My name is Kevin. I've been dating this girl for sumtime now. At first everything was really good. We fell in love with each other. We were just enjoying each other. Well after a while I started to notice that she was really being distant with me. But every time I asked her was there anything wrong she would always say "I'm ok, everythings fine." But her actions always said different. Well I stopped asking for a while. She stopped being so affectionite with me, stop saying I love you, stop sending me sweet text messages, stop calling as much. The changes really didn't start until she went off to college which was only 35min from me. So one night it was in my heart very heavily to ask her "whats goin on?". And she replied that she wasn't as excited about our relationship as she was in the beginning. So I asked her why and she said she doesn't know and she said that she has been feeling like this for sometime now, which really hurt my heart because every time I asked her what's everything OK she said yes, she was basically LYING to me and not only that I had got her nails and feet done and got some things on her car taken care of and this whole time she was feeling indifferent about the relationship. I was HURTING BAD and STILL IS. Well I suggested that I give her some time to sort out her feelings. Well because I was so hurt, I would asked question here and there about what happen to try and understand why she was feeling that way and still getting that same response "I don't know." So a couple of days go by and I guess she feels pressured and she tells me that she wants to break up. So I accept it. Well later that day she calls me back saying that breaking with me was something that she didn't want to do. So we give it another try. So a period of two weeks go by with me not noticing any change at all with her behavior, when I did call or text her, I felt like I was bothering her, and I had that vibe that she really don't care to be hearing from me. She was acting so uninterested about anything dealing with us. So I go two days without textin or calling her at all just to give her a little space. So here's come Monday night, I give her a call and I get that same bad vibe that she really don't care about us. So I got tired of that and decided to break up with her. A couple of days after I regreted breaking up with her and we talked and she was saying a lot about how I didn't give her enough space, and that she wanted to be cool and that she don't think she wants to be with me. And that why should we try again. And that she needs space to give her a chance to miss me. Now I broke up with her because I get fed up with all the weird body language and the bad intuition I was feeling. Now I feel terrible because I think its my fault that the relationship went down. I TREATED HER THAT BEST WAY I COULD I GAVE HER ROSES, WE HAD PINICS, WE WENT DANCING, WENT STAR GAZING, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! I Don't UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CHANGED ON ME!! But she the one that changed not me. And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOO IN LOVE THAN CHANGED SO QUICKLY?? I NEED HELP!! IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME!!

How long have you been together and the break up?

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

My name is Kevin. I've been dating this girl for sumtime now. At first everything was really good. We fell in love with eachother. We were just enjoying eachother. Well after a while I started to notice that she was really being distant with me. But everytime I asked her was there anything wrong she would always say "I'm ok, everythings fine." But her actions always said different. Well I stoped asking for a while. She stoped being so affectionite with me, stop saying I love you, stop sending me sweet text messages, stop calling as much. The changes really didn't start til she went off to college which was only 35min from me. So one night it was in my heart very heavily to ask her "whats goin on?". And she replied that she wasn't as excited about our relationship as she was in the beginning. So I asked her why and she said she doesn't know and she said that she has been feeling like this for sometime now, which really hurt my heart bc everytime I asked her whats everything ok she said yes, she was basically LYING to me and not only that I had got her nails and feet done and got some things on her car taken care of and this whole time she was feeling indifferent about the relationship. I was HURTING BAD and STILL IS. Well I suggested that I give her some time to sort out her feelings. Well bc I was so hurt, I would asked question here and there about what happen to try and understand why she was feeling that way and still getting that same response "I don't know." So a couple of days go by and I guess she feels pressured and she tells me that she wants to break up. So I accept it. Well later that day she calls me back saying that breaking with me was something that she didn't want to do. So we give it another try. So a period of two weeks go by with me not noticing any change at all with her behavior, when I did call or text her, I felt like I was bothering her, and I had that vibe that she really dont care to be hearing from me. She was acting so uninterested about anything dealing with us. So I go two days without textin or calling her at all just to give her a little space. So heres come Monday night, I give her a call and I get that same bad vibe that she really dont care about us. So I got tired of that and decided to break up with her. A couple of days after I regreted breaking up with her and we talked and she was saying alot about how I didnt give her enough space, and that she wanted to be cool and that she don't think she wants to be with me. And that why should we try again. And that she needs space to give her a chance to miss me. Now I broke up with her bc I get fed up with all the weird body language and the bad intuition I was feeling. Now I feel terrible bc I think its my fault that the relationship went down. I TREATED HER THAT BEST WAY I COULD I GAVE HER ROSES, WE HAD PINICS, WE WENT DANCING, WENT STAR GAZING, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CHANGED ON ME!!! But she the one that changed not me. And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOO IN LOVE THAN CHANGED SO QUICKLY??? I NEED HELP!!! IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME!!!

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You should read my story. I feel for you I truly do. The best thing you can do, I know this sucks but go No Contact. Do not go beating yourself up. You can not force someone to have feelings for you. The No contact is not to win her back but to start to get your life back. It truly hurts, I know from personal experience, how it feels to think someone loves you and come to find out their feelings weren't what you thought. I know exactly how you feel man, all I tell you is time and go no contact. If she has a change of heart she will contact you but do not give yourself false hope and wait for her.

So I need to go No Contact? No call, texts, myspace message. Should I completely moved on or do you think she will come back around?

We were together for 7months we only been broken up for a week now. So do I need to go No Contact? No call, texts, myspace messages, email? Should I completely moved on or do you think she will come back around?

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

We was together for 7months we only been broken up for a week now. So do I need to go No Contact? No call, texts, myspace messages, email? Should I completely moved on or do you think she will come back around?

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Yes go no contact. Give her space and time but don't stop your life for her. Do not sit around and do nothing take it as a time as free. Get up and distract your mind. Good luck man, I wish you the best :)

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

No Contact...ok! I will continue to do that even doe its hard right now. You know its sucks when you meet someone that you think is that person that you can have a long relationship with then your hopes are all stepped on. But did I mention this. On her facebook profile her status says "I have high hopes in someone" Then a couple days after that it said "He didnt mean me. Had my hopes up for nothing or didnt I, or maybe something soon to be". Seems to me she had someone else in mind, as if she was liking other people even when we was together she told me that the reason why she was feeling distant wasn't bc she met someone else. It is as if something doesn't sound right. You know? And she wasn't talking about me in that status!

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O man do yourself another big favor, Do not sit on Face book or anything wondering what is going on in her head. You will only drive yourself insane. Trust me. Sounds like she might have found someone else. Happened to me man. Trust me I feel your pain but do yourself a big favor, Go No contact which might even include deleting her Facebook so You Do not go insane trying to figure her out. Anytime you feel the need to talk to her post here vent here just don't contact her because doing so will only push further. If she realizes she made a mistake she will contact you. But do not wait for you could end up waiting forever.

The other posters have given you some great suggestions, and just know sometimes the other person doesn't feel as you do, and no matter how well you treat them, you'll never get them to feel the way you wanted. It happens all the time with people, and its no ones fault, you just don't click.

No Contact is the way to heal, and move on, and staying off her Facebook, or talking to her friends, is also a great way to get her out of your system. Read the stickies in this forum, and get some insight as to how to cope with a relationship that doesn't work, for whatever reason. There is a link in my signature. Pay special attention to "The No Contact Calender" as you can see how others in your situation are coping with their loss.

So do you think that no matter what I would have done, the relationship would have still went the way that it did?? I just hate getting attached to someone and their family and then its all over. Her family welcomed me in and everything. And its like now its over and done with. Im so confused because I still don't really know the reason why she switched on me. You know??

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

So do you think that no matter what I would have done, the relationship would of still went the way that it did??? I just hate getting attached to someone and their family and then its all over. Her family welcomed me in and everything. And its like now its over and done with. Im so confused because I still dont really know the reason why she switched on me. You know???

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You may never know. Do not kill yourself trying to figure out why. Doing so will only lead you to more pain and hurt. You did not (as far as I see) do anything to aid in the demise of the relationship. Honestly I have come to see sometimes people just change. The human mind will always be an unknown to us. You can either accept that or go insane trying to figure out her head. Sorry man it happens.

This is for sweet_Guy23 what I'm about to say might sound harsh but it comes from experience. I was acually dating someone for a year and I notice the same differences you did. The change of body language, needing space etc. One day a friend of mine told me that during my quote on quote space time she was talking to someone else. I'm not assuming that's what your girlfriend has done but, the sudden change is either four things. 1. She enjoys being single. 2. Exboyfriend back in the picture 3. Has a new FRIEND 4. Or she was truly not feeling the relationship emotionally. Sweet_Guy I understand you were in love at one point but we all go through this. Just move on and if she comes to her senses one day just tell your there is a new girl in town, you're a day late and a dollar short "We can still be friends." lol

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
So do you think that no matter what I would have done, the relationship would of still went the way that it did???

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Probably!

I got a serious question here, when me and her was together she used to tell me that she loved me all the time. She was so happy to fall in love with someone she knew was for her. That night that I finally got her to open up that something was wrong, I asked her if she loved me and she didn't answer at all! Weird silence! What does that tell me?? I need yalls point on view on this! Thanks

You will probably never know the feeling of changing your mind about your feelings, until you go through it yourself.

I think a lot of us, hear what we want to though, and miss what we don't want to hear, as I have always believed if your paying close attention you will notice things, but not know what it is, or what it means.

Sadly our partners start the break up, long before they let us in on it.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I TREATED HER THAT BEST WAY I COULD I GAVE HER ROSES, WE HAD PINICS, WE WENT DANCING, WENT STAR GAZING, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CHANGED ON ME!!! But she the one that changed not me. And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOO IN LOVE THAN CHANGED SO QUICKLY??? I NEED HELP!!! IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME!!!

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I know that some of people in here, mostly girls will disagree with me, but in the end, they know they want challenge! Im sorry to say that, but it was your fault. You were not a challenge anymore and you admit it. You gave her everything. What to us guys may seem logical, like giving gifts, and being there every moment for her, to the girls in the contrary, its like awaiting for approval. In the beginning they kind of like it, but deep down they hate it! What's more important here is that it seems like you understood, although a little too late. Now, is there someone else or not, that's another story. But you should not be thinking about that! Now, stop doing anything you might have been doing till now, like calling, sms, or whatever! When the time comes, if it even comes, that she calls you, play it cool, and pal, play the damn game of "hard to get". It's the best way to get someone's "attention"!

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent

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They never tell! So don't blame her for that!

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I got a serious question here, when me and her was together she used to tell me that she loved me all the time. She was so happy to fall in love with someone she knew was for her. That night that I finally got her to open up that something was wrong, I asked her if she loved me and she didn't answer at all! Weird silence! What does that tell me??? I need yalls point on view on this! Thanks

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Why did you asked? Expecting for a NO? Or just a provocation? If they don't love you, they would just leave. Don't make those kind of questions next time! Do not wait for approval! It shows only weakness.

I pretty much just asked "Do you still love me?" just to see what was she going to say basically. So do you think I shouldn't have asked that question? So she got bored? What was the silence when I asked her that??

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I pretty much just asked "Do you still love me?" just to see what was she goin to say basically. So do you think I shouldn't have asked that question? So she got bored? What was the silence when I asked her that???

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That was only one of those questions that shouldn't be asked! Logically, its pointless, because you can't know her real answer through her words, but her actions. In the moment you do feel like your girlfriend, through her actions, doesn't show you love, affection, etc, its time to back off. Not time to leave, but to be more invisible, more indifferent, more different! If still the things do not change, than its time to move on!

So maybe I should have never broke up with her then huh? I got frustrated and broke up with her because before that we broke up once and up to that time I didn't notice any change... but maybe I didn't give it enough time. I gave it two weeks didn't notice any change.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

So maybe I should of never broke up with her then huh? I got frustrated and broke up with her bc before that we broke up once and up to that time I didnt notice any change...but maybe I didn't give it enough time. I gave it two weeks didn't notice any change.

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No, in this case you have saved yourself the pain of being dumped. Cause as I see, the girl just lost any interest in you, and being dumped from her was to be expected. It was not about the time you gave or you didn't gave her. You were just too avaiable, not so mysterious, not a challenge.

Why are woman like that? She was young too. And how can I keep things a mystery in a relationship.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

Why are woman like that? She was young too. And how can I keep things a mystery in a relationship.

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Stop right there! I do not disagree with Matteus but honestly the only person who knows will be her and then she may not even know. Dwelling on this kind of stuff will only tear you apart and prolong healing. You will find the one who you do not have to change or act differently towards.

Take it from someone who was put on a break, stop wondering why and lift your head and move forward.

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

Stop right there! I do not disagree with Matteus but honestly the only person who knows will be her and then she may not even know. Dwelling on this kind of stuff will only tear you apart and prolong healing. You will find the one who you do not have to change or act differently towards.

Take it from someone who was put on a break, stop wondering why and lift your head and move forward.

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So I shouldn't really have to act differently or change with a girl. Because with her I didn't change, I was only being myself, but SHE changed on me. She wasn't the same girl I met at first. But I am a sweet and nice, outgoing guy. Could that be a problem. I'm nice?

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

So I shouldn't really have to act differently or change with a girl. Because with her I didn't change, I was only being myself, but SHE changed on me. She wasn't the same girl I met at first. But I am a sweet and nice, outgoing guy. Could that be a problem. I'm nice?

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It does not seem to me that you were wrong at all. You have to stop beating yourself up. Understand people change. Feelings change and there may never be a true reason. You can try to find out but know this. Find someone who will not want you to change and want you for who you are. (referring to matt's post)

Hell I was the sweet nice outgoing guy and everyone told me I was too nice to her. But its just my nature, how I feel someone I love should be treated. Everyone told me how they envied what I did for her and how they wish just once their BF would act like that. It was a hard pill to swallow but people and feeling change. Do not go around changing who you.

Stop beating yourself up, she is the one missing out on A GREAT GUY!

You just have to forget about her and regroup and be ready for the next female you choose who may be completely different and more compatible.

The glitch, it takes time, and work, to figure out if she is the one, but until then, you enjoy the process of finding out.

That's when knowing yourself and loving yourself and being able to cope with your own feelings comes in. Then you can recognize what you want when you see it, and reject the ones you don't.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

So I shouldn't really have to act differently or change with a girl. Because with her I didn't change, I was only being myself, but SHE changed on me. She wasn't the same girl I met at first. But I am a sweet and nice, outgoing guy. Could that be a problem. I'm nice?

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We have not so much information about you, but it could be. Mostly it happens to the nice guys. Or as I like to say: to the sheeps. And the sheeps need some kind of toss to become wolfs.

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

It does not seem to me that you were wrong at all. You have to stop beating yourself up. Understand people change. Feelings change and there may never be a true reason. You can try to find out but know this. Find someone who will not want you to change and want you for who you are. (referring to matt's post)

Hell I was the sweet nice outgoing guy and everyone told me I was too nice to her. But its just my nature, how I feel someone I love should be treated. Everyone told me how they envied what I did for her and how they wish just once their BF would act like that. It was a hard pill to swallow but people and feeling change. Do not go around changing who you.

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Sometimes we need to change as well. Who can say that those habits, that behaviour we have built during our life, is OK? The facts are that mostly nice and too nice people do have such problems with their relations. Common man, its killing to have someone there all the time, to have a bf/gf who treats you like their son/daughter, who always tell you what you should do and what not, who do not have their own life, put their life around you. Relationship becomes stale, with nice people. No challenge! I don't know how to call it, but for me it has nothing to do with love. Its more like those nice people are needy and want to be loved! Its frustrating.

For some that is true. As my own personal experience I feel I did not smother her like that :). I never told her what she could and could not do. Some people do want a challenge but I know personally I do not want to have to constantly fight for someone's love. But these are my opinions.:D

Its all about what you want. I know I do not want to be told who I can talk to and who I can not. It was not like that in my case. Then again some people like being told what to do :).

Basically what I am getting at is some people may like having attention etc all the time while other might not.

But I agree if that is the case of controlling someone's life then that is unacceptable.

I seem to be ranting so I'll stop here, kind of losing my thought.

Logically thinking, no behavior is acceptable to all.

In my case I wasn't needy or smothered her at all. But you are right I don't want to have to constantly fight for someone's love. Its OK to play hard to get a little sometimes but when someone has my heart they shouldn't have to constantly fight for it. Now me I loved my ex and when we were together I was a fun loving, playful boyfriend, but then there was times when I wanted to show her my love by surprising her with something or doing something sweet. I believe in treating my woman good, catering to her sometimes. But I never tried to control her time or anything like that. I still had my life too. You know?? But she did become part of that. That's why Im having a hard time getting back use to the way things were before I met her. But I treated her the best way I could.

You'll be okay, she just wasn't the one, but you didn't know that.

The real test is not having the female, but coping with yourself, when you don't.

You know honestly, I keep trying not to beat myself up about it so much, but I can't help it. For some reason sometimes I think that it was my fault that the relationship went in the direction it did. I keep overlooking everything that she did. Why is that??

You will get there, and boy will you be pizzed.

Don't worry dude. Go NC. I was I'm on a similar situation no long ago. I was with my ex for 3 years. This year has been horrible for me. She tried to get back with me once but after a month she said she doesn't feel the same. Then we ran into each other she told me she still loved me and made me believe that I was the best thing in the world and another month later she broke it off for the same reason. Just go no contact. As for me I will never try getting back with her. It just makes me sick to my stomatch that she lead me on like that. Not cool.. Hang in there you will be fine.

Just wiat

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Originally Posted by MC12545

Dont worry dude. go NC. I was im on a simular situation no long ago. i was with my ex for 3 years. this year has been horrible for me. she tried to get back with me once but after a month she said she doesnt feel the same. Then we ran into each other she told me she still loved me and made me beleive that i was the best thing in the world and another month later she borke it off for the same reason. Just go no contact. as for me i will never try getting back with her. It just makes me sick to my stomatch that she lead me on like that. Not cool.. Hang in there you will be fine.

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I have been going NO CONTACT. And it does get hard sometimes, but she is not hitting me up at all so that keeps me from contacting her. She probably just moved on. But she has never said straight up that she doesn't want to be me anymore, or she doesn't want anything to do with me. She has never said that straight up. But maybe I'm thinking way too much into it.

Mate I'm going through and almost IDENTICAL situation, I'm 20, my first love in every sense of the meaning, 1.5 years with, broke it off with me about a month ago, and it killed me, I'm here looking for advice myself, all I can say is you sound like a rele decent guy, I treated my ex as great as I could, and that's all you can do. My ex turned 18, and rather than take that as an opputinity to explore different things in our relationship, she used it as a time to go solo and enjoy the single life, their needs change man, irraspective of your own, one thing I will never get... our last date was one of the best we ever had... no contact mate, and don't think about what she's doing, my advice.
My hardest challenge is getting the confidence to be with another girl.. hard times.

Hey man, I will tell you from what I have learned.

I dated my ex for 7 1/2 years (we started dating when I was 19 years old, I am now 27). I loved (and still love) this girl with all my heart. It has been 4 1/2 months since she broke up with me in all most the same way your girl broke up with you.

I bought engagement rings two weeks before she dumped me so you can imagine how serious this relationship was (at least to me).

Some of it is my own fault, I didn't pick up on the signals, she cut the physical part of our relationship out, she was "busy" all the time at Grad school and she was showing little interest in me. Being the trusting boyfriend that I am, I really believed she was busy when she told me she was busy. I loved her with all my being, I had no reason to doubt what she was saying.

She actually broke up over the phone with me, after 7 1/2 years... that is brutal. She gave me the excuse that "she fell out of love with me" but I also got 30 other reasons as well. I asked her if she could break up with me face to face and I was willing to drive 2 hours to her grad school TO BE DUMPED BY HER. However, she said she had a marathon to run and she wouldn't be home...

You have to realize something and I will be called sexist for this but the truth is the truth. Women do NOT use logic when it comes to their emotions, it's sad (and puzzling) for us guys.

They start to feel a certain way and they act on it, as guys, we feel a certain way and use logic to sort through it.

You cannot know why she dumped you (just like I don't know why my ex dumped me) because I truly believe they (our ex-girlfriends) don't know why they dumped us...

They just had a feeling of love loss for whatever reason and they ended it... I tried to use logic because if I was in a 7 1/2 year relationship and I was "falling out of love" with someone I would tell them to see if we could work it out... women just act on their emotions at that time and dump you.

I am not saying this is always the case, some women had someone else waiting on the side or they want to date around. For the most part (for the honest girls) I really do believe they don't know why they do certain things.

But in order for me to heal (I am still healing) you need to go NO CONTACT

I am not going to lie to you bro, it hurts more then getting shot, I swear to you sometimes I think having your heart broken and not knowing why should be used to torture terrorists because it hurts (and boggles the mind) more then anything.

You HAVE to delete her email/IM/Facebook/Phone Numbers/myspace accounts. And you will NEED to stop talking to her period.

Listen from my experience, you will just keep looking to see if she is dating someone, if she mentions you, etc. If you keep talking to her or emailing her, she will move on (and you will push her further away) and you won't.

You will cling to the hope of getting back together (if you keep talking to her) and she will be moving on dating other people... not healthy.

Even the sweet well intention girl might string you on, it's human nature. Keep you as a backup "just in case" things do not work out.

I forgot the comedian who said this but it's basically "a behind glass (like a fire alarm), break in case of an emergency."

Trust me, I dated my ex for 7 1/2 years with plans to ask her to marry me in a year (she felt the same way a few months before she starting acting weird).

I am not saying it's easy what your going through but I grew up with this girl, I shared everything with her for that long period... if I can do it, you can do it.

Plus, this is the only way you know for sure that she does indeed love you and wants to be with you. If she comes back there will be no doubt, if you try to convince her or stay in touch and she does come back (which usually NEVER happens), there will be doubts in her mind (and yours) if this will happen again or if she will feel that way again.

Let it go, go through the pain and embrace it until you are over it.

One last suggestion: I am going to Cancun for spring break this March with a bunch of friends, I suggest you do the same. Not just for a quick fling but to hang out with your guy friends, drink out of control and look at (and try to flirt) with beautiful women.

Just my 2c

BTW, they took out the word in the quote I stated above:

"a <male member organ> behind glass (like a fire alarm), break in case of an emergency."

Sweet Guy, the same thing happened to me, we even dated for the same amount of time as you and she told me the same things. Ive posted on here a lot to looking for answers. The best advice I can give you is to completely avoid contact from her. Its best in the long run. You don't want her to play games with your head whether she intends it or not. I know it hurts because its been 2 months for me and I still love her... but it gets better because you have your friends and all these great stangers that care enough to help out. Good luck with everything because I know how hard it is