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I would not push this. Unless you know that he is sneaking up to the attic to spend time with those things I would not push it.
You can explain to him that having the items there bothers you and makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask him to remove them, but I wouldn't be adamant. That could backfire on you. It also shows you are insecure in your relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem
Yes I am insecure in this relaitionship I have never felt like this with anyone
I hate that he has a past and I cannot except it
He still emails her which I have read we argued about it as he says he has to be nice
Or she'll take him for more money in the divorce.
I just want this house to be rid of her, I moved into this house with all furntiure so its bad enough I have to sit on the same sette they brought together, but I really want rid of all the past I can't stand her being in this house still if you know what I mean.
Thank you for you response I won't push it I will find the right time to confront him and ask him to get rid maybe.
You can't make him erase his past with his soon to be ex-wife. Your living in the same house they share so what's the big problem? Burning some of his thing aren't right, don't you have things like pictures or some keepsake given to you by your ex? I know I do and know it's part of my past but I still have them and once in a while reflect on it. In any case why can he keep some things? Also, why do you feel so insecure? By the way, feel free to answer this question or not but was your seeing each other while he was married? Also, him emailing his wife should not be a major issue because maybe they're sorting things out.
Yes we were seeing each other while they were marries they were separated she moved bk to UK (we live overseas) he has moved into a different house that we are in now so that not so bad,
I don't have any memories or pictures of past relationships I think once you have left and got on with your life why keep all those things to remind you, especially when your in a new relationship. I understand where your coming from I really do, but I can't cope with him having these things it gets me down a lot.
I hope you rethink confronting, him and talk and listen to express yourself, in a less threatening way.
Before you do that, deal with your own insecurities, that are fueling these feelings, or your baby daddy will not be as co operative at all. I can almost assure you, your feelings will cause more problems than it solves.
Think about it, from a rational, logical point of view, and not from jealous insecurity. You knew of his past before you had that baby by him, so don't expect him to change, but you must.
Sorry forgot - - - - they don't sort things out when emailing they tell each other there meet up for coffee and stuff when he returns to UK on his own. They also talk about they think about each other what there doing etc he wants to support her with her problems bla bla - but he can't support me when I need him :(
That's the thing he isn't co operative at all he doesn't like to listen to what I have to say.
He's stuborn and does what he wants and likes he doesn't listen and always ends in an argument.
I knew of his past yes but I didn't think she would still be living under this roof in a kind of way and hed still be emailing her - it hurts knowing that he hasn't moved on cause in my eyes if he had it would be over with emailing and keeping in touch
Maybe their not over each other. I thought you meant they were talking about things related to their divorce through email. Things happen and maybe he feels sorry or the need to help but I thought they made an agreement, money wise, by your other post. I think you need to do something for yourself and don't have your life revolve around him. These things happen and like Tal said all these things should've been consider before hand.
Yeah I know thank you
I will start to do things for myself from now on
Only time will tell I suppose if I can cope with this (his past) much longer, if not then life goes on hey
I think there not over each other it was a 1 year eelationship hey ho ill find a way of coping
Thanks for your comments
Was he always stubborn and never really paid you any mind? If so, this is the way he's and mostly he won't change. If not, is it due to the divorce? Maybe you need to reflect on what your have because what you see and getting from him now is the way he's going be if he don't change. Maybe things moved to fast for your two. He started something with you without settling things between him and his wife and all because he they were separated didn't mean he ever stopped loving her.
Always yes ha ha
Yeah we used to have a laugh told me he loved me cuddled me but not anymore its all wore off, he likes me to run around and do everything have the house cleaned without no help etc.
Yeah maybe we did rush things and he was on the rebound but he has said he wouldn't change it but I don't believe him sometimes I think he's only with me cause we have a child.
I don't think he has stopped loving her still I mean he wouldn't still be in touch would he. We have nothing but he says he loves me and doesn't want to loseme but I think that's because he doesn't want to break the family up and end up alone.
KINDLY ask him to remove the stuff but do not demand it. And certainly do not burn pictures as they are part of his life. You have to understand that he did have a life before you, I don't see a problem with keeping pictures as long as they are in the attic and not hanging up around the house. You can't expect someone to just completely erase a huge chapter in their life
Memories are in your head why do people need pictures of there past to remind them of how there ex's were
If you are having these problems with him now and he advised you he won't change, then you've some decisions to make. Don't let a child be the only reason you and him are together. Your child will pick up on this. It sounds like your have different views on how a relationship should be and before this of course he told you everything you wanted to hear but now you see. Mostly likely if your didn't have a child together he would be gone. A life with him would only lead to depression and you should never be depress over a guy or unhappy especially if your're together. Do you have family or friends where you live or did you up and leave everything to be with him?
Yeah I know he won't change I think I really need to think about things a lot.
Yeah I left everything for him all my family are abroad living so are we but fa away from them.
I know if we didn't have a child we wouldn't be together me was the only chance he had at having a child as his ex couldn't have any, so to split we kill him as he wants to be with his baby that's the only reason were together I think even though I do think he kinds loves me, he's back off work trip today been gone 2 days and if I don't get the excited welcoming I want and NEED then I know where I stand I think.
Because it was a part of their life, you can't expect someone to simply erase that. I'm sure you had a life before him so what's the big deal. Like you said, you moved into his house and then complain about the furniture. Then you go out and buy the new furniture, while your at it, buy new rugs, pots n pans, chairs, paint for the walls. Everything! I mean you either have to get over your own insecurities or say goodbye to this relationshipQuote:
Originally Posted by jennifer ellen
I mean you either have to get over your own insecurities or say goodbye to this relationship
Yes you are right here!!
Painting and decorating isn't going to change the way I feel about his past
All because you don't have nor keep things from your past doesn't mean other people don't. He was married to this girl and all because he with you he should burn all the things connected to her? Some people get rid of all the things from their ex when the break-up was bad. He's still going through a divorce so who to say he'll neve get rid of some things. From the way things are between your two the least thing on your mind should be the things he've of her in the attic.Quote:
Originally Posted by jennifer ellen
Jennifer, I have been where you are. My present girlfriend was married and has 2 kids by her ex-husband. At first it weighed on my mind heavily, but then my friend gave me some wise advice, she has obviously chosen to be with you. If she wanted to wait around for him and be with him, she will. Nothing you do will change that, but she chose you, she's with you and she loves you. Stop doubting yourself and think about it logically for a minute
I sorry Romefalls but I think your situation and hers are different. Does Jennifer have insecurities issues, yes. There are to many other problems going on between these two besides her jealousy. I think her life revolve too much around him and they oblivously have different views about making a relationship works and they jump too fast into one. You and your girofriend might have road bumps in your relationship and worked through them because the two of your worked through it. This relationship seems one sided and it can't work if both parties aren't on the same page. Their relationship have no foundation and it doesn't seem it will last long. Maybe it might be her jealousy that's playing a major role but look how they started. I really see what they have going anywhere and he already stated he's unwilling to change any of his ways. There's no communcation nor understanding and most of all trust.
But she also can't expect him to simply erase a huge chapter in his life. It's like trying to rewrite a history book, no matter how you change the story the outcome is the same. They were married, they had a relationship, she needs to understand that. She is trying to put the thought in her mind that it never happened.
And jealousy? Jealousy is not someone else's fault, it's your own insecurites plaguing the relationship. I'd be damned if my girlfriend told me to throw away all of the pictures that I had, because me and my ex shared a lot of special moments. He has already taken them off the wall and put them in the attic, she is crossing the line buy burning HIS belongings.
I never said that it was okay to burn his things nor try to make him erase his wife memories they shared. I've been saying that since page one. She has jealousy issues and she admitted to that.
I was simply saying these two is not a match like you and your girlfriend besides her jealousy issues. He expect her to do anything, especially around the house, and she stated he was stubborn but he was never like this in the past. Basically he was always loving and now he's not. She must have discuss these issues with him because she stated he stated he'll not change. She wants this he expect this, they're on two separate pages. I don't think it will last and I think if a baby wasn't in the picture then they wouldn't be together.
Oh I wasn't attacking you liz, nor was I saying that you implied that it's okay to burn his belongings. I agree that there is a serious lack of communication on this relationship as they side step the main issue and focus on less serious natures.
I'm sorry to you both if my situation has caused arguments between you to.
I know what I have to do and not do and if were not meant to be were not meant to be.
I have some issues to sort out I think and I will try talking to him I don't know what the outcome will be but thank you both for your comments they have been a great help to me and I will take onboard them all and try and sort this out.
Thank you again x
Ha ha... believe me, this was not my first argument with someone on this site, and it won't be my last. And I don't really consider them arguments persay, mainly disagreeing with one's opinion. We both have the same stand point on what you should do, just different ways to get there ha ha
I don't think it was an agruement, if anything just a mix up. Like Romefalls I had my share of arguments with people but don't consider this one.
What do you expect from people from NY and NJ?? :eek: :rolleyes:
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