My ex and I were together for about almost two years and were each other's first loves. We were extremely happy and loving and spent every minute together until he started to drift and wanted his "space" he started to lie about where he was and flaked out on me countless times. He ended up breaking up with me because I became possesive because I felt him drifting and iddnt want to lose him.. big mistake. But after we broke up I found out he cheated on me for three months straight.. from February 08 to the end of our relationship in April 08.

The reason why he cheated on me is extremely bizzarre and its hard to believe but its 100% true. His cousin was lesbian and liked her best friend(who liked guys more) that she kissed. His cousin asked my ex to please pretend to date her best friend so that her best friend wouldn't meet a guy and leave her for him. So my ex is a push over and agreed to help.. it was supposed to be innocent but he kissed her throughout the entire three months. But nothing more... I became friends with the girl and we three-wayed and he told both of us she was nothing to him.. he had no feelings for her; he was just helping his cousin.

After we broke up I did the terroizing and calling and begging and all that stuff I'm not supposed to.. but after a week I stopped and didn't talk to him for about three weeks? I met a new guy he was great! Treated me well but I thought it was way too soon to date.. but of course when my ex found out I had a new guy he came back and wanted to be "best friends" I ended up leaving the new guy and running back to my ex.. we dated on and off until the end of July.. that's where he met a new girl

He told me he didn't want things AGAIN. So I stopped talking to him for about ONE WEEK and found out he was dating her.. its funny beause I think I made them want to date each other because I was trying to keep them apart.. big mistake on my half I feel so dumb.

So now they have been together for two months.. and once again he is back in my life and doesn't want to lose me as a FRIEND because "i mean alot to him and made him who he is today"

This past week we hung out and not to my surprise, we got intimate. He cheated on his new girlfriend with me.. but then two days later he told me he regret it and begged me not to tell her because he really cares about her.. I asked him why is it that you tell me you love me and miss me and care for me so much, more than her but you still chose to stay with her instead of coming back to me? He tells me "i know that if we get back together things would be perfect and we'd be happy but i want to try something new.. and why should i end things with her if she hasn't done anything to me that i should end things with her"

I don't know what to do. I don't think me or him could ever get over each other.. should I just stay friends with him and hope that one day we'll get back together? I really don't want to hear answers that hurt.. but I know there will be plenty. Just help with answers that could help me get him back! I love him! And I care about him so much.

Why would you keep your life on hold for someone who lies and cheats on you? He is keeping you close as his back up for when/if things don't work out with his GF , and he knows he can because your allowing it.

Sorry I know it hurts but you really need to let go of this guy and start afresh or you'll be stuck in this situation for as long as he wants.

There is some real good reading on this site so browse around and you'll realise there are so many more out there in your situation or very similar. Then just come on and vent whenever your feeling down.

I really wish you luck!

Well, I know that you said you don't want answers that will hurt, but unless you get them, you will be in the very same place that you are now, and that won't help you in the least.

This guy is only telling you things that he knows you want to hear, when he is with you. I could see in the unwritten words from the very start of your question. Why do you want to settle for someone who does not respect you as a person, let alone his girlfriend.

He has proven his disrespect towards you, and you are rolling over for it, and he knows it! He knows that whatever he does, that if he just says a half-hearted "sorry"... and a 'fingers crossed behind his back'... I love you, that you will melt like butter in his hands. You are giving him that control and more.

There is nothing more unattractive than a girl that doesn't have enough respect for herself, than to demand that respect, and not stand for anything less.

This is NOT love, this is obsession and infatuation. Love requires honestyand respect on BOTH parts, and that is NOT what you have in this so called 'relationship'!

What kind of "MAN" with any kind of morality or respect would play games like he did to "help" his cousin. That's a child's game! It's not something a man with any moral character would agree to play.

It will hurt you, and we've all been hurt. You are free to challenge me on that one, but believe me, the hurt will be much less if you walk away NOW! Otherwise, be prepared to be hurt 10 times as bad, after you've wasted more of your life going after this guy and trying to get him back.

There is some growing up to do on both sides here! I know you are going to be pissed as hell at me, because I told you things you really didn't want to hear, but it's life honey, and you NEED to go through some hurt in order to know what and what NOT to do in your future relationships.

I am sorry that was so harsh, but I wish someone would have told me these things when I was younger. Demand respect for yourself, and don't accept anything less!

Good Luck, and I'm sorry you're hurting.

Actually deep down what you guys are telling me I already know myself but I'm in denial. Its just that I really hope to have him back because I do love him.. I've tried the no contact thing but that doesn't really work because we just end up back in the same place as "just friends" when we still get intimate and love each other and yadadyaydayd but he won't leave his new girlfriend for me.. I hate this. I wish I was stronger to stop and stay away!

I think to have that possibility, you first have to let go of that thought, that possibility... live your life move on, and then one day if it's meant to be it will work out. But you can't hope for it. You have to move on.

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Originally Posted by lovelen

actually deep down what you guys are telling me i already know myself but i'm in denial. its just that i really hope to have him back because i do love him.. ive tried the no contact thing but that doesnt really work because we just end up back in the same place as "just friends" when we still get intimate and love each other and yadadyaydayd but he wont leave his new girlfriend for me.. i hate this. i wish i was stronger to stop and stay away!

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What you are not understanding, is that HE doesn't love YOU! He is using you, he is using his girlfriend, and as long as you will let him, he will do it! People do what works for them, and you my dear are "the other woman". Of course he won't leave his girlfriend! He has his cake and he's eating it too. He knows that if he comes running to you, he will get laid, and then he can run back to his girlfriend for a little more action. Do you not have anymore respect for yourself? What is there to love about this guy? I think you are in love with the fantasy of the guy you wish he would be. Well he's not that guy! He's a liar, he's a cheater, and quite obviously is not to be counted on, or trusted!

Even if you DID get him back, do you actually think he would not be running to the ex, or some other girl, and then playing her too? I would bet everything I had in the bank that is exactly what he would do! How much of your life are you willing to waste on this guy? You will be in for a lifetime of sorrow if you keep on playing right into his hands. Run, don't walk away, as in yesterday! Trust me, this isn't my first rodeo girl, and I can see exactly what is going on here. Again, I'm sorry to be so harsh, just trying to tell you exactly what will happen if you let this continue. Believe me, you WILL find someone else, but learn to love and respect yourself first.

I know it hurts, but do it for you! Good Luck!

In order to get over you must leave him alone completely. You can't be friends with him so why try. Let him be someone else problem and not yours. Close this chapter of your life for good and don't revisit it. He made a fool of you too many times and you deserve better. Start telling yourself that and believe in those words. For that reason alone you shouldn't want him back. You deserve something permanent not temporarily in your life. Life can go on without him otherwise this yo-yo affect will continue and you will lose out on a lot of great guys.

It's true. My ex called me today and we talked for about an hour and during our conversation the question of "will we ever date or be together again?" and all he could say was "i dont want to say anything because i don't know what i'd want in the future and if i say one thing but do another in the future i dont want you to use my words against me" I don't like this one bit. It gives me false hope but then again makes him seem like he isn't the bad guy.

Oh and does "the magic of making up" really work!

Once again. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that very very rarely happens, except in the movies. I wouldn't give that much of a chance at all, sorry to say. I think that in a few yrs. if he has totally changed, and can prove it, there might be a slight chance of having that magical thing happen, but that is like putting all of your money on one bet in Vegas.

It was good that he didn't make you any promises, to give you false hope. But I've heard that line so many times from guys that just want to take the easy way out, and still seem like the nice guy. It's pretty much the same as the old, "I just need my space", or "It isn't you, it's me!"

There really isn't anything that you can do to get him back. I'm sorry. :( But, if it's even a SLIGHT possibility that you can "get him back", the best way to go about that, is to show him that you don't need him, and go out and do things to better yourself, date other people, and show him that you DEMAND respect from him and everyone else.

You don't have to go on 'serious' dates for now, just casual ones, and put yourself out there. Don't call him, don't text him. Don't answer his calls or texts. Take him off Myspace, Facebook, MSN, whatever you have. Don't go to places you know he hangs out at. Don't try and get info from his or your friends. A friendship at this point will NOT work. You will only get your hopes up!

It's hard hard hard... it's torture!. and boy do I know it! But if you want to hang onto your dignity and pride, that is what you need to do for yourself!

He has made up his mind, so cry your eyes out, scream at the top of your lungs, talk to us here, talk to your friends and/or family, but whatever you do, don't contact him. I'll let out a big scream for you too if you want. I'm about due for a good scream anyway! :)

Had to spread the rep starby , but I agree with you 100%

I have been there before and it is not worth it in the long run. All you can do is think about if that person is cheating on you or if they still care about you and that is NO WAY TO LIVE. Your self-esteem diminishes and it gets worse. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants... except to use you at his disposal. RUN! I should probably be doing the same.

Before I start blabbing on I want to thank you starbuck8 for answering my question and helping me with my sticky situation :)

Hmm I was thinking about the "no contact" and "making him miss me" stage and I already when through that with him I think! That's how we got to the "just friends" stage. Because before this about two months ago? He wanted NOTHING to do with me. He would ignore my calls or answer and tell me to "just leave him alone" and I DID for two long months! And that's when he came back and said "lets be close friends.. i can't stand not having you in my life.. if i could, i would trade our two year relationship for a lifetime friendship" sounded kind of like bull but that's what also kind of kept me by his side. I did some research on my spare time and it said that if I stay friends with my ex, even though he has a new girlfriend, it gives me more of a chance to get him back because I can show him or remind him how great we got along and how great of a girl I was. And I know if I went back to ignoring him and allla that stuff we'd end back here being friends again. Because he was my best friend and we both missed having each other there to talk about EVERYTHING. He doesn't have any other friend that he can talk about things with like the things he tells me. And its true, his friends don't really know him like I do.. no one does. And they all know it.

Butt if you honestly think that I should go back to ignoring him, I can. Its not hard I've done it before I just don't think that it would make things better. I think staying friends is actually giving me more of a chance and it keeps me sane. I'm not so obbsessive with him as I was before! I don't lurk on his page even though he was the one to add me back as a friend. And I never ask around about him and I actually asked my friends never to tell me anything they hear about him and his new girl. And when me and him hang out he never talks about her unless he needs my advice and I'm always there to give him positive advice.. I never talk down on her! So I don't know! Im a lost stubborn girl.

Been there and done that. Played that obsessive crazy g/f and also left him alone as well. If you were good him, deep down inside he knows it. Especially when you do not contact him and just leave him alone.

amexp you think that I should really just stop contacting him?

It hurts so much to do it but YES, leave him alone! Let him come to you! What he is doing is messing with your mind and emotions. It is not healthy nor is it fair. All you are doing is feeding into his ego and he is loving EVERY minute of it. Eventually you just become a pest and soon enough his number will change and that is the worst feeling ever. Why keep up with him? Because you "love him"? Because you will "miss him"? WHY?

He is coming to me! He calls me to hang out and calls just to talk! He's being really nice &not to get in my pants. To actually keep our friendship going. And he's not going to cut me out because he's the one that is scared to lose me as a friend as of right now. He tells me he loves me and misses me!

Ok well it seems like those are games and that right now you have what he wants but hey, do what you feel is right. It just doesn't SOUND like this is going to get anywhere. However, you have to ultimately decide what is best for you. If you miss the guy and think it could work then do as you wish.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Been there and done that. Played that obsessive crazy g/f and also left him alone as well. If you were good him, deep down inside he knows it. Especially when you do not contact him and just leave him alone.

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AGREED. And yes, you really should stop contacting him! It will be hard, but it is a phase of life and of love. We have all been through it. It sucks, the thought of that person not being in your life, but it's reality. Keep yourself busy. You deserve better, and I PROMISE you, you will find better.

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Originally Posted by lovelen

he is coming to me! he calls me to hang out and calls just to talk! hes being really nice &not to get in my pants. to actually keep our friendship going. and hes not going to cut me out because hes the one that is scared to lose me as a friend as of right now. he tells me he loves me and misses me!

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Be strong hun. Move on. I didn't read your whole post but if he cheated out on, is into another girl etc etc, it's not worth it. He is messing with you, because you are making yourself vulnerable to it. Don't be such an open door. Of course he is coming back because he knows you are there. The moment you are not there, he will start to get some sense in him. Don't contact him, don't anser calls messages IM's nothing. It will make you a stronger lady in the long run.

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Originally Posted by lovelen

he is coming to me! he calls me to hang out and calls just to talk! hes being really nice &not to get in my pants. to actually keep our friendship going. and hes not going to cut me out because hes the one that is scared to lose me as a friend as of right now. he tells me he loves me and misses me!

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Of course he is coming to you. Why wouldn't he? I understand the friend thing, but you are being there for him, and he is not being there for you. He is being SELFISH, and using you in whatever capacity he can. He IS NOT considering your feelings. He talks to YOU about HIS new g/f and asking for your shoulder? Are you kidding me? That is about as disrespectful as you can get! :rolleyes: He has a lot of nerve! And then to tell you that he "loves you"... and "misses you"?. and then goes back home to his girlfriend? Whether it's getting into your pants or not (which you've already said has happened), he doesn't deserve that privilege of being your friend! Friends don't do things like that to friends!! That is NOT a friend! Again, he is USING you for his own very selfish and egomanical reasons, and does NOT care about how YOU feel, or if it hurts you.

LET him BE scared to lose you as a "friend"!! It is not your responsibility to placate him, stroke his ego and help him with his problems. That should be the role of the girlfriend, and not an ex. He caused his problems all on his own, and you NEED to let him solve them all on HIS own! He WILL hurt you again if you keep on being his "friend with benefits" Even the talks on the phone are just a part of a plan to keep you on the backburner "just in case!" He knows that if things don't work out with him and his "latest" girl, that he can call you crying, and you will come running. Trust me... he KNOWS that, and that is how he is setting it up.

Do you really want to be the one that he comes running back to as SECOND best, and then if you were to get back together, always wondering what he is up to when he doesn't answer YOUR calls? He has lied and cheated before! Previous behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour hon. He is just not going to wake up next month and have an epiphamy, and say... WOW... I am going to be faithful to my ex, and never lie or cheat again in my life, because she has stuck around as my friend with benefits, while I was cheating on my g/f. There are just so many RED FLAGS that are waving in your face here honey, and you need to take those warning signs and tell him that you can no longer be his "friend", because you aren't willing to disrespect yourself in that way. Let him know that there will be no further contact, not even on a friendship basis, wish him well, and tell him you are moving on to bigger and better things.

I saw your pic, and you are too beautiful to settle for someone that treats you like that. Please don't let this one guy define you. Define yourself! I'm saying this to try and spare you from all of the hurt that I went through. I know guys like this backwards and forwards, trust me I do. I learned the hard way! Believe me, I loved my guy too! Don't let that be YOU!

Although majority of people get their wives back quickly, however if you fail to get back your wife back, you will probably need to know in more details about the psychology of girls and will have to apply other technique so that you get your wife back quickly.
Try Magic of Making up

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Originally Posted by lovelen

oh and does "the magic of making up" really work!?

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I bought this ebook when I was dumped, I read it and was really skeptical as to whether it would work on my girlfriend, so I never went through with it. As a girl, you have a natural advantage to win a mans heart I think, so maybe. Since this guy is a cheater though, I wouldn't suggest it.

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i really dont want to hear answers that hurt.. but i know there will be plenty. just help with answers that could help me get him back! I love him! And I care about him so much.

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NO CAN DO, SORRY!!!! BUT HERE IS MY HONEST OPINION, AND i HOPE IT HELPS, EVEN IF IT HURTS!


Your denial has led you to a very unhealthy place, and if you continue to let yourself be used, you will never heal, move on, or learn to love yourself, and be happy with who you are.

He doesn't love you, and is using your feelings to hump and jump when he feels like cheating on his current g/f, as he cheated on you. That's what he does, and why should he change when, he gets what he wants, and your sad, lonely, and miserable.

Heal and get a man who at least tries to make you happy, as he will not!

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Originally Posted by passion12345

Although majority of people get their wives back quickly, however if you fail to get back your wife back, you will probably need to know in more details about the psychology of girls and will have to apply other technique so that you get your wife back quickly.
Try Magic of Making up

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He is a she and not a wife, are you on the right thread??

If he cheated on his girlfriend with you, what makes you think he wasn't cheating on you on more than one occasion? Leopards cannot change their spots, no matter how hard they try

Okay okay thanks to all of you for your advice! I know that I have been in denial and very stubborn about this situation but now I guess the only thing that can help me is to cut him out :( but I will. But what I want most out of this is for him to realize how great I've been to him but if its already been six months and he still hasn't realized it than I guess you guys are all right! I need to stop waiting for him and putting my life on pause.. this is going to be hard but I'm going to try my best! And now I'm glad I didn't waste $40 dollars to buy "the magic of making up" hahaha wish me luck ill probably keep this thread updated (: it makes me feel better knowing people support me.

Yep, there are countless of on going threads people post in just to update us and we love to hear about the updates! Don't buy any of those crappy online books about how to get your ex back, if they worked there wouldn't be so many people on this website now would there?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

He is a she and not a wife, are you on the right thread????

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My thoughts exactly! :rolleyes: I shook my head, and then went to bed thinking, I must have stayed up way too late! :confused:

What would happen if I told his new girlfriend he cheated on her with me?

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Originally Posted by lovelen

what would happen if i told his new girlfriend he cheated on her with me?

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What are you trying to achieve by doing this ?

Mmm when I found out he cheated on me I was mad that she didn't say something to me(I'm friends with the girl he cheated on me with). I would've wanted to know if I was being cheated on, wouldn't everyone? Should I really just let him have his cake and eat it too?

I just have a feeling your trying to let her know and then maybe she will leave him , and then you would feel you have a chance again.

I would personally leave it and she will find out eventually anyway , why make yourself the bad guy?

Yeah true. And that would probably lower any chance that I could ever have with him -_- dumb idea.

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Originally Posted by lovelen

yeah true. -_- dumb idea.

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Glad you think so... now move on and stop making him control your emotions.

Okay some bad things have happened since my last post. He told his girlfriend that he cheated on her with me for the past month because he didn't like how much guilt it was giving him and she broke up with him and now he doesn't want me either. This is so pathetic

I think your lucky he doesn't want you. Do you really want to get involved with a cheater. If he cheated on his GF he WILL cheat on you as well.

You really need to get over this guy and find someone that want you and you only and who is going treat you right. You will be pathetic if you keep waiting around for him and allow in your life only at his convience. Stop that!

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Originally Posted by lovelen

okay some bad things have happened since my last post. he told his girlfriend that he cheated on her with me for the past month because he didnt like how much guilt it was giving him and she broke up with him and now he doesnt want me either. this is so pathetic

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You have noticed what is going on here right? Think about this. HE told HIS girlfriend that HE cheated with YOU, and HE cheated on YOU to begin with. Now HE didn't like how much guilt it was giving HIM! (awwwww) This is a selfish man! He is only worried about how HE feels! This is all about HIM!! He is not worried about you, or the other girl. HE will be moving on to the next. LET HIM! Don't let the door hit him in the a$$ on the way out! He will cheat on his next victim too! You don't want to ride in the "pathetic" boat with him do you? Have more respect for yourself, and find a man that will respect you. Never wait around for a liar and a cheater! You will only end up with a lifetime of hurt.

It just really sucks because now he's telling me he's glad that he told her because he can get rid of me now and he's trying to get her back