he told you that he would call when he's ready. It my opinion you are pushing for a relationship from someone who just wanted a friendship

Ok, mad may not have been the right word but I was disappointed because he made the time to say hello, he could have made the time to day goodbye. I saw it from a friend example. I wouldn't want any of my friends to treat me that way either... Last time I check the definition of possessive in this context is wanting to "control or dominate". I don't want to control or dominate anyone. I replied because I was not playing games and I wanted him to know that and also him telling me to chill out is not cool with me either. The ball shouldn't have to be in his court... who is he to decide that? NO ONE.

He can only dissapoint you when/if you expect something from him. Being friends with him involves expectations and dissapointment. The only way to avoid feeling like this is to not have a relationship with him whatsoever.

Quote:

I just thought when I came back he would have been interested in me. Especially since I live in a great place that would intrigue him.

You wanted more, and he rejected you, the rest is your anger.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...at-265321.html,

Your last two posts, are what I base my opinion on.

Ok, what is your point?? I feel like if that was totally true then there was no reason for him to call me or hang out with me last week.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

Ok, what is your point??? I feel like if that was totally true then there was no reason for him to call me or hang out with me last week.

Maybe he's just 'keeping you around' in case nothing better comes along. Or maybe he wants you there for when he's bored. Or maybe he truly does want to be your friend. Who knows. The point is that his actions are not misleading in my opinion, you are simply interpreting them wrong and creating expectations which only end up frustrating you. There is nothing substantial about the relationship and trying to quarrel with him is a way for you to try to make the relationship more significant. It simply isn't. You are torturing yourself by wasting your time even worrying about it. I'm sorry you're hurting and wish I could say something to make you feel better but the truth of the matter is that the only thing that can make you feel better is to forget about him and this whole thing.

You are 100% right. I am wasting my time trying to run behind someone who may or not may not want to bothered with me. That does hurt but the best thing would be to move on. I don't want to be available at someone's disposal.

He's not interested because you are in his space too much. Back off. Don' casually walk in to his work and make it seem like you were in the area or whatever... avoid him. Don't text him, you sound young, and inexperienced. You have to step way back, and ignore him. The more you bug a guy like this, the farther and farther away he will run. He said to you he will call you when he wants to, so listen to what he is telling you... THAT HE WANTS HIS SPACE RIGHT NOW. Respect that.

Yeah but why does he have to be the one that initiates the calls... he was the one that gave me the apologies and admitted to hurting me, etc.

Wait who done the breaking up? You or him?

He did...

Oh well, you gota let him be and give him space for the time being, it will make him realise what he's missing, he may or may not come back to you though, but you got more chances doing no contact then chasing him, you get what I'm saying, like the more you text call or watever it will make him go more distant, just go cold turkey on him it might change his mind.

Yeah, I am starting to wonder if it is really even worth it. I am tired of it all-- the chase, the frustration, and whatever else comes with winning the attention of an ex boyfriend. Luckily I didn't text him today. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE FOOL ANYMORE! I should have been over him a long time ago.

Yea me to man I'm going through the same shi* AGAIN - NOW - TWICE IN JUST OVER A MONTH, but it involves another guy she's interested in, I seriously can't be fkd anymore with her mind games and the vicious cycle relationships in tale.
Just don't text or call him for aslong as you can until he contacts you first, it may take weeks or months but it will do you better if you just forget about him and concentrate on yourself for now. I know that's what I'm going to do, I cbf dealing with the pain and drama's.

Nothing against you, but I HATE when people say "you should work on yourself"... what does that mean? What if there isn't anything wrong with me in the situation? We all have room for improvement however I am tired of taking the blame every time a situation with my ex goes sour. Sure I did some silly thing, but the person who needs to be working on themselves is my ex... and of course he is not here to read this.

Btw, London is fabulous... I love Oxford Ave... ahh heaven.

Na like do you own shi* for now, without him in you life, you digg

I did that for 7 months and I still missed him... this will not be easy for me. At all.

AmExp
We've been going on with this for months now and the reason it's still an issue is because you refuse to let it go and get on with your life without the thought of him being in it. You seem like an intelligent young lady so surely by now you can see that this guy is just stringing you along and it's because your allowing it.

Let go and get on with your life and you'll find someone who deserves you. I know you say he initiates the calls etc but then you have to ignore them plain and simple. As soon as you reply you keep yourself in this place of false hope and you never progress.

Sorry if I sound harsh but there's only one person who can do this and it's you.

Good Luck!

I agree with friendy (as usual). Although, we can all tell you until we are blue in the face that you need to let go, and it's not worth your time and energy. But, you need to learn this on your own accord, on your own time. Eventually, you will realize what is going on and act accordingly. Only you will know when that is.

Yes, this sucks but it's true. What does someone gain from stringing a person along?

"WHat does a person gain from stringing a person along?"

Simply? They gain feathers in their cap. The knowledge that you will be there at their beckon call. The power to influence. The "fun" of knowing someone is addicted to them. The sense of "winning."

Those are the only things one gains when deliberately stringing someone on.

The best way to not be "strung on"? Cut the strings.

YouTube - Disney Pinocchio-I've Got Strings

From someone who has cut many strings... its SO worth it. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

Yes, this sucks but it's true. What does someone gain from stringing a person along?

They get the satisfaction of knowing they still have some sort of control over you , so don't let him. Let your actions tell him by ignoring him and keep your dignity intact.

Good luck AmExp :)

How would that benefit him..? I understand where you are going but that is just silly... especially seeing how he is not trying to be bothered... ugh.