Ask Me Help Desk - Do I still have a shot to get her back

Do I still have a shot to get her back

Well I know this has been on here before, one guy holding on to the fact they want there ex back, but I'm not looking for what people have to say about other situations so I need to hear what you have to say about mine

My ex and I were together for a year, and in the last month of our relationship I fell apart, became needy and selfish at the same time, not a smart choice on my part. So she ended it, not bad like but told me she needed space and wanted to be with her friends for some time, but added that I really did hurt her. So I begged and pleaded for about 2 days then just went into no contact. For 4 days I didn't speak with her, I decied to try the dating thing, so I went out with another girl, nothing really happened and she kissed me. So I go to work the next day and a common friend of ours was talking to me and I had mentioned the other girl and this friend told me I should tell her and call her, So I did, not out of spite or anything. Well we talked for about 15 minutes at first and I told her things with me are going good and that I haven't let this bother me anymore that we broke up, I told her I didn't want to have a hole in my plate when there is so much on it, then I told her about the other girl, this phone call then lasted 4 hours. Now, this girl who said she needed out because of the bad things I did told me how could I do this, how could I just go with someone else when we just broke up and it wasn't right, so she started crying telling me that she has always loved me and still does, but now is not the time for her to have a relationship. So what do I do, your all probably thinking it, I went in to needy mode again. So I told her that I wanted her back and all that sappy stuff (which really does not work at all) and gave her flowers, she said to me again that right now she can not say yes then kissed (I was not expecting that). Then I asked her if we can go out on a date the next time she was up from college, so she said yes, OK not bad if you ask me. In that time she found out that another girl asked me out and got upset about it, so I called her which again was not the right choice, but I did and told her "look, if I need to move on let me know, I love you and its not easy for me too do, but if you want us to try to start again and to take things slow, well she wasn't very happy, completely aggrevated about this is saying it lightly. So I waited a day or so and I called her and told her very confidently that I was OK and I agreed with the break up, but I wanted to know if she still wanted to go out on a date, first she said what do you need me for you have other girls now, now she says she has to think about it. Ok no problem, so I said to her can I call you on Monday and she said yes, but since then I have noticed a lot of people saying just go no contact. So I never called her, though I wanted to. We have been broken up for a month today but in no contact for 4 days and I keep going to the gym and building my confidence and I plan on going no contact for about a month till I get my head on straight. So my question to all of you is this the right idea, will absence make the heart grow fonder and the thought of me moving on not calling her make me look mature and respect her needs? And one last question, does her reaction to what was said about me with the other girls make her still care, or just indifferent.

As we said before, go NO CONTACT.

See what you did? You asked her for a date, making the things harder on yourself and your ex as well.

Oh yeah, after she found out about my kissing the other girl, she tells me that one of her friends keeps asking her out but she says no, she not ready for anything yet

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Originally Posted by j_daniels55

Oh yeah, after she found out about my kissing the other girl, she tells me that one of her friends keeps asking her out but she says no, she not ready for anything yet

No wonder...

Your ex likes you but she feels insecure and confused what/who she wants.

You, on the other hand, need to keep your snake in your pants.

Sure, you 2 are broken up, but this issue is unresolved.

Man don't call her or do anything, I'm going through the same , but over a 4 year on and off relationship/best friendship , its been up and down. But since I broke of contact and just gave her distance she has come crawling back, keeps calling me, asking me questions wondering whyt this and why that, but I'm not sure if I should give in just yet, il wait it out a little bit longer, trust me it works even though it's the hardest thing youl ever have to do in your life. Read my post when you get time.

LOL hjpan, I do keep it in my pants, this girl kissed me, I know better.

turbogtir- I have read this book called "The Magic of Making Up", maybe you guys have heard of it, but it pretty much says no contact may bring them crawling back, to me it sounds harsh, but I guess if they tore your hear out there is a balance, maybe not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

LOL hjpan, I do keep it in my pants, this girl kissed me, i know better.

turbogtir- I have read this book called "The Magic of Making Up", maybe you guys have heard of it, but it pretty much says no contact may bring them crawling back, to me it sounds harsh, but I guess if they tore your hear out there is a balance, maybe not.

Chances are... the partner doesn't crawl back unless SOMETHING happens

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Originally Posted by hjpan

Chances are... the partner doesn't crawl back unless SOMETHING happens

Something like what? Elobaroate man

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Originally Posted by turbogtir

something like what? elobaroate man

Parent injured, in debt & trouble with finance, in trouble with government/police
Friends injured...

And so forth

OK, can I just say, from a woman's point of view.. you both need to decide whether you're ever going to work on the relationship. If not, then you guys should just part ways. If you went out with someone else after only a few days, then you should just move on. Let me let you in on a little secret.. no girl is ever really that "confused" about what she wants. She either wants to be with you or not, it's that simple.
I say just let her know that either you guys continute to talk.. without the drama! Or just stop talking..

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Parent injured, in debt & trouble with finance, in trouble with government/police
Friends injured...

and so forth

So you rekn even if she has the same feelings she won't come back? That's eff'd up man lol
Man I'm in love with this chick, sometimes its so surreal and I ask myself am I really going through this?
I've just discovered everything that happens on this earth has to do with timing,good timing, the right timing, and if its not then your FUKD.

One thing no contact does, it cuts the drama, and confusion, and allows the emotional dust to settle, so you can make a decision based on facts, and not just intense feelings. You both need that.

I agree with Jax, as if someone wanted to be with you then they would be communicating, so you can work through things, not break up, and get mad because your not waiting for a change of mind.

Keep the no contact, and stay busy doing things you enjoy, and maybe stopped doing during the relationship. Your worst enemy is self pity, and inaction toward yourself.

I think you would agree, you have enough issues on your own to work on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbogtir

So you rekn even if she has the same feelings she wont come back? thats eff'd up man lol
man im in love with this chick, sometimes its so surreal and i ask myself am i really going through this?
iv just discovered everything that happens on this earth has to do with timing,good timing, the right timing, and if its not then your FUKD.

Yep =/
If she feels uncomfortable after with her friends and boyfriend, she'll run to you.

No contact is used to heal yourself and let the emotional dust settle, not to get someone back. Don't get your hopes up as they rarely come back and even less stay together. You need to cut contact, not for a month but longer. She wanted space so let her chose when she wishes to talk, and then you decide if you're ready to talk without begging her back

Tab, please read the forum guidelines for using a reddie.

Please learn how to read my posts, as I said NC isn't used to get someone back. I never said it doesn't bring them back.

Ok, So I'm at the point where if I called her I wouldn't be so panicy, I know this because until now checking what you guys have said I didn't really think about her all day, so what's my next step.

Your next step is the same as the one before, keep the NC going. It's working as you are thinking less and less of her and starting to heal completely. As tempting as it is don't pick at the scabs, sure you think you've healed by one fall and the wound is wide open again

Quote:

tabbarat disagrees: sometimes no contact gets them back..when the dust settles, she may realize she made a mistake by leaving u

Many, but not all who go through the healing process, don't want the ex back, and would rather move forward. NC gives you those choices back. It allows you to make better choices for yourself, based on facts and not just feelings.
Most times when they do comeback, the same things that broke you up before, are the same issues that break you up again.

These threads are a testament to that. Very few have gotten an ex back, and kept them, and though a few have (very few), most don't, so I wouldn't pin my hopes on that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

Ok, So I'm at the point where if i called her I wouldn't be so panicy, I know this because until now checking what you guys have said I didn't really think about her all day, so whats my next step.

Keep doing what your doing as slowly you will be able to see, and think about other things besides her.

Many who come here, and start feeling better think they are over it, and they can start talking to the ex again, and be friends, and catch up etc, but reality is until you have completely regrouped, and rebuilt, and are truly happy with yourself, your not ready. If your still wondering what should you do next, chances are your not really ready to look back at all. Be honest with yourself and your feelings, and don't be fooled by false hope, and wishful thinking.

I just found out she is with someone else now

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

I just found out she is with someone else now

Bro, I feel bad for you =/

*sigh*

best choice is to leave her alone and find a new girl =]

For me, there are maybe 3-4 girls who like me but they are really young... 13 (youngest) and 15 (oldest)

still considering... =]

Unfortunately I did see this coming, we were going to be engaged, and I always told her to stay away from a guy that she meet, I new he would pull her away. But I guess you can't pull them away unless they want to be. Its all a part of life. September 5th was the day, I have next to my computer the ring right now, my friends and family all chip in for the ring, a weekend stay at this near by resort and all the works, about 5 grand for everything. All this stuff I can get my money back for, but the life we had I can now never get back. But I know I can live on, by the way she was the one who wanted to get married, that's why it was going to happen so soon. I can't hold her anymore, I can't kiss her, I don't think I could ever look at her again.

Update...
I just got off the phone with her, wanted to just close the book and let her go. So she tells me this guy just happened, I can see other girls but she can't see other guys, truth is I set myself up for that, but I'm pretty sure she left me for this guy, told her the story about the fact I was going to ask her to marry me, she didn't even sound like she cared. She also told me we couldn't get back together because I would always hurt her, wish I knew a head of time that this was going to happen because I would have not have gone to a psycologist to find out what my problem was. Turns out any way like most of you are thinking, she just wasn't the one after all!

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

I just found out she is with someone else now

Same I just found out that also, keep your head up buddy...
Its been one week since her and the other guy have being seeing each other but they are not a couple yet, but since she first met this other guy lastweek she has still been trying to contact me, everyday calling me, is this because of guilt? I SERIOUSLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUK THIS WOMAN IS DOING, is she messing with my head? SHE DOES NOT KNOW I KNOW ABOUT THE OTHER GUY, is she trying to get the best of both worlds? Or is she just using this other guy? After the break up in the space of ONE WEEK we spoke only a few times because I went NC, during those times we spoke including lastnite and she said she was missing me and still wants to meet up, but I'm not sure sure what I should do? SHOULD I STILL REMAIN NC? It seems to be working but I really don't know what her motives are. It has broken my heart, literally. Remember it has only been one week since this all went down. Things are really intense and I can't believe this is going down after 4 years!!

turbogtir- her intensions are simple, like my ex, she wanted me around to just in case it didn't work out, that means yes they still care about you and you are the "comfort zone". This guy obviously is a rebound so if you want to hold out for about 2 weeks or 2 months then go ahead, but being a fall back can be tough. I think you should face her, tell her the truth that you need to move on and let her go, I don't know if she will come back but if she feels threated by the lose she just might, but after this you should stay in NC. The real problem is the same as mine, if she decides to come back, do you really want her back or do you need her to come back. One thing to remember though my friend, rebound only work for women if you stay in the picture, so run away if you really care about her and do want her back. But as I said be careful, from experince you never jump in head first, have patience and take your time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

Update...........
I just got off the phone with her, wanted to just close the book and let her go. So she tells me this guy just happened, I can see other girls but she can't see other guys, truth is I set myself up for that, but I'm pretty sure she left me for this guy, told her the story about the fact I was gonna ask her to marry me, she didn't even sound like she cared. She also told me we couldn't get back together because I would always hurt her, wish I knew a head of time that this was gonna happen because I would have not have gone to a psycologist to find out what my problem was. Turns out any way like most of you are thinking, she just wasn't the one after all!

Nope, that's where you're wrong. Going to therapy will help you in your next relationship so you won't make the same mistakes that assisted in plaguing this one

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wish I knew a head of time that this was going to happen because I would have not have gone to a psycologist to find out what my problem was.

As Rome said, getting help is a good idea for your future, just because it didn't get her back, doesn't mean it didn't help you in the long run.

i'm a little confused.

You all had a conversation about calling on Monday... then you didn't call.

That is games. NC follows a break-up, not a pending conversation.

My guess is that she wants to break-up and was slowed by the tinge of jealousy. So, NC may be best for all. But generally that is after an ending... so, was that an ending? You all are young and probably it's time to move on but make sure you do it honestly. So, you can be ready for the best relationship for you.

Turbogtir & j_daniel:

Your ex is trying to put you on rebound. My ex and I put each other on rebound, but she left me for real.. piece of trash~

Anyways, don't fall for it... I fell for it and I hit rock bottom... wasn't good at all

Wow, that is VERY VERY close to what happened in my last relationship... The final outcome for me is that I am WAY better off without my ex... I had to ask myself if all of the stupid fights and one way effort was worth the man I was with, in my case the answer came back no... I don't think you should have to fight and beg and drag on in something that is meant to be

Look man I'm a grl and I know how we can be sometimes and you know what! I really think she still loves u. u know if really want her that bad I have a great ideda. Now this WILL sound corny but if you listen to me I think you got a great shot at winning her back... go with the secret admirer routine
Start sending her flowers and mix CD's on a daily basis and maybe even add some sweet and subtle words with them... keep leaving her hints about who you are but don't b 2 obvious and sign every thing by saying FOREVER YOURS
FOREVER IN LOVE
YOUR SECRET ADMIRER
Meanwhile you need to get a mutual friend to follow up and see if its working
When she finally falls for it show up at her door step with a bouquet of red roses and ask her to get back together and tell her you are the secret admirer... IKNOW HOW CORNY THIS SOUNDS TRUST ME BUT IT HAS TO WORK;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2L2

look man i'm a grl n i know how we can be sometimes n u know what! i really think she still loves u. u know if really want her that bad i have a great ideda. now this WILL sound corny but if u listen to me i think u got a great shot at winning her back.....go with the secret admirer routine
start sending her flowers n mix CD's on a daily basis n maybe even add some sweet n subtle words with them....keep leavin her hints about who u r but dont b 2 obvious n sign every thing by saying FOREVER YOURS
FOREVER IN LOVE
YOUR SECRET ADMIRER
meanwhile u need to get a mutual friend to follow up n see if its working
when she finally falls for it show up at her door step with a bouquet of red roses n ask her to get back together n tell her u r the secret admirer............ IKNOW HOW CORNY THIS SOUNDS TRUST ME BUT IT HAS TO WORK;)

Sounds like it works~

I just hope he listens lol <3