K here's the deal, my man and I live together and are expecting our first baby in 5 weeks he has also put a ring on my finger. The other day my man left his hotmail on without logging off so I took a look on it and found that he was talking to this chick about hooking up. She had msged her phone number so I decided to give her a call. As I was on the phone with her I found out that she had lots of clients and she didn't know my man. She was really nice and concerned after I told her I was pregnant. As I was on the phone wit her she told me to hold on. She had someone at the door, she asked who it was and he told her his name and by my surprise it was my mans name, she then said to him `` here the phones for u`` she pasted the phone to him and it was my man and he said HI and I was like HELLO. He realized it was me and hung up. I called his cell phone right after and he said that he would be home right away. When he got home he told me that he wasn't going there for himself, that he was going there just to drop off money for his friends cousin and that he had did it because his friend didn't want to get caught by his girlfriend who had his password for his email. So I'm so fricken confused if I should believe him. We have talked and kind of worked thing out but I still think he is lying. What should I do. I still have questions to ask him but he doesn't want to bring it up again but its all I can think about. I need advise so help me.

Thanks

I personally think he's lying... You saw the hotmail with your own eyes... Doesn't seem like he was doing it for a cousin and if so, why didn't he get the info from the cousin... why was he messaging the girl?

Call up his cousin and ask... If nothing happens then end it. Communication is key in relationships

Hmmm... as awkward as that sounds he could be telling you the truth. You should ask him who the friend's cousin is and ask him. That's really not cool though that the friend's cousin would be sending your boyfriend over there to pay her though. Wouldn't he care that he could get caught going over there by you? Another thing to think about though is if he was going to see some prostitute for himself wouldn't he make sure to close out his email so you wouldn't see? You would think he would be very careful if he was going over there for himself. I can't tell you one way or another if he's telling the truth or not but it sounds to me like you should do a little more investigating to be sure.

I'm done with giving people the benefit of the doubt... She saw on the email that the guy was talking about hooking up... What does hooking up mean exactly? Getting together... or making out? Either way, something sounds off and I would ask him... but still... if there was nothing wrong with what he was doing, he would have told you off the bat.

If it was for him. What should I do. I have put my whole life pretty much in his hands and got so much to lose if it is true. We got a baby on the way and if it is true I don't know what to do. I don't want to be with someone who is going to cheat on me.

For now just worry about talking to him to find out if it is true. Do you have family or friends you can stay with if it is?

Well there is no way he will admit it if its true. I do have places I could stay but I want him to be there as a daddy for our son. If I leave he won't be.

So now you're telling me communication in relationships isn't a must? Hmm... interesting, I would put money on the fact everyone else would disagree with you. Don't talk to your spouse about anything, let me know how that works out for you. I'll be sure to see you back here soon

Rome is right, communication is the key, and your asking the wrong questions. Why would he feel like going to a prostitute, and cheating on you? Of course he is lying, and why not.

What better way to avoid the truth, and consequences of his actions. So I guess you haven't worked things out at all. Just buried them for the time being.

My advice is the same as Romes, which you don't want to hear, call the cousin. and get to the bottom of this. You both have some talking to do. (communications) and your right, a lot of us say the same thing, because it happens to be true, whether you like it or not!

K first of all sorry rome all I saw was his quote I didn't c his actual message to me so I apoligize. Now that I have read it. It is good advise. I'm not all here with fricken hormones and stress. I don't know how to get ahold of this cousin but when there is a will there is a way right.

Hooray for the hooker, she just saved you a lifetime of misery. If you believe he is lying, he probably is. Can you trust him now? A relationship with no trust isn't worth having. Why wouldn't he be in your child's life if you moved? What kind of man abandons a child just because a relationship didn't work. Before you make any decissions know what you are getting into. It might be hard at first, rely on friends, and move on.

I forgive... I don't take offense, just don't want you to make a hasty decision without finding out the facts. I'm not saying you should trust him, but at least try to ask the cousin. Tell him to call this family member in front of you, shouldn't be such a big deal if he wants to keep you around. If he refuses, then it's the final red flag I would take

He did call his friend when I was right there but he could have called and made him say what he said before that. He told me at first that he was doing it 4 his friend then it was for his friends cousin. He said that the day before his friend stopped by and gave him the money but his story just doesn't make sense. I ed up thing is that I called this chick and he showed up when I was on the phone with him. He told his friend on the phone that he was going to keep the money because he almost ruined his relationship. He got a phone call like five minutes later and I heard his friend say ``my cousin says he is sorry and he can keep the money`` but I have so many more questions for my man and his friend. I just don't know how to bring it up again without him getting upset. It all I think about when I get up and all day and then I can't sleep at night. I don't even want to touch him. I feel like I should go get checked out again cause if he has cheated he might have gave me something and I don't want it to hurt my unborn baby.

That sucks, especially in your situation. I think he is lying about it. Many guys have that same old excuse of "Umm... She wasn't for me, she's for a friend's, brother's cousin.." Or something like that. Like duh, right? Anyway, quietly get to the bottom of this by getting in touch with the cousin, although odds are he might have already tipped his cousin off by now. I have to give him credit for coming up with that story tough. I almost believed him.:eek: Nonetheless, since you two are having a baby, after you get to the bottom of all this, then make a decision you can live with and would be good for you and your kid.

My man tells me not to be snopping around and that if I want to know something just to ask him but I can't get the answers I want by doing that. I hate fighting with him cause I don't want to go into premature labour or anything but I can't continue living with this.

Call up the cousin for Confirmation.

Story matches up... stay with him~
story doesn't match up... leave him

If you can't snoop around no more then just accept his explanation and forget the whole thing.

Oh I really want find out the whole truth. This is eating me up inside. I could call his friend and talk to him one on one but I know if I do my man will get upset but I need to know his side of story with out my man around. What do you think if I do go behind his back.

He Did It.

By You Calling Him On The Phone And Waiting For Him To Get Home Instead Of Discussing It Right Then And There You Gave Him Time To Develop An Excuse Which Any Man Would Develop In A Given Amount Of Time..

Look At The Evidence. His Hot mail. Her number. Her House. He Was There. And If He Was Paying For Someone Else Wouldn't The Cousin Have Called The Trick To Let Her Know. And I'm Pretty Sure Tricking Is Not A Lay Away Plan It's Pay Then And There...

Think About It.

Quote:

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I don't want to be with someone who is going to cheat on me.

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This is true, but what can you do? You've already gotten pregnant and I can't see you walking away now over this, can you?

In a normal (we aren't pregnant, we aren't sleeping together, we are in no rush) relationship, you'd have all kinds of options here to suss out who he is and spend more time testing and trying.

The baby's almost here, the ship has sailed. Decide if you want to move forward, for your coming family's sake.

Look, regardless of his intentions, if you're going to marry someone, you HAVE to learn to practice forgiveness and unconditional love. I'm not saying be stupid and ignore what he does, I'm saying with nothing else to go on and no time left to try other scenarios, you may just need to forgive him and get on with this story.

Tell him you forgive him, either way, whatever really happened. You're going to be fine for now. And as long as he's willing to give you a few years of unfettered access to his email and cell phone and anything else, just like you're willing to give him, then you two will be just fine.

Good luck to you, a lot going on here. Maybe this is the least of the issues you need to be working on.

He's lying to you and that's the reason he hung up the phone at the girl house, once he found out it was you on the phone. Then on his way back to your house, he lied on the cousin and most likely will get him to go along with the story. Don't think for one minute the cousin wouldn't lie to you to help cover your so called boyfriend butt. Some family will do that for each other. Follow your gut and you eyes did not fool you nor did your ears. He got caught and now flipping it on you and making you out to be a snooper, he's the stupid one for leaving his account open then showing up at her house. Don't you think if the cousin could fool around with this girl and could damn sure go back and pay her? I thought prositutes get the caah before they give it up? Gues not! Follow your gut and don't believe his eyes. Now you see what type of person lay besides you every night. A dog!

Yes, you are not going to get "credit" with a hooker, no way, not even a regular. I am sorry you most likely "want" to believe his lies, so go ahead, you know the truth, if you wish not to act on it, that is your right

Im not going to give a quote but I'll just stretch what these Rome and Tal said. But if I were you when I saw the letter, NO MORE EXPLANATIONS because I'm done. Fr. Chuck is right, you have a right to believe what you want. You already saw something, you're still in denial. You want to hear what you want to hear that's why you come here.

1.Call the cousin and confirm his relationship with that hooker.
2. Ask your fiancé about the letter & text, "Why are you hooking up? Is there something wrong with me? Not happy lately because there's a baby?" He can't deny he's hooking, you saw it!
3. If you want, hire private a detective to follow him.

K here is the deal, my man and I live together and are expecting our first baby in 5 weeks, he also has put a ring on my finger. The other day my man left his hotmail on without logging off. So I took a look on it and found out that he was talking to this chick about hooking up. She msged him her phone number so I decided to give her a call. As I was on the phone wit her I found out that she had lots of clients. So after she said that I knew she was a callgirl. She couldn't remember talking to my man. She was really nice and concerned after I told her I was pregnant. As I was on the phone with her she told me to hold on. She had someone at the door, she asked who it was and he told her his name and by my surprise it was my mans name, she then said to him ``here the phone is for u`` she pasted the phone to him and it was my man and he said HI and I was like HELLO, he realized it was me and he hung up. I called his cell phone right after and he said he would be home right away. When he got home he told me that he wasn't going there for himself, that he was going there just for his friends cousin and had did it because his friend didn't want to get caught by his girlfriend. Who had his password to his email. So I'm fricken confused if I should believe him. We have talked and kind of worked things out but I still think he is lying. WAT Should I DO. I still have questions to ask him but he doesn't want to bring it up again but its all I can think about and its driving me crazy. I need advise. Help me.

You already got good advice the last time you posted the same question. Posting the same question again... will probably not get you the answers you want to hear.

What should I do if I find out that he is really doing this to me. I have already refused to not have sex with him till he gets tested. I'm going to the doctors tomorrow to get one for myself and my unborn child.

Um if you believe that-you are a stooge. Sorry.

Tell him you KNOW he is bullshi^^ing you, STOP it or he is out of the picture.

If it was me I would leave him right away, but if u love him and want to work things out. Try and figure out if his story is true. Get ahold of that cousin and see how he reacts to it

You're lucky you caught him before something could have happened... I wouldn't believe him, but we're silly creatures are ALWAYS believe the man we "love"

You don't need to hunt down the cousin, odds are the stories are all fixed now. The hooker would probably be more honest with you than any of them. Just look him in the eye, tell him nice try but no cigar. You know he was there to have sex & just don't know yet how many other times he's done this.

If you act like it's nothing, he will too & then when things get too stressful or he feels like it again, he'll be at someone's house or backseat of a car. You either nip this nonsense in the bud now one way or another or stay stuck listening to his lies. If you want to pretend his story is true, that won't be help either of you.

There is a remote possibility it is true but not at all likely. You know that. What you don't know if you will get a stand up guy who will be a good father & husband yet, because so far it's not looking good. If he had a good reason to be at a hooker's house, you would have been the first to know when he got on the phone especially since you are pg & he wouldn't want you stressed out. He would not be so concerned about what you would find out if you kept trying to check things out & would have encouraged you to because there wouldn't be anything bad to find. He's in damage control mode which is very different from innocent mode.

If you want to talk with other women in a similar situation & a good site for those who have been cheated on (or suspect it but haven't gotten the proof yet), go to

SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for those affected by Infidelity

Forgiveness & communication is important but he's not admiting he needs forgiveness, that would be a good thing because at least you'd have the truth & he'd be remorseful he cheated or was going to. Right now, he's just sorry he got caught, so all he's interested in doing is making it easier for him.

As long as he's not communicating with truth, you are buidling a home for your baby on shaky ground. You don't need that & I'm sorry this is happening to you especially when you are about to have a baby. Check out that site, they have great info & can help you get to the bottom of this so you can know much better what your best choices are. Ignoring what happened isn't a good option nor is accepting his story at face value.

It's up to you if you stay. I wouldn't. Me and liars don't mix. If you stay know that the truth is broken and now your going question everything and stay on the look out. This is going drive you nuts. Anyway, it seems that you some how believe his story.

As far as the cousin, don't waste your time as mention early. If you was going call, you should have done it as soon as he was telling, as soon as he brought him up. It still wouldn't have prove nothing because anyone can see the holes in this story. Your man tried to play you ane got caught. Plain and simple. It's like a criminal gettint caught in his acts doing his dirty deeds but still trying prove he's not gulity when there's a mountain of evidence that proves otherwise.

Ohhh awkward!

I think you've got to think about how you would react if you wernt having his baby, you have to figure out if you trust him,
If you do then go with it,
If you don't then you have to figure out where things can go from then... don't stay with him for the baby's sake... after all if he DID do it he could do something similar at a worse time and it could have a worse impact on both you and your baby

Xoxox

If it sounds like a lie, chances are that it is a lie. Get rid of him. You and your child deserve so much more than that.

First you need to find out if any of this is true. Call the cousin, call the ho. See who's story makes more sense. If you break up with him without knowing the facts you will just feel guilt and think that you've done the wrong thing once your anger wears out. You have to get to the truth. Obviously if you trusted your man, you would believe everything he tells you. But you don't, isn't that your answer right there? Even if he did go for someone else (which I highly doubt) you don't trust him, and a relationship cannot survive without trust. I say get to the bottom of it... then move on. You don't want to show your child that what daddy does to mommy is acceptable do you?

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Originally Posted by plzhelpme123

well there is no way he will admit it if its true. i do have places i could stay but i want him to be there as a daddy for our son. if i leave he wont be.

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Well then you don't need to be with him if he won't be a father to your child if you are not together. How old are you?

Oh my god my cousin just went through the same problem. Here is what happened, my cousin was doing her boyfriends laundry one day. As she was clearing out his pockets she found this card with a five digit number. One day he left his hotmail accout open as he went to take a shower. She glance at his account and found out that he has been going to these private orgy parties. She match the info on the card with the confirmation email he receive. She confronted him and he said the same lame excuse your boyfriend said. He says that his friend didn't want to get cause so as a favor he did things through his name. My cousin said if you tell me who the friend is, my mind will be at ease. Here is an update this happen 4/08 she hasn't seen or spoke to him since. Tell your boyfriend to drop a name to confirm this whole mess and see how he reacts.

The father figure for your baby is definitely important, but so is your happiness. Do you think ud honestly be happy living with him always being suspicious and wondering if he would do something like that again? (I personally think he lied about the cousin, the emails practically told on him) he can visit the baby everyday and still be a good father, but you deserve to be with someone who would NEVER think to message other girls talking about hooking up!

Get checked out for your unborn sake. Drop this whole CSI investigation. Your circumstances and your heart are not going to permit you to leave. And if you don't leave, don't beat yourself up over it. My mother didn't leave my father and my father did not leave my mother and they both probably done far worst than cheating. Go forward prayerfully and let God lead you. Repeat the Serenity Prayer.