Hello, My name is Kelly. I am eighteen years old and my boyfriend is twenty-four. We have been living together for over a year now and I love him with all of my heart, but there is a problem. He won't kiss me, we won't hold me, we don't have sex anymore, we watches porn all the time even though I've asked him not to and told him that is makes me feel ugly and that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I am bipolor and I can't handle this. I haven't eaten in a week because I feel fat, I cry everyday, we fight all the time, he hits me and chokes me, and he calls me names all of the time, like, and whore. He really hurts my feelings. He also has a problem with spending all of my money. I get 800 dollars a month and he gets every cent and he don't even appriciate it. I mean here I am working my off to take care of myself and I can't keep any money because he is a drug addict.
I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemistry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. Please help me. What should I do? Shuld I leave or stay? And if I stay, how can I fix our relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

Get out of any relationship that involves any type of abuse. Right now you are being mentally and physically abused. No one deserves to be treated that way for any reason. Don't wait any longer, go somewhere safe.

... and you continue to stay with him because..?

He calls you names, chokes you, takes your money, why don't you take your money and run??

If you call what he does love then you need help asap.
WHAT is there to love about him? You CAN do way better! You are lying to yourself and wasting your time and life.

Listen to me, and listen very carefully okay! LEAVE... don't even wait to do it... LEAVE NOW! YOU cannot fix this relationship! Your LOVE cannot fix him! He is mentally, emotionally, verbally, physically, and financially ABUSING YOU!. AND he is a drug addict. You could end up badly hurt or DEAD!

Please TRUST ME! I know what I am talking about here okay! It can happen to you in a split second, and you won't be able to defend yourself. I have been there, and all the love in the world won't change him and he WILL HURT YOU!

GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!

I know, I'm so stupid. I just wanted so much to believe that I could help him and love him.I think I love him too much. I feel like I can't get away. :(

Please please please leave him. I was with an abusive drug addict and we had a daughter together and its not a good situation to be in. it has affected her really badly and ruined me. I have only just learnt to get stronger. If you don't leave him soon it could be too late. You are not alone there are people who can help you. If you don't have family or friends to help you can get a domestic violence officer through the police and there are place you can go where you will be safe.
I under stand that you love him and think that one day he will change, but they never do, trust me I waited 4 years for that day and it never came.
You got to look after yourself
If you need to chat feel free to contact me, don't feel alone

You NEED to get away. It is only going to get worse. He sees you put up with it. He disrespects you because he knows he can. He has absolutely NO reason whatsoever to change. He WILL only get worse. You are lying to yourself and in denial to the potential harm he can and will do if you stay. You will only destroy your life, he sees nothing in him that needs to change or be fixed.
Normally I never advise someone to leave and jump into another relationship but if this other guy is your only hope then you need to do it---yesterday!

You are not stupid, but you do need to go before he really hurts you even more than he's done now okay? This is NOT your fault. There is nothing that you could do different to change the way he is acting. There is nothing you have done to cause him to act this way. This is HIM PERIOD!. NOT YOU!

I know it's not easy, but this isn't love honey, this is fear! He has got you believing that you love him! Love doesn't hurt like that. Love isn't just a feeling. You need to love who you are first, and you can't do that with him anywhere near you.

Pack your things when he's gone, call your new friend and ask if he can help, and get the hell out of there! Leave without your things if you really need to, and bring a police officer to go back with you.

I am in the same situation, except he told me he cared about me but then he would make me cry every night luckily we did not live together. Until he choked me so hard I thought I was going to be killed that is not love.. its going to be hard but you have to move on its not going to work the first time he laid his hands on me I forgave him but never forgot the second time I realized it was not a good thing I could have lost my life. Believe me I love this guy I thought he would be my future but you can't change anybody. I have reported him to the police for what he did it hurts inside so much but I didn't deserve it. You should as much as it sucks get away and make yourself strong on your own you are so young and you may think you are bipolar but hun its not you its them playing with your emotions makes your emotions go crazy. I wish you the best good luck!

National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE.

There are professionals that may be able to assist you on preparing to leave the relationship. Do NOT move in with another man right way. You need to to take a time out and focus on getting yourself together.

One more thing also. DO NOT let ANYONE... especially him, tell you that any of the things he has done is your fault. I've heard it all before. What did you do to piss him off, why didn't you do this different, or that different, why didn't you lose weight, why didn't you gain weight, why didn't you get your hair cut the way he wanted you to, why were you such a B*tch! Well if I was a B*tch, I can give you a million reasons!

DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF THAT BULL!. and don't wait until you are sitting in the hospital with a bunch of broken bones and a badly bruised lung like I was.

I hope we aren't hearing from you because you are busy packing!

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemestry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

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Is he looking for work?
Does he use any drugs?
Does he drink until he throws up, blacks out or calls in to work?
Does he have a strong hatred toward his ex? his sister, or his mother?
Does he get physical with anything (including walls) when he drinks or when he is mad?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, do not move in with the new guy. Sometimes there is a pattern of abuse.

You need to talk to a professional that handles domestic violence.

Can you call your mom or dad or another family member.

Do you have a car?

Do you have a cell phone?

Okay, I understand that I need to leave. But I don't want to get the police involved, he'll go to prison for 7 years and I don't want to do that. And I'm not so sure that moving in with another guy is a good idea but I don't have anywhere else to go...

What makes you think he will go to jail for seven years?
Does he have a warrant? Is he on probation?
You need to be concerned about you not him. Sometimes people need to reap what they sow or they never learn.

If you do move in with your other friend tell him you are only ready to be friends and roommates for now.

You can contact someone from domestic violence and they will NOT get the police involved. They will assign you with an outreach counselor (for free), she will help you find a safe place to stay (for free) and arrangements to move if your family cannot help you. Make sure request you talk to one that has experience with drugs. There are several couselors so you can find one that understands your situation the best. You may be very scared about your future right now (being alone and stuff) but you are strong enough to do this and make a better life for yourself.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Hello, My name is Kelly. I am eighteen years old and my boyfriend is twenty-four. We have been living together for over a year now and I love him with all of my heart, but there is a problem. He won't kiss me, we won't hold me, we don't have sex anymore, we watches porn all the time even though I've asked him not to and told him that is makes me feel ugly and that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I am bipolor and I can't handle this. I haven't eaten in a week because I feel fat, i cry everyday, we fight all the time, he hits me and chokes me, and he calls me names all of the time, like , , and whore. He really hurts my feelings. He also has a problem with spending all of my money. I get 800 dollars a month and he gets every cent and he don't even appriciate it. I mean here I am working my off to take care of myself and I can't keep any money because he is a drug addict.
I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemestry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. Please help me. What should I do? Shuld I leave or stay? and if I stay, how can I fix our relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

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National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline 1-866-331-9474

Here is a link to their website. Love is respect - National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline On the right side of the page there is a link to a representative. They will help you.

As we don't know what area, or even what country you are in, it is difficult to tell you exactly where to go. Most places will have as said above, a domestic violence unit, that will not involve the police. There are also women's shelters, or crisis shelters where you can stay for free, and they will also assist you with any help you may need to get through this. They have got counselors at these places also.

You are in DANGER where you are right now, and there are caring people that will help you.

Where is your boyfriend right now? Is he out somewhere? Is he passed out?

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Okay, I understand that I need to leave. But I don't want to get the police involved, he'll go to prison for 7 years and I don't want to do that. And I'm not so sure that moving in with another guy is a good idea but I don't have anywhere else to go....

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That's not always what happens. My ex got a 12mth suspended sentence. You should report incasehe tries to intimidate you after you have split up. They need as much on record as possible to be able to judge what he is like and keep you safe in the future

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Okay, I understand that I need to leave. But I don't want to get the police involved, he'll go to prison for 7 years and I don't want to do that. And I'm not so sure that moving in with another guy is a good idea but I don't have anywhere else to go....

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Here's my concern - your boyfriend sounds like he has many issues, violence being one of them. If you go what makes you think he won't follow and hurt you or the people you are staying with?

If he were a stranger would you call the Police on him?

I don't know why you are certain he'll go to jail but unless he knows you are serious I see this only getting more dangerous for you.

Usually with domestic violence, at least where I live the guy is out in a matter of days.
But if there is no violence the police will not even do anything at all.
So it makes me think there is more to the story, like warrants.

You NEED to get out where ever you go but a women's DV shelter would be best cause they will hide you

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Usually with domestic violence, at least where I live the guy is out in a matter of days.
But if there is no violence the police will not even do anything at all.
So it makes me think there is more to the story, like warrants.

You NEED to get out where ever you go but a womens DV shelter would be best cause they will hide you

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I agree - there's some unexplained background here.

Whoa whoa whoa. Get out! You shouldn't stay in this relationship. This guy does not appreciate you one bit. You must get out and seek help.

If the information about going to jail came from him, ignore it altogether. He's probably exaggerating or outright lying.

You do need to find a safe place where you can recover and he cannot find you. Leaving is the most dangerous time and you should take it seriously.

Everyone here is different, from different walks of life, yet we all are urging you to get out. Many of us have had the same experience. We care and want you to be okay. You are not stupid or crazy. You have just been beaten down by this man, who is himself deeply damaged. You need to get away and heal and start a new, happier life. I did and I AM much happier. You can too.

You need to end this now. This is extremely unheatlhy get out of it immediately.he is using you!

Go with the other guy... leave him and go for the guy that wants you to move in with him. I wouldn't feel like a whore. "your man" probably doessnt really love you.thats not love. AT ALL

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Originally Posted by shannon08

go with the other guy...leave him and go for the guy that wants you to move in with him. i wouldnt feel like a whore. "your man" probably doessnt really love you.thats not love. AT ALL

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I think the worst thing she could do right now with her self esteem at an all time low is to move in with some other guy based on "amazing chemistry."

Maybe it's time for OP to be on her own, support herself, take responsibility for her own life until her head clears.

Not a good idea to always rely on a man, any man, to be your reason for living, your support - emotional and financial.

OP is confused and upset and could very well be moving from the frying pan into the fire.

I agree with judy kaytee. Yeah I take back what I said and I only meant that to make him jealous because the guy obviously is a .no offence. But that could make him go crazy even more and hurt you even more emotionally and physically! So move on from him and be single and enjoy it. Concentrate on healing yourself

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Originally Posted by shannon08

i agree with judy kaytee. yeah i take back what i said and i only meant that to make him jealous because the guy obviously is a .no offence. but taht could make him go crazy even more and hurt you even more emotionally and physically! so move on from him and be single and enjoy it. concentrate on healing yourself

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She could end up dead by trying to make that guy jealous. He is an abusive, drug addicted, control freak... that is also a wanted criminal by the way it sounds. There is more to this story, I'm sure, but she needs to get to a safe place. Not today... but yesterday!

It always helps to read through all of the posts, before posting please.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shannon08

i agree with judy kaytee. yeah i take back what i said and i only meant that to make him jealous because the guy obviously is a .no offence. but taht could make him go crazy even more and hurt you even more emotionally and physically! so move on from him and be single and enjoy it. concentrate on healing yourself

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Shannon, he abuses drugs, he hurts her, she's afraid of him. Making him jealous is the WORST thing she can do to say nothing of some unsuspecting guy who suddenly finds himself with the current boyfriend stalking him, capable of violence.

She needs to get out of this NOW - before now (if she could). I think she needs to involve the police. She does not but she knows the boyfriend and his history and I do not.

I always think suggesting jealousy as a cure for ANYTHING is not a good idea - at least not in an adult relationship.

I agree with Judy Kay about not moving in with the new guy, for a long list of reasons, including his safety.

I also agree that calculatedly trying to provoke jealousy in another person is always wrong. It's wrong because it's devious and unkind (no matter who they are) and it's wrong because the person doing it isn't being true to themselves. They are doing something they wouldn't otherwise do. It also often involves a third party, who isn't in on the deception.

Wow not be mean but this guy sounds like a real... if he's hurting you, or treating you badly you obviously deserve a better man... I say leave him and try to live a better life with someone who loves you for you

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Hello, My name is Kelly. I am eighteen years old and my boyfriend is twenty-four. We have been living together for over a year now and I love him with all of my heart, but there is a problem. He won't kiss me, we won't hold me, we don't have sex anymore, we watches porn all the time even though I've asked him not to and told him that is makes me feel ugly and that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I am bipolor and I can't handle this. I haven't eaten in a week because I feel fat, i cry everyday, we fight all the time, he hits me and chokes me, and he calls me names all of the time, like , , and whore. He really hurts my feelings. He also has a problem with spending all of my money. I get 800 dollars a month and he gets every cent and he don't even appriciate it. I mean here I am working my off to take care of myself and I can't keep any money because he is a drug addict.
I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemestry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. Please help me. What should I do? Shuld I leave or stay? and if I stay, how can I fix our relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

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Well, he is on probation, I live in West Virginia BTW. I don't want to get into legal stuff and my parents hate me and have already told me that I'm not welcome in their home. Their not my real parents anyway, their gay. And the other guy I've been talking to works with me, he don't do any drugs although I think he may smoke pot a little bit but so do I. He says he don't believe in hitting a women and he wants to beat my boyfriends @$$

Didn't mean to quote myself... :cool:

If I was you I wouldn't think twice before dumping his sorry___!! LOOK at the way he treats you! No respect for you and what your earning! $800 a MONTH! If you say that you've both been together for one year and every month he gets every cent of that $800, then your saying good bye to $9,600 and hello to drugs, no respect and a relationship that hurts you physically, emotionally and mentally! Your hart might be saying that he's the one- but actions speak louder then words. This time listen to that saying than what your hearts telling you- and leave him ASAP and don't even make contact with him. Not even a side glance. I don't know you personally but your better than him and, if you want, help him with that drug problem

I've already tried to help him. He's not as bad as he used to be. He used to snort 30 pills a day and now he only does like 10. That's as good as it's going to get. I keep thinking about what all of you are saying I know that I should leave but how can I gather the pieces of my heart and leave. It's really hard.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

I've already tried to help him. He's not as bad as he used to be. He used to snort 30 pills a day and now he only does like 10. That's as good as it's going to get. I keep thinking about what all of you are saying I know that I should leave but how can I gather the pieces of my heart and leave. It's really hard.

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I know it's difficult but only you know if you are better with him or without him, if you are going to get hurt - or not.

And then you make your decision to go or stay.

If he snorted 30 pills a day, he was an addict; if it's 10, he's an addict. The difference is not in the numbers - but you know that.

He's going to bring you down to his level but you already know that.

It's up to you -

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Their not my real parents anyway, their gay. And the other guy I've been talking to works with me, he don't do any drugs although I think he may smoke pot a little bit but so do I. He says he don't believe in hitting a women and he wants to beat my boyfriends @$$

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Since you don't have a good relationship with your parents (are you adopted?), do you have any older friends or family you can talk to? Otherwise, visit a battered women's shelter and at least talk this out with someone. They can help. You don't have to stay there if the idea of that bothers you.

Frankly, the other guy at work doesn't sound like a good bet to me. Almost no man "believes in hitting women." People who hit usually feel they got forced into it. ("She didn't do my laundry again; I don't know how else to get her attention." ) They have an excuse for themselves, but not for other men. Offering to beat up your boyfriend is just a way to impress you or make him sound loyal--it's not real help. I've been hit too, and none of the men who have said that kind of thing to me ("I want to beat him up.") has been a man I would want to be with or who has actually done anything helpful. You don't need more drama.

Take your money and find another place to live. If you can't afford your own place, move into a group house with other women. It won't be perfect, but it'll be a step up from your current boyfriend. He will destroy you if you stay. Don't even think about helping him or letting him down easy. This is all about making yourself physically and emotionally safe. He has lost the right to have you think of him first.

LEAVE HIM. Get out right now. This sounds bad. No sex - BAD, he's taking your money - even WORSE. He hits you? Heck NO. He does drugs? -- This sounds like it is beyond your control now. You can't help him all by yourself. He needs professional help. He is clearly just using and abusing you. This is not the kind of man anyone should be with. Get in touch with someone who can help. You deserve better and this man may be the ONLY reason why your condition is being pushed ultimately to the negative. Don't feel that you should move in right away with another guy. And do not ever let ANYBODY make you feel like you brought this on to yourself - because not even those who nag and cheat their boyfriends deserve to be hit or degraded like this. THIS IS NOT LOVE AT ALL. No signs of it whatsoever.

You do not deserve to be hurt. Nothing you say or do causes your partner to hurt you. We all get angry sometimes, but when we do, we all have choices. We can choose to express ourselves in healthy ways. Or we can be irresponsible and choose to hurt someone else — which is not healthy.

You are being treated badly. Signs of abuse like these may mean that you're not safe in your relationship — and it may get worse.

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 800-799-SAFE -- This is a toll-free, confidential hotline, and you can to speak with a counselor in private.

Don't stay with him. He doesn't seem to respect you.
You shouldn't have to put up with all that.
You deserve better!
If he does drugs then you need to leave ASAP!
He won't change unless he wants to & at this point he doesn't seem to care.
I'd say move out on your own. Move on from this guy & continue to hang out with this nice new guy but explain to him that you need your time to heal your heart & move on from that jerk & just to collect yourself before you'd commit to him & move in together.
If he likes you that much he'll understand & wait!

Please get away from him,u should think about yourself and love yourself before him,he is ruining your health,if he was that good he would take that you are ill mentally and physically before even saying something to you.he would also make life easier for you.he wouldn't sponge you for his drug feeding habits but help you save your money so you would spend it on yourself.he is a scum and he won't change,he'l even cry or say sorry if you leave because he wants his drugs or money not you.if he really loved you,you would not be in this state,he would be providing for you and getting help for his drug habit and even if he didn't gt help for it,he would at least buy it himself.